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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 19
August 10,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 19th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Back To School Blues!
Joke: A Reason To Speed!
Editor's Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Joke: Speeding Tips!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: A Fishy Story!
Hello 911, "Get These Kids Out Of My Front Yard, Now!"
Joke: Price Of A Haircut In D.C.
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Back To School Blues!
Four boys decided they didn't want to go back to school, and
they thought they would fix it so nobody else went back for a
while.
It was just days before the start of a new school year. The four
boys broke into their Jr. High and started trashing one room
after another. Even though it was a small Jr. High, it took the
boys several hours to trash the ten class rooms and the main
office.
They busted black boards, turned desks upside down and moved
some of the desks into the hallway. They destroyed lockers,
busted windows, dumped out all the files from the cabinets in
the office. They even urinated on the principle's desk and chair.
Their big mistake was when they decided to play with the copy
machine. They took photo copies of them making vulgar finger
gestures, pictures of their (can't mention body parts!) and
copies of their smiling faces and wagging tongues.
They had planned on taking the photo copies of their faces with
them, but they mistakenly picked up the wrong copies instead,
and left their mug shots as evidence to their identities.
The boys were easily identified from the mug shots they left
behind. But the sheriff and his deputies didn't take much
satisfaction in being able to solve the crimes of vandalism
these young men committed. You see, there was a bizarre twist
to this story!
One of the boys was the sheriff's son, two of the boys were
brothers of one of the deputies and the other was the son of
the mayor of the city.
Because of the public exposure, the sheriff resigned. The mayor
apologized to the community for the actions of his son, but
tried to claim that his son was coerced into participating. The
deputy, with the two brothers involved, kept a low profile and
refused to answer any questions from the media.
The legal cases for the four boys are still pending in court.
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Joke: A Reason To Speed!
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving
above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red
lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this
guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are
racing down the highway--60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "What
the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the
car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really
lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse
and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said..."three weeks ago, my
wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in
my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and
that you were trying to give her back to me!"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Editors Choice:
Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
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My staff and I review a large number of newsletters every week.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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Did you know that in Ramat-Hasharon, Israel, it is against the
law to raise Rotweiller dogs.
A national law in Denmark strictly prohibits anyone from
starting a car while someone is underneath the vehicle. Da!
There is a state law, in Washington, that makes it illegal for
anyone to pretend to have rich parents.
Here's a good one! In the Providence of Nova Scotia, the law
states that it is illegal to drive on roads. Can someone please
enlighten me on this one? Is it an old law? Why did it exist in
the first place? Where can you drive?
In France, if you own a pig, you are forbidden from naming or
calling that pig Napoleon. I guess the name is reserved for
statesmen, generals and conquerors!
Be Warned! In Culpeper, Virginia you are not allowed to wash
your mule on any sidewalk. Darn! I always wash my mule on the
sidewalk. What am I going to do now? My bath tub is too small
and my wife won't let me bring Lester the mule in the house
unless he's been bathed. Where do they get these laws?
Another law in Virginia, for the city of Lebanon, makes it
illegal to kick your wife out of bed. But if I bring Lester in
the house, my wife will be kicking him and me out of the bed.
We'll have to find a place to sleep out in the garage.
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Joke: Speeding Tips!
A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for
speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit.The
officer found the problem: a 10 year old boy was standing on
the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said
"Radar Trap Ahead."
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's
accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap
with a sign reading, "Tips" and a bucket at his feet, full of
change.
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is
trying to please everybody." Bill Cosby
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments."
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not
about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential.
Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with
what is still possible for you to do." Pope John XXIII
"If a man is standing in the middle of a forest, and there's no
woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?" Andrew Blendermann
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Joke: A Fishy Story!
One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner
discovered a means to make dolphins live forever--since the
dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying
new ones.
Extending the dolphins lives required putting a special
mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea
gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the
beach to find some.
On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass
through a forest In the middle of the path was a sleeping
lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be
handcuffed by a policeman.
"Officer," he said, "What's going on?"
"You're under arrest," said the policeman.
"But why?" he asked.
The policeman replied,"For transporting young gulls across
sedate lions for immortal porpoises."
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Hello 911, "Get These Kids Out Of My Front Yard, Now!"
A dispatcher received a 911 call from a man demanding that
police come to his house and remove the kids from his front
yard. He indicated to the dispatcher that he yelled at the kids
to get out of his yard, but that they just looked at him and
continued to, as he put it, "tear up my yard."
The dispatcher told the man that this was not really an
emergency, but she would dispatch a police car to his house
when one was available. The man then told the dispatcher that
it was going to be an emergency, because he was getting ready
to release his three vicious dogs to chase after the kids.
"You don't want to do that Sir" said the dispatcher. "Just
wait until the police get there and they can help settle the
matter."
"No," said the man, "I'm fed up with these kids, they come in
my yard all the time and pull up flowers and destroy my lawn.
I'm releasing my dogs now, so you better hurry up and get the
cops out here now." Then the man hung up.
The dispatcher then put a priority alert to the police that
were close to the vicinity of this man's address.
Three police cars arrived. Six officers, anticipating a morbid
outcome, drew their guns as they approached the man's house.
However, anticipated horror turned to laughter. The front yard
was like an animal act in a circus. The kids weren't human.
They were three Billy Goats (sometimes referred to as kids),
and the vicious dogs were all small Chihuahuas. Two of the goats
completely ignored the dogs. Two of the dogs were barking at the
goats, but kept their distance. In fact, they backed off every
time one of the goats moved in their direction. The other dog
was a little braver. He kept nipping at the tail of the other
goat and then would bark and run when the goat chased him.
Now you have six policemen rounding up 3 dogs and 3 goats.
What a story to tell their fellow officers when they get back
to the station!
After the animals were rounded up, the officers confronted the
man who made the call. It seems that the goats belonged to his
neighbor and that they were always getting out of their pen
and coming over to his yard to eat his flowers and bushes, get
in his trash, and knock over his yard ornaments.
The city prosecutor was going to charge this man with false
alarm, but decided that matters could be best served by trying
to come to some kind of resolution between the neighbors.
A volunteer mediator helped these neighbors by finding a way to
keep the goats penned and making the goats owner responsible for
damages his animal caused. Several volunteers contributed money
and time to build an escape proof pen and they helped the goats'
owner pay for a lawn care service to fix his neighbors yard.
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Joke: Price Of A Hair Cut In D.C.
A priest went into a Washington,D.C., barbershop, got his hair
cut and asked how much he owed.
"No charge, Father," the barber said. "I consider it a service
to the Lord." When the barber arrived at his shop the next
morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop
along with a thank you note from the priest.
A few days later a police officer came in. "How much do I owe
you?" the cop asked after his haircut.
"No charge, officer," the barber answered. "I consider it a
service to the community." The next morning the barber found
a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note
from the police officer.
A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut.
"How much do I owe you?" he asked afterward.
"No charge," the barber replied. "I consider it a service to
my country." The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the
barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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