*****************************************************************
Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 40
January 04 2001
*****************************************************************
Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 40th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Dumb Crook Agrees To Dumb Offer!
Joke: "Professional Courtesy"
Joke: SHOO FLY PIE!
Embezzler Almost Gets 865 Year Prison Term!
Joke: The Difference Between Slowing Down And Stopping!!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Pain in the Neck!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Joke: Nine Ways Not To Start Your Police Report!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
_______________________________________________________________

Win $10,000 Recommending Bizarre Police Chronicles! Do you like Bizarre Police Chronicles? Tell your friends and associates and you could win $10,000. To find out how go to
Recommend It
________________________________________________________________

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:

"Con"-Testant #1
This crime organization was very clever when it came to rigging a phony propane tanker for the purpose of smuggling marijuana into the United States from Mexico. However, it turned out that these drug traffickers must have been sampling their own import. On the side of the phony truck, they incorrectly spelled the name of the well known tanker company they were using to deceive the border inspectors. It didn't take the border inspectors long to figure out that something smelled and it wasn't propane.

"Con"-Testant #2
This burglar was surprised by police while he was in the process of burglarizing a home. In his haste to escape he left his suitcase. His suitcase contained a court summons for this outlaw to appear in court on a previous burglary charge. Police used the info from the summons to make a quick arrest.

"Con"-Testant #3
This man ran a "Chop Shop". He was new to the business and wasn't very creative when it came to placing fake numbers on the engines from the cars that went through his shop. When detectives started seeing the same unusual VIN number appearing over and over on a number of cars, they discovered that the digits and dashes matched this man's own Social Security number. The man was arrested and his illegal operation was shut down immediately.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 25 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 11 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 60 total votes.

This week topped the previous high vote total. We had 96 votes cast in what turned out to be a landslide victory for #3. This dumb "Con-Testant was able to get over 63% of the vote and will be a good candidate in our next championship series starting in March or April. "Con-Testant #1 came in second with 35 fewer votes than #3, and #2 just didn't have what it took to be a big winner. He lost by 49 votes.

I want to once again thank everyone for their votes and for making this past week a record high turn-out. Let's see if we can top last week's total.

I selected the correct winner this past week and my personal record now stands at 11 wins and 8 losses.
__________________________

This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.

Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
This dumb crook was first profiled in issue #35. Here is his story once again.

A man from Weirton, West Virginia was good at one thing. In fact he was very skilled at his professional endeavor. He was an excellent counterfeiter of paper money. He could create bills that were almost perfect reproductions of the real thing. However, that skill was obviously the only thing this man had going for him. He certainly had no idea of how to get his fake money into circulation. Most counterfeiters distribute their phony money in different locations. Never a large sum spent in one place at a time.

This dim wit printed up over $10,000 in counterfeit bills and went to his local bank to make a deposit into his own account. He arrived at the bank carrying the money in a paper bag. The bills all appeared to be brand new. The same kind of bills a bank usually gives it's customers and not the other way around. This immediately caused the teller to become very suspicious. When she examined the bills more closely, she discovered that the bills all had the same serial number.
Police were alerted and the man was arrested.

"Con"-Testant #2
This drug dealer was originally profiled in issue #36.

This Vancouver drug dealer actually sold crack cocaine to a group of three police officers. They weren't undercover agents, they wore full police uniforms.

These officers suspected that this man was up to no good when they spotted him during a routine patrol. After the officers walked up to where the man was standing, one of the officers pulled out a ten dollar bill and showed it to the suspect. To the surprise of the officers, the man grabbed the money and then handed over a quantity of crack cocaine to one of them.

Of course the man was quickly handcuffed and carted off to jail. He later admitted that he saw the uniforms, but that he didn't think they were really police officers because the car the officers were in was unmarked. He actually thought they were going to some kind of costume party!

"Con"-Testant #3
Here is another crook involved with counterfeit money. She was first profiled in issue #36. Here is her story again.

A woman tried to pass two one hundred dollar counterfeit bills at the "Bingo World," located in Jefferson City, Tennessee. The woman thought this would be an excellent place to distribute the bogus money. Who's going to pay that much attention to detail at a bingo hall? At least that's what she thought! Unfortunately, for her, she didn't pay much attention to the name of the organization that sponsored that night's series of games. It turned out to be sponsored by the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police. The place was packed with police and money collection and the game itself were handled by police officers and detectives.

Police became immediately suspicious when the woman presented the bogus bill's in front of one of the officers handling money that night. It didn't take investigators long to determine that the bill's were counterfeit.

The woman was quickly arrested. Police also discovered ten additional counterfeit bills in the woman's purse.
_________________

Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles

Once there click the poll button on our main menu.

The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles

If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award". _________________________________________________________________

How many times have you woken up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat paralyzed by the fear that you don't know where the Solid Gold Dancers are today?

Or what will happen if you dial 619-222-0003?

Or if there really is a woman who married a guillotine?

Finkydoodle can help. It's the perfect time-wasting, work-shirking, boss-avoiding, distraction for any surfer. Finkydoodle covers all the things you *really* want to know about the Net, but never knew who to ask.

To subscribe right now, Send a BLANK email to:
Finkydoodle
_________________________________________________________________

Dumb Crook Agrees To Dumb Offer!

This dumb crook is sure to end up as a future "Con-Testant" for our "Dumb Crooks Award."

This story takes place in Charleston, West Virginia. It occurred one evening as a man was leaving a restaurant. Our dumb crook walked up to the man, pulled out a gun and then demanded that the man turn over all of his money. The man insisted that he wasn't carrying any money, but the crook wasn't easily convinced. He became more and more angry at the man's continued insistence that he had no money.

The victim began to realize the real danger he was in and how desperate this crook must be. He didn't want the crook to become even more aggravated, so he made an offer to write a check for a sizable amount of money. The crook agreed, but required the victim to make the check out to cash so that he wouldn't have to reveal his identity. When the crook agreed to accept the check, the victim knew he was dealing with a genuine dummy. The victim then proceeded to set-up a time for the man to show up at the bank that next morning. He told the crook that he would call the bank in advance and let them know that someone was coming into the bank at nine o'clock to collect money on a check written to cash and to have the money available for this person when he showed up. Sure enough the dumb crook showed up the next morning, on time, to collect his bounty. Of course the police were there to collect him.

When police arrested our dumb crook, he was in what might be described as a state of shock and utter disbelief. He couldn't figure out in his little pea brain how the cops and the bank knew what he was up too.
_________________________________________________________________

Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________

Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!

My staff has found a great new site where you can get FREE Software! This is not freeware or shareware, it's top name brand computer software that normally retails from $24.99 up to as much as $99.99. All software featured on this site is the complete, full version, product. You pay just $7.50 shipping and handling for each title for U.S. delivery and a little more for delivery outside the U.S. Many titles that you typically find on the shelves at your local retailer are now available for just the small shipping and handling charge. You'll find hundreds of titles such as Compton's Encyclopedia, Symantec: Norton AntiVirus, Home Depot: Home Improvement 1-2-3. Game software like Johnny Quest: Cover Up At Roswell. Plus many more titles in a number of categories, including games, education, productivity, Home and Garden, etc.
I would like to invite you to take advantage of this special offer provided to "Chronicles" readers. You can visit the Free-CD Software.com site at:
Free Cd Software
________________________________________________________________

Joke: "Professional Courtesy"

Two police paramedics jump into the surf to rescue a couple whose boat has foundered in rough seas. After an exhausting swim to the boat, the medics fit the woman into a life vest. All during the rescue she keeps yelling that her husband is a lawyer and he is going to sue the pants off the company that rented them the boat. The cops instruct the husband to stay in the boat while they swim to shore with his wife. As the cops turn around to swim back out to rescue the man, they see him coming toward the shore, standing upright, riding on the backs of two huge sharks! As he hops off the shark's onto the beach, the husband shrugs his shoulders in response to the astonished looks on the cop's faces. He gestured back to the sharks and said, "Professional Courtesy".
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme.
________________________________________________________________

Joke: SHOO FLY PIE!

An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper.

"You were speeding," the cop said. "I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

"Yep," the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.

"These flies sure are terrible," the trooper complained.

"Yep," the farmer said. "Them are circle flies."

"What's a circle fly?"

"Them flies that circle a horse's tail," answered the farmer. "Them are circle flies."

"You wouldn't be calling me a horse's rear, would you?" the trooper angrily asked.

"Nope, I didn't," the farmer replied. "But you just can't fool them flies."
_________________________________________________________________

**WONDERWORDaDAY****
The only place on the internet that gives you a wonderword puzzle 365 days a year, by E-MAIL! All you have to do is wait for us to send you the puzzle to your inbox. That's right! We will do all the work, and you get all the fun! And it's FREE!! So if you love puzzles, we just gave you one more reason to love them more. Subscribe, and get your new puzzle tomorrow! To subscribe go to:
WONDERWORDaDAY
_________________________________________________________________

Embezzler Almost Gets 865 Year Prison Term!

Thailand has very strict laws and severe penalties for those convicted of breaking those laws. Recently, a hotel cashier was arrested and charged with embezzling $12,000. The penalty for this crime is 865 years in prison.

The embezzler was told, that if he cooperated with the court system, and pleaded guilty, that he would be guaranteed a much lighter sentence. The crook agreed and admitted to the crime. The court system kept it's word and gave this man his lighter sentence. He is now serving the second year of his 576 year prison term.
_________________________________________________________________

Joke: The Difference Between Slowing Down And Stopping!!

A police officer pulled over a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign. "May I see your driver's license and registration please?"

"What's the problem, officer?"

"You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."

"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me".

"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution."

"You gotta be kidding me!"

"It's no joke, sir".

"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."

"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't. Now if I may see your license and."

"You've sure got a lot of time on your hands. What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"

"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!"

"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop."

"Sir, I can do better than that." He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. "Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"
_________________________________________________________________

What do the BEST Ezines and Newsletters have in common? They're all listed on FunEzines.com! Get them all for free in your mailbox. Add some fun and excitement to your day! Spice-up your e-box by selecting from the top newsletters on the Internet. Choose from a large variety of subjects. You'll surely find a number of newsletters to fit your mood, taste and interests. You'll love every exciting issue of these great newsletters! Sign up now for the best newsletters on the Net. Visit:
Fun Ezines
_________________________________________________________________

Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
Margaret Mead

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it."
Henry David Thoreau

"Procrastinators never get bored! They always have something to do tomorrow!"
Jerry Romans

"Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth."
Portuguese Proverb

"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin."
Winston Spear

"Finish each day and be done with it...You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it well and serenely."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something." Unknown
_________________________________________________________________

Sports and Celebrity Collectibles at Affordable Prices!

Are looking for a place to find some really great sports and celebrity collectibles? Then you need to check-out the new Internet store designed especially for you! It's called Kool Collectibles. They carry a good selection of great collectibles at affordable prices. In fact you'll find some unusual hard to find items. Come visit this store and shop for the best selections today! Visit this store at:
Kool Collectibles
_________________________________________________________________

Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!

Cartoon #1
That Shark's Gone Fishing...
Cartoon #1

AOL Users Toon of the day

Cartoon #2
Getting a Cat scan...
Cartoon #2


Aol Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Dog Counseling...
Cartoon #3

Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #4
Feel like this sometimes???
Cartoon #4

Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #5
Time to empty the fridge...
Cartoon #5

Aol Users
Toon of the day
_________________________________________________________________

"Secrets To An Affordable Walt Disney World� Vacation" will show you how to save up to 40% on your next vacation at Walt Disney World�. Save on Disney hotels, dining, Theme Park tickets, and souvenirs! For details visit:
Disney Vacation
________________________________________________________________

Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________

Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________

Now how do you pronounce Joliet? Well, if you're ever in Joliet, Illinois, you better find out fast. You could get a fine of up to $500 for mispronouncing that city's name.

In Vermont you could get a $200 fine for making fun of that states court system. Don't refer to it as a "kangaroo court" or you could end up in court for defamation.

A law in the state of Connecticut forbids anyone from walking across the street on their hands. I bet you can't climb a power line or telephone pole and tight walk across the wires either.

Well, I can't say that I've ever seen an advertisement on any public urinal I've used, but evidently it presents some kind of problem in Boston. They actually have a law that prohibits the posting of any advertisement on a public urinal. However, I must admit that I have seen graffiti above urinals advertising where I could have a good time and where I could get special services not usually available through regular forms of advertising.

Many states forbid the sale of alcoholic beverages on election day. The state of Washington took it one step further by passing a law that forbids candidates, running for office, from providing drinks to voters. Just think what would happen if they allowed candidates to hand out drinks to the voters while they were waiting in line to cast their votes. Can you imagine going into a polling booth with a drink in one hand and trying to vote with the other. What happens if you're drunk, if you couldn't remember the names of the candidates. Well, you could just look on the logo of the drink cup for the name of that nice fellow that kept filling up your cup with that cheap, but good tasting wine. I just bet that candidates would spend most of their campaign money on cups with their name on them and very cheap booze. If it were a presidential election, voters could say with conviction "I think I voted for Gore!"

Detroit, Michigan must have a serious loitering problem. At least when it comes to one specific location. It passed a no loitering law pertaining to it's city morgue.
____________________________________________________________________

Are you looking for low prices on video games, computers, Beany Babies, movies, CD's, automotive electronics and more? Then visit the following specialty stores for best selection and low rock bottom pricing on top name brand products.

For Computers, digital cameras, printers visit:
http://peachfuzzcomputers.vstorecomputers.com

For video game systems and games visit:
http://gamelizard.vstoregames.com

For Beany Babies visit:
http://beanybopbabies.vstoretoys.com

For CD's, movies, and books visit:
http://themediaxpress.vstorestuff.com

For Great automotive electronics online visit:
http://www.vstore.com/vstoreauto/autotronicsonline
_________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz! Last week's question was: Which U.S. state was the first to abolish capital punishment? 1) Illinois 2) Michigan 3) Idaho 4) Arizona 5) Maine Correct answer (2) Michigan. _________________________________________________________________ This Week's Trivia Quiz! Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right. Go to our web site by clicking the following url: http://www.angelfire.com/zine/bizarrechronicles The "Hinesburg's explosion occurred in what U.S. city? 1) New York City 2) Los Angeles 3) Boston 4) New Jersey 5) San Francisco _________________________________________________________________ Credit Problems? Don't Worry, Let Us Show You a Secret. You Can Have Perfect Credit! Thanks to the U.S. Government & The Fair Credit Act, You Have Rights & Some Real Options! FREE INFO at: http://www.freeinternetoffers.com/credit/?id=50225 _________________________________________________________________ Joke: Pain in the Neck! There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn't have a zipper or any buttons. Finally he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest." Then, after thinking for a while, he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. So they proceeded to drive down the road until they came around a curve and wrecked. The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened. The police asked him, "are either of them showing any life signs?" The farmer said, "Well, that first one was 'till I turned his head around the right way." _________________________________________________________________ Funny Pictures Of The Week! The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just like to look at them again. The Random Funny Pic Generator Click HERE! http://www.e4joy.com/cgi-bin/ezines/goodstuff.cgi?l=477&d=7&o=0 AOL Users Click Below Funny Pic of the day _________________________________________________________________ Joke: Nine Ways Not To Start Your Police Report! 1)It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ... 2)The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent ... 3)The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire ... 4) Before I get into the details, I've got a few "shout-outs" for my homeys in the command staff ... 5)It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I'd lost my mind ... 6)Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end. 7)Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly... 8) The suspect then tried to assault me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist ... 9)A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ... _________________________________________________________________ Want useful e-mail stuff! Stop getting e-mail on subjects that don't interest you. Focalex can provide you with plenty of popular categories so you can pick what interest you the most! Anything from free stuff to computers and other useful categories like sweepstakes, games, travel, sports, health, parenting, pets and much more. For the very best free info on your favorite subjects, visit Focalex Today At: _________________________________________________________________ Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop! Humpty Dumpty was pushed! ! ! ! ! ! TAKE ME DRUNK IM HOME!!! My other car is a broom! Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. My son is inmate of the month at the state prison. Girls play games boys win championships ________________________________________________________________ Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to: [email protected] You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to: [email protected] To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to: [email protected] _________________________________________________________________

Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:
Comments
To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to:
Unsubscribe

Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.

Newsletter Showcase Big Coupon Savings Sweepstakes Galore Really Kool Links

New links added weekly!

Poll	Quiz	Archives
Subscribe	GuestBook	News Feed

Copyright � 2000, 2001 Jerry Romans

This site designed by all rights reserved.