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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 41
January 11 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 41st issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Man Goes Berserk! Smashes ATM With Tire Iron!
Joke: Time Warp!
Joke: Dishonest Lawyer!
Crazed Driver Loses Race With Jogger!
Lawyer Joke: 160 Years!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Correction To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Got Stuck Huh?
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:

"Con"-Testant #1
This skillful counterfeiter could create almost perfect reproductions of real paper money. However, this skill was the only thing this man had going for him. He tried to pass his bogus bills at a bank. The bank teller became suspicious because all the bills were brand new and they all had the same serial number. Police were alerted and the man was arrested.

"Con"-Testant #2
This drug dealer actually sold crack cocaine to a group of three uniformed police officers. The officers thought the man was suspicious and so offered him some money. The officers were surprised when the man handed over a quantity of crack cocaine. The drug dealer didn't believe the officers were real policemen. He thought they were dressed for some kind of costume party. After he was handcuffed and carted off to jail, he became a believer.

"Con"-Testant #3
This woman thought "Bingo World" was the perfect place to distribute two one hundred dollar counterfeit bills. However, she didn't pay much attention to the fact that the Fraternal Order of Police were sponsoring that night's series of games. The place was packed with cops, and money collection and the games were being handled by police officers and detectives. Police became immediately suspicious when the woman presented the bogus bill's in front of one of the officers handling money that night. It didn't take investigators long to determine that the bill's were counterfeit.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 30 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 50 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 13 total votes.

Well, we came close to another record week for votes cast. We didn't quite top the previous week's high of 96, but we did manage to get 93. As you can see above, #2 won by getting almost 54% of the total votes cast.

Thanks again for everyone who participated in last week's poll. Let's see if we can crack that 100 vote mark this week.

My personal record dropped to 11 wins and 9 losses. My losing choice for last week was #1.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.

Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
This man was profiled back in issue #29. Although he basically was charged with breaking and entering, the bizarre part of the story was why he broke in and the consequences the man had to endure.

Glue sniffing has become a major problem in Brazil. Youngsters as well as young adults are constantly on the lookout for new ways to obtain the glue and new ways to sniff it.

Recently a man from Sao Paulo, Brazil broke into a glue factory that was closed for the weekend. To him, this was heaven! There were four large vats filled with glue. No glue sniffer could ask for more! The man didn't waste a moment of time. He went into an inhaling frenzy. He soon became disoriented and fell into one of the giant vats.

Fortunately for him, he fell through the vat and unto the wooden floor below. Unfortunately, he became glued to the floor. He was discovered Monday morning by factory workers. Emergency workers had to be called in to free him from his dilemma. They actually had to cut him from the floor before they could even start the process of removing the sticky substance from his body. After the man was unglued and checked out for other injuries, he was turned over to the local police.

"Con"-Testant #2
This idiot was featured in issue #21. Read his incredible story as profiled below.

A woman called 911 to report that a car in front of her house had exploded and was in flames. She told the dispatcher that her husband believed it was an old clunker owned by his best friend. The friend was suppose to come over for a visit and to take her husband for a ride in the newly repaired clunker. While still on the phone, the woman told the dispatcher that her husband had just entered the apartment and was yelling that his hands had been burnt and that he couldn't get his friend out of the car.

With no further delay the dispatcher summoned the police, emergency paramedics and the fire department. The dispatcher told the husband not to go back outside and to wait for medical assistance.

When all the emergency vehicles and police arrived, it was obvious that a person had been sitting in the drivers seat at the time of the explosion. The remains of a severally burnt body could be seen, once the fire had been put out and the smoke had disappeared.

Then, as emergency workers started to remove the body from the car, they realized that it was not a human body. In fact, it was not anything that had been alive. It was made of some sort of plastic. It turned out to be a mannequin.

After further investigation it was discovered that this whole incident was suppose to be an elaborate practical joke that one friend was playing on the other. The owner of the clunker had thought up the scheme to fool his friend into thinking that he had perished in the car fire. He rigged the car to explode by running a fuse to the gas tank and then lighting a match to the fuse.

He watched the whole thing from a crowd of on-lookers. He had not planned on things getting out of hand or on his friend having to go to the hospital with severe burns to his hands.

This not so funny joker was arrested for his prank. The judge in the case could not comprehend the degree of stupidity displayed by this man. How in the world did he think that just his friend would be involved and that his friend wouldn't try to rescue him from the burning car. The judge gave this idiot five years in prison to think about how stupid he really was. Some believe the judge was too lenient.

"Con"-Testant #3
This character was profiled way back in issue #12. Here is his story once again.

A Miami man tried to rob a deli. Instead of getting the dough he got the salami. The owner of the deli smashed this would be robber across the nose with a giant salami. The man fled. Nose bleeding and in great pain, he decided to stop running and hide in the trunk of a parked car. Unfortunately, the man soon discovered he couldn't get out of the trunk and he also realized that the car belonged to the police.

After five days he finally let police know he was in the trunk. Police opened the trunk and after determining that this was the man who had attempted the robbery at the deli, he was arrested.

Originally, the unmarked police car was being used in a stake out in pursuit of another criminal. Police were not aware of the man's presence in the trunk until he pleaded for his release. After his arrest, the man was taken to the hospital where he was treated for a broken nose.

I'm sure he was hungry after his five day ordeal in the trunk. But probably not quite hungry enough to eat a salami!
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.

The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Man Goes Berserk! Smashes ATM With Tire Iron!

A man from Kingsport, Tennessee lost his sanity just long enough to cause over $10,000 worth of damage to an ATM machine. The machine took the man's card and wouldn't return it due too a malfunction. The man became so enraged that he went back to his car, got his tire iron and started smashing away at the ATM. The angry rampage went on for nearly 20 minutes before the man finally left the scene of the attack.

One part of the ATM that survived the destruction was the machine's video camera. It had recorded every second of the brutal vandalism. Police were able to make an identity on the vandal based on the video and the man's credit card that the ATM machine held onto. An arrest was made soon after.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
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Joke: Time Warp!

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"

The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."
The End

Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme.
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Joke: Dishonest Lawyer!

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client's jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict:
manslaughter!

Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a hard time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
"Boy, did I!" said the juror. "They kept voting to acquit!"
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Crazed Driver Loses Race With Jogger!

For some reason, a Salisbury, North Carolina driver resented the site of joggers on or near the roadside. Then one day, his resentment turned to extreme anger. While driving, he spotted a man jogging past his car. He then decided to swerve into the direction of the jogger in an attempt to actually run over the man.

Fortunately the jogger was able to escape injury. Unfortunately for the crazed driver, the man he tried to run over happened to be an off-duty Sheriff's Deputy. The deputy was able to run home, get into his patrol car and catch up with the attacker.

An arrest was made and the driver was booked and charged for assault with a deadly weapon.
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Lawyer Joke: 160 Years!

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!"

"Congratulations for what?" asks the lawyer.

"Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter. "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old."

"But that's not true," says the lawyer. "I only lived to be forty."

"That's impossible," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action."
Orison Swett Marden

"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"As no roads are so rough as those that have just been mended, so no sinners are as intolerant as those that have just turned saints."
Charles Caleb Colton

"Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village." Leonard Louis Levinson

"The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door there was my mother-in-law on the front porch. She said 'Can I stay here for a few days?' I said: 'Sure you can,' and shut the door."
Author Unknown

"One is never more on trial than in the moment of excessive good fortune."
Lewis "Lew" Wallace

"No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm."
Author Unknown
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!
Cartoon #1
Soccer, The early years....
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #2
And the frogs have it....
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #3
Get it off me!!!
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #4
Things to do....
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #5
I feel like this some days...
Cartoon #5
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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The city of San Antonio in Texas is so concerned about noise pollution that it created a four member task force that it calls it's noise police squad. This squad is responsible for enforcing all of the city ordinances that involve noise. The squad attempts to control horn honkers, barking dogs, party noise and any noise that may annoy citizens.
A husband in Utah can be arrested for any crime committed by his wife, while she is in his presence. He is considered to be more at blame for any crimes she may commit while she is with him. He is suppose to be able to control her actions. This is obviously an old law, but may still be on the books.

The city of Simsbury located in the state of Connecticut has an ordinance which makes it illegal for politicians to conduct dump yard politics. Simply stated another way, it is illegal for a politician to actually campaign at the city dump! I wonder if this was a real problem created by it's politicians, and if it was, I would like to know what kind of advantage a politician might gain! Maybe the city just wanted to put an end to dirty politics, but in a more physical way.

In Hartford, Conn., it is illegal to place advertising on balloons. Even schools, politicians, churches, etc. are forbidden from placing any kind of message that may be considered an advertisement or promotion.

Does anyone know what a "watch stuffer" does? It must be something that's not considered too acceptable by lawmakers in McKeesport, Pa. They had a law on the books that made it illegal for "watch stuffers" to enter their city.

For quite sometime in North Carolina, people used milk crates as furniture. It got so bad that some people were actually selling labeled milk crates as furniture. North Carolina lawmakers got involved and passed a law that forbids the sell of labeled milk crates. Also, it is illegal to take milk crates from grocery stores or anywhere else for the purpose of using the crates for furniture.
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Correction To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!

I know, I know! New Jersey is not a city and "Hindenburg" isn't spelled "hinesburg." I'm really sorry for the mix-up. Somehow, I plugged New Jersey into the list of possible cities where the Hindenburg disaster occurred. Also, my spell checker changed Hindenberg to Hinesburg. These errors made it past the proof reading process. The correct wording for the Trivia Quiz should have read:

The "Hindenburg' disaster occurred in what U.S. state?

1) New York
2) California
3) Massachusetts
4) New Jersey
5) Oregon

The correct answer was (4) New Jersey.

For those of you wondering what city the disaster occurred in, the answer was Lake Hurst, NJ.

I received a number of e-mails letting me know about these errors. I appreciate the feed-back. Let me know anytime you spot a major error or blooper.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!

Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right. Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles
Which U.S. president was the first to visit every state while in office?

1) Jimmy Carter
2) Gerald Ford
3) Richard Nixon
4) Ronald Reagan
5) Bill Clinton
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Joke: Got Stuck Huh?

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right a head of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!

The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just like to look at them again.

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Funny Pic of the day
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either

Use your head....little things count.

Excuse me but I think it is time for you to pull over and change the air in your head!!

Not so close I hardly know you

I souport publik edekashun
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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