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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 28
October 12,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 28th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Crime Doesn't Pay When You're Dumb!!
Cop Humor: Just Another Lousy Cop!
Are You At Risk Of Being Assaulted, Burglarized Or Even Murdered!
Joke: Please Officer, Let Me Explain!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Special Notice And Computer Virus Alert!
Woman Leaves Work Early! Gets Big Payoff!
More Powerful Than A Locomotive! Look It's Super Drunk!
_______________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
Con"-Testant #1
Woman who boosted a chicken from the meat counter of a grocery
store and, when caught, used the excuse that the chicken fell
from the sky and landed in her arms.
"Con"-Testant #2
Burglar who stole an expensive watch from a family's home
along with season ticket to a baseball game. He was caught
when he showed up at the game sitting in the seat assigned to
the owner of the ticket. Also he wore the watch to the game.
"Con"-Testant #3
Two men robbed a convenience store. As they start to make their
escape, one robber's gun goes off by accident and wounds the
other robber in the leg. That wounded robber then shoots his
partner in the leg and wounds him. For all their trouble the
total sum they got from the robbery was only $50.
"Con-Testant #1 received 7% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #2 received 44% of the vote.
"Con-Testant #3 received 49% of the vote.
Therefore #3 is declared last week's winner of the "Uncoveted
Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award! Last week's "Con"-Test was
a tight race between #2 and #3 with #3 getting just 4 votes more
than #2 . This week's "Con"-Test may turn out to be another
close race.
Did you pick the winner. I picked #2 last week. My record
for the first seven weeks is 3 wins and 4 losses. I wasn't so
much off the mark this week. My "Con" came close to winning.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Test:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves the
"Uncoveted Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week right before each new edition of the "Chronicles" is
released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating in
our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in each
new edition.
To cast your vote click on the following url and then click the
poll button located on our main menu.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
[email protected]
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
Here's This Week's "Con"-Testants!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's not so coveted "Dumbest Crook Of The Week"
Award?
Special Note: All three "Con-Testants are favorites from our
archives. I felt that each of these notable characters deserved
to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
A 7-11 convenience store was robbed in Winnipeg by two men
wearing Ski masks. They were armed with a shot gun and a knife.
They got away with an undisclosed amount of cash and cigarettes.
Police had no trouble tracking down these robbers. The crime was
committed during a winter storm. The culprits were apprehended
when police were able to follow their foot prints in the snow.
The tracks led police from the store directly to the suspects
front door. Police were able to arrest them soon after the crime
took place. They each probably had time to take a couple of puffs
off of their stolen cigarettes. Who says crime doesn't pay!
"Con"-Testant #2
A man from Texas attempted to remove the dock door from a
warehouse loaded with computers. He attached a chain to the
bumper of his station wagon and hooked the other end to the door
on the dock. With the accelerator pressed to the floor he
attempted to pull the door off it's hinges. When a loud alarm
sounded, the man drove off and was quickly some distance away
from the warehouse. With no one to witness his unsuccessful
attempt,he knew he was free and clear and so returned home. When
he arrived, the police were there waiting for him.
Once the police confirmed the man's name, he was placed under
arrest for the attempted break-in. How did police track this man
down so fast? Simple. In the unsuccessful attempt, the car's
bumper came off. When police responded to the alarm, they found
the bumper and chain attached to the dock door of the warehouse.
Also, attached to the bumper was the license plate for the man's
car. A quick check with the DMV revealed the owner's name and
address. In his haste, this man was not aware that his bumper was
gone and that it would actually be a bizarre piece of evidence
used against him in a court of law.
"Con"-Testant #3
A man, with a gun, jumped into another man's car and demanded the
driver to go to an ATM and withdraw $500. The driver told the
hijacker that he did not have an ATM card (even though he did).
The hijacker believed his captive and then ordered him to drive
to a bank's drive-thru and withdraw $500. This time the captive
victim told the hijacker that he didn't have an account with any
bank in town and that he didn't have his check book with him.
Not knowing how dangerous or what the hijacker might do next, the
captive man made a deal with the hijacker. He gave the hijacker
$40 in cash and told the trusting dummy that he would go into the
bank and make arrangements for a money transfer from his bank. He
told the hijacker "If I don't come out within ten minutes, you
keep the $40 and my car." The hijacker agreed. The now released
captive went into the bank and explained everything to a bank
officer. The police were called and within minutes the dumb
hijacker was surrounded and then arrested.
In court, the hijacker testified that if it hadn't been for the
man he hijacked, he would be a free man today. He even had the
gumption to ask the judge to arrest the hijacked victim for going
back on their deal. The hijacker stated that "It's not fair, your
honor, that this man deceived me and that police were a willing
party to this miscarriage of justice."
This man was found guilty and was sentenced to a hefty prison
term.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Crime Doesn't Pay When You're Dumb!!
Even when a dumb criminal gets away with the crime, he can still
show his ignorance. Recently a man robbed a bank and was able to
make a clean escape.
During the robbery, this dumb crook demanded $100 bills only. When
he opened his bag containing the loot, he thought that he had been
tricked. All the bills looked like "play money" because they were
different looking. Not at all what he had expected! Instead of
investigating any further, this dummy throws all of the cash down
a storm drain.
The bills turned out to be the new $100 bills now in circulation.
If you've seen one you might agree that they look like "play
money." Old Ben Franklin appears to be off center and his picture
is some what larger than the older bills we all are accustom too.
However, I don't believe I would throw them away like this dummy
without finding out more. Most people, even if they haven't seen
the new bills, have heard about the difference and have probably
seen the newer lower denomination bills that also look like "play
money."
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Story Submissions
_________________________________________________________________
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Cop Humor: Just Another Lousy Cop!
Dear Mr./Mrs. Citizen
Well, I guess you have figured me out. I seem to fit neatly into
the category you place me in. I'm stereotyped, characterized,
standardized, classified, grouped, and always typical. I am the
lousy cop.
Unfortunately, the reverse isn't true. I can never figure you
out. From birth you teach your children that I am a person to
beware of. Then, you are shocked when they identify me with my
traditional enemy....the criminal.
You accuse me of coddling juveniles, until I catch your kid doing
something wrong.
You take an hour lunch, and several coffee breaks each day, then,
point me out as a loafer if you see me have just one cup.
You pride yourself on your polished manners, but think nothing of
interrupting my meals at noon with your troubles.
You raise hell about the guy who cuts you off in traffic, but, let
me catch you doing the same thing, and all of a sudden I am
picking on you.
You know ALL the traffic laws, but, never got one single ticket
you deserved.
You shout "Abuse of Authority" if you see me driving fast to an
emergency call, but raise 9 kinds of hell if I take more than 30
seconds responding to yours.
You call it "Part of my job" if someone hits me, but yell "Police
brutality" if I strike back.
You would never think of telling your dentist how to pull a badly
decayed tooth, or your doctor how to take out your appendix, but,
you are ALWAYS willing to give me pointers on how to be a police
officer.
You talk to me in a manner, and use language that would assure a
bloody nose from anyone else, but, you expect me to stand there
and take your verbal abuse without batting an eye.
You cry, "Something has to be done about crime", but you can't be
bothered to get involved.
You have no use for me what so ever, but of course, it's OK for
me to change a tire for your wife, or deliver your baby in the
back seat of my patrol car enroute to the hospital, or, save your
sons life with CPR and mouth to mouth resuscitation, or even
forsake time with MY family working long hours overtime trying to
find your lost daughter.
So, dear citizen, you stand there on your soapbox and rant and
rave about the way I do my job, calling me every name in the book,
but, never stop a minute to think that your property, your family,
and maybe your life might someday depend on one thing...... Me.
Respectfully,
A Lousy Cop
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Are You At Risk Of Being Assaulted, Burglarized Or Even Murdered!
Are you at risk of being shot, raped, stabbed, robbed, beaten,
burglarized or even murdered.
I found a number of "Rate Your Risk" tests that I felt you might
be interested in taking. They are provided through the Metro
Nashville Police Dept. by Police Captain Ken Pence. The three tests
are available at the following web sites.
Rate Your Risk Test #1
Your Risk of Serious Assault
Assault Risk
Rate Your Risk Test #2
Your Risk of Being Murdered
Murder Risk
Rate Your Risk Test #3
Your Risk of Burglary
Burglary Risk
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Joke: Please Officer, Let Me Explain!
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can
explain". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let
you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But
officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet!
You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on
his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his
daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the
groom."
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the
adults are out acting like teenagers."
Unknown Observer
"Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb
enough to work at your company."
Scott Adams
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my
nose."
Woody Allen
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public
office."
Aesop
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how
close they were to success when they gave up."
Thomas Alva Edison
How is it that we never have time to do a job right, but we
always have time to do it over?"
Anonymous
"Things are never so bad they can't be made worse."
Humphrey Bogart
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially
profitable to dispense it."
Dick Cavett
"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not
ask remains a fool forever."
Chinese Proverb
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TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE IS UNDER-QUALIFIED!
The 2000 Presidential Election will soon be here. Do you know if
your candidate is qualified. Here is a humorous look at how to
judge if your candidate is "Under-Qualified."
10. Promises to improve foreign relations with Hawaii.
9. Runs a series of attack ads against Martin Sheen's character on
"The West Wing."
8. His #1 choice to work on his cabinet is "That Bob Vila guy."
7. Outstanding record as Governor of Rhode Island nullified by the
fact that no one really cares.
6. Got his degree in Political Economics by bribing Sally Struthers
with a chocolate donut.
5. Anybody mentions Washington, he asks, "The state or the DC
thingie?"
4. At the debates, answers every question with a snarled, "You
wanna wrestle?!?"
3. Vows to put an end to the war in Pokemon and free the Pikachu
refugees once and for all.
2. Says the Pledge of Allegiance as quickly as possible, then
shouts, "I win!" ..
and the Number 1
Sign Your Presidential Candidate Is Under-Qualified..
1. On the very first question of the debate, he attempts to use
a LIFELINE.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In the state of Maryland, you could be fined $10 for wearing a
sleeveless shirt in any public park
Did you know it is or was against the law to take a shower
while naked in the state of Florida?
Nebraska considers it illegal to sleep in the nude while
staying in a motel or hotel.
I've heard of people losing their shirts in Las Vegas , but at
least you can't lose your teeth there. A Las Vegas law prohibits
anyone from pawning their dentures. I don't know about your real
teeth, but that shouldn't matter anyway. You won't get much for
them and removing them yourself might be too painful.
In Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, a police officer who suspects
that people are having sex in their car, is not allowed to
approach that car in the usual manner. Instead of walking up
to the car and knocking on the window, an officer is required
to pull his car behind that of the suspected couple, honk
his horn three times and then he must wait about two minutes
before he can get out of his car and approach the car of the
suspected occupants.
In Idaho Falls, Idaho, it is against the law to ride a
motorcycle if you happen to be 88 years of age or older.
A somewhat outdated law in Helena, Montana, requires a woman who
works as a dancer in a saloon to wear at least three pounds and
two ounces of clothing. The law specifically applies to women who
dance on the tables of the saloon.
They actually passed a law in New Jersey that strictly prohibits
horse racing on the New Jersey Turnpike.
I guess if you live in Collierville, North Dakota, you won't be
taking too many bathes in the winter time. An old law, which may
still be on the books, requires that all citizens keep their
bathtubs in the backyard. Watch out for those peeping Toms!
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
What U.S.A. President actually received less votes than his
opponent, but won the election because he had the most
electoral votes.
1) Abraham Lincoln
2) Benjamin Harrison
3) Andrew Jackson
4) Richard Nixon
5) Grover Cleveland
Correct answer (2) Benjamin Harrison defeated Grover Cleveland
by getting the most electoral votes. Cleveland received the most
U.S. citizen votes, but couldn't capture the necessary electoral
votes needed to win the election.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
On July, 5th, 1865, shortly after the U.S. Civil War, the Secret
Service was created as part of the Department of Treasury. What
was the purpose behind its original creation?
1) To protect the President of the United States and his family.
2) To suppress the alarmingly high circulation of counterfeit
currency.
3) To be the primary force behind collecting taxes for the
Treasury Department.
4) Equitable distribution of Federal money for the country's
reconstruction.
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Special Notice And Computer Virus Alert!
Special Notice: The Weekly Feature Presentation for the week
of Oct. 8th was not posted as promised due to a computer virus
that attacked my hard drive over the weekend. It was a rather
nasty virus that even infected my Norton Anti-Virus software.
My hard drive had to be reformatted and I lost nearly two years
worth of research data. The virus was so nasty that it wouldn't
let us download files, print files or load any kind of program
that could destroy the virus. We believe it was the Win 95 MTX
virus. This came through as an attachment, although I don't
remember opening one. Every E-mail that was sent out by me,
also was followed by an attachment. This was a worm virus,
and it has many aliases. Please save yourself allot of trouble
don't open any attachments, even those from friends can be
infected without their knowledge.
A new "Weekly Feature Presentation" will be posted on the
"Chronicles" website this Sunday. Once posted, you can look for
a description and link to this story in the main body copy of
the home page. This feature and all past weekly stories are
available by clicking on the "Weekly Features" area in the main
menu.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" website and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Feature Presentation
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Woman Leaves Work Early! Gets Big Payoff!
A woman wanted to leave work early one day and pleaded with her
boss to let her off. The boss agreed and the woman left a few
hours early. On her way home she was in a car accident. This
woman decides to blame her boss and brings a law suit against
him. Her case was based on the assumption that the accident would
not have happened if her boss had not agreed to let her off work
early. Bizarre as it may seem, instead of the case being thrown
out of the court, the judge ruled in this woman's favor. She won
the case and her boss had to pay her for the damages she claimed.
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More Powerful Than A Locomotive! Look It's Super Drunk!
A man from Minnesota was so drunk that he must have thought that
he was "Superman" or in his case "Super Drunk." He became highly
aggravated when the engineer of an oncoming freight train kept
blowing the train's horn. To show his protest, our "Super Drunk"
stands on the track and gives the engineer a finger gesture. The
engineer was unable to stop the train and hits this man while
traveling at an estimated speed of 50 miles per hour.As bizarre
as it may seem, this man actually survived his challenge against
the train. He received some very minor injuries.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:14:06
