*****************************************************************
Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 20
August 17,2000
*****************************************************************
Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 20th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Joke: Alligator Shoes!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Editor's Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
A Cops Top Ten Signs His Police Chief Doesn't Like Him!
Some Quick Cop And Lawyer Jokes!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Very Old Man Robs Bank! Or Did He?
A Few Last Minute Bonus Jokes!
Special Note From The Editor!
_________________________________________________________________

Want useful e-mail stuff! Stop getting e-mail on subjects that don't interest you. Focalex can provide you with plenty of popular categories so you can pick what interest you the most! Anything from free stuff to computers and other useful categories like sweepstakes, games, travel, sports, health, parenting, pets and much more. For the very best free info on your favorite subjects, visit Focalex Today At:
Focalex
_________________________________________________________________

Dumbest Crook Of The week Award!

These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following really dumb crimes. Who would you pick as the winner of our not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award?
One man in Wisconsin tried to pass off two $25 bills. The bills were originally designed by a counterfeiter as a joke, but this dumb criminal got hold of the bogus money and actually tried to spend it. He must have dropped out of school a little to soon.

A man in Missouri tried to rob a gas station. He handed the clerk a note telling him to hand over the money. The clerk told the robber that this station doesn't accept stick-up notes. The man simply turned around and left the gas station. As he was leaving, he announced that he would try the station across the street. Since police had already been alerted, the man was arrested before he had a chance to enter the other gas station.

Our next really dumb crook is probably dumber than the guy above who tried to rob the gas stations! But you be the judge. This dim wit drove up to a bank's drive-thru lane and put his stick- up note in the pneumatic tube. He then patiently waited for his money to arrive. He was really surprised when police approached his car to make the arrest, just minutes later.

If you hear or read of any dumb crook that might qualify for our weekly award, send an e-mail to me with details and your submission may be considered for future inclusion in a coming issue. Send details to
E-mail Put "Dumb Crook Award" in subject field.
_________________________________________________________________

Free software! Hundreds of popular titles and latest releases, and they all come with a mail-in rebate. Every title is free, or nearly so, after the rebate. Visit this great site at:
PublishersPipeline
_________________________________________________________________

Joke: Alligator Shoes!

A police Sergeant was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high price the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the officer shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!" The vendor said "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of State Troopers who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Sergeant headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "Those must be the two Troopers the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Sergeant saw a tremendously large gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Troopers. Just as the gator was about to attack, the Trooper grabbed the neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Troopers dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Troopers then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Joke Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme.
________________________________________________________________

Free Download
****Can't Bear It Any More****
Tired of looking at your computer's boring desktop? Bring it to Life with Oska Deskmate! Oska is an interactive character that lives and plays on your Windows desktop. Go on. Have some fun. Get your free download now! Go To:
Oska
_________________________________________________________________

Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________

Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________

Mississippi has a vagrancy law that punishes violators with 30 days in prison or a $201 fine. To my way of thinking a person wouldn't be considered a vagrant if he had the $201 to pay and sending someone who actually is a vagrant to prison for 30 days might be exactly what he's looking for: a roof over his head, food in his belly and its all free. Of course John Q Public foots the cost with his tax money!

In Utah you can get a $50 fine for throwing snowballs. Just leave it to a lawmaker to spoil all the fun.

Better not gamble and lose in New Hampshire! It's against the law to sell clothing off your own back in order to pay off a gambling debt. Go to Las Vegas instead and have some fun. If you lose the shirt off your back they have convenient credit programs to keep even more of your money on the tables and in the one arm bandits.

In Washington state you cannot buy TV's, bed mattresses, and any kind of meat on Sunday. Good bye Sunday barbecue! Those of you that live in Washington-do they enforce this law or is it one of those old Blue Sunday Laws that no longer exists?

Canadian radio stations are required to make sure that every fifth song that is broadcasted is by a citizen born in Canada. France has a similar law that requires that 70% of all music going over the radio waves between the hours of 8am and 8pm shall, by law be music created by French composers.

Massachusetts makes it illegal to own more than three dogs.

Here are two bizarre laws in the state of Wyoming I thought you might find interesting. The first law prohibits anyone from taking a picture of a rabbit in the month of June. The other law prohibits any of its citizens from taking a shower on Wednesday. Deodorant companies could really "Clean Up" on Wednesday's if this law was enforced.
________________________________________________________________

Enter our monthly CASH GIVEAWAY, submit a FREE AD, and get $195.00 of free software when you subscribe to "All Yours4Free!" Ezine at
All Yours4Free Exciting Internet Freebies delivered to you twice a week!
_________________________________________________________________

Editors Choice:
Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!

Would you like to read the most interesting, fascinating and informative newsletters on the Internet? Then check out the following highly recommended newsletter picks for this week. My staff and I review a large number of newsletters every week. Our four top picks for this week are listed below.
_________________________________

****AVHumor****

MULTIMEDIA HUMOR EMAG
AVHumor is an adult oriented, twice weekly completely free hilarious EMag, of Audio and Visual multimedia humor, such as cartoons, photos, movies, audio clips and programs. It is the funniest PG, R & X rated Multimedia twice weekly EMag on the net. To subscribe:
Subscribe

AV For AOL
_________________________________________________________________
****Dailyjokes.com.au****

***** FREE jokes from Down Under! *****
Subscribe to DailyJokes.com.au for a free joke in your e-mail every day. PLUS you get: - A pick from the web on Thursday. - A pick from our gallery of images and downloads on Friday. - And the movie pick of the week on Sunday. You can also submit your own jokes to get the fame you deserve. Go
to Dailyjokes and subscribe today!
_________________________________________________________________

****Bayho Health News****

Supplement Price Matching, Security & Satisfaction are guaranteed! Sign Up for the free bi-weekly Bayho Health News by Dr. Chan at
Dr.Chan and join the Monthly Vitamin Giveaway. Learn & Purchase Quality Vitamins, Herbs & Supplements in 7 days at
Bayho Health News or call 1.877.692.2946. Professional
consultation is available.
_________________________________________________________________

****Longevity News****

HOW TO STOP THE AGING CLOCK!
As seen on Oprah, Brokaw, 20/20, 48 Hrs. FREE Online Anti-Aging Course.. FREE Anti-Aging Self Test Kit. FREE Anti-aging Ezine
Subscribe
Rx for Wellness


****************
Be sure to check this section next week for more top newsletter selections.
***************
_________________________________________________________________

A Cop's Top Ten Signs His Police Chief Doesn't Like Him!
1) He refers to you as "our mascot."
2) Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.
3) Your locker is also the broom closet.
4) The job description in your contract includes "Crash test
dummy" and Pepper-spray test subject."
5) He sends you on drug raids-alone.
6) He always tells you that only wussies call for back-up.
7) He makes up "missing persons" and then sends you to look
for them.
8) You always get the patrol car with the flat tire, no gas,
a dead battery, and a broken air conditioner.
9) He lied to you about an "officer exchange program" and he
put you on a plane to Siberia.
10)He doesn't like to be seen with you in public.
_________________________________________________________________

Free Graphics For Your Web Site!
--------------------------------
Do you need button graphics, borders, backgrounds, graphics for all occasions? Then be sure to visit this great site:
Blue Moon Graphics

Sign their guest book and tell them Jerry sent you.
_________________________________________________________________

Some Quick Cop And Lawyer Jokes!
________________________________

Death Bed Confusion!

An attorney was on his deathbed in the hospital. When a friend came to visit, he found the lawyer frantically leafing through the Bible. "What are you doing?" the visitor asked. The sick lawyer replied, "Looking for loopholes."

A Brave Drunk!

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of his car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

"Pullover"
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled. "Pullover!" "No" the woman yelled back, "It's a scarf!"
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________

Get $20 Free Cash! That's right! CompuBank will actually pay you $20 just for opening a free online banking account. They offer many free programs including free checking and savings accounts, free ClickMiles, free wire transfers, and free ATM's. All this and lots of other great benefits.
Open an account now and earn $40 on every person you refer who also opens an account! If you should choose to participate in CompuBank's referral or affiliate program, you will have the opportunity to earn some really big referral commissions. Just place any of the banners provided by CompuBank on your website and watch your referral network grow daily!
Open your account now! Get approval within seconds! Click the following link for online application.

Compubank
_________________________________________________________________

Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"As long as there are exams, there will be prayer in schools."
Jeremy Kalan

"The two most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity."
Harlon Ellison

"Behold the turtle: He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out."
James Bryant Conant

"In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing."
Theodore Roosevelt
_________________________________________________________________

Cash Paid Daily!
----------------
No Sweat Cash! Make a difference while making your fortune. Cash paid daily. Travel to Italy, Rio, Japan, Tahiti... or just stay home in your t-shirt and sandals. Free website, total home business.
Magic Learning
_________________________________________________________________

Very Old Man Robs Bank! Or Did He?

A very elderly man entered the police station to report that he had robbed a bank down the street just one hour before his appearance at the station. At least he believed he did. He wasn't quite certain because, as he put, "My memory ain't what it use to be."
This old man came into the police station often, and police begin to recognize this old man as a regular visitor to their precinct. He was always jovial, but confused. Police never believed any of the stories he told them. He lived in a retirement home in the same precinct or district the police station was in.
The old man was in poor physical shape. He walked with a limp and used a cane. He was hard of hearing. His eye sight was bad. He also had some mental problems, mostly memory, and was an outpatient of the local hospital's psychiatric ward. He was being treated for hallucinations. When these hallucinations manifested, the old man believed he had committed a crime. It was those moments of hallucination that he would report his perceived crime to the police.
Police would always return this old man to the hospital so he could be observed and treated. Usually, the hospital would release him back to the retirement home by the following week.
On this particular day, when the old man reported that he had robbed the bank, police had already been alerted that the bank< down the street had been robbed.
Did the old man do it, or did he see it and then hallucinate that he did it? Well, as the old man told his long winded story to police, the details of the crime, as explained by the old man, matched the actual details of the real crime.
The bank had reported that an elderly man, wearing a "Lone Ranger" type mask, came into the bank when no other customers were there. He had a pistol in one hand and a cane in the other. He demanded the teller at the only window that was open, to put $5000 in the bag he gave to her. The teller obliged. The robber then told all of the bank employees to lie down on the floor and wait at least five minutes before getting up. He told them that an accomplice was waiting outside, with a gun, to make sure they complied. He then made his escape.
This was a small bank or branch office and only four people worked in this outlet. It was easy to see how someone could hit the bank and make a fast get-away or even a slow get-away by an old man with a cane. Witnesses outside the bank saw an old man discarding a mask and escaping in a taxi that was waiting around the corner.
It so happened that this old man always arrived at the police station in a taxi. This time was no exception. So police wondered if this time the old man was telling the truth and if he was, where was the money!
The police asked the old man what he did with the money. His reply "I gave it to the taxi driver as usual." The police then asked the old man where the taxi was and his reply was, "At my son's house, he only drives the taxi to help me when I go robbing."
Well, this was the first time the old man admitted his means of escape. Always before, he would tell a long winded story of how he thought he had robbed a store, but he would never reveal his means of escape. The fact that the old man was somewhat slow moving but always seemed to escape in all the stories he told police, was another reason police would never believe the old man. Also, none of the crimes the old man reported could be validated. There never was, until the bank robbery, a report of the particular crime being committed.
Police decided they better investigate this old man more intensely. They first tried to find out if the old man had a son who drove a taxi. Their investigation determined that he did indeed have a son that owned a one man taxi service.
It turned out that the son had quite a lengthy criminal record when he was younger.When the son was brought in for questioning, he too seemed somewhat confused when he gave answers to the police. He finally broke down and told police that all of the robberies his father admitted too, were crimes that, he the son had committed, and served time for, many years in the past. His father was re-living these crimes in his confused mind. The son explained to police that his father had a nervous breakdown years before, mostly due to the son's criminal acts. It was after his breakdown that the old man started hallucinating that he had committed the crimes his son had actually committed. It was a way for this confused old man to shift the blame from his beloved son to himself.
As for the bank robbery, the son admitted that he took advantage of his father. He convinced his father to rob the bank. The son figured that his father would either fail at the robbery attempt and be put back in the mental ward of the local hospital, or he would be successful and get away with the crime. The son needed the money to pay off some pressing debts.
In the end, the son was arrested as an accomplice in the bank robbery and got five years in prison for his part in the crime. The old man is now in a state run mental institution. He was declared mentally incompetent and made a ward of the state.
It was later revealed that the son did drive his father around in the taxi when the old man would start hallucinating about the crimes he thought he committed. The son tried to convince his father that he was only re-living the son's crimes. It never worked, so the son would always drive his father, at his father's demand, to the police station, and then leave.
Reporting the perceived crime to the police was the only way this old man could cope with the crimes his son had committed. After each reported crime, the old man would spend about one week in the mental ward and then would be okay for awhile. Then as time would pass, the old man would start to feel guilty about another crime,and the hallucinations would start all over again.
We can only hope that this old man gets the help he needs to fix his confused and tortured mind.
_________________________________________________________________

Grab A Free Gator!
No More Forgotten Passwords
No More Typing Endless Web Forms

Gator is your smart on-line companion. He remembers your passwords, account numbers and log-in I.D.'s! With just the click of a button he can fill out those endless Web forms, registrations and order forms. Download a free Gator today and receive $100 in valuable
Internet coupons!
Gator
_________________________________________________________________

A Few Last Minute Bonus Jokes!

Patient Cop!

There was a cop sitting in a great hiding place, behind a billboard one day, waiting for his speeder. He waited several hours and no one came zipping by. His patience was soon rewarded, however, when a young man flew by in his sports car. The cop pulled him over, sauntered up to the driver's window, and with a flashy smile said, "Son, I've been waiting for you all day!" Without hesitating, the young man answered, "I got here as quick as I could sir!" After laughing himself silly, the cop let him go! Submitted by subscriber Ron Pittman
Three Convicts!

Three convicts were going to be executed. As they went out, the first was given one last request. He pointed behind the firing range and shouted, "Tornado" and ran away. The second pointed and said, "Hurricane," and did the same. The third shouted, "Fire!"
_________________________________________________________________

Special Note From The Editor!

I would like to thank the folks at topica.com for profiling the "Chronicles" this week in their "What's New at Topica" newsletter. They called us the Keystone Kops-email. Here is their profile of "Bizarre Police Chronicles."



LIST PROFILE: Keystone Kops ... By Email

Anyone who has ever watched "Cops" knows that, while crime isn't funny, criminals often are. Some of these "menaces" are so dimwitted, you wonder how they escaped natural selection and actually made it to adulthood. Such mental giants probably couldn't even spell the word"perfect," let alone pull off the perfect crime.
It is exactly such misguided attempts at criminal endeavor, along with outrageous laws, lame-brained excuses, and strange 911 calls, that provide the fodder for the Bizarre Police Chronicles list. This newsletter will bring tales so crazy, you're likely to have trouble believing they're true. For instance, check out this excuse a speeder gave to the officer who pulled her over: "But officer, I just bought new shoes and I applied the same pressure on the accelerator as I did with my old shoes. Since my new shoes are heavier and not broken-in yet, I didn't realize I was going any faster." Not surprisingly, the officer ticketed the heavy-footed speeder.
And while you laugh, thinking yourself secure as a law- abiding citizen, you could, at this very moment, be breaking laws you don't even know about! How about this one? "In Washington state, lollipops are not allowed." Laws like this can make criminals of us all -- especially the sugar-addicted!

Thanks Again Topica,
Jerry Romans Publisher/ Editor
Bizarre Police Chronicles
_________________________________________________________________

Get Your Nextcard Visa! Fast 30 second approval! Interest rates
as low as 2.9%! No annual fee! Apply Today!
NextCard
_________________________________________________________________

Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:

Subscribe

You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:

Comments

To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to:

Unsubscribe
Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001- All rights reserved.

Newsletter Showcase Big Coupon Savings Sweepstakes Galore Really Kool Links

New links added weekly!

Poll	Quiz	Archives
Subscribe	GuestBook	News Feed

Copyright � 2000, 2001 Jerry Romans

This site designed by all rights reserved.