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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 34
November 24,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 34th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Special note: Last week I had to publish the "Chronicles" on
Friday November 17th instead of Thursday. This was due too
technical problems experienced by our list server at topica.com.
I am publishing this week's issue on Friday instead of Thursday.
My staff and I took Thursday off to be with our families for the
Thanksgiving Day holiday here in the United States.
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's Semi-Finals!
First Impressions Could Get You Arrested!
Joke: Scrambled Eggs!
Joke: Lawyer Asserts His True Heritage!
Mysterious Odor Leads To Man's Death!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Editor's Note!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Cute "Lover Boy" obsessed with bank teller!
"Con"-Testant #2
Robber who forgot his gun, stabbed himself, locked his keys in
the get-away car and ends up trying to escape by entering the
police station!
"Con"-Testant #3
Man who stole payroll check and tried to get it
cashed by the person it was stolen from!
"Con"-Testant #1 received 23 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 32 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 16 total votes.
Voter participation in last week's first semi-finals "Con"-Test
was very good. I appreciate the interest. This week will continue
the semi-finals with 3 more previous weekly winners.
Last week's "Con"-Test was close between #1 and #2. The final
count gave #2 the edge and the victory. That means that #2
will compete in the championship round after the next two
winners have been declared. My personal pick for the week was
number 2. So my record is now 7 wins and 6 losses.
__________________________
This Week's Semi-Final "Con"-Testants:
This week continues the semi-finals. The three "Con"-Testants
profiled below were previous winners. The next two weeks will
also feature and profile previous weekly winners. The winners
from the four week period will then be voted on to determine a
champion. Then I will go back to the regular contest.Once again,
after another twelve weeks, I will run another series to
determine a new champion. I am even planning on having a series
of champions for you to vote on.
I hope you will participate in this week's semi-finals. It
should turn out to be an interesting and very close race. If you
are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions
listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's semi-finals will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's semi-finalist
"Con"-Testants!
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
This crook was profiled in issue #24. He won that week's
"Con"-Test by getting 48% of the votes. Here is his profile
once again.
A man tried to rob a bank. As a disguise, he wore a paper sack
over his head. The sack was secured by a rope around his neck.
Only very small peep holes were cut out so he could see. Armed
with a shotgun, the robber told the teller to start emptying the
tills and he commanded everyone else to drop to the floor or he
would start shooting.
Everyone in the bank complied with the armed robber's command.
Then suddenly, as the robber moved closer to the tellers window,
he began to wobble and walk erratically. Seconds later, the armed
robber fell to the floor. He dropped his shotgun. It appeared
that he was not moving, so a security officer picked up the gun
and told the robber he was under arrest. It was apparent that
there was something wrong with the robber. The security officer
and a customer in the bank, with medical experience, tried to
remove the mask. They had difficulty getting the rope untied from
around the man's neck and so had to rip the sack. The man's face
had turned blue. With the combination of the rope being to tight
and the sack not providing enough ventilation, the robber had
passed out. He was actually suffocating. Once the sack had been
removed the robber began to regain consciousness.
911 was called and an ambulance was dispatched to take the
robber to the hospital. The robber arrived at the hospital under
police custody. He later was charged and convicted of the
attempted armed robbery.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This couple was profiled in issue #25 and got 58% of that week's
vote. Here is their profile once again.
A man and woman robbed a convenience store. While the man
emptied the contents of the cash register into a knapsack, his
girlfriend carried on a conversation with the clerk. While
standing at the counter she saw a promotional display for a
prize contest. Not wanting to lose an opportunity to cash in
further, her greed got the best of her. She filled out all the
info required including her name, address and phone number.
Well, to say the least, she got an almost immediate response
to her contest entry. Within one hour after the robbery, both
her and her boyfriend were arrested by police. The info she
provided on the entry form was enough for police to come
knocking on the couples door to make the arrest. I guess you
could call them the prize patrol!!
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This drug dealer was profiled in issue #26. He won that week's
"Con-Test. Here is his profile again.
This is a bizarre, yet true story about a drug dealer who went
to the police station complaining that he had been ripped-off
in his last drug deal! He actually went to his local police
precinct to complain that his supplier ripped him off for two
pounds of marijuana. He was suppose to get ten pounds, but got
only eight. He told police he was tired of getting ripped-off
by all his suppliers and was ready to turn states evidence
against each of them. He was sure that by declaring his intent
to turn states evidence, he would be able to stay out of trouble.
After making his complaint and the declaration to turn states
evidence, he also turned in the eight pounds of marijuana along
with a list revealing the names and addresses of all of his
supply sources. What a great day for the drug enforcement
division! They were able to arrest ten drug dealers including
a wholesaler they were trying to catch for some time.
The district attorney did allow the man to turn states evidence
so he could testify in court against the other dealers. However,
he still ended up going to prison. He refused to let a lawyer
handle his plea bargain with the district attorney. According to
the district attorney, this man probably would have received
no prison term and a couple years probation. The man had a great
dislike for lawyers and decided to handle his own negotiations
with the district attorney. Since the district attorney was also
a lawyer, the negotiations did not go well to say the least. He
threatened the district attorney's office and displayed his
dislike for it's attorneys by his aggressive behavior. Even
though the man had turned states evidence, he still was charged
with possession with intent to sell. He got a reduced sentence
because of his cooperation, yet because of his dislike for
lawyers he ended with a two year sentence. He is serving time
in the same prison with the ten other drug dealers he turned in.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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First Impressions Could Get You Arrested!
In Grove Hill, Alabama a woman reported that her car had been
rammed from behind by a pick-up truck. The driver of the truck
left the scene of the accident immediately after the accident
occurred.
The woman didn't have much she could tell police about the
pick-up truck. However, the truck left it's own set of clues as
to it's identity and that of the driver. Upon closer inspection
of the rear bumper of the victim's car, and to everyone's surprise,
the pick-up truck left a perfect impression of it's license plate
number. Part of the impression included the words 'U.S.
Government'.
The next step in the investigation would be to check 'Division of
Motor Vehicles' to determine who the driver was. However, even
that was not necessary. The pick-up truck had sustained damage to
it's radiator. Beginning at the rear of the victim's car was a
trail of anti-freeze that police were able to follow on the
highway for nearly ten miles. The trail indicated that the driver
was driving somewhat erratic. The trail would run on and off the
road and even cross lanes. Police finally came to the end of the
trail when they found the pick-up by the side of the road. It's
driver was still nearby, but was so intoxicated that he barely
knew where he was.
He was a U.S. Government employ who was drinking on the job. He
knew he would get fired if he stopped to make an accident report.
He also knew that he was too drunk to pass a sobriety test. He
ended up getting arrested and charged for leaving the scene of an
accident and D.U.I.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Joke: Scrambled Eggs!
Two police officers were standing outside their favorite eatery
when they see a sign in the window that read "Unique Breakfast"
so they walked in and sat down. The waitress brought them their
regular coffee and donut breakfast and asked them if they would
like anything else to eat.
"What's your Unique Breakfast Sally?" asked one of the officers
inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied.
"Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you
have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider
eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just
bring me some scrambled eggs," the officer replied.
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Joke: Lawyer Asserts His True Heritage!
A car was involved in a pedestrian accident. As expected, a large
crowd gathered. An enterprising lawyer, anxious to sign a new
client, had difficulty getting near the car. Being a clever sort,
he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am
the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Mysterious Odor Leads To Man's Death!
Rescuers were called to an apartment in response to a neighbors
alert concerning the man living next door. The neighbor indicated
that he had entered the man's apartment after knocking numerous
times. The neighbor and the man had planned a fishing trip and
were going to leave that morning. When the neighbor entered the
apartment, he immediately smelled a terrible odor. The odor was
so bad that the neighbor became nauseated, but he still managed
to search the apartment for his friend. He found his friend still
in bed. He was cold and lifeless, so the neighbor called 911.
Rescuers were unable to help this man. He was already dead. He
had evidently died in his sleep several hours before his neighbor
entered the apartment. Rescuers could only speculate that a
poisonous gas, which caused the terrible odor, was what caused
this man's death. The bedroom was nearly airtight. The door had
been closed and all the windows were shut. Methane gas was the
suspected killer.
Even rescuers became sick from the poisonous gas. Two of them had
to be carried out of the apartment and the other was rushed to the
hospital, but later released.
An autopsy revealed a large amount of methane gas in this man's
body. It was believed that the man was passing voluminous amounts
of methane gas while he was asleep. It was later discovered that
this man's diet consisted mostly of beans and cabbage. The man was
rather heavy and was well known for his ability to pass gas. He
could break-up a crowd within seconds. On the night of his death he
had just the right combination of food to create enough methane to
make it deadly. If the bedroom door had been left open or a window
cracked, this man probably would have survived.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Those who cast the votes decide nothing.
Those who count the votes decide everything."
Joseph Stalin
"The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored,
because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing."
Author Unknown
"I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs
with me."
Author Unknown
"When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly,
given in its place."
C.S. Lewis
"I am thankful for small mercies. I compared notes with one of my
friends who expects everything of the universe, and is disappointed
when anything is less than the best, and I found that I begin at the
other extreme, expecting nothing, and am always full of thanks for
moderate goods."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."
Stanislaus Lezczynski
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_________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!
Cartoon #1
Next time you jump into a lake, look before you leap, or you
could suffer the pain and agony this poor fellow is about to
experience.
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
Aliens on a vacation trying to catch a tan.
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Bill Clinton's baby picture.
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Blond checkout girl just doing her job!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
Which one's the hacker?
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
There are a number of states in America where you could get
arrested for dancing to the "Star Spangled Banner."
For hundreds of years, Chinese law guarded the secret of
sericulture (the art of making silk). Anyone disclosing the
secrets of this sacred art were put to death by extreme
torture. The art could be passed down to heirs, but not to
anyone else, especially someone from another country.
Although the law does not exist today, the Chinese government
still frowns down on disclosure of this ancient art to anyone
outside of the Chinese culture.
An ancient law in Egypt made criminals out of the wives and
children of any man convicted of a crime. The man would go to
prison or was executed, depending on his crime, and his wife
and children would become slaves.
The country of Burma has an anti-modem law that prohibits the
possession of a modem for the purpose of connecting to the
Internet. A violator can be sentenced to a long prison term.
Florida law prohibits patrons in a beauty salon from falling
asleep while under a hair dryer. Violators and the salon's owner
can be fined.
Tennessee has a law that forbids anyone from driving while asleep.
_________________________________________________________________
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Name the city that became the first capital of the United
States in 1785.
1) Philadelphia
2) Boston
3) Baltimore
4) New York
5) Lexington
Correct answer (4) New York
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Name the first state to allow women to vote in the United States!
1) Texas
2) California
3) New York
4) Wyoming
5) Florida
_________________________________________________________________
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Editor's Note!
A new "Weekly Feature Presentation" will be posted on the
"Chronicles" web site this Sunday. Once posted, you can look for
a description and link to this story in the main body copy of
the home page. This feature and all past weekly stories are
available by clicking on the "Weekly Features" area in the main
menu. Lately, due to problems with our old web site server and
last week with problems our list server was having, I have not
posted weekly features as planned. Hopefully this week will be
different and I will once again post a new story. Be looking
for it next week. It should be posted this Sunday. Probably late
evening.
Remember! These Feature stories are extras and will not run in
the newsletter. So if you want a few more extras, go to the
"Chronicles" web site and find the listing for The Weekly Feature
Presentation at:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Here are the top 5 "Funny Pics" of the week!
Funny Pic. #1
Face to face as Mother Nature intended!
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #2
Bad day for fishing at the lake.
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic #3
Get your iron out. These two friends are all wrinkled-up!
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic #4
If you think this man is ready for marriage, check his shoes for
the answer.
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic #5
Trade : Kitty or Man
Funny Pic of the day
_________________________________________________________________
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
It's easy to save face. Just keep the lower half of it shut
Love may be blind but marriage is an optometrist
Give Blood Play Hockey
Car will explode upon impact
Don't make me Mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies
I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Sunday, October 21, 2001 20:44:27
