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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 15
July 13, 2000
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Hello once again to all my regular subscribers and welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 15th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Let them also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Burglar's Window Of Opportunity!
Who's Been Pooping In My Front Yard!
Joke Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cheap And Simple Ways To Ward Off Burglars!
Bank Robber Gets Creamed!
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Burglar's Window Of Opportunity!

An Arkansas man decided to break into a liquor store. All he really wanted was some liquor he saw displayed in the front window. His plan was to throw a cinder block through the window, quickly grab the liquor, and run.
Unfortunately, the window was made of Plexi-Glass. The block bounced off the window and hit this would-be burglar on the head, knocking him unconscious. Everything was recorded on the store's video camera.

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Who's Been Pooping In My Front Yard!

Over a six month period, a former Idaho police dispatcher was somewhat annoyed by the apparently purposeful deposit made in his front yard. Someone was defecating in his front yard and it was always on Sunday.
Finally, on a Sunday, the offender showed up to once again leave a deposit. This time the dispatcher, with camera in hand, took pictures of the culprit in the act.
The mystery offender turned out to be a 46 year-old woman who also happened to be an elementary school principal. Charges were brought against the principal as a result of the embarrassing pictures taken by the former police dispatcher. The woman was charged with misdemeanor trespass. She admitted to defecating 21 times on the dispatcher's lawn and doing it at least 5 other times on other neighbors lawns.
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Joke Of The Week!

Three guys go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.
The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Grand Canyon College and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.
The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Arizona School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.
The last one is strapped in and says "Well, I'm an ASU Sun Devil Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."
God rest his soul!
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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In Florida, at one time, there was actually a law against taking a shower while nude.

Another Florida law, which is no longer being enforced and is off the books, is the death penalty for stealing a horse.

In Denmark, if you are driving a car and someone in a horse carriage is trying to pass you and the horse becomes uneasy, you are required by law to pull to the side of the road and come to a complete stop. Further more, if the horse is still uneasy, you are required to cover your car. One source says this law is still on the books while another says it is not. Still another source indicates it's on the books but is only enforced in rural areas.

Here's an oldie from the state of North Dakota: A state law makes it illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes still on.

In Baltimore, Maryland you better not take your pet lion to the movies. It is illegal. Who's going to stop you?

Marriages in Rhode Island are null and void if the husband or wife is a lunatic or an idiot.

If you like driving around the town square, don't do it more than 100 times in a session in Oxford, Mississippi. It's against the law. Do they have someone that counts that sort of thing or what?

In Iowa, one armed piano players can not charge for their services. They must perform free of charge.

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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"Success can be measured by how high you had to climb to get out of the gutter."
By Jerry Romans

"Warning: A chip on the shoulder can be highly flammable."
By Jerry Romans

"Freedom can never cost too Much."
By Jerry Romans

"Let Someone make you angry and they will become your conqueror."
By Jerry Romans

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Cheap And Easy Ways To Ward Off Burglars!

Here are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of your house by posting a few signs in well placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher; Starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman; We found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. Any sign of the book we sent for "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats?"

Jenny, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again!

Dear Mr. Exterminator; Be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all the rats are!

To Whom It May Concern; Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good Luck!!

The End!

Attention Subscribers: If you have any "Simple Ways To Ward Off Burglars" send them to:
Burgulars
for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue.
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Bank Robber Gets Creamed!

A New Orleans, Louisiana man robbed a bank of several thousand dollars. He used shaving creame as his disguise. Unable to see clearly through his disguise, he crashed his face into a glass door while trying to escape from the bank.

He did manage to exit the bank but didn't get far. Police had no trouble tracking this fumbling and half dazed robber. He was captured just minutes after the robbery. Half his face was still covered with shaving creame. After his arrest, he told police he used shaving creame as a disguise because he couldn't afford a regular mask.

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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:

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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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