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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 27
October 5,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 27th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Contents:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Joke: Prison vs. being a housewife!
Reader Feedback On Last Week's Missing Kidney Story!
I Insist!! This Just Can't Be A Wrong Number!!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cop Humor: New Miranda rights!
Joke: Attempted Mugging!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Special Notice!
Joke: Motion Denied!
Joke: The Witness!
Joke: Why I'm Representing Myself!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This dumb crook tried to rob a gas station, but gave up when the
clerk he was robbing told him that the station didn't accept
stick-up notes. The would be robber then announced that he was
going to rob the station across the street. Police were alerted
and he was arrested on his way over to the other gas station.
"Con"-Testant #2
Not only did these two dumb crooks rob a KFC next to a police
station, they also parked their get-away car at the station in a
"Reserved for Police" parking space. They were captured while
running to the police station to get to their car.
"Con"-Testant #3
This drug dealer turned in eight pounds of marijuana and a list
of his suppliers, because he was tired of being ripped off. He
declared that he was turning states evidence and expected to stay
out of jail because of his cooperation. However, because of his
aggressive behavior and threats against the District Attorney's
Office, he ended up serving a two year sentence in the same
prison with the ten drug dealers he turned in.
"Con-Testant #1 received 14% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #2 received 38% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #3 received 48% of the vote.
Therefore #3 is declared last week's winner of the "Uncoveted
Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award! Last week's "Con"-Test was
closer than it has been for several weeks and I predict that
this week will be even closer.
Did you pick the winner. I picked #1 last week. My record
for the first six weeks is 3 wins and 3 losses. I was really
off the mark on my personal pick this week! My "Con" came in
third at only 14% of the vote.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Test:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Vote
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week"
Award?
Special Note: All three "Con-Testants are favorites from our
archives. I felt that each of these notable characters deserved
to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
A Texas woman tried stealing a chicken from the meat counter of
a local grocery store. She placed the chicken inside her jumper
suit and left the store. Only moments later a police officer
approached her and asked her about the theft of the chicken.
Surprised that she had been caught, she made up the story that
the chicken had fallen from the sky and had landed in her arms.
She explained that she concealed the chicken because she didn't
want to be blamed for stealing it. This woman kept insisting that
this story was true, but admitted the theft when police showed
her a security video that caught her in the act of boosting the
chicken.
"Con"-Testant #2
A man broke into the home of a family on vacation. One of the
stolen items was an expensive watch engraved with the owner's
name. Another stolen item was a ticket to a San Francisco
Giant's baseball game. You may have figured it out by now. This
dummy was arrested sitting in the seat that matched the stolen
ticket. Since it was a season ticket, it was very easy for the
police to find the seat. And guess what! The dummy was wearing
the engraved watch.
"Con"-Testant #3
Two men robbed a convenience store in a small Michigan suburb.
On their way out of the store they ran into each other. One
man's gun discharged and the bullet struck the other man in the
leg. The uninjured robber asked the store clerk to call 911 and
started out the door.
Mad about what had happened and the fact that his partner in
crime was leaving him behind, the injured robber shot his
partner in the leg. Both men were rushed to the hospital. Both
survived their injuries.
They were charged with armed robbery and a host of other felony
charges related to the shooting incident. The total sum of the
cash they got in the robbery was less than $50. But, because it
was armed robbery and shots were actually fired causing injury
to each man, they received very long prison terms.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Vote
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: Prison vs. being a housewife!
In prison you get three square meals a day.
At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your
kids to eat it.
In prison you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and
mingle.
At home you get to clean the yard up * so you can mow it * so
your kids can spread more toys all over it * so that you can go
out and clean it again * so that you can find the latest lego
creation that little Jr. lost, but must have before he can go to
sleep.
In prison you get to watch TV, even cable.
At home you get to listen to your children fight over the remote
control and get treated to hours and hours of mindless cartoons
thanks to cable.
In prison you can read whatever you want and attend college for
free.
At home you get to read weekly readers starring Dick, Jane, and
Spot and worry about how to send Jr. to college and still be able
to eat for the next twenty years.
In prison all your medical care is free.
At home you have to pawn your mother's silver and fill out
trillions of papers for insurance and hope the doctor will see
you before you die.
In prison, if you have visitors, all you do is go to a room, sit,
talk and then say good-bye when you are ready or your time is up.
At home you get to clean for days in advance and then cook and
clean up after your guests and hope that they will one day leave.
In prison you can spend your free time writing letters or just hang
out in your own space all day.
At home you get to clean your space and everyone else's space, too,
and what the heck is free time again?
In prison you get your own personal toilet.
At home you have to physically hold the bathroom door shut in
order to keep from having someone standing over you demanding
to know how long till you're done so you can do something for
them.
In prison the prison laundry takes care of all your dirty
clothes.
At home you get to take care of them yourself, plus everybody
else's, and get yelled at because somebody's favorite shirt
isn't clean.
In prison they take you everywhere you need to go.
At home you take everybody else where they need to go.
In prison the guards transport all your personal effects for
you and make sure nothing is missing.
At home you have to lug around everybody else's stuff in your
purse and then wonder who went in it and took your last dollar.
In prison there are no screaming or whining children or spouses
asking you to do something else for them, or screaming at you
because you didn't.
At home....stop me when I get to the downside of jail, will ya?
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Reader Feedback On Last Week's Missing Kidney Story!
There was more feed back on the missing kidney story featured in
last week's issue than from any other past features combined.
Most of it to inform me that the stories circulating on the
Internet in regards to a crime ring involved in removing and
harvesting kidneys are indeed urban legend.
As stated at the beginning of that story, I indicated that I did
not know if the story was true or false. Obviously from all the
feed back I received, the story is an urban legend that keeps
circulating on the Internet and has been published in some
notable newspapers in the real world. Some of these publications
contributed to perpetuating the legend as truth, while others
exposed it as the fictitious rumor and legend that it really is.
All of the stories I wrote and published in past issues of the
"Chronicles" are true. I receive my information from law
enforcement agencies, EMS departments, police blotters, archived
police reports, policemen and detectives and a host of other
reliable sources. I do look for the most bizarre and far out
stories about dumb crooks or criminals, 911 calls that have a
humorous or bizarre twist, etc. The kidney feature was something
that was presented to me by someone I do not usually rely upon
for true stories. He indicated on his web page that a lot of
controversy surrounded the missing kidney incidents and that
many people believed it to be urban legend. However, he was
inclined to believe that there really was a ring of medical
professionals luring people into a situation where their kidneys
could be harvested. In fact, he belongs to an organization that
is dedicated to warning people about the danger this group of
medical professionals poses to potentially unsuspecting victims.
I now know that, even though his group may really believe that
kidneys are being illegally harvested, he and his organization
are only adding fuel to the controversy.
As a result of all the feed back on this featured story, I have
concluded that it is a complete hoax. Some of you readers out
there have suggested a number of great links that can explain how
the kidney snatching legend started, why it couldn't be true and
lots of other information that should answer most questions anyone
may have about this hoax.
Here is a listing of the most frequently suggested links: One of
the web sites is mentioned more than once because it links to a
different page that address other viewpoints and aspects of the
controversy.
Urban Legends
Organ Theft
Kidnet Robbery
Neet Squirrel Kidney
Kidney
Thanks again to everyone who provided feed back on this story.
Keep those e-mails coming.Your opinions, suggestions, answers,
and questions on any aspect of this newsletter are greatly
appreciated and encouraged. Send your comments to
Comments
Thanks
Jerry Romans Editor/Publisher
_________________________________________________________________
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I Insist!! This Just Can't Be A Wrong Number!!
Two Canadian men almost all but insisted on getting arrested.
While visiting the Cayman Islands they decided to live it up.
They did a lot of drinking, but what they really wanted to do
was some cocaine. A local resident, they did not know, gave
them the phone number to call, to set-up a buy. When the number
was called by one of the men, he was informed that he had
reached a wrong number. Instead of trying to find another source
of supply, the same man called the number again insisting that
he had the right number and he wanted to make a drug connection.
Well, at the caller's insistence, a place and time were set-up to
make the drug connection. The two men kept the appointment and
met the drug dealer. They paid the dealer for the drugs and the
dealer handed over the cocaine. The moment the exchange was made,
police were everywhere. The men had no time or no place to escape
and they were arrested on the spot.
The bust had been planned. The drug dealer was actually an
undercover officer for the Customs Drugs Task Force for the
Cayman Islands. The phone number that the men insisted on calling
back, after being told once that they had reached a wrong number,
was actually the cell phone of the deputy chief of the Task Force.
Both men actually got off easy. The package that was suppose to
contain the cocaine had non dairy coffee creamer instead. Since
they did not have cocaine and actually bought coffee creamer, they
were not charged with possession. However, they did have to pay a
$1000 fine.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10
just to repair."
Unknown
"Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two
people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-
year-old can do it."
Unknown
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to
handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
John Steinbeck
"Charity sees the need, not the cause."
German Proverb
"A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool
can from a mountain top."
Unknown
"Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the
bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway."
Mary Kay Ash
"True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of
the body; the two are ever united."
Humboldt
"Of course we all have our limits, but how can you possibly find
your boundaries unless you explore as far and as wide as you
possibly can? I would rather fail in an attempt at something new
and uncharted than safely succeed in a repeat of something I have
done."
A.E. Hotchner
"If you want to leave footprints in the sands of time, don't drag
your feet."
Annot L. Sheppard
"If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead
anywhere."
Frank A. Clark
*Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
Robert Frost
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Cop Humor: New Miranda rights!
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to
run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you
down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he
refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the
court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware
that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may
continue his pursuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!
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Joke: Attempted Mugging!
One night, a not so bright guy was walking home when, all of a
sudden, a mugger jumped on him. The not so bright guy and the
mugger began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and
the not so bright guy put up a tremendous fight. However, the
mugger managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the
ground.
The mugger then went through the not so bright guy's pockets
and searched him. All the mugger could find on the man was 25
cents.
The mugger was so surprised at this that he asked the not so
bright guy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
"Was that all you wanted?" the not so bright guy replied, "I
thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in
my shoe!"
_________________________________________________________________
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Many years ago there was a law in Milan, Italy, that required
everyone of its citizens to have a smile on their face at all
times. The law did allow for a few exceptions such as any time
spent visiting someone in a hospital or attending a funeral.
Being caught with a frown on your face or a missing smile while
in public, would result in a fine of $100. That was a sizable
fine back then and having to pay a big fine like that gave you
another reason not to smile.
In Wetaskiwin, Alberta a law passed in 1917 prohibited anyone
from tying a male horse next to a female horse on Main Street.
(A modern day law prevents anyone from parking a Bronco next to
a Mustang---Just kidding).
There are a number of small towns in Arizona that prohibit anyone
from wearing suspenders.
Want to take your dog for a walk in Temperance, Ms., then you
better go to the store and buy some diapers. It's against the law
in this city to walk your dog unless it has a diaper. Wow! Do they
even make doggie diapers? If not, I can see the emergence of a
whole new industry.
Back in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, in Turkey, people
were put to death for drinking coffee.
At the present time, 24 states in the United States consider
impotence as grounds for divorce.
San Francisco holds the copyright on the name of their city. It
is against the law to manufacture anything that bears that name
unless permission is granted by the city. This could include such
items as tee shirts, consumables such as candy bars, soups, boxed
or frozen fast food products, etc. Many other products and even
services fall under this copyright law. The revenue that the city
earns from royalty and license agreements and revenue it normally
collects from tax payers, creates a surplus of $300 million
annually. It is one of the few large cities in the world that
carries a surplus revenue and has spending money at the end of
the year. It's one of the riches cities in the U.S.A when it
comes to cash flow.
Atwoodville, Connecticut has a local ordinance designed to make
sure its citizens give full attention to a politician who is
about to give a speech. It prohibits anyone within the city from
playing Scrabble while awaiting a politicians speech.
If you try shooting a rabbit from a moving trolley car in the
state of New York, you could get arrested! Do they even have
trolley cars in New York any more? These days', just try
shooting anything from anywhere in New York and you'll probably
be arrested. In fact, just having the gun would probably get you
arrested.
_________________________________________________________________
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
The notorious gangster Al Capone claimed a legitimate profession
on his business cards. What did he claim as his profession?
1) Attorney
2) Used Car Dealer
3) Second Hand Furniture Dealer
4) Insurance Agent
5) Tobacco Distributor
Correct answer (3). Al Capone claimed that he was a Second Hand
Furniture Dealer.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Triva
What U.S.A. President actually received less votes than his
opponent, but won the election because he had the most
electoral votes.
1) Abraham Lincoln
2) Benjamin Harrison
3) Andrew Jackson
4) Richard Nixon
5) Grover Cleveland
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________________________________________________________________
Special Notice: The Weekly Feature Presentation for the week
of Oct. 8th will be posted on the "Chronicles" website this
Sunday. Once posted, you can look for a description and link to
this story in the main body copy of the home page. This feature
and all past weekly stories are available by clicking on the
"Weekly Features" area in the main menu.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" website and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Weekly Feature
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Motion Denied!
After his motion to suppress evidence was denied by the court the
attorney spoke up, "your Honor,"he said, "what would you do if I
called you astupid, degenerate, old fool."
The Judge, now also angered, revered, "I would hold you in
contempt of court and seek to have you suspended from practicing
before this court again!"
"What if I only thought it?" Asked the attorney.
"In that case, there is nothing I could do, you have the right to
think whatever you may."
"Oh, I see. Then, if it pleases the court, let the record reflect,
I 'think' you're a stupid, degenerate, old fool."
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: The Witness
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting
attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that
you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the
question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to
compromise this case?" The lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "sir, please answer the
question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to
you."
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Joke: Why I'm Representing Myself!
Greg, who was charged with fraud and embezzlement,was alone
at the defendant's desk on the day of the trial.
"Are we to understand that you are representing yourself, Mr.
Ames?" the judge asked.
"Well, Your Honor, I tried to hire an attorney,"Greg explained,
"but when he found out I didn't steal the $500,000, he turned
down my case and threw me out of the office."
_________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations
regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:
Comments
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:12:26
