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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 39
December 28 2000
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 39th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Man Gets Felony Charge When He Puts On His Pants!
Joke: Special Donuts!
Joke: Can I Have Just A Moment With My Lousy Lawyer!
Six Year Old Boy Steals Monster Truck!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Misleading To Dummies Like Me!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Joke: The Counterfeiter!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
_______________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This man robbed a bank, but dumped all the money down a storm
drain because he thought the newly designed $100 bills were
play money.
"Con"-Testant #2
This bank robber wouldn't cross the state line after the
robbery because he was worried about getting permission from his
parole officer to leave the state. He was captured just 2 miles
from the bank he robbed when police spotted his getaway car at a
local motel.
"Con"-Testant #3
This convicted murderer was originally sentenced to death in the
electric chair. To the dismay of many, his lawyers were able to
reduce the sentence to life. However, as a result of a bizarre
twist of events, this convict carried out his own execution.
While trying to repair a TV in his cell, he placed a wire
attached to the TV into his mouth. He was also sitting on a
metal toilet seat at the time. The seat acted as a conductor for
the electric current leaving the TV and the convict died from
electrocution.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 20 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 17 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 15 total votes.
As expected, the number of votes cast was a little low. I expected
a low voter turn-out due to the Christmas holidays and the fact
that we were on our first week back to our regular "Con-Test" after
five playoff weeks. Never the less, it turned out to be a close
race between all three "Con-Testants" with #1 winning by only 3
votes over #2 and only 5 votes over #3.
After last week's results, my own personal record stands at 10 wins
and 8 losses. I ended my short losing streak by correctly selecting
the winner.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This profile was featured in issue #30. It actually involves
an entire criminal organization. Here is their profile.
A group of drug traffickers devised what they thought was a
fail safe method of smuggling marijuana into the United States,
from Mexico, via El Paso Texas. They rigged a propane tanker
truck so that all of it's valves released propane when checked
by the border patrol. There was no reason the border patrol
should discover the 6240 pounds of marijuana concealed inside
the tanker. At least that's what they thought.
As ingenious as they were in rigging the inside of the tanker,
they were dumb when it came to the outside portion of the truck.
Part of the scheme to conceal the stash was to make the
inspectors believe that the tanker belonged to a well known
tanker company that specialized in the transport of propane.
These drug traffickers did a professional job of painting the name
of this company on the side of the truck... However, this was the
fatal flaw in the entire plan. Why? Because these not so smart
schemers made the mistake of misspelling the name of the well
known propane gas company. It didn't take the border inspectors
long to figure out that something smelled and it wasn't propane.
"Con"-Testant #2
This "Con"-Testant was featured in a story that appeared in issue
#31. Here is his profile.
A burglar in Louisiana was surprised by police while he was in
the process of burglarizing a home. He used a suitcase to carry
the stolen items. In his haste to escape he dropped the suitcase
and fled on foot. Police were not able to make an immediate
arrest.
However, the burglar left his calling card in the suitcase. It
was a court notice summonsing this outlaw to appear in court on a
previous burglary charge. Police had no trouble finding the crook
and making the arrest soon after.
"Con"-Testant #3
This dumb crook was featured in issue #32. Here is his true story.
A man in Aiken, SC. was new to the business of chopping up stolen
cars and then selling the parts. A common practice is to remove
the vehicle identification number from the engine and give it a
new number. On the engines from all the stolen cars that went
through his "Chop Shop," the original number was replaced with
just one unique number. This happen to be his own Social Security
number.
When police begin to investigate various cars that had unusual
VIN numbers,they discovered that many of them had the same number.
In fact, the number was set-up just like a Social Security number
with dashes and the correct number of digits. When detectives
checked the number out with the Social Security Administration,
they were able to make an arrest and shut down this man's illegal
operation.
When asked why he used his own Social Security number on all of
these engines, this man indicated that it was the easiest long
number for him to remember. He now has an even easier number to
remember: his prison ID number.
__________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Man Gets Felony Charge When He Puts On His Pants!
A Hendersonville, Tennessee man answered his door in his
underwear and to his surprise it was the cops. They came to his
house in an attempt to serve an arrest warrant for a previous
misdemeanor charge. It was a very minor charge, but the man had
failed to appear in court, so the arrest warrant was issued.
Police did allow the man to get dressed before he was cuffed and
arrested.
When officers delivered the man to headquarters for booking, they
discovered, during a routine search, that the man had 20 packets
of crack cocaine in one of his pants pockets. The man explained
to police that it was his cocaine and that he knew it was in his
pocket. In fact, he placed it there after police allowed him to
get dressed.
When officers asked why he made such a stupid decision to bring
the cocaine to the police station, the man explained that he was
sure the cocaine would be stolen if he left it behind. He lived
in an area known for high crime. He believed that anyone from his
neighborhood that found out he had been arrested would go to his
house and take his stash.
As an after thought, this man realized that he would have been
better off leaving his stash behind. He could have tried hiding
it somewhere else and take his chances that it might still be
there after he served his short sentence for the misdemeanor.
Also, by taking the stash with him, anyone that did try to steal
the packets of cocaine, would probably ransack his home in their
unsuccessful attempt to find the drugs.
Because of his stupidity, he not only lost his crack cocaine,
but he also was charged for felony possession.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: Special Donuts!
My partner Bob, an overweight police officer, decided it was time
to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet very seriously,
even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One
morning, however, he arrived at the stationhouse with a box of a
dozen Dunkin Donuts. We all scolded him, including the sarge, but
his smile remained cherubic. "These are very special donuts,"
officer Bob explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this
morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt
this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have
one of those delicious donuts, let me have a parking place
directly in front of the bakery.' And sure enough," he continued,
"the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
The End
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Joke: Can I Have Just A Moment With My Lousy Lawyer!
The presiding judge had just completed rendering the court's
verdict and was about to pass sentence when he asked the
defendant if he had anything to say.
"No, judge, there is nothing I care to say," answered the
prisoner. "But if you'll clear away the tables and chairs
in this here courtroom for me to beat the living daylights
out of this lousy lawyer of mine, you can give me a year or
two extra.
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_________________________________________________________________
Six Year Old Boy Steals Monster Truck!
A six-year-old boy left a day care center in Fairfield, Ohio with
a definite plan to start his career of crime. After sneaking out
of the day care center, he made his way to a second-hand toy
store. He knew exactly where it was and he already had a plan to
steal a battery operated kids Monster Truck.
What's really bizarre is that this kid actually knew how to hot-
wire the battery. After hooking-up the battery the kid managed to
sneak past the store owner and take off down the street. The
child even removed the price tag off the truck so that no one
would suspect that the Monster Truck had been stolen.
Police spotted the young would be truck thief driving down a
busy state highway. He was close to entering the city limits of
nearby Cincinnati when he was stopped.
He was returned to the custody of his parents. Now that everyone
knows what this youngster is capable of doing, he is under much
closer supervision.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"A leader is a person you will follow to a place you
wouldn't go by yourself."
Joel Arthur Barker
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of
changing himself."
Leo Tolstoy
"Courage is the greatest of all the virtues. Because if you
haven't courage, you may not have an opportunity to use any
of the others."
Samuel Johnson
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast
of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper,
containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which,
if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the
next yard."
Dave Barry
"Kindness is loving people more than they deserve."
Joseph Joubert
"Marriages are made in heaven. But then again, so are thunder
and lightning!"
Author Unknown
"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
Michael Evans
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!
Cartoon #1
To much hair Moose!
Cartoon #1
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Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
It's H2O?!?
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
It's time for a vacation...
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
How they made the Pyramid's
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
Arkansas Motorcycle
Cartoon #5
AOL Users
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________________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
An ordinance in Ames, Iowa prohibits a husband from taking more
than three gulps of beer if he is lying in bed with his wife.
A law in Massachusetts makes it illegal to shave while
driving. This law also pertains to women who might want
to shave under the arms.
Waterville, Maine has a law making it illegal to blow your nose
in public.
Ohio has a law that prohibits setting a fire under your mule. An
old timer once told me that back in the old days, farmers and
mule team operators would keep their mules from sitting down
overnight by starting very small fires under them. The mules were
usually hitched to a tree or a stake and had little choice in the
matter. By not allowing the mule to sit or squat, they were much
easier to handle the next morning. A sitting, squatting or lying
mule can be very stubborn. Once down they have the desire to stay
down.
Good news out of Albuquerque, New Mexico: Several years ago a
member of city council tried to ban Santa Claus from coming to
town. The "Grinch" proposed a resolution that actually required
a vote from all of the city council members. The good news: The
city council voted against the proposal. Now Santa is coming to
town with the cities best wishes.
California passed a law that forbids anyone from peeling an
orange in a hotel room.
If you live in Chicago and have a poodle and you like to go to
the opera, forget about taking your poodle to the opera with you.
A law forbids anyone from taking their poodle to the opera even if
the dog is of the small toy variety.
________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Which U.S. city installed the first traffic light in 1914?
1) New York City, New York
2) Cleveland, Ohio
3) Los Angeles, California
4) Chicago, Illinois
5) Detroit, Michigan
Correct answer (2) Cleveland, Ohio
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles
Which U.S. state was the first to abolish capital punishment?
1) Illinois
2) Michigan
3) Idaho
4) Arizona
5) Maine
________________________________________________________________
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Joke: Misleading To Dummies Like Me!
A guy was in court charged with parking in a restricted
area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his
defense.
"They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the
guy. "The sign said 'FINE FOR PARKING HERE'."
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!
The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working
on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the
mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny
Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my
newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous
weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just
like to look at them again.
The Random Funny Pic Generator
Click HERE!
Random Funny Pic
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Funny Pic of the day
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Joke: The Counterfeiter!
A big-city counterfeiter, recently released from prison, decided
the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some
small hick Texas town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he
went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the
store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the
counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store
clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told
the man, "Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
________________________________________________________________
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
I know,I know,License and registration
Everyone's entitled to be stupid;But you're abusing the privilege!
You're the guy my daddy warned me about!
Bumper Stickers Seen In Florida:
'Don't Blame Me - I voted for Gore - I Think.'
'I Didn't Vote for his Daddy Either...'
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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