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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 31
November 2,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 31st issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Suitcase Bandit Leaves Calling Card!
Joke: Smugglers Secret!
Now You Can Find Out Crime Statistics For Anywhere In U.S.A!
Joke: SHOPPING SPREE!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: Who's The Best!
Joke: Teacher In Court!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Editor's Note!
Man Claims His Brain Was Stolen!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
The drunk who tried to use his fist to rob a gas station. The
drunk was barely able to walk and became frustrated when the
clerk refused to turn over the money. The drunk even had the
clerk dial the police so they could assist him in his robbery
attempt.
"Con"-Testant #2
A man, sitting in a restaurant, receives a call on his cell
phone. With little thought or concern about what other patrons
might hear, he repeats the details and pick-up point for an
illegal drug deal. Detectives and drug enforcement officers
heard the details and 4 hours later were able to make a major
drug bust.
"Con"-Testant #3
Two men burglarized a Radio Shack. While in the store, they
clowned around and performed in front of a security camera.
Their antics were recorded. During their performance, they
left many clues to their identities, and this lead to their
eventual arrests.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 33 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 26 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 7 total votes.
This "Con"-Test wasn't quite as close as the previous one.
However, #2 held it's own for awhile. Personally I selected
#2 and lost again. My own record now stands at 4 wins and
6 loses, so I need a couple of wins in a row to get even.
I would again like to express my appreciation to those who
have continued to participate in this weekly feature. Some
of you may have experienced a problem trying to access the
"Chronicles" web site this past week. My server is in the
process of making some major changes to their system and
they are performing some major maintenance functions. There
have been a number of times in the past few days that the
"Chronicles" site has been down. We got a (404 site not found)
result and a number of you have also indicated the same result.
I don't know when all this technical work by our server will
end, so if you have problems voting, please use the e-mail
address given after the profiles for this weeks "Con-Testants.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves
"Bizarre's Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week, right before each new edition of the "Chronicles"
is released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating
in our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in
each new edition.
Here's This Week's "Con"-Test!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's version of "Bizarre's Dumbest Crook Of The
Week" Award?
Special Note: Once again all three "Con-Testants are favorites
from our archives. I felt that each of these notable characters
deserved to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
An Arkansas man stole a pickup truck parked in a shopping center.
He used the truck to load auto parts he stole from a warehouse.
After the burglary, he left the truck in a vacant parking lot.
When police found the truck, later that same day, they found the
thief's shirt in the back of the truck. It was around 100 degrees
that day and so the thief removed his shirt to be more
comfortable. In the shirt pocket, police found a credit card
receipt the man received when he paid for a meal he had at a
local restaurant. They also found the thief's master plan for
burglarizing the warehouse. It was all detailed on several sheets
of paper.
It didn't take police long to connect these two crimes together
and link them to our shirtless criminal. With the cooperation of
the credit card company, the thief's name and address were
disclosed and soon police arrested him at his home.
"Con"-Testant #2
A New Orleans, Louisiana man robbed a bank of several thousand
dollars. He used shaving cream as his disguise. Unable to see
clearly through his disguise, he crashed his face into a glass
door while trying to escape from the bank.
He did manage to exit the bank but didn't get far. Police had no
trouble tracking this fumbling and half dazed robber. He was
captured just minutes after the robbery. Half his face was still
covered with shaving cream. After his arrest, he told police he
used shaving cream as a disguise because he couldn't afford a
regular mask.
"Con"-Testant #3
Employees of a local factory decided to supplement their income
by becoming lunch time bank robbers. They entered a bank located
just one block from the factory where they worked. All three men
used hand guns in their robbery and silk stockings to mask their
identities.
However, these dumb criminals forgot to remove their factory ID
badges while they robbed the bank. They were arrested before
they ever had a chance to punch their time cards to return to
work.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Suitcase Bandit Leaves Calling Card!
A burglar in Louisiana was surprised by police while he was in
the process of burglarizing a home. He used a suitcase to carry
the stolen items. In his haste to escape he dropped the suitcase
and fled on foot. Police were not able to make an immediate
arrest.
However, the burglar left his calling card in the suitcase. It
was a court notice summonsing this outlaw to appear in court on a
previous burglary charge. Police had no trouble finding the crook
and making the arrest soon after.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Jokes
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Joke: Smugglers Secret!
Kelvin comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got
two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,
"What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Kelvin. The guard says,
"We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes
the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds
nothing in them but sand. He detains Kelvin overnight and has
the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but
pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Kelvin, puts the sand
into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him
cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have
you got?" "Sand," says Kelvin. The guard does his thorough
examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to Kelvin, and Kelvin crosses the border
on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for
three years. Finally, Kelvin doesn't show up one day and the
guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the
guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy.
It's all I think about... I can't sleep. Just between you and me,
what are you smuggling?"
Kelvin sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
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Now You Can Find Out Crime Statistics For Anywhere In U.S.A!
Want to find out how your community or state ranks in crime risk
with the rest of the United States?
Now you can get comprehensive crime stats that shows you the
crime risk versus the national average for any community. You can
search by state, by zip code and even right down to the block
group for your address. Find out the crime risk for anyplace in
the U.S.A for all of the following risk categories; total crime;
murder; personal crime; rape; assault; property crime; robbery;
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unemployment rate, education and occupation stats for anyplace in
the United States. Here is the url to access this
site.
Crime stats
I'm working on and researching the crime risk stats for other
countries and will present information when completed.
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Joke: SHOPPING SPREE!
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he
questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing
this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Doubt is most often the source of our powerlessness.
To doubt is to be faithless, to be without hope or
belief. When we doubt, our self-talk sounds like
this: 'I don't think I can. I don't think I will.'...
To doubt is to have faith in the worst possible
outcome. It is to believe in the perverseness of
the universe, that even if I do well, something I
don't know about will get in the way, sabotage me,
or get me in the end."
Blaine Lee
"Nobody grows old by merely living a number of
years. People grow old only by deserting their
ideals. Years wrinkle the face, but to give up
enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt,
self-interest, fear, despair -- these are the
long, long years that bow the head and turn
the growing spirit back to dust."
Watterson Lowe
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."
Jon Kabat-Zinn
"Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your
own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad
company."
George Washington
"A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one
can take from you."
Ramsey Clark
"A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives
the impression he just cleaned the whole house."
Unknown
"The college years are when your children and your
luggage both leave home - but the laundry comes
back to visit."
Robert Orben
"The brightest things you ever say are those you think about
the next day."
Arnold Glasow
"I'm convinced God put me here to accomplish a certain number
of things; right now, I'm so far behind I'll never die!"
Unknown
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Joke: Who's The Best!
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that
they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President
decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a
forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They
question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months
of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do
not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads
they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including
the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it
coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with
a badly beaten bear. The bear is crying, "Okay, okay! I'm a
rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
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Joke: Teacher In Court!
A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red
light. When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge
for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back
in class. The judge looked at her sternly and said:
''So you're a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong
ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write 'I
went through a stop sign. 'FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!''
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Here are a couple of Tennessee laws you might find interesting:
An outdated law in Lenoir City required that, when you came to a
stop sign, you must discharge your gun to warn approaching horse
carriages. I understand that, when this law was actually obeyed,
quite a few years ago, it caused a number of mishaps. Bullets
would stray and cause a lot of property damage as well as a few
instances where people, pets and livestock were injured. Plus,
there were run away horse carriages caused when the noise from the
gun shots frightened the horses.
At one time there was an actual law in Tennessee that permitted
anyone the right to pick-up and eat roadkill. The law was later
repealed. Yuk, I wonder why?
In Dyersburg, Tennessee women are prohibited by law from calling
a man on the phone for the purpose of asking for a date.
In New Jersey, anyone convicted of driving while intoxicated, is
permanently prohibited from applying for a personalized license
plate.
Also in New Jersey, it is an offense if you slurp your soup in
public.
I don't know how many times this law in Oklahoma was broken or
under what circumstance you would need to disobey this law, but
it is a law non the less. In essence, the law prohibits a farmer
from placing boots on the hind legs of any farm animal. I guess
this was a real problem at one time. Maybe lawmakers thought it
was offensive to a cow to wear a pair of boots that were perhaps
made from the hide of his brother or sister!
Fireworks stands, and the sale of fireworks in stores is permitted
in Pennsylvania. However, these outlets are prohibited from selling
the fireworks to anyone living in the state. Only people from out
of state may purchase fireworks in Pennsylvania.
South Dakota lawmakers passed a law that would prohibit anyone
from watching a movie that portrayed a police officer being abused,
beaten or struck. I don't think they have a constitutional leg to
stand on. I don't know if the law is still on the books or if it was
ever enforced.
Wisconsin is well known for it's cheese. There is a actual law that
prohibits restaurants in Wisconsin from serving apple pie without
cheese.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Did you know that one of the United States presidents grew
marijuana in his backyard? Can you select him from the
following list of presidents.
1) John Kennedy
2) Bill Clinton
3) Thomas Jefferson
4) George Washington
5) Abraham Lincoln
Correct answer (4) George Washington. He cut down more than
Cherry trees.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bixarre Police Chronicles
The shortest war in history that involved a major power, in which
there was an actual attack, took place back in 1896 between
Britain and Zanzibar. How long did that war last.
1) 6 days and 3 hours
2) 1 day and 6 hours
3) 38 minutes
4) 16 minutes
5) 6 minutes
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Editor's Note!
A new "Weekly Feature Presentation" will be posted on the
"Chronicles" website this Sunday. Once posted, you can look for
a description and link to this story in the main body copy of
the home page. This feature and all past weekly stories are
available by clicking on the "Weekly Features" area in the main
menu.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" website and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
_________________________________________________________________
Man Claims His Brain Was Stolen!
Police meet a lot of strange characters and witness a lot of
bizarre situations. Even with that in mind, police in Ohio were
astounded by a man who came into their station claiming that
his brain had been stolen. That would be strange enough, if it
weren't for the fact that the man had a wire measuring 8 or 9
inches in length protruding from his head. He wanted police to
help him find his brain and he thought that they would be able
to give him an X-ray to find out if it was still there.
When police approached this man, they soon discovered that he
had a hole in his skull that was 6 inches deep. Earlier, this
seemingly brainless man used a Black & Decker power drill to
create the hole. After the hole was made in the skull, the man
then inserted the long wire so he could probe for his brain.
Needless to say, this man was placed in custody and was
transported to a hospital to treat his head wound.After treatment
he was placed in a mental facility for observation.
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
Feel safe tonight ... Sleep with a cop.
Got a gun for my wife today. Best trade I ever made.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to
leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:24:02
