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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 33
November 16,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 33rd issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's Semi-Finals!
Prankster Crashes Party!
Joke: Bessie the Mule!
Dogs Help Police Round-Up Fugitive!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Editor's Note!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This dim wit drove up to a bank's drive-thru lane and put his
stick-up note in the pneumatic tube. He then patiently waited
for his money to arrive. He was really surprised when police
approached his car to make the arrest, just minutes later.
"Con"-Testant #2
Arkansas man who tried to throw a cinder block through the window
of a liquor store, but was knocked out when the block bounced off
what turned out to be Plexi-Glass.
"Con"-Testant #3
Car thief tries to claim stolen car belonged to his father's uncle
who borrowed it from his grandfather's boss and that the owner
loans the car to anyone who needs it and will take care of it.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 23 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 22 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 3 total votes.
Once again we had major problems with our server. We can never
get a satisfactory answer as to why our site is down more than
it is up. All they can say is that they are updating and making
new changes and improvements to make their web services even
better. I haven't seen any improvements and my experience with
their service has shown them to be nothing but unreliable. I
have mirrored the site to a new server. So far everything looks
good. I haven't experienced any problems and the site has been
up 24/7. I will list the url for this new server below. I am
also listing the old server just in case you have a problem with
the new service. I don't anticipate a problem and I recommend
that you place your votes using the new server.
Even with the old server being down most of the week, the voter
participation was better than expected. Many of you sent your
votes in by e-mail. Some of you did manage to cast your vote at
the web site during the few times when the site was up. Thanks
to everyone who participated. I also want to apologize to those
who were unable to cast their votes.
The winner among the crooks profiled last week was #1. It was
a real battle between #1 and #2. To use a recently, often heard
phase, the "Con"-Test was "to close to call," but finally #1
edged out #2 by just 1 vote. My personal vote was for number #1.
That puts my record at 6 wins and 6 losses.
__________________________
This Week's Semi-Final "Con"-Testants:
Starting this week I am going to run a championship series.
Each "Con-Testant" is a previous winner. This week will
feature the first three weekly winners. Each of the subsequent
three weeks will also feature past winners. The winners from the
four week period will then be voted on to determine a champion.
Then I will go back to the regular contest. Once again, after
another twelve weeks, I will run another series to determine a
new champion. I am even planning on having a series of champions
for you to vote on.
I hope you will participate in this week's semi-finals. It should
turn out to be an interesting and very close race. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's semi-finals will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's semi-finalist
"Con"-Testants!
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
This crook won our first "Con"-Test. He was profiled in issue
#21. Here is his profile.
A man robbed a bank in Iowa and his get-away was fast and clean.
However, he became obsessed with the female teller who handed
over the money. For some reason he thought the teller was
flirting with him while he robbed the bank, so in his strange
and dumb mind he thought that the teller had a thing for him and
that romance was in the future.
Several days after the robbery, he decided to call the teller and
ask her out on a date. He remembered her name from her ID tag and
so he called the bank specifically asking to speak to the young
teller. He didn't hesitate to explain to the teller, when she
answered the phone, that he was the cute guy that robbed the bank
the other day.
The teller was able to keep the "lover-boy" on the phone long
enough for police to make a successful arrest. In fact, the teller
had a hard time getting this guy to stop talking. Police arrested
our "Con"-Testant #1 at his home. Yes! He was even dumb enough to
call from his own house.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This crook was a big winner. He was profiled in issue #22. He
received 79% of that week's votes. Here is his profile.
A man walked up to a counter in a convenience store with robbery
on the mind. When he reached into his pocket to get his gun he
realized he had left it in the car. So instead, he grabbed the
clerk by his shirt and threatened him with a pocket knife. He
demanded and received the money from the cash register.
As the crook ran toward the door to make his escape, he fell down
on his knife. Witnesses saw him running out of the store with the
knife in his upper arm. They also indicated that the robber tried
to get into his car, but that he had left it locked and running.
The robber found a large stone and busted out his window and
proceeded to drive off only to have his car stall out.
At that point the robber exited the car with the bag of money in
one hand and the gun in the other. He proceeded to walk toward
witnesses with the idea of trying to steal a car to make his
escape. But, within moments after getting out of his own car he
heard sirens and saw a police car coming around the corner. He
then decided to make his escape on foot. In his run for freedom,
he entered the back door of a building behind the convenience
store. It turned out the building was the police station. Police
were surprised as the robber entered the station with a gun in
one hand a bag in the other and a knife stuck in one arm. Police
immediately apprehended this man. He was rushed to the hospital
with a police guard and later booked for his crime.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This crook was another big winner. He was profiled in issue #23.
He received 70% of that week's votes. Here is his profile.
A man forged a stolen payroll check and tried to cash it at one
of those cash checking services. He also had the driver's
license of the person the check belonged to and used this as
ID. First mistake was that the picture on the license didn't
match the thief's appearance. Second mistake was that the
payroll check was for an employ of the cash checking service.
The biggest mistake... the stolen check and driver's license
belonged to the clerk handling the transaction! The man came
right up to the counter of the clerk who's name badge matched
the name on the license and check, but this dummy never
caught-on. He didn't even notice that the picture on the
driver's license looked exactly like the clerk. All he knew was
that he had burglarized a car parked at a grocery store, close
to the check cashing service, the day before. He got away with
the clerk's wallet which had a few dollars in cash, a couple of
credit cards, the driver's license and of course the payroll
check.
Since the check cashing service provided their own security, the
man was immediately put under house arrest until police arrived.
He received a one year jail sentence for his ignorance.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Prankster Crashes Party!
As a party prank, a man attempted to blowup an aquarium. He
attached a battery to a blasting cap and proceeded to trigger
the device. It wouldn't go off. Another man, trying to be the
life of the party, said that he could make it go off. He then
put the blasting cap in his mouth and bit down. He was right!
He did trigger the explosion. However, the explosion occurred
in his mouth. The explosion was so powerful that it blew off
his lips, tongue, and teeth. This man brought new meaning to
the expression "crashing the party."
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Jokes
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: Bessie the Mule!
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious
enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident
to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was
questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine!'?," questioned the lawyer. Farmer Joe
responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded
my favorite mule Bessie into the......." "I didn't ask for any
details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did
you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!" Farmer Joe
said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said,
"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of
the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene
that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is
trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him
to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly
interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd
like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had
just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was
driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer
ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was
thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was
hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole
Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just
by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came
on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went
over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot
her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with
his gun in his hand and looked down at me. He said, "Your mule was
in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?" Now,
after what he'd done to my mule, do you think I was going to tell
him the truth?
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Dogs Help Police Round-Up Fugitive!
A Georgia police officer stopped a man who's car was weaving on
and off the highway. Suspecting that the man was in possession of
contraband, drugs or alcohol, the officer asked the driver for
permission to search the vehicle. The man gave his permission,
but knew that the officer would soon find a firearm and also
discover the fact that he was driving with a revoked license.
As the officer searched the vehicle, the man started to run. Then
out of nowhere, a small black and white dog joined the officer in
the chase. In fact, the dog chased the man into some bushes and
forced the fugitive to jump over a fence. It's almost like the
little dog knew where to chase the man, because, as it turned out,
the fence that the man jumped was a dog pen occupied by a very
large Rottweiller. The fugitive climbed back over to the other side
of the dog pen barely escaping the Rottweiller's jaws. However, on
the other side of the pen was still another dog waiting to complete
the roundup. It turned out to be what the fugitive described as a
"big old brown dog."
By the time other officers got involved in the chase, the dogs had
completed their roundup and had the man cornered and ready to
give-up. He was arrested for driving with a revoked license, illegal
possession of a firearm, and obstructing an officer from performing
his duty.
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"If you ever get your tongue stuck to a flagpole,
the best way to handle the situation is to take
off all your clothes. Then people will say,
'Hey, look at the naked guy!' instead of, 'Hey,
look at the idiot with his tongue stuck to a
pole!'."
Craig Stacey
"If all men knew what others say of them, there
would not be four friends in the world."
Blaise Pascal
"If you want to see the sun shine, you have to
weather the storm."
Frank Lane
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."
Henry Kissinger
"There is nothing so strong as gentleness, and
there is nothing so gentle as real strength."
St. Francis de Sales
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging
on after others have let go."
William Feather
_________________________________________________________________
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For CD's, movies, and books visit:
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For Great automotive electronics online visit:
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_________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!
Cartoon #1
Checkout this misbehaving computer!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
Ever have trouble trying to get your spouse or a son or daughter to
get off the computer and go to bed? Well, this cartoon may give you
the solution. At least it's guaranteed to get their attention!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Definitely not a morning cat!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
This little fellow is tempting fate. Check out this cartoon titled
"Doggie Living Dangerously."
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
You may never eat chicken again after you see these poor disabled
creatures!
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In Memphis Tennessee they have a strict ordinance for anyone
eating pie in a diner. Giving any of your pie to someone else
in the diner is prohibited. Also, pies must be eaten in the
diner. You can not leave the diner with left overs.
Chickens in Key West Florida have been declared "protected
species." They have some of the same protections of "endangered
species."
In Russia, a couple that lives together for two years is
considered married. Russia recognizes it as a citizen marriage.
It is illegal for stores in Providence, Rhode Island to sell tooth
brushes on Sunday! However, they can sell mouthwash and toothpaste
on Sunday!
Did you know that there is a federal law in the United States that
makes it illegal to recycle used eyeglasses?
Prior to 1547, British law punished criminals by boiling them to
death.
There was an ordinance in Boston, in 1845, that required a person to get
a doctor's prescription to take a bath.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Who was the first U.S. president to own an automobile.
1) Woodrow Wilson
2) William McKinley
3) William Taft
4) Theodore Roosevelt
5) Franklin Pierce
Correct answer (3) William Taft.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Name the city that became the first capital of the United
States in 1785.
1) Philadelphia
2) Boston
3) Baltimore
4) New York
5) Lexington
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Editor's Note!
A new "Weekly Feature Presentation" will be posted on the
"Chronicles" web site this Sunday. Once posted, you can look for
a description and link to this story in the main body copy of
the home page. This feature and all past weekly stories are
available by clicking on the "Weekly Features" area in the main
menu. I did not post a "Featured Story" last Sunday due to the
server problem that kept the "Chronicles" web site offline.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" web site and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Here are the top 5 "Funny Pics" of the week!
Funny Pic. #1
Hands? Who needs hands?
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #2
You've seen the computer command "press any key." Ever wonder what key
is the best one to press? This picture gives you the answer.
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #3
Conflicting signs. I think I'm confused!
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #4
Evolution gone nuts! This is my personal pick of the week.
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #5
Car for sale! Owner doesn't drive much.
Funny Pic of the day
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
If money could talk, it would say good-bye.
I is a college student.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
Since the discovery of elastic, women take up one third less space
If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:28:57
