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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 35
November 30,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 35th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's Semi-Finals!
Robber Loses Pants In Painful Explosion!
Joke: Monkey Trouble!
The Skillful Dim Wit!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Lawyer Joke: Unusual Defense!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Man who robbed a bank and used a paper sack tied with rope as a
disguise. The man nearly died from suffocation because the rope
was to tight and the sack had no breathing holes.
"Con"-Testant #2
The woman who helped her boyfriend rob a convenience store. While
her boyfriend emptied the cash register, she filled out a contest
entry form with her name, address, and phone number. Police used
this info to make the arrest.
"Con"-Testant #3
This drug dealer turned in eight pounds of marijuana and a list
of his suppliers because he was tired of being ripped off. He
declared that he was turning states evidence and expected to stay
out of jail because of his cooperation. However, because of his
aggressive behavior and threats against the District Attorney's
Office, he ended up serving a two year sentence in the same prison
with the ten drug dealers he turned in.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 21 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 40 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 16 total votes.
We almost had a record turnout this past week for votes cast.
Thanks for the support. This week will continue the semi-finals
with 3 more previous weekly winners.
The final count for last weeks "Con"-Test gave #2 the victory and
an entry into the championship series. Number 1 finished second
in the voting, trailing #2 by 19 votes. This week had a majority
winner. My personal pick was for the winner, so my own record
stands at 8 wins and 6 losses.
__________________________
This Week's Semi-Final "Con"-Testants:
This week continues the semi-finals. The three "Con"-Testants
profiled below were previous winners. Next week will also feature
and profile previous weekly winners. The winners from the four
week period will then be voted on to determine a champion. Then I
will go back to the regular contest. Once again, after another
twelve weeks, I will run another series to determine a new
champion. I am even planning on having a series of champions for
you to vote on.
I hope you will participate in this week's semi-finals. It
should turn out to be an interesting and very close race. If you
are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions
listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's semi-finals will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's semi-finalist
"Con"-Testants!
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
These two robbers were profiled in Issue #27. They received 49%
of that week's vote and were that week's winning combination.
Here is their profile once again.
Two men robbed a convenience store in a small Michigan suburb.
On their way out of the store they ran into each other. One
man's gun discharged and the bullet struck the other man in the
leg. The uninjured robber asked the store clerk to call 911 and
started out the door.
Mad about what had happened and the fact that his partner in
crime was leaving him behind, the injured robber shot his
partner in the leg. Both men were rushed to the hospital. Both
survived their injuries.
They were charged with armed robbery and a host of other felony
charges related to the shooting incident. The total sum of the
cash they got in the robbery was less than $50. But, because it
was armed robbery and shots were actually fired causing injury
to each man, they received very long prison terms.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This crook was one of our biggest winners. He was profiled in
Issue #28. He won that week's "Con-Test by getting a staggering
80% of the vote. Here is his profile again.
A man, with a gun, jumped into another man's car and demanded the
driver to go to an ATM and withdraw $500. The driver told the
hijacker that he did not have an ATM card (even though he did).
The hijacker believed his captive and then ordered him to drive
to a bank's drive-thru and withdraw $500. This time the captive
victim told the hijacker that he didn't have an account with any
bank in town and that he didn't have his check book with him.
Not knowing how dangerous or what the hijacker might do next, the
captive man made a deal with the hijacker. He gave the hijacker
$40 in cash and told the trusting dummy that he would go into the
bank and make arrangements for a money transfer from his bank. He
told the hijacker "If I don't come out within ten minutes, you
keep the $40 and my car." The hijacker agreed. The now released
captive went into the bank and explained everything to a bank
officer. The police were called and within minutes the dumb
hijacker was surrounded and then arrested.
In court, the hijacker testified that if it hadn't been for the
man he hijacked, he would be a free man today. He even had the
gumption to ask the judge to arrest the hijacked victim for going
back on their deal. The hijacker stated that "It's not fair, your
honor, that this man deceived me and that police were a willing
party to this miscarriage of justice."
This man was found guilty and was sentenced to a hefty prison
term.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This semi-finalist was profiled in Issue #29. He was in one of
our closest races for the title of "Dumbest Crook of the Week."
The week he won, the runner-up lost by only 2 votes and the third
place "Con-Testant lost by only 5 votes. Here is this dumb crooks
profile once again.
A Longview, Texas woman came into the police station to report
that her car and cellular phone had been stolen. After giving the
details to the police, an officer called the cell phone number.To
the woman's surprise, she heard the distinctive ring of her phone
coming from a group of people standing in line to pay their
parking tickets. What's even more bizarre? The dumb criminal
answered the phone and was immediately arrested.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Robber Loses Pants In Painful Explosion!
A man, who robbed a bank in Virginia Beach, may have escaped with
the money, but he lost his pants and perhaps a little skin in the
process. Witnesses indicated that the robber stuffed the bag,
containing the bank's money, down the front of his pants as he
ran for the front door. A small explosive noise was heard and the
next thing witnesses saw was a pants less robber jumping around in
a bit of pain. What the robber didn't know, before placing the
bag down in his pants, was that the bag contained a dye pack
which explodes when opened or tampered with.
The robber was seen running across the bank parking lot in just
his underwear. He was still holding on to the money in one hand
and grasping inside his underwear with the other hand. Despite
the explosion, the robber managed to make his escape. The only
physical clue the police were able to obtain was the very
charred pants once worn by this very surprised robber.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Joke: Monkey Trouble!
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and
passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the
brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down
at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and
down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up
by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his
mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking and smoking
before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey.
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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The Skillful Dim Wit!
A man from Weirton, West Virginia was good at one thing. In fact
he was very skilled at his professional endeavor. He was an
excellent counterfeiter of paper money. He could create bills
that were almost perfect reproductions of the real thing.
However, that skill was obviously the only thing this man had
going for him. He certainly had no idea of how to get his fake
money into circulation. Most counterfeiters distribute their
phony money in different locations. Never a large sum spent in
one place at a time.
This dim wit printed up over $10,000 in counterfeit bills and
went to his local bank to make a deposit into his own account.
He arrived at the bank carrying the money in a paper bag. The
bills all appeared to be brand new. The same kind of bills a bank
usually gives it's customers and not the other way around. This
immediately caused the teller to become very suspicious. When she
examined the bills more closely, she discovered that the bills
all had the same serial number.
Police were alerted and the man was arrested.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons:
inspiration or desperation."
Jim Rohn
"A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose
all your keys at once."
Unknown
"It is easier to visit friends than to live with them."
Chinese proverb
"Life isn't supposed to be an all or nothing battle between
misery and bliss. Life isn't supposed to be a battle at all.
And when it comes to happiness, well, sometimes life is just
okay, sometimes it's comfortable, sometimes wonderful,
sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day's not
perfect, it's not a failure or a terrible loss. It's just
another day."
Barbara Sher
"No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back."
Turkish proverb
"If you don't have time to do it right the first time; when will you
find time to do it over!"
Unknown
"If aliens existed, and they had technology far in
advance of our own, why would they be able to
travel millions of light years across the universe
unharmed, and then crash?
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!
Cartoon #1
This toon shows you why you don't have to be an expert to know
whether your computer has a virus or a worm!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
When you have an itch you have to scratch!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Check out these dumb bank robbers!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Poor, Poor Lost Puppy....
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
TV addiction...
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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At one time it was perfectly legal, in Arkansas, for a man to
beat his wife. In fact, there was a specific law that stated
the man's right to beat his wife, but it forbid him from
beating her more than once a month. The law was later removed
from the books.
Drivers of a motor vehicle are forbidden, by law, from passing a
horse that is being ridden on any street in Indiana.
Back in the good old days it was considered a privilege for a
man to wear a goatee. Many towns in the state of Massachusetts
decided to capitalize on the popular trend by passing an
ordinance that forbid anyone from wearing a goatee, in public,
unless they paid a fee for a special license. Violators could go
to jail or receive a fine larger than the license fee.
A very bizarre law, that makes no sense, was passed a number of
years ago in Minnesota. The law prohibited anyone from crossing
over the state line with a duck on top of their head.
In Ohio, a woman is prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes
while in public.
In Utah, you could be breaking the law if you don't drink milk.
Everyone living in Utah must drink a quantity of milk as set
forth by law.
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Name the first state to allow women to vote in the United States!
1) Texas
2) California
3) New York
4) Wyoming
5) Florida
Correct answer (4) Wyoming
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Who was responsible for proclaiming Thanksgiving as
a national U.S. holiday?
1) James Buchananan
2) Abraham Lincoln
3) Thomas Jefferson
4) Jefferson Davis
5) Rutherford B Hays
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Lawyer Joke: Unusual Defense!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative
defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and
removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I
fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an
offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's
imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The
defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Here are the top 5 "Funny Pics" of the week!
Funny Pic. #1
Today on Springer: Secret love!
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #2
Bad to the bone. Babababa Bad
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #3
Do like the man says...
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #4
Santa meets Plane. Plane wins.
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #5
The ultimate chopstick tool...
Funny Pic of the day
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat
I'm trying to daydream, but my mind keeps wandering
Instead of loving your enemies treat your friends a little better
I'm not as think as you drunk I am
Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
Honk if you love peace and quiet
Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 06:52:07
