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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 21
August 24,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 21st issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Joke: One Smart Detective Recruit!
Some Bizarre News!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: Upper Class Drunk!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Death Of An Elephant!
Editor's Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
Bizarre 911 Call: Car Explosion-Man Inside!
Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you place
your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which "Con"-Testant is
winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EST. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
Dumb Award
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. In some cases the crimes were dumb, and in others, the crook
was too dumb to get away with it. Who would you pick as the winner
of our not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award?
"Con"-Testant #1
A man robbed a bank in Iowa and his get-away was fast and clean.
However, he became obsessed with the female teller who handed
over the money. For some reason he thought the teller was
flirting with him while he robbed the bank, so in his strange
and dumb mind he thought that the teller had a thing for him and
that romance was in the future.
Several days after the robbery,he decided to call the teller and
ask her out on a date. He remembered her name from her ID tag and
so he called the bank specifically asking to speak to the young
teller. He didn't hesitate to explain to the teller, when she
answered the phone, that he was the cute guy that robbed the bank
the other day.
The teller was able to keep the "lover-boy" on the phone long
enough for police to make a successful arrest. In fact, the teller
had a hard time getting this guy to stop talking. Police arrested
our "Con"-Testant #1 at his home. Yes! He was even dumb enough to
call from his own house.
"Con"-Testant #2
You may have heard about this dummy. He robbed a bank in Chicago,
Ill. The streets by the bank were packed with people waving and
cheering as President Bush was passing through on his way to a
campaign appearance. As the robber left the bank he soon
discovered that the streets were also packed with policemen and
secret service agents. He thought he would escape by getting lost
in the crowd, but he ran into a crowd of policemen instead.
"Con"-Testant #3
A gas station owner was falling onto hard times financially and
decided to rob his own station for the insurance money. Of
course, what he actually did was hide the money and make up a
story about being robbed. In fact, he even shot out a window
and knocked down a few displays inside the station. When asked
to describe the robber to a sketch artist the station owner
gave a very concise description. When the sketch was done the
picture looked exactly like the station owner. He had actually
described himself. Caught in the act of being dumb, the owner
admitted his scheme and was arrested for robbing his own store.
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
Dumb Award
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Joke: One Smart Detective Recruit!
A policeman was interrogating 3 recruits who were training to
become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,
he shows the first recruit a picture for 5 seconds and then
hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first recruit answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast
because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...
that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly
flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture
for 5 seconds at the second recruit and asks him, "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second recruit laughs,
rubs his hands together, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch
because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one
ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that
the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at
this point, he shows the picture to the third recruit and in a
very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me
a stupid answer." The recruit looks at the picture intently for
a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The
policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't
know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's
an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check
his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room
and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his
computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow!
I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear
contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an
astute observation?" "That's easy," the recruit replied. "He
can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one
ear."
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Some Bizarre News!
We've all heard jokes about cops spending time in doughnut shops.
Well now it can't be denied by police in Bethlehem, PA. They have
actually set-up a small police station in a Dunkin Donut Shop.
In all fairness to the great police force in Bethlehem, the mini
station was created at the request of the donut shop's owner and
other merchants in the surrounding area. The shop and other
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side, and a dark
side, and it holds the universe together"...
Carl Zwanzig
"It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future."
Yogi Berra
"The great question which I have not been able to answer is,"
What does a woman want?'"
Sigmund Freud
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
Dan Quayle
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Joke: Upper Class Drunk!
The Policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving,
but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car
and took him home in the patrol car. "Are you sure this is your
house?" the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable
neighborhood. "Shertainly!" said the drunk, "and if you'll just
open the door f'me, I can prove it to ya." Entering the living
room, he said, "You shee that piano? Thash mine. You shee that
giant television set? Thast mine too. Now follow me." The police
officer followed the man as he shakily negotiated the stairs to
the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came
to. "Thish ish my bedroom," he announced. "Shee the bed there?
Thast mine! Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. An'
see that guy lying next to her? Yeah?" the cop replied
suspiciously. Beginning at this point to seriously doubt the
man's story. "Well, thash me!"
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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If you live in Utah and you like to give boxes of candy for
gifts, make sure that the boxes don't weigh too much! It's
against the law to give another citizen a box of candy that
weighs more than 50 lbs. I don't think I have ever seen a 50 lb.
box of candy. That much candy could be a weight-watchers real
nightmare and a great opportunity for your dentist to buy
that yacht he's been saving for.
Hazelton, Pennsylvania prohibits anyone, including teachers,
from drinking a carbonated beverage while giving a lecture to
students in the school auditorium.
Unlike the United States where murder can be judged in degrees
like first degree and second degree murder, England has no
degrees, murder is considered murder without degrees or
distinctions.
Hey! All you egg throwers. It's against the law to throw eggs
at a public speaker in Kentucky. You should know better!!
Anyway, if they are politicians,they might already be egg
heads...So they don't need your help!
In the majority of U.S. States, a wedding ring is exempt by
law from being included as an asset in a bankruptcy proceeding.
Even if that ring is worth more than anything else it cannot
be seized by creditors.
Here's a law with a little bit of trivia behind it:
In Nevada, gambling is the state's biggest industry. You can
gamble almost anywhere. However, Boulder City is one place
where gambling was never allowed and may always be forbidden.
Originally, when the Federal Government began to build Hoover
Dam, they paid their construction workers fifty cents per hour.
The government didn't want the workers to gamble away their
meager earnings or to lose focus on their work. So, in order
to keep them away from the nearby gambling in Las Vegas and
other surrounding gambling communities, the Federal Government
decided to provide housing for the workers by building Boulder
City.
Of course, all the hard work and no play involved in building
such a monumental structure, couldn't keep everyone away from
the lure created by the surrounding gambling communities.
By the way, there was enough rock excavated in the construction
of Hoover Dam to build the Great Wall of China.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Which U.S. State was the first to pass legislation that would
declare Y2K data disasters as "Acts of God." The legislation
was created to prevent possible lawsuits the state might incur
from its residence if the Y2K bug scare became a reality.
1) Texas
2) North Carolina
3) New York
4) Nevada
5) California
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Joke: Death Of An Elephant!
Three men decided they wanted to rob a bank, but they wanted to
find a clever and original way to do it. After racking their
brains they came up with a plan to rob the 1st National Bank
using an elephant. So they got an elephant. At the heist,
everyone is impressed with these men who are so cleverly using an
elephant in a robbery. However, they had only gotten two blocks
away when the police arrived at the scene of the crime and
ordered them to stop, which they did not do. The police fired
their weapons and the elephant fell over, dead. The three thieves
came back and stood over the body of their fallen comrade, in
tears. "No!" they cried. "Why HIM? It shoulda been me instead."
One of the police officers, dumbfounded, walked up to them and
asked, "What's going on here? You might still have gotten away
with the money. Instead you all stop and practically give
yourselves up, just because of an ELEPHANT." One of the bank
robbers answered him, "You don't understand, sir. You couldn't
possibly understand. You have no idea the trouble we had getting
the stocking over his head."
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Editors Choice:
Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
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Bizarre 911 Call: Car Explosion-Man Inside!
A woman called 911 to report that a car in front of her house had
exploded and was in flames. She told the dispatcher that her husband
believed it was an old clunker owned by his best friend. The friend
was suppose to come over for a visit and to take her husband for a
ride in the newly repaired clunker. While still on the phone, the
woman told the dispatcher that her husband had just entered the
apartment and was yelling that his hands had been burnt and that
he couldn't get his friend out of the car.
With no further delay the dispatcher summoned the police, emergency
paramedics and the fire department. The dispatcher told the husband
not to go back outside and to wait for medical assistance.
When all the emergency vehicles and police arrived, it was obvious
that a person had been sitting in the drivers seat at the time of
the explosion. The remains of a severally burnt body could be seen,
once the fire had been put out and the smoke had disappeared.
Then, as emergency workers started to remove the body from the car,
they realized that it was not a human body. In fact, it was not
anything that had been alive. It was made of some sort of plastic.
It turned out to be a mannequin.
After further investigation it was discovered that this whole
incident was suppose to be an elaborate practical joke that one
friend was playing on the other. The owner of the clunker had
thought up the scheme to fool his friend into thinking that he
had perished in the car fire. He rigged the car to explode by
running a fuse to the gas tank and then lighting a match to the
fuse.
He watched the whole thing from a crowd of on-lookers. He had not
planned on things getting out of hand or on his friend having to
go to the hospital with severe burns to his hands.
This not so funny joker was arrested for his prank. The judge in
the case could not comprehend the degree of stupidity displayed by
this man. How in the world did he think that just his friend would
be involved and that his friend wouldn't try to rescue him from the
burning car. The judge gave this idiot five years in prison
to think about how stupid he really was. Some believe the judge
was too lenient.
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Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
Last Request!
A Murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be
executed. "Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.
"Yes," replied the condemned man. "I'm scared, will you hold
my hand?"
The Burglar's Secret!
A man went to the police station to speak with the burglar who
had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your
chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the
man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my
wife. I've been trying for years."
Lost Daddy!
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a police-
man and said, "I've lost my daddy!" The policeman said, "What's
he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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