*****************************************************************
Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 25
September 21,2000
*****************************************************************
Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 25th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe, so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Contents:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Twenty More Top Things You Should Never Say To A Cop!
A Lunch To Remember!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: V.I.P. More Important Than The President!
"Bizarre News" Special!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
A Selected Story From My Dumb Convicts Collection!
Special Notice: This Week's Web Site Feature Story!
Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
_________________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers! Be sure to visit the "Chronicles" web
site to play "Free Lotto," You could win over $11,000,000.00
tonight. Play all 4 games to win cash and prizes. Play everyday.
It's always Absolutely Free to play!
To register to play, just look for the "Free Lotto" logo on the
main menu of the "Chronicles" home page at:
Bizarre Chronicles
_______________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
Con"-Testant #1
The man who fell asleep in the house he was burglarizing, while
listening to the stereo system he had planned on stealing!
"Con"-Testant #2
The man who bulldozed his ex-girlfriend's car and then plea
bargained in court to pay all the damages. He turned around and
paid the entire balance due to the court system with a bogus
check!
"Con"-Testant #3
Man who robbed a bank and used a paper sack tied with rope as a
disguise. The man nearly died from suffocation because the rope
was to tight and the sack had no breathing holes.
"Con-Testant #1 received 26% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #2 received 26% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #3 received 48% of the vote.
Therefore #3 is declared last week's winner of the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award! Number three had
almost as many votes as one and two combined. For a while the
voting was close, but number three finally starting getting
the majority of votes. I think this week's "Con-Test" will be
much closer.
Did you pick the winner. I picked #2 last week. My record
for the first four weeks is 2 wins and 2 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Test:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Bizarre Chronicles
Note: Last week we experienced a problem with our server. Many of
you were unable to access the "Chronicles" web site or it loaded
very slow. This has been an ongoing problem that occurs very
often and is beyond my control. However, my graphics designer
suggested that we still could improve on the load time despite
the problem with the server. Therefore, she has revamped the web
site with a new look and a more user friendly navigation menu.
With other enhancements and elimination of frames, the site has
been loading fast. After the rework the site loaded exceptionally
fast and all the other functions worked properly. This reworking of
the "Chronicles" web site occurred over the weekend. Since then we
have experienced a couple of periods where our server was slow. My
web designer had difficulty even getting into the file manager.
Even so, the new design did allow the site to load. It was a little
slow, but it did load. Please be patient. I will more than likely
move the web site to a proven server that is much more reliable. If
you do experience a major problem, I would like to know about it.
If you end up having to cast your vote at the e-mail address below,
please tell me in your e-mail what kind of problem you are having.
This way I will have some ammo when I address the problems to the
server. Of course, be sure to vote on this weeks "Crook." Here's
the url once again to access the "Chronicles" web site.
Bizarre Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week"
Award?
Special Note: All three "Con-Testants are favorites from our
archives. I felt that each of these notable characters deserved
to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
A man snatched a purse from a woman as she was walking down a
street in a Michigan suburb. The purse contained only a few
dollars in cash, no credit cards and a payroll check for a
little over $300. The check was already endorsed.
Our witty purse snatcher decided to dress as a woman and cash
the check at the local bank,located only several blocks from the
scene of the crime. When he presented the check for payment, the
already suspicious teller asked for an I.D. When our man in
disguise was unable to produce proof of his identity, the teller
pressed a security button and a security guard was summoned.
The man's disguise was not what gave him away. The teller was
the sister of the person for whom the check was made out to. She
recognized the signature on the check. Not only that, the person
the check was made out to was a man. His first name was Pat. Our
purse snatcher assumed that the check belonged to the lady he
robbed. The victim of the purse snatcher was taking her husband's
check to the bank when she was robbed.
Police were already looking for this man after the woman reported
that she had been robbed. Only the disguise prevented him from
being arrested any sooner.
"Con-Testant #2
A man robbed a convenience store in a small rural farm community
located in Southern Illinois. He was wearing a ski mask to
conceal his identity. Being paranoid by nature, the robber
thought that he may have pulled his ski mask off a little too
soon after the robbery, and that someone may have seen his face.
So what does this brilliant criminal do? Within 15 minutes
after the robbery, he goes to the police station to find out if
there were any warrants out for his arrest. Well, there was a
warrant! He had violated a number of his parole provisions from
a previous conviction. So police promptly placed him under
arrest.The arresting officer searched this man and found a ski
mask in the man's back pocket. The man did have enough sense not
to bring his gun into the station.
Police already had a description of the robber's clothes and the
ski mask. No one saw the robber's face. The ski mask was
identified by witnesses as looking like an American flag. It had
red, white and blue stripes with stars. The ski mask this
patriotic criminal was carrying in his back pocket matched the
description. His clothes also matched.
Police even recovered the stolen money from the man's car, which
was parked next to a police car, right outside the front
entrance to the station. It was in a plastic shopping bag with
the convenience store's name brand. The gun was found in the
trunk of the car.
Our masked marvel is now serving at least 15 years in prison for
the armed robbery and his previously paroled crimes.
"Con-Testant #3
A man and woman robbed a convenience store. While the man
emptied the contents of the cash register into a knapsack, his
girlfriend carried on a conversation with the clerk. While
standing at the counter she saw a promotional display for a
prize contest. Not wanting to lose an opportunity to cash in
further, her greed got the best of her. She filled out all the
info required including her name, address and phone number.
Well, to say the least, she got an almost immediate response
to her contest entry. Within one hour after the robbery, both
her and her boyfriend were arrested by police. The info she
provided on the entry form was enough for police to come
knocking on the couples door to make the arrest. I guess you
could call them the prize patrol!!
___________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Vote
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to: Mail
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
Save Big At Your Local Store!
Plus You Could Win $2500
Let EverSave e-mail you Big Savings Coupons from your
favorite local stores. It's a new free customized service,
and your privacy is 100% guaranteed. You get great coupons
and discounts that fit your taste exactly! Go to My Favorite
Links page for my recommendation, more details and the url
for this great new money-saving program! Go To:
Eversave
________________________________________________________________
Twenty More Top Things You Should Never Say To A Cop!
In a previous issue I listed "The 20 Top Things You Should
Never Say To A Cop"! Here are 20 more different things to
add to the list.
1. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't
plugged in.
2. Aren't you the guy from the village people?
3. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my
girlfriend's night stand.
4. I pay your salary.
5. So uh, you on the take or what?
6. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave
me a warning.
7. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us
does.
8. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are
no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
9. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained
specialist.
10.Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
11.Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity
searches?
12.Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun
fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the
gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
13.Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
14.You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never
caught me.
15.Yes, I know the light was red, but nothing was coming.
16.Aren't there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?
17.Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you were going to
get a doughnut!
18.Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
19.I saw the ambulance, but I was going faster than him anyway.
20.Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
****WONDERWORDaDAY****
The only place on the internet that gives you a wonderword
puzzle 365 days a year, by E-MAIL! All you have to do is wait
for us to send you the puzzle to your inbox. That's right! We
will do all the work, and you get all the fun! And it's FREE!!
So if you love puzzles, we just gave you one more reason to
love them more. Subscribe, and get your new puzzle tomorrow!
To subscribe go to:
WonderWord A Day
_________________________________________________________________
A Lunch To Remember!
A man recently escaped jail in Washington DC. Like so many other
dumb criminals, his capture was a sure bet. Instead of staying
out of sight he decided to make his presence at his girlfriend's
trial. She was on trial for a robbery charge.
When he left the court room to get a bite to eat, his girlfriend
couldn't wait for him to return so she had him paged. Officers
recognized the name of the person being paged. When he returned
to the court house police were waiting for him and he was
arrested.
To make matters worse, when the escapee went for lunch, he stole
a car. Now he not only has to serve the rest of his original
sentence plus any extra time for the escape, he also faces
charges for stealing the car. What a life changing lunch hour it
turned out to be for this really dumb criminal!
_________________________________________________________________
Sweepstakes Galore!
Check-out my new Sweepstakes and Contest Bulletin Board! You
could win Big cash prizes, cars, dream vacations, computers
and other great prizes! Visit My Sweepstakes Bulletin Board at:
Sweeps
_________________________________________________________________
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him
have his own way."
Josh Billings
"What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
It's the only thing that there's just too little of."
Burt Bacharach / Hal David
"To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am."
Bernard M. Baruch
"The clock! What a beast! It tells us when to wake and when
to work, when to rest and when to sleep. It tells us when to
keep a date and when we are late. It's the beast that tells
us when we can feast. Then, at least when we retire, we
would think, abuse the beast would not desire. Then they give
us the beast of gold, a watch to tell us how to spend our
years of gold!"
Jerry Romans
"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what
he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to."
Kahlil Gibran
"At whatever stage you apologize to your wife, the answer is
always the same -- 'it's too late now'."
Denys Parsons
"My only regret in life is that I'm not someone else."
Woody Allen
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper."
Errol Flynn
_________________________________________________________________
What do the BEST Ezines and Newsletters have in common?
They're all listed on FunEzines.com! Get them all for free
in your mailbox. Add some fun and excitement to your day!
Spice-up your e-box by selecting from the top newsletters
on the Internet. Choose from a large variety of subjects.
You'll surely find a number of newsletters to fit your mood,
taste and interests. You'll love every exciting issue of
these great newsletters! Sign up now for the best newsletters
on the Net.
Visit:
FunEzines
________________________________________________________________
Joke: V.I.P. More Important Than The President!
The Pope has just finished a tour of the Napa Valley and is
taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo,
he asks the chauffeur if he can drive for a while. Since the
chauffeur really doesn't have much of a choice, he climbs in the
back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.
The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see
what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 MPH, and suddenly he
sees the red & blue lights of the highway patrol in his mirror.
He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
The trooper, seeing who it is, says, 'Just a moment please, I
need to call in.' The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He
tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled
over, and asks how he should handle it.
'It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?' asks the chief.
'No Sir!' replies the trooper, 'This guy's more important.'
'Is it the Governor?' asks the chief.
'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.
'Is it the PRESIDENT??? asks the chief.
'No! Even more important!' replies the trooper.
'Well WHO THE HECK is it?' screams the chief.
'I don't know Sir.' replies the trooper, 'but he's got the Pope
as his chauffeur.'
_________________________________________________________________
Free Download
****Can't Bear It Any More****
Tired of looking at your computer's boring desktop? Bring it to
Life with Oska Deskmate! Oska is an interactive character that
lives and plays on your Windows desktop. Go on. Have some fun.
Get your free download now! Go To:
Oska
_________________________________________________________________
"Bizarre News" Special!
I reserved this space to recommend a very popular newsletter
I thought you might be interested in. Although it's called
"Bizarre News" it is not associated with my newsletter in any
way. It's been around for awhile and perhaps you have heard of
it. It has well over 400,000 subscribers which obviously
demonstrates it's popularity!
The newsletter is geared around the travels and adventures and
yes miss-adventures of Lewis, who happens to be the editor. He
travels all over the world to get the scoop on the weird, the
strange and the bizarre. He interviews bizarre people to find
out what makes them tick and he tries to experience many events
that normal people never get to. Like going to an illegal cock
fight and experiencing first hand what it's like. He reported back
to us on a first hand basis exactly what he felt and included the
results of his interview with the weird people he met in this
strange environment. In another issue, he told us how he was
unsuccessful in trying to get an interview with one of the
Presidential candidates. Was he going to ask the typical questions?
Not at all! Not Lewis! His agenda was to ask some really off the
wall questions that no one else in the media would dare ask.
Lewis is one of those guys that digs for the nitty gritty and
sometimes comes up with the dirt! He does get himself into a
number of bizarre situations and close calls, so you never know
what he might report in his next issue.
I would highly recommend that you add this newsletter to your
must read collection. It's published twice weekly, so combined with
your weekly issue of "Bizarre Police Chronicles" you will get a
dose of the bizarre three times a week.
TO SUBSCRIBE VISIT: Bizarre News
Or send blank email to:
Subscribe
________________________________________________________________
Cash Paid Daily!
----------------
No Sweat Cash! Make a difference while making your fortune.
Cash paid daily. Travel to Italy, Rio, Japan, Tahiti... or
just stay home in your t-shirt and sandals. Free website,
total home business.
Magic Learning
_____________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
A law in Massachusetts prohibits snoring. However, you can snore
if you close and securely lock all bedroom windows. I guess
that's for your own protection so no one comes in your bedroom
to complain or roll you off your bed!
If you like performing acrobatics on the sidewalk, don't do it in
Denver, Colorado. It's against the law, because it could be
frightening to horses.
If you plan on doing any kissing in Riverside, California I hope
you like the taste of rose water. A law in this city requires that
you wipe your lips with rose water if you kiss. The law doesn't
say whether you should use it before or after kissing.
In certain parts of the Philippine Islands, a law makes it illegal
to utter the name of anyone living.
In Thailand it is illegal to step on that countries currency.If you
find lost money on the ground, I guess you'll have to bend over to
grab it before it blows away in the wind.
On Catalina Island there is a restriction on the number of cars
allowed. Most residents drive golf carts to get around. You can get
a permit to have a car on Catalina Island, but the waiting period is
8 to ten years.
Back in the forth century in Sparta all men 20 years of age or older
were required to eat 2 pounds of meat a day. To do otherwise would be
illegal. The law was created because it was suppose to make a man
healthy, strong and brave. It was a sign of manhood. You were a real
hunk of a man back in those days if you followed this law. A hunk of
what is the real question? A man's life expectancy was very short
back in those good old days. I wonder why?
_________________________________________________________________
Free and nearly free software! Special rebate program from
leading manufacturers provides you with lowest prices on
top name brand software. Many popular titles free or nearly
free after rebate. Grab a bargain or two now, and start your
holiday shopping with incredible savings.
Visit
PublishersPipeline
_________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Who was the first candidate to lose a United States
Presidential Election.
1) John Adams
2) Thomas Jefferson
3) Thomas Paine
4) George Washington
5) John Hancock
Correct answer (2). Thomas Jefferson lost the election
to John Adams. Back then, the candidate with the second most
votes was given the Vice Presidency. So Thomas Jefferson was
the first elected Vice President. Incidentally, when George
Washington became President he had been unopposed.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles
Which USA Presidential ticket was the youngest to be elected.
This is the combined ages of both the President and Vice
President when elected. Clue: The combined ages of both added
up to 90 years.
1) John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson
2) William McKinley and Teddy Roosevelt
3) Bill Clinton and Al Gore
4) Franklin Roosevelt and Harry Truman
_________________________________________________________________
****Twisted Humor****
Visit the world's largest "Free" humor site and subscribe to
their daily newsletter loaded with jokes, adult cartoons, links
to hilarious video clips, idiot of the day feature and much
more!
You can also enter their "Redneck Shoot-Out" for a chance to
win a Las Vegas vacation... Over 1000 people win everyday.
Go to my Newsletter Showcase for more details and links to the
"Twisted Humor" web site and "Redneck Shoot-out Contest.
Go to:
NewsLetter
_________________________________________________________________
A Selected Story From My Dumb Convicts Collection!
Just because a convict is in prison doesn't mean that his life
of crime has ceased. Many crimes are committed while in prison,
and a convict's criminal act can be just as dumb as any crime
committed on the outside. In some cases the crime might just be
typical, but the convict does something stupid or dumb to get
caught or to make matters worse. With this in mine, I would like
to present the following story from my collection of dumb
convicts who committed crimes while still behind bars. I will
publish more stories from this collection in future issues. I'm
sure you will be surprised at the final outcome to each of these
convicts dumb actions.
File #1 Dumb Convicts Collection!
A convict was accused of stealing an inmates fairly expensive
stereo headphones. When guards found the headphones in the
convicts cell, charges were brought against him. Our convict
insisted that he didn't steal the headphones and that the
inmate they originally belonged too, gave them to him as a
trade for other items. When the case was presented before a
judge, the convict pleaded innocent to the misdemeanor charge.
In his own defense he testified that the headphones were given
to him by the other inmate in exchange for other items. When asked
what these items were, our brilliant convict tells the judge that
he gave the other inmate a bag of "crack" cocaine. Instead of
a misdemeanor our dumb convict talked himself into a felony
drug charge. He was convicted and transferred to a state prison
to serve out the long felony sentence.
_________________________________________________________________
Special Notice: This Week's Web Site Feature Story!
The Weekly Feature Presentation for the week of Sept.17th has
been posted on the "Chronicles" website.
The newest story involves two young women who do some last
minute Christmas shopping and find themselves confronted by a
perverted man who gives them an unexpected Christmas gift they
may never forget. Look for the link to this story in the main
body copy of the home page.
The feature story for the week of Sept.10th is still available
on our home page. It will be listed below the description and
link for the feature story for Sept.17th mentioned above.
Remember! These Feature stories are extra's and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extra's, go to the
"Chronicles" website and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Bizarre Chronicles
_______________________________________________________________
Want useful e-mail stuff! Stop getting e-mail on subjects that
don't interest you. Focalex can provide you with plenty of
popular categories so you can pick what interest you the most!
Anything from free stuff to computers and other useful
categories like sweepstakes, games, travel, sports, health,
parenting, pets and much more. For the very best free info on
your favorite subjects, visit Focalex Today At:
Focalex
_________________________________________________________________
Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal,
even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police
investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the
same voice over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup,
"I got in the back seat by mistake." -The End-
Lucky Old Man: An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench
crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five
year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast
and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful
lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a
wonderful supper and then we make love." The policeman looks at
the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the
happiest man in the world!" So the old man says, "I know! I'm
crying because I don't remember where I live!" -The End-
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories. -The End-
Police: Mr. Johnson, we have just arrested a thief carrying
several credit cards with Mrs. Johnson's name on them.
Mr. Johnson: Tell the thief he can keep them.
Police: But don't you want your credit cards back?
Mr. Johnson: No. He's been spending only about half as much as
Mrs. Johnson. -The End-
_________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations
regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:
Comments
To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to:
Unsubscribe
New links added weekly!
Copyright � 2000, 2001 Jerry Romans
This site designed by
all rights reserved.
Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:08:48
