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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 22
August 31,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 22nd issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Joke: A Note Worthy Burglary!
Trivia Tid Bits!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: I Thought You Were A Policeman!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: The Speedy Bicyclist!
Editor's Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
Some Bizarre News!
911: What IS The Nature Of Your Emergency!
Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
Con"-Testant #1
Cute "Lover Boy" obsessed with bank teller!
"Con"-Testant #2
Dummy who robbed a bank when streets were packed with policemen
& Secret Service Agents!
"Con"-Testant #3
Gas station owner who robbed his own station & identified
himself to sketch artist!
"Con-Testant #1 received 46% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #2 received 12% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #3 received 42% of the vote.
Therefore #1 is declared last week's winner of the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award!
Did you pick the winner. I picked #3 who turned out
to be the runner-up.
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This Week's "Con"-Test:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you place
your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which "Con"-Testant is
winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Bizarre Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
[email protected]
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week"
Award?
"Con"-Testant #1
A young man in Florida was arrested within 30 minutes after he
robbed a fast food restaurant. Moments before robbing the
restaurant, he filled out a job application with all the
information needed to make an identification. He even indicated
that he was on parole and he listed his parole officer as a
reference. He even received an interview with the manager and was
told that he had a good chance of getting the job.The manager
knew the young man's brother and was willing to give this
applicant a chance to get his life back on the straight and
narrow.
When asked why he robbed the restaurant after putting in an
application and after being told that he had a good chance of
being hired, the young man replied "I decided, after seeing what
the other employees were having to go through, I would be better
off back in prison. At least there I didn't have to cook or deal
with the public. I thought I would rob the restaurant and get out
of town fast and start a new life in Canada. If I was captured
before I could make my get-away, I would accept my plight and be
happy that I wasn't working in a restaurant."
When police arrested this young man at his parents' home, he was
packing his clothes to make his get-away to Canada. He was
convicted of the robbery and received ten years. Since he broke
parole by committing the robbery, he is also serving the rest of
the time left on his previous conviction.
The bizarre twist to this story is the discovery that this young
man was assigned to work in his prison's mess hall where he is
being trained to cook!
"Con"-Testant #2
This contestant was featured in a previous issue of the
"Chronicles." I thought he deserved the dishonor of being
considered for this week's dumb award. Here is his story from the
"Chronicles" archives.
A man with a gun demanded the convenience store clerk put all of
the money in a bag. The clerk complied to the demand and filled
the bag with all of the cash from his drawer.
After the bag had been filled and placed on the counter as
instructed, the robber demanded that the clerk give him a pack
of cigarettes. The clerk handed the robber the cigarettes as
requested. The robber then turned and walked out of the store
leaving the bag of cash behind.
Police got a good description of the robbery suspect and he was
arrested within 2 days after the crime, only blocks from the
store he robbed. This absent minded dummy actually told police
that he didn't realize the money bag was still on the counter
when he left the store. He made his get-away in a car and in his
haste he simply forgot to take the money with him. Once he got
to his house, he searched for the bag for nearly two hours
before realizing he may have left the bag at the store.
"Con"-Testant #3
A man walked up to a counter in a convenience store with robbery
on the mind. When he reached into his pocket to get his gun he
realized he had left it in the car. So instead, he grabbed the
clerk by his shirt and threatened him with a pocket knife. He
demanded and received the money from the cash register.
As the crook ran toward the door to make his escape, he fell down
on his knife. Witnesses saw him running out of the store with the
knife in his upper arm. They also indicated that the robber tried
to get into his car, but that he had left it locked and running.
The robber found a large stone and busted out his window and
proceeded to drive off only to have his car stall out.
At that point the robber exited the car with the bag of money in
one hand and the gun in the other. He proceeded to walk toward
witnesses with the idea of trying to steal a car to make his
escape. But, within moments after getting out of his own car he
heard sirens and saw a police car coming around the corner. He
then decided to make his escape on foot. In his run for freedom,
he entered the back door of a building behind the convenience
store. It turned out the building was the police station. Police
were surprised as the robber entered the station with a gun in
one hand a bag in the other and a knife stuck in one arm. Police
immediately apprehended this man. He was rushed to the hospital
with a police guard and later booked for his crime.
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Vote
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
Mail
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Joke: A Note Worthy Burglary!
After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car
has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full
report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to
see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To
their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and
two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for
taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-
wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive
the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of
Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert
and return home late. They find their house has been robbed.
Valuable goods have been taken from though out the house, from
basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading,
"Well, you still have your car. I have to put my kid through
college somehow, don't I?"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
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Trivia Tid Bits!
Did you know that in the first 26 years of the FBI's existence,
it's agents were not allowed to carry a gun. The first year FBI
agents started carrying guns was 1934.
New York City actually has statutes as to what professions are
considered illegal. Among these statutes are: The burning of bones
and skinning cows or horses.
In 1932, the U.S. Congress passed a law that every American
citizen must spend one day per year in the pursuit of praying and
fasting. The law was mostly ignored and never enforced.
Did you know that in the U.S.A, Income Tax was imposed for the
first time during the civil war. It was to be temporary for the
purpose of raising much needed revenue during the war. No Federal
taxes were levied for quite sometime afterward. In fact, at one
time , the U.S. Supreme Court ruled Federal Income Tax
unconstitutional.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches, do what it
says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two and keep away from
children."
Author Unknown
"By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may get to be a
boss and work twelve hours a day."
Robert Frost
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their
color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and
choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable."
Anon.
"A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence. It protects the property
without obstructing the view."
Joey Adams
"Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due."
William Inge
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Joke: I Thought You Were A Policeman!
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the
station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours
ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his
wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and
started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up
and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug
store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a
splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his
way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the
drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise,
"Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman?
Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what
the heck are you doing all dressed like the Fire Chief?"
The End
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In 1938, Los Angeles actually passed an ordinance that required
all men to obtain a license if they wanted to serenade a woman.
A law on the books in Clarendon, Texas requires lawyers to accept
chickens, eggs and other items as payment for legal fees. Clients
may pay cash, but can barter if they don't have the money.
In Paraguay, dueling with guns is legal. However, both
participants must be registered blood donors.
If you drive a car in London, England you better do it from the
front seat. There is a law that prohibits anyone from driving a
car from the back seat or from driving while standing up. I guess
you might have a problem obeying this law if you were very tall
and had to drive from the back seat or very short and had to
stand up to reach the pedals and steering wheel.
In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be put to death by a firing
squad if found guilty. I am curious as to whether this harsh
penalty is still carried out.
Winnetka, Illinois has a no odor ordinance that prohibits people
with smelly feet from removing their shoes in a theater.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Which U.S. State was the first to pass legislation that would
declare Y2K data disasters as "Acts of God." The legislation
was created to prevent possible lawsuits the state might incur
from its residence if the Y2K bug scare became a reality.
1) Texas
2) North Carolina
3) New York
4) Nevada
5) California
The correct answer was 4) Nevada
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Triva
What state instituted the first mandatory seat-belt law?
1) California
2) New York
3) Idaho
4) Florida
5) Michigan
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Joke: The Speedy Bicyclist!
There was a man who decided to ride his 10-speed bike from
Phoenix to the Grand Canyon. He made it cross the desert with
no problem, but when he reached the mountains the steep grade
wore him down. Realizing he can't continue, he decides to
hitchhike. Two hours go by and not a single car has stopped.
A guy driving a Corvette stops and asks if he can help. The
bicyclist says, "I could use a ride." The driver looks at the
bicycle. "That won't fit in the car," he muses. He opens his
trunk and takes out a piece of rope. He ties one end to the
bicycle and the other end to his bumper. "You've got a horn on
your bike. If I go too fast, honk your horn and I will slow
down." This scheme worked well for several miles. Suddenly, a
Vette blows past them. Not to be outdone, the first Vette
driver takes off in pursuit. They fly through a speed zone. The
patrol officer looks at his radar gun. It indicates both "Vette's
are traveling over 120 mph. He radios the officer ahead and says,
"You've got two Corvettes headed your way. They're both doing
over 120 mph." He hesitates a moment, then adds, "You're not
going to believe this. But there's a guy on a bicycle. He's also
doing over 120 mph and he's honking to pass..."
The End
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Some Bizarre News!
Prisoner Pleads For Record Breaking Reduction In Sentence!
A man in Kentucky thought that his sentence for armed robbery
was too harsh. He pleaded with a Louisville judge to have his
sentence reduced. The judge heard the appeal and took 4000
years off of this prisoner's sentence. He now has only 1001
years to serve.
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911: What Is The Nature Of Your Emergency!
Written BY Jerry Romans:
This week I would like to present some of the emergencies that
911 dispatchers receive that are not really emergencies at all.
Since the inception of the 911 system though out the United
States, many people still don't understand the true purpose of
their communities 911 system. They'll call about almost anything.
These "Non Emergency Emergencies" tie up the lines and prevent
fast response to real emergencies. For example, someone may call
911 asking how to place a long distance call and at the same time
someone else cannot get through to 911 to report that their house
is burning down.
No matter how much a community stresses the importance of not
making non-critical calls to 911, they continue to be made.
Dispatchers have become very frustrated at the high volume of
non-emergency calls. Many dispatchers spend half their day with
people who call them back when they don't receive an immediate
response to a less critical emergency. One caller may think that
a barking dog next door requires a call to 911. When the
dispatcher tells this person that it's not a high priority
emergency, that person gets mad because police will not respond
within minutes. It's not unusual for callers in non-critical
situations to call back complaining two or more times, while
critical callers may be unable to call back due to the nature of
their emergency.
Here is a list of some typical "Non Critical Emergencies" people
actually thought were critical enough to call 911.
You would be surprised at how many people call to find out what
time it is. They consider it an emergency because they might be
running late for work or late for an important appointment.
Barking dogs is one of the most common calls that a dispatcher
receives. Callers should call the police department and not 911.
Police will usually respond when an officer is available. This
type of complaint usually falls into the peace disturbance
category, not a 911 emergency.
Dispatchers have actually reported receiving calls from people
asking for cooking tips. The caller tries to justify the call by
indicating that they are cooking an important meal for a boss or
something of that nature. One woman told a dispatcher that it was
a critical emergency for her to call 911 to find out how to cook
a turkey without burning it. She said her husband might get
raving mad if she burnt the turkey again.
Many people call for directions or they want a traffic report so
they can find the best route home.
Some people call because their electric power went out. Instead,
they should call the power company. One person called 911, when
his power went out, because he thought terrorist were sabotaging
the power lines. The dispatcher has to handle this as a critical
emergency if there is even a slight chance that this person
is right.
Often, people call 911 to report that they locked themselves out
of their car or house. The dispatcher will usually tell these
people to call a locksmith or will even offer to call one for
them. However, you get the occasional caller that will invent
an emergency to assure that a police officer is dispatched
immediately. For instance, one dispatcher reported that a man
called and indicated that he locked his keys in his car and when
the dispatcher told him to call a locksmith, he invented the
story that his small children were in the car and that the car
was running and the children were playing with the steering
wheel. It was later discovered that the man was not telling the
truth. He just wanted the police to get there fast so he
wouldn't be late for a baseball game.
People commonly call 911 to find out court dates, where to pay
speeding tickets, and other matters pertaining to the court
system. A dispatcher doesn't have this information or the time
to find it out.
Some people think that 911 is an informational and instruction
service. If they don't know how to do a certain thing, they don't
hesitate to call 911 for instructions. In the minds of many
people, the need for information on how to do something is an
emergency. Dispatchers have reported people calling for such
things as instructions on how to use condoms, how to fix their
cars, how to catch mice, how to get rid of insects and a
multitude of other requests for information and instruction of a
"Non Critical' nature.
The above list is not an exclusive listing of the many abuses
the 911 Emergency System encounters. Until people understand the
true significance of what can be classified as a real emergency,
the abuse will continue. Many people who have a real emergency
will be cheated out of getting the kind of emergency response
they deserve. The 911 Emergency System is there for all of us.
Let it not be abused by educating others to it's proper use and
by knowing when to call and when not to call. The next real
emergency may be a matter of life and death and it may be your
emergency. The End
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Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
Frantic Husband!
A man called 911 and spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife
is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the dispatcher asked. "No, you idiot!"
the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
This Lady Has Contacts!
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady,
it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman
answered, "Well, I have contacts." The policeman replied, "I don't
care who you know! You're getting a ticket!"
Most Wanted!
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their
local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a
bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters
pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a
wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want
him very badly." Little Johnny asked, "So, why didn't you keep
him when you took his picture?"
The End
_________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
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regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Friday, February 23, 2001 13:52:12
