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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 26
September 28,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 28th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Contents:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Joke: Strange Names For The "Really Dumb!"
Joke: Inspecting The Truck!
911 On Alert! Bizarre Crime Ring Could Threaten Your Life!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cop Humor: Some Police Quotes To Remember!
Trivia Tid Bits!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Special Notice!
Editors Choice: Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Purse snatcher who dressed as a woman to cash a check he had
stolen, only to find out that the check was for a man. He was
also dumb enough to try cashing it at a bank just blocks from
where he snatched the purse.
"Con"-Testant #2
Paranoid convenience store robber who worried that his identify
was revealed. He went to the police station to find out if he had
warrants for his arrest. He made the mistake of wearing the same
clothes he wore during the robbery and he had the ski mask he
wore, when he robbed the store, in his back pocket.
"Con"-Testant #3
The woman who helped her boyfriend rob a convenience store. While
her boyfriend emptied the cash register, she filled out a contest
entry form with her name, address, and phone number. Police used
this info to make the arrest.
"Con-Testant #1 received 3% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #2 received 39% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #3 received 58% of the vote.
Therefore #3 is declared last week's winner of the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award! Last week's
"Con"-Test was another landslide victory. This week has all
the makings of a much closer "Con"Test.
Did you pick the winner. I picked #3 last week. My record
for the first five weeks is 3 wins and 2 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Test:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Vote
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week"
Award?
Special Note: All three "Con-Testants are favorites from our
archives. I felt that each of these notable characters deserved
to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
A man in Missouri tried to rob a gas station. He handed the
clerk a note telling him to hand over the money. The clerk told
the robber that this station doesn't accept stick-up notes. The
man simply turned around and left the gas station. As he was
leaving, he announced that he would try the station across the
street. Since police had already been alerted, the man was
arrested before he had a chance to enter the other gas station.
"Con-Testant #2
With this story you get two dumb crooks for the price of one. So,
if they win this week's award they will have to share it with each
other, if that's possible.
Two men robbed a KFC, but were quickly apprehended when they ran
into the waiting arms of the police. These brain deprived
robbers had parked their get-away car at the police station next
to the KFC. Not only that, they parked their car in a reserved
for police parking space.
The KFC manager called the police the moment the robbers left the
store. Two policemen were already standing by the get-away car,
ready to make arrangements to have it towed. Two other officers
in a police car were already on their way to the KFC. The
robbers were easily spotted running toward their car. The
policemen in the parking lot and the officers in the police car
had these brilliant criminals in custody halfway between the KFC
and the police station.
They were booked and charged with armed robbery and then later
convicted and sentenced to prison terms.
"Con-Testant #3
This is a bizarre, yet true story about a drug dealer who went
to the police station complaining that he had been ripped-off
in his last drug deal! He actually went to his local police
precinct to complain that his supplier ripped him off for two
pounds of marijuana. He was suppose to get ten pounds, but got
only eight. He told police he was tired of getting ripped-off
by all his suppliers and was ready to turn states evidence
against each of them. He was sure that by declaring his intent
to turn states evidence, he would be able to stay out of trouble.
After making his complaint and the declaration to turn states
evidence, he also turned in the eight pounds of marijuana along
with a list revealing the names and addresses of all of his
supply sources. What a great day for the drug enforcement
division! They were able to arrest ten drug dealers including
a wholesaler they were trying to catch for some time.
The district attorney did allow the man to turn states evidence
so he could testify in court against the other dealers. However,
he still ended up going to prison. He refused to let a lawyer
handle his plea bargain with the district attorney. According to
the district attorney, this man probably would have received
no prison term and a couple years probation. The man had a great
dislike for lawyers and decided to handle his own negotiations
with the district attorney. Since the district attorney was also
a lawyer, the negotiations did not go well to say the least. He
threatened the district attorney's office and displayed his
dislike for it's attorneys by his aggressive behavior. Even
though the man had turned states evidence, he still was charged
with possession with intent to sell. He got a reduced sentence
because of his cooperation, yet because of his dislike for
lawyers he ended with a two year sentence. He is serving time
in the same prison with the ten other drug dealers he turned in.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Vote
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Strange Names For The "Really Dumb!"
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their
car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to
the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their
names.
"Shut Up", replied Shut Up.
"Stupid", replied Stupid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up,
and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!"
shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted
there names.
"Shut Up!"
"Stupid!"
The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking
for trouble?"!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking
for their friend, they replied,"Why yes, how did you know?"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Inspecting the truck!
A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave
him a ride.
After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the
highway patrol for a weight check and inspection.
The truck inspection revealed the truck had slick tires; no horn;
no head, tail or signal lights; no windshield wipers. Also, it
was overloaded and had bad brakes.
"Mister," the patrolman said to the driver, "I think the best way
to charge you is 'hauling wood without a truck.'"
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911 On Alert! Bizarre Crime Ring Could Threaten Your Life!
This story may or may not be true. It could very well be one of
those urban legends. There have been a number of accounts
claiming that what I am about to tell you has occurred a number
of times. In fact the group of people committing the crimes have
supposedly organized into a national ring. They prey upon
travelers and college students. There have been a number of
confirmed cases indicating that what you are about to read is
true. There are a good number of institutions warning everyone
to be on the lookout and to take caution when traveling alone.
So you will have to decide whether you believe this can happen
or not.
Now, let us get to the details of this truly bizarre story, by
giving the scoop of one victims ordeal as reported in a
University newspaper. The report starts by explaining that a
student was out partying and getting pretty drunk. He is
approached by an attractive young woman who lures him away to
another party at an apartment. While there he continues to drink
and gets involved in taking a number of drugs. Obviously, after
awhile, he loses consciousness.
When he wakes up, he discovers that he is completely nude in a
bathtub full of ice. Still feeling the effects of the drugs and
hung-over from the alcohol, he struggles to get out of the tub.
As he attempts to stand up he realizes that he is alone and
becomes very puzzled as to what has happened to him. Then he
notices a message written in lipstick on his chest. It says "Call
911 Or You Will Die." He immediately calls 911 from a phone that
had been conveniently placed on a stand next to the tub. He
explains to the 911 EMS operator the situation and that he knew
he took some kind of drug. The EMS operator, having been alerted
to similar incidents like this one, instructed the student to
check his body to be sure that everything appeared to be okay.
After the student looked in the mirror and reported that
everything was okay, he was then instructed to reach behind his
back. When he did, he discovered two 9 inch slits in his lower
back. When he reported this to the EMS operator, she told him to
immediately return to the bathtub filled with ice and to wait
there for the emergency rescue team to arrive.
As suspected this students kidneys had been removed. They were
removed by an obviously professional team of doctors or medical
students. It is believed that the kidneys are being removed and
harvested for sale on the black market where they can be sold for
$10,000 each.
This student was rushed to the hospital where he remains on life
support waiting for a donor match for a new kidney.
Travelers are being abducted in a similar manner in hotel and
motel lounges. They have a few drinks and then are approached by
someone inviting them to their room. When they wake up, they too
find themselves in a bathtub filled with ice along with a note
attached to their chest telling them to call 911 from a phone
placed on a small table next to the tub. They soon discover that
they have tubes in their back where their kidneys had been
removed.
The university newspaper that revealed this story indicated that
these stories are confirmed and documented. Most of the
activity is occurring in Las Vegas and New Orleans. Both these
areas attract an abundance of travelers and provide the perfect
setting for this crime ring to operate.
Whether just a legend or even true to some extent, always be
aware of the seemingly impossible. Bizarre things do happen and
bizarre crimes being committed by intelligent, but evil people
can be dangerous to the unsuspecting victim. Highly
sophisticated criminals like the ones reported here can be many
times more dangerous than your everyday crook,so always be aware!
The questions I would ask in investigating the details of this
report would be whether or not someone could survive the removal
of two kidneys and for how long. Would the ice keep them from
death long enough to get medical emergency treatment. I don't
have the answers. Maybe someone reading this report can shed some
light on the subject from a medical standpoint. I can then report
any new information in a future article.
I still can't say whether I believe this to be fact or urban
legend. Further investigation may reveal the truth. As far as I
can tell, there is at least some truth to the report. Perhaps
it's one of those really bizarre situations where truth is
stranger than fiction. You be the judge. What do you think?
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no point
in two people remembering the same thing..."
Unknown
"Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when
it can be recalled and perhaps remedied."
Pearl S. Buck
"Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is
limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination
embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know
and understand."
Albert Einstein
"Any change is resisted because bureaucrats have a vested
interest in the chaos in which they exist."
Richard Nixon
"Work as if you were to live 100 years, Pray as if you were to
die tomorrow."
Benjamin Franklin
"It doesn't do any good to sit up and take notice if you keep on
sitting."
Unknown
"Once there were two brothers. One ran away to the sea, the
other was elected Vice-President, and nothing was ever heard of
either of them again."
Thomas Riley Marshall
"The Declaration of Independence, the words that launched our
nation-1,300 words. The Bible, the word of God-773,000 words.
The Tax Code, the words of politicians-7,000,000 words-and
growing!"
Steve Forbes
"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment,
it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
Dan Quayle
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Cop Humor: Some police quotes To Remember!
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I
can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas,
but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
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Trivia Tid Bits!
History records George Washington as the first president of the
United States. In reality a man named John Hanson was actually
the first U.S. president.Originally the U.S.A. was governed by
the Articles of Confederation ratified by the states in 1781.
When Congress met in that same year they elected John Hanson as
their President. The constitution of the United States was not
adopted until 1789 and it was not until then that George
Washington became president.
Contrary to popular belief, the United States was not the first
country to give women the vote. New Zealand gave the vote to
women in 1893. It was not until 1920 before women in the United
States won the right to vote.
Did you know that Ohio did not technically become a state until
August 7, 1953. Somehow Congress overlooked the resolution for
admitting Ohio into the Union and had to actually vote it in
before it could become a state. Officially it still remains the
seventeenth state.
Police arrested 42 on a beach in Atlantic City, New Jersey for
going topless. It happened way back in 1935 and the bizarre fact
is that everyone arrested was a man. Back then, even men were
not allowed to go topless on the beach. New styles in swim wear
during this period defied the common law regarding how a man
could appear on the beach. Soon after the new topless style was
introduced, the law had little if any chance of being observed
or enforced.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Here is a strange and somewhat bizarre statute in the state of
Kentucky: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any
highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least
two officers or unless she be armed with a club."
An amendment to the above statute was proposed and went as
follows:
"The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female
weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor
shall it apply to female horses."
An old outdated law in Indiana prohibited anyone from taking a
bath in winter!
A law was passed in Illinois making it illegal to give a lighted
cigar to your pet dog, cat or any other domesticated animal that
may be considered a pet. I believe most pets know better. They
will usually turn their nose up to any such offer. Just don't
give them an unlit cigar! Many pets consider it a special treat
and may eat it without giving it a second thought!
In Oxford, Ohio a woman is prohibited from stripping off her
clothing in front of a man's picture.
Don't plan on getting married at a skating rink in Portland,
Oregon. It's against the law to have a wedding ceremony
performed at any skating rink in that city.
Did you know that in Wilbur, Washington you can get arrested for
riding an ugly horse?
In Portland, Maine you would be breaking the law if you used a
feather duster to tickle the chin of a woman!
In Victoria, Australia you can be fined 10 pounds for changing a
light bulb. Only licensed electricians are permitted to perform
this task!
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Which USA Presidential ticket was the youngest to be elected.
This is the combined ages of both the President and Vice
President when elected. Clue: The combined ages of both added
up to 90 years.
1) John Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson
2) William McKinley and Teddy Roosevelt
3) Bill Clinton and Al Gore
4) Franklin Roosevelt and Harry Truman
Correct answer (3). Bill Clinton and Al Gore. Clinton was 46
when he took office and Gore was 44.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Quiz
The notorious gangster Al Capone claimed a legitimate profession
on his business cards. What did he claim as his profession?
1) Attorney
2) Used Car Dealer
3) Second Hand Furniture Dealer
4) Insurance Agent
5) Tobacco Distributor
_________________________________________________________________
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Special Notice: The Weekly Feature Presentation for the week
of Oct. 1st will be posted on the "Chronicles" web site this
Sunday. Once posted, you can look for a description and link to
this story in the main body copy of the home page. This feature
and all past weekly stories are available by clicking on the
"Weekly Features" area in the main menu.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" website and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Bizarre Chronicles
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Editors Choice:
Top Newsletter Picks Of The Week!
Would you like to read the most interesting, fascinating and
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My staff and I review a large number of newsletters every week.
Our two top picks for this week are listed below.
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Some Quick Last Minute Cop Jokes!
Now You're in big trouble!
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down
his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get
that drivers' license."
Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh,
don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's
drunk and stoned."
Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get
far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled
voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" -The End-
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places!
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was
pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that
he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went
looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said
very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her
on the spot. -The End-
Warning all shoplifters!
Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten,
gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to
the full extent of the law. -The End-
_________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:11:04
