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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 18
August 03,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular subscribers and welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 18th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Hello 911, There's A Monster In My Cellar!
Joke: The Rookie Cop!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Editor's Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
Joke: Now That's One Fast Thinking Lawyer!
Weekly Quotes TO Remember!
Joke: The Life Of Riley!
Another Bizarre 911 Call!
The Case Of The Suspicious Burglary Victims!
Joke: What An Impressive Lawyer He Turned Out To BE!
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Hello 911, There's A Monster In MY Cellar!

A frantic woman called 911 to report that she heard hissing and growling noises coming from her cellar.
When police arrived, they broke into the boarded-up cellar and discovered a mother raccoon and two of her offspring. Now that's not that unusual or bizarre. The female raccoon probably used the cellar when she gave birth to her offspring and continued to use it as their new home.
All that hissing and growling by the mother raccoon was for a good reason. She was trying to protect her offspring from, non other than, a rather large alligator.
Seeing this monstrous alligator was definitely a shocker to the police and a bizarre mystery!
How in the world could an alligator get into a previously boarded-up cellar and where did it come from. This was in the state of Michigan where the only alligators you're going to find are located in zoos.
The county's Animal Protective Division was called in. However, they were inexperienced in the handling or capture of an alligator, but they did rescue the raccoons from a ledge. It's not known how many offspring the mother raccoon originally had and if the alligator managed to prey upon any of them.
To remove the alligator without harming or killing it, an expert from another state was flown in. The alligator was tranquilized and finally removed from the cellar.
It's still a mystery too this day. There was no reported alligator escapes from any zoo. There were no lakes or major bodies of water nearby, and as stated before, this alligator was found in Michigan where alligators don't exist.
There is a lot of speculation on how the alligator got there. Some believe that someone brought a baby alligator into Michigan from someplace like Florida. Then the alligator made its way to the cellar and perhaps lived on rodents and other small animals when they made their entry into the cellar. The cellar had been boarded-up for years, so it was possible for an animal to stay down there undetected for years. Small animals and birds could have found a number of ways to enter the cellar and fall prey to the alligator. Of course, all of this is just speculation. The truth will always stay a bizarre mystery.

The alligator was given a home, in the zoo, that was instrumental in its capture. It's diet is more regulated, these days.
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Joke: The Rookie Cop!

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."
No one moved, so he barked again"Let's get off the corner!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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In Iowa, you are forbidden by law from making kisses last more than five minutes, and another state law forbids a man with a mustache from ever kissing a woman in public.

This law must apply to those of you out there, that are aliens from another world. It's a city law for North Andover in the state of Massachusetts. Simply stated; The use of space guns shall be prohibited.

If you go duck hunting in the state of Kansas, you might as well leave your mule at home. State law forbids the use of a mule to hunt ducks.

In Tennessee its against the law to catch fish with a lasso.

An old, no kissing law in Hartford Connecticut, forbids a husband from kissing his wife on Sunday. I understand this law will be repealed and I don't think it is now enforced, but to think that its actually a real law is amazing. Of course, some wives would attest to the fact that their husbands are supporting the law during the football season.

This is one of the strangest laws I come across! In Ridgeland, South Carolina, any woman weighing over 200 pounds and wearing shorts is strictly prohibited by law from eating onions in public places, including restaurants, parks, picnic areas, etc.

Dolls that are sold in France must have human like faces. Any doll with a non human face, such as Mickey Mouse, are strictly prohibited by law from being sold.
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Editors Choice:
Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!

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Joke: Now That's One Fast Thinking Lawyer!

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, lawyer number one jams something into lawyer number two's hand. Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?"
to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you.

The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."
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"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
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"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away...and barefoot."
Sarah Jackson

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
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Joke: The Life Of Riley!

A new man is brought into prison cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley." I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked "What happened." "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Another Bizarre 911 Call!

A man called 911, from a pay phone, complaining of having a problem breathing. The dispatcher asked the man when he started having breathing difficulties. The man's response, believe it or not, was, "After I snatched a purse from a lady at a store down the street. Boy, could she run! She almost caught me, but I turned the corner and hide in this phone booth."
The dispatcher then told the man to relax, stop talking and wait at the phone booth while she dispatched an ambulance. The dispatcher summoned a police car and a first response emergency vehicle.
By the time the police car arrived, the first response paramedics were already administering oxygen to help the man regain normal breathing.
When the man saw police, he ripped off the oxygen mash, grabbed the purse he had snatched, and took off running down the street.
Police caught up with the man about two blocks from the phone booth. This time the man passed-out and was rushed to the hospital.
He did survive, but doctor's indicated that this man had only one lung and that he had been under medication for asthma and the early stages of emphysema for a number of years.
Further investigation revealed that this man had a rather lengthy history of running from the law. He had been arrested and convicted three other times for purse snatching and twice for shoplifting. His escape was always on foot or bicycle. Every time he tried to escape, he was captured almost immediately.

Why a man with his breathing capacity would pursue a career of crime that actually required good lung capacity is beyond reasoning. Perhaps its just down right dumb.
This man always seemed to get light sentences for his crimes. He only spent about two years in jail for all the crimes combined.
This last time, however, he was placed in a mental ward for evaluation. While there, he was able to escape on foot. This time he managed to elude hospital personnel and the police. He hasn't been heard from since his escape.
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The Case Of The Suspicious Burglary Victims!

Police received a call from a man reporting that a house in his neighborhood was being burglarized.
When police got to the house, they caught the burglar as he tried to exit the home from a basement window. When police knocked on the front door of the house to investigate further, no one answered. Police knew someone was home, because they spotted a woman suspiciously looking out a kitchen window, while the burglar was being arrested.
Police officers sensed that something wasn't right. In fact, when the burglar was searched, all that was found was a bag of marijuana. So the suspicion was, that the marijuana was stolen from the house.
Police, once again, demanded that someone answer the door. After still getting no response, police, with probable cause, forced their way into the house.
The husband and wife residing in the house were found hiding under the bed. Police also discovered four rooms filled with marijuana plants along with special lights, humidifiers and other plant growing equipment and supplies.
This turned out to be one of the biggest drug bust in that county's history.
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Joke: What An Impressive Lawyer He Turned Out To Be!
A newly established lawyer, wanting to impress the first client coming into his office, picked up the phone and said, "I'm sorry, but I have a tremendous case load and won't be able to look into this for at least a month." He then hung up, turned to the young man in his office and asked, "What can I do for you, sir?"
"Nothing," replied the young man. "I'm just here to hook up your phone."
&nbnsp The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme.
_________________________________________________________________

Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:

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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.

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