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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 24
September 14,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 24th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Joke: The Accident!
Trivia Tid Bits!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: Two Rednecks Try To Outsmart The Cops!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Editor's Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
"Over-the-Hill Gang" Boss Finally Captured!
Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
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Sweepstakes Galore!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
Con"-Testant #1
"Con"-Testant #1 Woman who robbed a bank, took a hostage, and
trusted the hostage not to call police after she sent that
hostage into a KMart alone!
"Con"-Testant #2 Man who robbed a local grocery store and escaped
in a car with a For Sale sign that had his name,address and phone
number on it!
"Con"-Testant #3 Man who stole payroll check and tried to get it
cashed by the person it was stolen from!
"Con-Testant #1 received 21% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #2 received 9% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #3 received 70% of the vote.
Therefore #3 is declared last week's winner of the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award! Once
again we have a landslide victory. I think this
week's "Con-Test" will be much closer.
Did you pick the winner. I picked #3 this week. My record
for the first three weeks is 2 wins and 1 loss.
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This Week's "Con"-Test:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week"
Award?
Special Note: All three "Con-Testants are favorites from our
archives. I felt that each of these notable characters deserved
to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
A husband and wife returned home after a late party and
discovered that their patio door was open. In fact, the
lock on the handle was broken. They immediately called the
police.
While waiting for the police, the couple checked out the area
downstairs and could not find anything missing or vandalized.
When police did arrive, they were escorted upstairs. To
everyone's surprise, they found a man sleeping in the couple's
bed. He was wearing a set of ear phones connected to a stereo
system. Next to the bed was a large duffel bag filled with
compact disks, jewelry, cameras and other items this burglar
had planned on taking.
After his arrest, this man explained to detectives that he was
checking out the quality and sound of the stereo system to
decide if it was worth stealing. He tested the stereo's quality
by playing a compact disk of his favorite group. He got so
relaxed and involved in the music that he lost track of time and
even where he was. It was late and he became sleepy. When he
laid down on the bed he fell asleep. Apparently he had been
sleeping at least two hours before he was discovered.
After his arrest, he was linked to five other house break-ins
and was found guilty on all counts. He is now serving the first
of six prison terms. I guess you could say that this criminal
had to face the music!
"Con"-Testant #2
A man,who literally and purposely demolished his ex-girlfriend's
car with a bulldozer, plea bargained through the court system to
pay his ex-girlfriend back for all damages.He owed over $10,000.
If paid according to terms, this man had effectively plea
bargained his way out of prison. The prosecuting attorney was
going for a 5 year sentence, but accepted the plea bargain since
this was the man's first offense and his ex-girlfriend was more
than willing to accept the terms of payment.
The man would be allowed to make monthly payments of $400 over a
period of about 27 months. He could also make larger payments at
any time and of course he could pay the entire debt off at any
time. He was given 5 working days to present the courts with the
first payment. On the fifth day he surprised the court officer,
assigned to his case, by making a payment for the total amount.
However, the following week he was arrested for presenting the
courts with a forged check against an account he did not own.
He is now serving 10 years instead of 5 and he could have been
free without serving any time. How dumb!
"Con"-Testant #3
A man tried to rob a bank. As a disguise, he wore a paper sack
over his head. The sack was secured by a rope around his neck.
Only very small peep holes were cut out so he could see. Armed
with a shotgun, the robber told the teller to start emptying the
tills and he commanded everyone else to drop to the floor or he
would start shooting.
Everyone in the bank complied with the armed robber's command.
Then suddenly, as the robber moved closer to the tellers window,
he began to wobble and walk erratically. Seconds later, the armed
robber fell to the floor. He dropped his shotgun. It appeared
that he was not moving, so a security officer picked up the gun
and told the robber he was under arrest. It was apparent that
there was something wrong with the robber. The security officer
and a customer in the bank, with medical experience, tried to
remove the mask. They had difficulty getting the rope untied from
around the man's neck and so had to rip the sack. The man's face
had turned blue. With the combination of the rope being to tight
and the sack not providing enough ventilation, the robber had
passed out. He was actually suffocating. Once the sack had been
removed the robber began to regain consciousness.
911 was called and an ambulance was dispatched to take the
robber to the hospital. The robber arrived at the hospital under
police custody. He later was charged and convicted of the
attempted armed robbery.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: The Accident!
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in
front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he
got out, a truck came along,too close to the curb, and completely
tore off the driver's door of the Jag. The counselor immediately
grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. In less than five minutes,
a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any
questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag,
which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely
ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop
tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down
from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you high rollin' lawyers are,"
he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't
notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the
lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is
missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the
truck hit you." "OH MY GOD," screamed the lawyer, "My Rolex!!!!"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
[email protected]
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Trivia Tid Bits!
Lynching in the United States was actually legal until 1893 when
Georgia passed the first anti-lynching law. However, the
punishment was only four years in prison.
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Statistically, in the United States, over 42 percent of all
convicts released from prison end up getting arrested again
within a year and a high percentage of them end up back in
prison serving new terms for new crimes or time left after
parole violations.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments
of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and
controversy."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The greatest pleasure in life is to do what people say you
cannot do."
Walter Bagehot
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you
love yourself."
Josh Billings
"I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that
gentleness is to be expected only from the strong."
Leo Rosten
"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.
By the second day you're off it."
Jackie Gleason
"In matters of principle, stand like a rock; in matters of
taste, swim with the current."
Thomas Jefferson
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Joke: Two Rednecks Try To Outsmart The Cops!
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking
a couple of bottles of beer.
The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a
police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here
beers!!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish
drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our
foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight
and put a label on each of their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been
drinkin'?"
"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the
patch."
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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In Athens, Greece a citizen can lose their driver's license if
they are poorly dressed and/or if they appear unbathed.
Did you know you could be whipped and thrown in prison for
flying a kite in Afghanistan?
Corn Flake Lovers Alert! If you live in Ohio and you run out of
corn flakes on Sunday, you'll have to wait another day to buy a
box of this cereal. It is against the law for stores to sell
corn flakes on Sunday. I wonder if this law is still on the
books or if it is being observed by grocery stores in Ohio. If
you live in Ohio, maybe you have the answer and can let me know.
Did you know? Billboards are illegal in Maine, Vermont, Alaska
and Hawaii!
In Pacific Grove California the butterfly must be sacred. There
is an ordinance that prohibits anyone from bothering a butterfly.
If found in violation of this ordinance you could be fined $500.
Here are some old outdated laws from the state of Massachusetts
that I thought you might find a bit strange or unusual.
There once was a law that required that all dogs have their hind
legs tied for the entire month of April.
On Sunday men were required by law to carry a rifle to church.
Dueling with water guns was illegal.
Going to bed without first taking a bath was considered illegal.
In Omaha, Nebraska parents can be arrested if their child burp's
during a church service.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Who created the name "United States of America."
1) Benjamin Franklin
2) George Washington
3) John Adams
4) Thomas Paine
5) John Hancock
The correct answer is 4) Thomas Paine
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Who was the first candidate to lose a United States
Presidential Election.
1) John Adams
2) Thomas Jefferson
3) Thomas Paine
4) George Washington
5) John Hancock
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"Over-the-Hill Gang" Boss Finally Captured!
Back in the 1980's there was a notorious gang of robbers called
the "Over-the Hill"Gang. It consisted of a group of elderly men
who's mission was to rob stores and banks in Florida. The gang
had basically disbanded over the coming years as gang members
became to old to accomplish their missions of crime. Some died,
some were in prison, some just retired from the life of crime
and blended back into society.
However, the gang's boss was not ready to retire. At the age of
78 he robbed a bank in Pompano Beach , Florida. His escape was
like something from a movie scene. He led police on a high speed
chase that finally ended when he crashed his car into a tree.
In the car, police reported finding a sawed-off assault rifle,
pepper spray, a detective's badge and numerous other items along
with a police scanner and more than $5000 in cash stolen in the
robbery.
His arrest probably brought a final end to the "Over-the-Hill"
Gang. It's leader is believed to be the oldest man to have
committed a bank robbery in history!
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Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
Photo Is Worth A Thousand Words!
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail, a ticket for $40.00, and a photo of
his car. Instead of the payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of two $20.00 bills.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police
department that contained another picture, of a pair of
handcuffs.
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Lost In The Park!
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and
grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this
elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't
find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " You've been
going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ?
" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear.
Morris whispered, " I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk
home."
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:04:37
