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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 38
December 21 2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 38th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Championship Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Three Strikes And Your Out!
Joke: The Sheriff & Billy-Bob!
A Trivia Tid Bit!
Drunk Driver Ends Up On Can!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Bubba Wants To Go Hunting!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Last Week's Championship Results And Winner: The "Con-Testants were:

Championship "Con"-Testant #1
Robber who forgot his gun, stabbed himself, locked his keys in the get-away car and ends up trying to escape by entering the police station!

Championship "Con"-Testant #2
The woman who helped her boyfriend rob a convenience store. While her boyfriend emptied the cash register, she filled out a contest entry form with her name, address, and phone number. Police used this info to make the arrest.

Championship Con"-Testant #3
The man who hijacked a car and took its driver captive. The hijacker was dumb enough to accept a deal that allowed the driver to go into a bank to arrange a money transfer. While the hijacker waited for the driver to return with the money, the police were called and the hijacker was arrested.

Championship "Con"-Testant #4
The drunk who tried to use his fist to rob a gas station. The drunk was barely able to walk and became frustrated when the clerk refused to turn over the money. The drunk even had the clerk dial the police so they could assist him in his robbery attempt.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 38 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 16 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 28 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #4 received 12 total votes.

This past week's Championship Playoff was indeed the climax for the "Dumb Crooks Award." The week started with #1 and #3 running neck to neck. It was a close race until late Monday night when #1 started to pull away. The final tally of votes gave #1 ten more votes than #3. So #1 is the official Championship winner of our "Dumb Crooks Award." Your votes each week helped us narrow the field down to just this one final "Con-Testant" out of the 36 total "Con-Testants" that were profiled and voted on over a 17 week period. Thank you for your participation. I invite you to participate in all of the future weekly "Con-Tests."

Congratulations to those who successfully selected #1 as the winner. Unfortunately, for me, I thought #3 would win. My personal record now stands at 9 wins and 8 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
This candidate for this week's award was profiled in issue #28. Here is his profile once again.

Even when a dumb criminal gets away with the crime, he can still show his ignorance. Recently a man robbed a bank and was able to make a clean escape.

During the robbery, this dumb crook demanded $100 bills only. When he opened his bag containing the loot, he thought that he had been tricked. All the bills looked like "play money" because they were different looking. Not at all what he had expected! Instead of investigating any further, this dummy throws all of the cash down a storm drain.

The bills turned out to be the new $100 bills now in circulation. If you've seen one you might agree that they look like "play money." Old Ben Franklin appears to be off center and his picture is some what larger than the older bills we all are accustom too. However, I don't believe I would throw them away like this dummy without finding out more. Most people, even if they haven't seen the new bills, have heard about the difference and have probably seen the newer lower denomination bills that also look like "play money."

"Con"-Testant #2
This "Con-Testant was featured in a story that ran in issue #29. Here is the whole story for your review.

A man robbed a bank close to a state line. Instead of leaving the state, he decided to take a motel room just one mile from the next state and just 2 miles from the bank he robbed. He knew that his get away car was probably identified, but he made no effort in hiding the car at the motel.

It didn't take police long to spot his car and he was arrested without incident. When asked why he decided to stay at the motel instead of trying to get further away from the bank, the man stated that he was on parole and couldn't cross the state line without permission from his parole officer. He indicated that when he planned on robbing the bank he was going to ask his parole officer for permission to leave the state, but he couldn't think up a good excuse. He liked his parole officer and didn't want to lie to him about what he was really up too. He also believed that police wouldn't think to look for him this close to the bank he robbed.

This mental giant no longer has to worry about getting permission from his parole officer. He no longer has one. He is spending at least the next 10 years in a prison.

"Con"-Testant #3
This man is the first murderer we have included in the "Dumb Crooks" Award. The murder he committed was not what the featured story was about. As you will discover, the convicted murderer did a very dumb thing that cost him his life. Here is his story.

A man in South Carolina was convicted of murder and sentenced to death in the electric chair. His appeals and the legal system were able to delay his execution date for over two years, and finally, to the dismay of many, his lawyers were able to have his sentence reduced to life.

Well, call it destiny, coincidence, or just a bizarre twist of events, but this man unintentionally carried out his own execution. It happened when he tried to repair a TV in his cell. He didn't realize that the TV had stored energy. He needed to repair an attached wire, but didn't have the proper tools. He used his teeth in an attempt to fix the wire and was electrocuted. Instead of the electric chair, this man was sitting on a metal toilet seat. The seat acted as a conductor of energy for the electric current leaving the TV. Because of the amount of current and the way it was conducted, this convict had no chance for survival.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles

Once there click the poll button on our main menu.

The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles

If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to: E-mail Votes Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Three Strikes And Your Out!

An Albuquerque, New Mexico man was hell bent on stealing a utility trailer from a Home Depot. He struck three times in the same evening. His first strike was unsuccessful when the trailer broke loose from his pickup truck just several miles from where the Home Depot was located. Since the man could not re-hitch the crashed trailer, he decided to go back and steal another.

Once again, after driving several miles from the store, the second trailer broke loose and crashed. By the time that the man stole a third trailer, a deputy sheriff had spotted the second trailer. When he started to investigate, the man came driving by with the third trailer attached to the back of his truck. Misfortune struck again when the fender of the trailer hit the deputy's car.

The deputy then pursued the truck in what turned out to be a chase reaching a top speed of only 25 miles per hour. The man knew that a faster speed would probably create another crash. The slow chase soon came to an end and the man was arrested and charged with three counts of theft and two counts of leaving the scene of an accident and another charge for the hit and run accident that occurred when the third trailer hit the deputy's car.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
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Joke: The Sheriff & Billy-Bob!

One day the Arkansas county sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots.

The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the heck are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

Billy-Bob replies "Well, Sheriff, me and MaryLou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin.' MaryLou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a kissing and a-cuddlin' some more and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, then MaryLou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. So, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then MaryLou lay herself on the hay and said 'Okay Billy-Bob, lets go to town!'....

I guess I'm the first one here!"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme. _________________________________________________________________

A Trivia Tid Bit!

The Babylonians were the first civilization to create a set of written laws to protect, control and punish it's citizens.
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Drunk Driver Ends Up On Can!

Los Angeles police observed a man swerving on and off the road and over the center line. When they tried to pull the driver over, he refused to stop. While in pursuit, the police observed the driver trying to throw out a can of beer. This was an obvious indication that the man was probably drunk.

The driver was having some difficulty in his attempt to throw the can out of the car window. He then decided to open his car door to make it easier to toss out the beer.

Unfortunately, when he threw the can of beer out of the car, he also threw himself completely out of the moving vehicle.

Fortunately, the drunk driver received only minor injuries including some cuts and a few bruises.

There was little damage to his car. However, he was arrested for DUI.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions."
Mark Twain

"Love many, trust few but always paddle your own canoe!" Unknown

"Each second we live in a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and will never be again. And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that two and two make four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? You should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are unique. In all the world there is no other child exactly like you. In the millions of years that have passed there has never been a child like you. And look at your body-what a wonder it is! Your legs, your arms, your cunning fingers, the way you move! You may be a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel."
Pablo Casals

"My love, forgive me for who I was, what I did, and what I cannot change. Love me now for who I can be, and what I plan to accomplish. If you can't, then just love me because my heart loves you always--- unconditionally."
Minka

"Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation."
Dave Barry
(Had you going there for a moment).

"I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys."
Rodney Dangerfield

"Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are."
Dale Carnegie
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!

Cartoon #1
I forget.... Oh Yeah?!?
Cartoon #1
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Toon of the day

Cartoon #2
The Snow Poem
Cartoon #2
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #3
The single male.... Cartoon #3
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #4
Are you an Iron Man??
Cartoon #4
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #5
Guess your age??
Cartoon #5
Aol Users
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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In Iowa it's against the law to make a kiss last more than 5 minutes. However, you can kiss as many times as you want and for as long as you want. You just have to make sure that no single kiss lasts longer than five minutes. So if you're in Iowa and you see the kiss patrol, please come up for breath every so often.

The act of gargling in public is against state law in Louisiana.

Hey! If you live in Maine, you better take down your Christmas tree and decorations by January 14th. Otherwise you could get fined.

In Massachusetts, the state actually passed a law that prohibits a taxi driver from making love in his front seat while on duty. Was this such a major problem that the state actually had to pass a law to prohibit it from happening? Also the law stated using the front seat. What happens if the on duty cabbie decides to use the back seat instead?

In Nebraska, a mother must get a state license to give her daughter a perm. Otherwise, she could get fined and even arrested.

A law in Nevada makes it illegal to drive a camel on any highway.
If you were asked what you thought would be illegal to carry in the back of your car, you would probably list such items as firearms, drugs, dead bodies, perhaps illegal aliens. Now you can add tissues to that list if you are in the state of Oklahoma. They passed a law that actually prohibits the possession of tissues in the back of your car.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!

Last week's question was:

Name the first U.S. city to install parking meters!

1) St. Louis, Missouri
2) Chicago, Illinois
3) New York City, New York
4) Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5) Washington D.C.
Correct answer (4) Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!

Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right. Go to our web site by clicking the following url:

Bizarre Chronicles
Which U.S. city installed the first traffic light in 1914?

1) New York City, New York
2) Cleveland, Ohio
3) Los Angeles, California
4) Chicago, Illinois
5) Detroit, Michigan
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Joke: Bubba Wants To Go Hunting!

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!

Here are the top 5 "Funny Pics" of the week!

Funny Pic. #1
Pepsi driver drinks Coke!
Pic #1
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Funny Pic of the day

Funny Pic. #2
The sign on the bus says...
Pic #2
AOL Users
Funny Pic of the day

Funny Pic. #3
Cute Hot Dog...
Pic #3
AOL Users
Funny Pic of the day

Funny Pic. #4
There are none??
Pic #4
AOL Users
Funny Pic of the day

Funny Pic. #5
Mirror, Mirror on the wall who's the...
Pic #5
AOL Users
Funny Pic of the day
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!

If you can read this, you're in second place.

Should I slam my brakes now, or later?

A dog is for life, not just for Christmas!

SUCCESS...is what your boss achieves through your hard work.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Men are idiots - I married their king!!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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