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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 32
November 9,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 32nd issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Friendliest Town In America!
Joke: What Are Friends For?!!
Police Stop Suspicious Armored Truck!
Joke: 3 In The Morning!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Joke: THE F.B.I. Will Get The Job Done!
Joke: On My Way To A Lecture!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Editor's Note!
Wrong Number Gets Man Arrested!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This Arkansas man stole a pickup truck and used it to burglarize
an auto parts warehouse. When police found the truck, they also
found the man's shirt. The shirt contained the man's master plan
for burglarizing the warehouse and a credit card receipt that
allowed police to track him down.
"Con"-Testant #2
This New Orleans man robbed a bank using shaving creame as his
disguise. Unable to see clearly through his disguise, he crashed
into a glass door trying to escape. Police easily caught up with
this fumbling and half dazed robber and made the arrest within a
matter of minutes.
"Con"-Testant #3
Three factory workers, on their lunch break, robbed a bank just
blocks from their work place.They used hand guns in their robbery
and silk stockings to conceal their identities. However, they
forgot to remove their factory ID badges while they robbed the
bank.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 2 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 8 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 34 total votes.
Voter turnout for this past week was on the light side, but still
not bad considering the connection problem with our server. Many
of you voted by e-mail. The big winners for this week were the
three factory workers who wore their ID badges when they robbed
the bank. For a change I picked the winner and moved my record to
5 wins and 6 loses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
Now you can vote for the "Con"-Testant who you think deserves
"Bizarre's Dumbest Crook Of The Week" Award. Cast your vote by
visiting the "Bizarre Police Chronicles" web site. After you
place your vote, you'll have the opportunity to see which
"Con"-Testant is winning.
Each weekly poll will end on Wednesday at midnight EDT. The new
polling booth for the next election will be installed on Thursday
of each week, right before each new edition of the "Chronicles"
is released. Make your vote count and have some fun participating
in our weekly poll. We'll post the previous week's results in
each new edition.
Here's This Week's "Con"-Test!
These really dumb criminals tried to get away with the following
crimes. They all blundered in some way in committing the crime or
trying to get away with that crime. Who would you pick as the
winner of this week's version of "Bizarre's Dumbest Crook Of The
Week" Award?
Special Note: Once again all three "Con-Testants are favorites
from our archives. I felt that each of these notable characters
deserved to be nominated as candidates in this week's election.
"Con"-Testant #1
This dim wit drove up to a bank's drive-thru lane and put his
stick-up note in the pneumatic tube. He then patiently waited
for his money to arrive. He was really surprised when police
approached his car to make the arrest, just minutes later.
"Con"-Testant #2
An Arkansas man decided to break into a liquor store. All he
really wanted was some liquor he saw displayed in the front
window. His plan was to throw a cinder block through the window,
quickly grab the liquor, and run.
Unfortunately, the window was made of Plexi-Glass. The block
bounced off the window and hit this would-be burglar on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Everything was recorded on the store's
video camera.
"Con"-Testant #3
A man claims that the stolen car he was driving belonged to
his father's best friend's uncle who borrowed the car from his
grandfather's boss.
According to this man, the owner of the car is out of town most of
the time and he loans his car to almost anyone in need and he
allows them to loan it out to anyone. This way the car always has
someone to take care of it.
It turned out that the car was owned by a teenager and had been
reported stolen from a school parking lot.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
If you run into any problems with the poll working you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Friendliest Town In America!
St.Peters, Missouri must consider itself one of the friendliest
towns in America. Clerks in a 711 convenience store, located in
this city, went out of their way to show their friendliness to a
man who had just robbed their store at gunpoint.
The robber couldn't start his get-away car and decided to call
the robbery off by going back into the store and returning the
money. The clerks then proceeded to go outside to the robber's
car and give him a jump start. Police were called, but the
would-be robber had made his escape after his car stated.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Jokes
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: What Are Friends For?!!
These two police officers were traveling through the upper
mid-west one February when it started to snow. The wind was
blowing and it was very cold.
One of the cops spotted a light on the hill next to the road and
said, "That looks like a farm up there, lets go up and see if we
can get out of this blizzard." The other one agrees and up the
hill they go. When they get to the farm they find a real nice
lady, explain to her that they are law enforcement officers, and
they ask if they can stay in the barn until the storm blows over.
The lady explains that she is a widow with this nice comfortable
3 bedroom house and it won't be necessary to stay in the barn
since they are police officers, as there is plenty of room in the
house. So the two cops settle in and the widow cooks up a nice
dinner and after watching some television everyone turns in.
The next morning they find the roads are clear and after a nice
big breakfast the two officers thank the widow for her hospitality
and depart.
About six months later one of the officers receives a registered
letter from a law firm in the state where they met the widow. He
calls his buddy and asks, "Do you remember the night we stayed
with that lady during the big blizzard?" "Sure," his buddy replied.
"Why?" "Did you sneak into her room, make love and give her my name
as yours?" "Well yes," his friend said, "but you are single and
sleeping around and I'm married, so I didn't think you would mind."
"Naw, thats fine," his buddy replied. "Just wanted you to know she
died and left me her farm, the house, and her bank account.
Thanks now I can quit the force!"
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Police Stop Suspicious Armored Truck!
Police caught up with an armored truck in Alberta, Canada, that
they belived was being robbed. The truck was swerving from one
side of the road and then to the other. What caused the greatest
concern was the action of one of the guards. The guard kept
swinging the rear door in a very erratic manner as if signaling
for help. Police were able to stop the armored truck and
investigate.
After speaking with the guards, it was revealed that one of them
was having gastric problems and was passing wind. The guard that
seemed to be signaling was merely swinging the door back and
forth in an attempt to eliminate the smell. The driver indicated
that he started swerving in order to get more air circulating
inside the truck.
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Joke: 3 In The Morning!
Having gone to his secretary's apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished
to wake up and find that it was three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!"
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone
and called his wife.
"Honey!" he began, "Don't call the cops and don't pay the ransom."
"I escaped!"
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in
life is to keep your mind young."
Henry Ford
"Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your
body starts falling apart."
Caryn Leschen
"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should
both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."
Unknown
"A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have
only one book, what would it be? I always say 'How To Build A
Boat.'"
Steven Wright
"There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we
ran out of oil here in the U.S.A. Well, here's the answer:
It's simple ... nobody bothered to check the oil. Didn't
know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that
is geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma,
and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C."
Unknown
"We are at our very best, and we are happiest,
when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on
the journey toward the goal we've established
for ourselves. It gives meaning to our time
off and comfort to our sleep. It makes everything
else in life so wonderful, so worthwhile."
Earl Nightingale
"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always
room temperature."
Unknown
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Joke: THE F.B.I. Will Get The Job Done!
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
the neighbors and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey,Clifford, did the
FBI come?"
"Yep."
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep."
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Joke: On My Way To A Lecture!
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he
was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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In Memphis, Tennessee panhandling is actually legal if you pay
the $10 fee for a permit.
There is an ordinance in Tampa Florida that prohibits anyone from
eating cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:oo PM.
A national law in Canada prohibits you from using all pennies to
pay for something that cost fifty cents.
In Wawa, Ontario, Canada it is against the law to show affection
toward someone else while in public on a Sunday.
In Somalia, Africa it is not unusual to carry chewing gum on the
tip of your nose. Because of this, there is an actual law that
makes it illegal to place old chewing gum on your nose. The gum
must be new. I don't have a clue as to what constitutes an old
piece of gum and what happens if you are guilty of wearing old
gum on your nose.
An old law created in 1917 in Wetaskiwin, Alberta prohibited
anyone from tying a male horse next to a female horse on
Main Street.
In the city limits of Flowery Branch, Georgia you can get fined
or arrested for yelling "Snake" in public.
A law adopted on October 6th of 1932 in Vera Cruz, Mexico
proclaimed that priests were banned from being citizens.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
The shortest war in history that involved a major power, in which
there was an actual attack, took place back in 1896 between
Britain and Zanzibar. How long did that war last.
1) 6 days and 3 hours
2) 1 day and 6 hours
3) 38 minutes
4) 16 minutes
5) 6 minutes
Correct Answer (3) 38 minutes.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Who was the first U.S. president to own an automobile.
1) Woodrow Wilson
2) William McKinley
3) William Taft
4) Theodore Roosevelt
5) Franklin Pierce
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Editor's Note!
A new "Weekly Feature Presentation" will be posted on the
"Chronicles" website this Sunday. Once posted, you can look for
a description and link to this story in the main body copy of
the home page. This feature and all past weekly stories are
available by clicking on the "Weekly Features" area in the main
menu. I did not post a "Featured Story" last Sunday due to the
server problem that kept the "Chronicles" web site offline.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" website and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
_________________________________________________________________
Wrong Number Gets Man Arrested!
A man in Aiken, SC. was new to the business of chopping up stolen
cars and then selling the parts. A common practice is to remove
the vehicle identification number from the engine and give it a
new number. On the engines from all the stolen cars that went
through his "Chop Shop," the original number was replaced with
just one unique number. This happen to be his own Social Security
number.
When police begin to investigate various cars that had unusual
VIN numbers,they discovered that many of them had the same number.
In fact, the number was set-up just like a Social Security number
with dashes and the correct number of digits. When detectives
checked the number out with the Social Security Administration,
they were able to make an arrest and shut down this man's illegal
operation.
When asked why he used his own Social Security number on all of
these engines, this man indicated that it was the easiest long
number for him to remenber. He now has an even easier number to
remenber: his prison ID number.
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
Women Like Simple Things In Life ... Men!
Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Worry, God knows all about you.
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is
like the IRS).
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:27:04
