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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 17
July 27, 2000
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Hello once again to all my regular subscribers and welcome to
all new subscribers. This is the 17th issue. I hope you will
enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this
edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter
to your friends, relatives, and associates. Let them also
experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Lunch Time Bandits!
Joke: The DD!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Perfect Crime In The Dead Of Winter!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: Prison Vs. Work!
Never Trust A Hostage!
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Lunch Time Bandits!
Employees of a local factory decided to supplement their income
by becoming lunch time bank robbers.
They entered a bank located just one block from the factory
where they worked. All three men used hand guns in their robbery
and silk stockings to mask their identities.
However, these dumb criminals forgot to remove their factory ID
badges while they robbed the bank.
They were arrested before they ever had a chance to punch their
time cards to return to work.
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Joke: The DD!
A police officer, who was hoping to catch someone being drunk
waited outside a bar. Now most bars close at midnight.... so he
parked himself right around the bar and waited for someone to
come out drunk and try to drive. Sure enough, at 11:45 PM a man
came stumbling out of the bar. It took him 5 minutes to get to
his car and another 5 minutes to turn his car on. The police
officer sensed victory and let the man start driving.
He pulled the man over only 50 feet away from the Tavern.
He walked up to the man and said, "I just saw you come out of
the bar and you were pretty loaded."
"Twhat dud ou say," said the drunk man.
"How many beers did you have?" Asked the police officer.
"Amout fiften," said the man.
"Fifteen! And you are trying to drive?!? You will get life
for this," said the officer.
"Hop outta the car. I am gonna run some tests on you," said
the officer.
The man hopped out of his car with perfect grace, he smiled and
stood on one foot, hopped up and down and said his ABC's
forwards and backwards. The police officer couldn't get it.
"Ok, let me smell your breath," said the officer.
"Sure" said the man.
He exhaled right into the officer's nose and the officer smelt
no beer on his breath.
"Well I guess I am gonna have to let you go, but why did you
stumble out of the bar so drunk?"
"Oh I am the DD," said the man.
"A designated driver?"
"No, a designated decoy," said the man.
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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There is a really outdated law in New York that prohibits a man
from the act of turning around on a city street and looking "at
a woman in that way." If convicted twice of this horrendous
crime, the violator was required by law to wear "horse-blinders"
anytime he went out for a walk on a city street. I just bet
someone made a fortune, back in those good old days, selling
horse-blinders. I'm sure there were many violations!
Law makers in Georgia passed a law that actually allows you to
commit a simple battery against anyone who provokes you by using
what law makers call "fighting" words. The law is certainly open
for discussion as to what constitutes "fighting" words and as to
what defines simple battery.
In Canada you are forbidden to remove a bandage in public. Well,
that's not a bad idea. I've seen people do it in public and it
can be somewhat gross. You would think they could change bandages
in a rest room or their car or some place more private. I've
seen people do it in restaurants. How sickening and how very
inconsiderate! There goes my appetite!
Boy! They've got it made in Australia. By law, bars must stable,
water and feed the horses belonging to their patrons. I wonder if
the modern day version of this law means that the bar must
provide a safe parking facility, a car washing and filling the
car with gas for each of its patrons!!
Impersonating a minister of any religion is strictly prohibited
by state law in Alabama.
Wearing a Halloween costume in Ireland is prohibited by law. In
fact, you could get up to one year in jail for violating this
law.
Better wear your best smile if you ever go to Pocatello, Idaho!
It's against the law not to smile while in public.
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Perfect Crime In The Dead Of Winter!
A young man borrowed his friends snowmobile, in the dead of
winter, to rob a local credit union. Cars were not getting
around and even police cars and emergency vehicles were having
great difficulty. He figured he could make a quick and clean
get-away. Plus the helmet he wore would be a perfect disguise.
He entered the credit union with a hand gun and demanded $20,000
in cash. As the young man started to make his escape, he had
difficulty seeing through the helmet. The plastic shield fogged
up forcing the young man to momentarily lift the shield to clear
the fog.
He did make his get-away with the cash in hand. However, the
teller recognized the young man when he briefly raised the
helmet shield. She not only recognized him, she also knew where
he lived.
Police were called moments after the robbery. The teller escorted
police to the boy's house, where he lived with his parent's. He
was arrested and charged with the armed robbery of the bank.
His escape lasted just minutes! Another perfect crime that turned
out not so perfect for this young man!
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"You go through three main phases of age in you life. You start
out clumsy and awkward, that's when you are in the age of
spills. As you reach your year's of youthful maturity, you
experience the excitement, anticipation and experimentation life
now holds for you and your future, that's when you are in the
age of thrills. Then, as you get older and slow down a bit, you
start to pay for all those years of spills and thrills, you now
experience the age of pills."
Jerry Romans
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the
man who cannot read them."
Mark Twain
"Patience is a virtue that takes time to cultivate."
Jerry Romans
"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has
been extracted."
Helen Rowland
"The average person thinks he isn't"
Father Larry Lorenzoni
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Joke: Prison Vs. Work!
In Prison: You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At Work: You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
In Prison: You get three meals a day.
At Work: You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay
for it.
In Prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At Work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and
open all the doors yourself.
In Prison: You can watch T.V. and play games.
At Work: You get fired for watching T.V. and playing games.
In Prison: You get your own toilet.
At Work: You have to share.
In Prison: They allow your family and friends to visit.
At work: You cannot even talk of your family and friends.
In Prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers whether you work
or not.
At work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
In Prison: You spend most of your life looking through bars
from the inside wanting to get out.
At Work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and
inside the bars.
In Prison: There are wardens who are often called sadistic.
At Work: They are called bosses.
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Never Trust A Hostage!
A woman robbed a bank in a small Minnesota town. To enhance her
escape, she decided to take the bank teller along as a hostage.
For several hours, there was no sign of the whereabouts of the
robber and her hostage. It was a clean get-away. The main
concern now, was for the safety and welfare of the hostage
victim.
Then, coming as a surprise to everyone, the police received a
call from the hostage. She was calling from Kmart located in a
neighboring city. The robber had become concerned that her
identity had been video taped at the bank and her description
released to police stations in all the close-by communities.
She decided that a change in clothing would help and had the
hostage drive to the Kmart. Fearing that she might be
recognized, she sent the hostage into Kmart to buy her some
new clothing.
She somehow trusted the hostage to be quite. Maybe she thought
the hostage was a new friend, or maybe she offered to let the
hostage buy some clothing for herself! Whatever she thought,
she was wrong. Police in the neighboring town were alerted and
an arrest was soon made.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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