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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 36
December 07,2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 36th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's Semi-Finals!
Bingo! You Are Under Arrest!
Joke: Granny Get Your Gun!
Crack Dealer Versus Real Cops!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: The Juggler!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Results And Winner:
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Two men robbed a convenience store. As they start to make their
escape, one robber's gun goes off by accident and wounds the
other robber in the leg. That wounded robber then shoots his
partner in the leg and wounds him. For all their trouble the
total sum they got from the robbery was only $50.
"Con"-Testant #2
The man who hijacked a car and took its driver captive. The
hijacker was dumb enough to accept a deal that allowed the
driver to go into a bank to arrange a money transfer. While the
hijacker waited for the driver to return with the money, the
police were called and the hijacker was arrested.
"Con"-Testant #3
Dumb criminal who stole a car and cellular phone. When police
called the cell phone, the criminal answered. He was at the
police station paying a parking ticket at that time. The woman
who reported that her car and phone had been stolen was also at
the station giving her report. She recognized the distinctive
ring of her phone coming from the group of people paying their
tickets.
The dumb criminal was immediately arrested.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 16 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 65 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 10 total votes.
We had a record turnout this past week for votes cast. Thanks
to everyone who participated. This week will conclude the
semi-finals with 3 more previous weekly winners for you to
vote on. Next week will be your championship finals. You'll
get to select the dumbest of the dumb from the winning semi-
finalist candidates chosen over the past three weeks along with
this weeks eventual winner.
The final count for last weeks "Con"-Test gave #2 the victory and
an entry into the championship finals. Number 1 finished second
in the voting, trailing #2 by 49 votes. This week had a majority
winner. My personal pick was for the winner, so my own record
stands at 9 wins and 6 losses.
__________________________
This Week's Semi-Final "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's semi-finals will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's semi-finalist
"Con"-Testants!
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
This drunken crook was profiled in week #30. He won that week
by 7 votes. Here is his complete profile once again.
An obviously drunk man tried to rob a gas station with his fist
as a weapon. He told the clerk behind the counter to fork over
all the money or he would punch him out! The clerk refused to
comply. The drunk then demanded the cash once again and once
again the clerk refused to go along with the drunks demands. In
fact, the clerk was rather amused at this man's feeble attempt
to rob the station. The drunk was barely able to take more than
one or two steps without falling over. At one point, the drunk
knocked down a floor display and ended up laying face down in a
bed of potato chips.
Finally, the drunk told the clerk he was fed up. He was going to
call the police because they had guns and could back him up in
his robbery attempt. Was this drunk also dumb or did he just
become dumb when he got drunk? In any case, the clerk helped the
drunk off the floor, dialed the police station, and gave the
phone to the drunk. The drunk told police how the clerk was so
uncooperative. He requested back-up from the police to assist him
in his robbery attempt. The rest is obvious. Police arrived
within minutes to arrest our staggering bandit.
This man was charged with drunk and disorderly conduct. Somehow
his lawyers helped him beat the robbery felony charge. He did serve
several months in a work house and he had to pay about $200 for
damages he caused when he tried to rob the gas station. What's it
called when you try to rob a store using your fist? Is it armed
robbery? Surely not! Maybe it's just called dumb!
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
The three factory workers that turned into armed robbers were
week #31 winners. In fact they were able to garner over 77% of
that week's votes. Here is their profile for your review.
Employees of a local factory decided to supplement their income
by becoming lunch time bank robbers. They entered a bank located
just one block from the factory where they worked. All three men
used hand guns in their robbery and silk stockings to mask their
identities.
However, these dumb criminals forgot to remove their factory ID
badges while they robbed the bank. They were arrested before
they ever had a chance to punch their time cards to return to
work.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This "con" was the winner by just one vote in week #32. Here
is his profile.
This dim wit drove up to a bank's drive-thru lane and put his
stick-up note in the pneumatic tube. He then patiently waited
for his money to arrive. He was really surprised when police
approached his car to make the arrest, just minutes later.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Bingo! You Are Under Arrest!
A woman tried to pass two one hundred dollar counterfeit bills at
the "Bingo World," located in Jefferson City, Tennessee. The
woman thought this would be an excellent place to distribute the
bogus money. Who's going to pay that much attention to detail at
a bingo hall? At least that's what she thought! Unfortunately, for
her, she didn't pay much attention to the name of the organization
that sponsored that night's series of games. It turned out to be
sponsored by the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police.
The place was packed with police and money collection and the game
itself was handled by police officers and detectives.
Police became immediately suspicious when the woman presented the
bogus bill's in front of one of the officers handling money that
night. It didn't take investigators long to determine that the
bill's were counterfeit.
The woman was quickly arrested. Police also discovered ten
additional counterfeit bills in the woman's purse.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories and Jokes
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Joke: Granny Get Your Gun!
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled,
"STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in
the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.")
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called
the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several
officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing
the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did
you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture
verse."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two
38's!"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Crack Dealer Versus Real Cops!
Here's one for the books. This character is bound to end up as a
future candidate for the Chronicles "Dumbest Crook of The Week"
Award!
This Vancouver drug dealer actually sold crack cocaine to a group
of three police officers. They weren't undercover agents, they
wore full police uniforms.
These officers suspected that this man was up to no good when
they spotted him during a routine patrol. After the officers
walked up to where the man was standing, one of the officers
pulled out a ten dollar bill and showed it to the suspect. To
the surprise of the officers, the man grabbed the money and then
handed over a quantity of crack cocaine to one of them.
Of course the man was quickly handcuffed and carted off to jail.
He later admitted that he saw the uniforms, but that he didn't
think they were really police officers because the car the
officers were in was unmarked. He actually thought they were
going to some kind of costume party!
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of
enthusiasm."
Thomas Fuller
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired."
Jules Renard
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you
are a good person is like expecting a bull not to
attack you because you are a vegetarian."
Dennis Wholey
"Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear
it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and
send it to someone."
Jan King
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that
you are wonderful."
Ann Landers
"Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed. (Got married last weekend, wife
knows everything)."
Author Unknown
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget
to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
George Burns.
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!
Cartoon #1
Nobody really knows who you are on the Internet!
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
War paint....
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
It's frozen again....
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Vampires birthday...
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
Big Doggie Doo...
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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In Elkart, Indiana it is illegal for a barber to scare a child
by threatening to cut off that child's ears.
If you are from England, don't make the mistake of placing a
postage stamp upside down on any mail that you send out. If that
stamp depicts the King or Queen of England, you could be accused
of treason.
In Israel, you are forbidden, by national law, from picking your
nose on Saturday. Why Saturday?
In Scotland, trespassing on another person's land is considered
perfectly legal.
A Newport, Rhode Island law forbids anyone from smoking a pipe
after sunset.
In the South Carolina city of Fountain Inn, there is an ordinance
that requires all horses to wear pants at all times.
It is strictly forbidden by law, in Port Arthur, Texas, to cause
or create an obnoxious odor in an elevator.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Who was responsible for proclaiming Thanksgiving as
a national U.S. holiday?
1) James Buchananan
2) Abraham Lincoln
3) Thomas Jefferson
4) Jefferson Davis
5) Rutherford B Hays
Correct answer (2) Abraham Lincoln
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles
What President of the US tried to remove `In God We Trust`
from US coins?
1) Calvin Coolidge
2) Harry S Truman
3) Woodrow Wilson
4) Theodore Roosevelt
5) Franklin D Roosevelt
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Joke: The Juggler!
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the
officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in
the car.
"What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer demanded.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first
three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand,
behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the
officer.
Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said,
"My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're
giving now."
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Here are the top 5 "Funny Pics" of the week!
Funny Pic. #1
Cute plant...
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #2
Titanic, the other story...
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #3
Just a bit spicy...
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #4
Hey Boys, I'm outta here!
Funny Pic of the day
Funny Pic. #5
Eh! Control, I have a problem.
Funny Pic of the day
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Now that I'm here, where am I ?
The higher the ape climbs the more he shows his rump!!!
Square meals often make round people!!
One good turn usually gets the whole blanket!
If you want to leave your footprints in the sands of time,
wear your work shoes!!!
Never play leap frog with a unicorn!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
[email protected]
You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations
regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:
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To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 05:36:52
