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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 42
January 18 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 42nd issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Man With Green Thumb Grows 8-Foot Marijuana Plant!
Joke: FAMOUS LAST WORDS!
Follow That Masked Man!
Bizarre Fact Or Fiction!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Lawyer Joke: Cash That One If You Can!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:

"Con"-Testant #1
After breaking into a glue factory, this glue sniffer went into an inhaling frenzy. He soon became disoriented and fell into a giant vat of glue and then through the vat unto the wooden floor below. This happened over the weekend. Workers found him on that Monday morning. Emergency workers had to unglue him from the floor before he could be arrested.

"Con"-Testant #2
This prankster set-up a plan for an elaborate practical joke on his best friend. The scheme involved rigging an old car to explode for the purpose of fooling his best friend into believing that he had perished in the explosion. However, his best friend did believe his friend was in the car and received severe burns to his hands in an attempt to save his buddy. The judge in this case couldn't believe how stupid this man was and gave him a five year prison term.

"Con"-Testant #3
This man tried to rob a deli. Instead of getting the dough he got the salami. The owner of the deli smashed this would be robber across the nose with a giant salami. The man fled. Nose bleeding and in great pain, he decided to stop running and hide in the trunk of a parked car. Unfortunately, the man soon discovered he couldn't get out of the trunk and he also realized that the car belonged to the police. After five days he finally let police know he was in the trunk.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 28 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 38 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 43 total votes.

Thanks to everyone who voted in last week's contest. We topped 100 in total votes and set our new all time record for most votes. All the "Con"-Testants this week did well. It was a fairly close race all week. Winner #3 managed to keep ahead all week, but #2 kept trying to edge up a bit. #1 didn't do too bad for a third place position.
On a personal note, I picked number 2 last week dropping my record to 11 wins and 10 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.

Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
This story shows how dumb it is to continue running from the police once cornered. This "Con-Testant," who was originally profiled in issue #33, was cornered more than once, but insisted on continuing the chase until matters became worse for him. Here is his profile once again.

A Georgia police officer stopped a man who's car was weaving on and off the highway. Suspecting that the man was in possession of contraband, drugs or alcohol, the officer asked the driver for permission to search the vehicle. The man gave his permission, but knew that the officer would soon find a firearm and also discover the fact that he was driving with a revoked license.

As the officer searched the vehicle, the man started to run. Then out of nowhere, a small black and white dog joined the officer in the chase. In fact, the dog chased the man into some bushes and forced the fugitive to jump over a fence. It's almost like the little dog knew where to chase the man, because, as it turned out, the fence that the man jumped was a dog pen occupied by a very large Rottweiller. The fugitive climbed back over to the other side of the dog pen barely escaping the Rottweiller's jaws. However, on the other side of the pen was still another dog waiting to complete the roundup. It turned out to be what the fugitive described as a "big old brown dog."

By the time other officers got involved in the chase, the dogs had completed their roundup and had the man cornered and ready to give-up. He was arrested for driving with a revoked license, illegal possession of a firearm, and obstructing an officer from performing his duty.

"Con"-Testant #2 In Grove Hill, Alabama a woman reported that her car had been rammed from behind by a pick-up truck. The driver of the truck left the scene of the accident immediately after the accident occurred.

The woman didn't have much she could tell police about the pick-up truck. However, the truck left it's own set of clues as to it's identity and that of the driver. Upon closer inspection of the rear bumper of the victim's car, and to everyone's surprise, the pick-up truck left a perfect impression of it's license plate number. Part of the impression included the words 'U.S. Government'.

The next step in the investigation would be to check 'Division of Motor Vehicles' to determine who the driver was. However, even that was not necessary. The pick-up truck had sustained damage to it's radiator. Beginning at the rear of the victim's car was a trail of anti-freeze that police were able to follow on the highway for nearly ten miles. The trail indicated that the driver was driving somewhat erratic. The trail would run on and off the road and even cross lanes. Police finally came to the end of the trail when they found the pick-up by the side of the road. It's driver was still nearby, but was so intoxicated that he barely knew where he was.

He was a U.S. Government employ who was drinking on the job. He knew he would get fired if he stopped to make an accident report. He also knew that he was too drunk to pass a sobriety test. He ended up getting arrested and charged for leaving the scene of an accident and D.U.I.

"Con"-Testant #3 Like "Con-Testant" #1 this character didn't know when to stop running. He nearly lost his life trying to make one final escape. This man's story was first told in issue #37. Here it is again.

A man tried boosting a sizeable quantity of steaks from a Kroger store in Athens, Alabama by stuffing the prime cuts down the front of his pants. However, several store employees saw what the man was doing and they approached him with the intent of detaining him until the police could arrive.

When the man realized that he had been caught in the act, he started running out of the store. Several of the employees were in close pursuit as they chased this man across the store's parking lot.

It was raining very hard that day and it was making it difficult for everyone involved in the chase to see where they were going. The suspect almost escaped when he jumped onto a bicycle and started to put some distance between himself and the store employees. However, because of the rain and visibility, the suspect crashed into a utility pole, knocking himself unconscious.

The employees thought this was the end of the chase. They stood over the suspect as police arrived. However, to everyone's surprise, the suspect got up and started running again. With employees and police now in pursuit, the suspect tried one more trick to prevent his capture. He jumped into a creek. To his dismay, the currents in the creek had become very swift and the suspect was swept away.

The fire department was called and the suspect was eventually rescued. This time he was willing to surrender. He was arrested and charged with shoplifting and resisting arrest. He was also charged for stealing and causing damage to the bicycle.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Man With Green Thumb Grows 8-Foot Marijuana Plant!

A man with a green thumb for growing plants decided to make some really big money cultivating marijuana in his backyard. He was proud of his first attempt which yielded an 8-foot annual. However, it wasn't long before his venture took a turn for the worse.

One day he received a phone call from the Sheriff's office warning him that his growing days were over. They were aware of his backyard venture and told him he must stop his illegal farming now or face severe charges. He was told to chop down his bush, roots and all, and bring it down to the Sheriff's office that same day. If he complied with the demand, no charges would be filed.

Well, the man had no choice. He reluctantly uprooted the plant and took it down to the Sheriff's office. When he walked into the station house, no one could believe what they saw. Officers were actually stunned too see such a large marijuana plant, and they were even more stunned when this man told them that he was complying with their request to bring the plant to the Sheriff's office as demanded.

It turned out that no one in the Sheriff's office had called this man about chopping down his plant. In fact, no one knew anything about his back yard enterprise. The phone call about bringing the marijuana plant to the Sheriff's office was only a prank by several jealous acquaintances.

The man was immediately arrested under suspicion of felony cultivation.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
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Joke: FAMOUS LAST WORDS!

-I'll get a world record for this.

-Hey there's no handles inside these car doors!

-What does this button do?

-I'm making a citizen's arrest.

-So, you're a cannibal.

-The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

-Pull the pin and count to what?

-Which wire was I supposed to cut?

-I've seen this done on TV.

-These are the good kind of mushrooms.

-I'll hold it and you light the fuse.

-What's that priest doing here?

-You look just like Charles Manson.

-This doesn't taste right.

-I can make this light before it changes.

-Nice doggie.

-I can do that with my eyes closed.

-I've done this before.

-Hey that's not a violin.

-I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

-OK this is the last time.

-Now watch this.
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
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Follow That Masked Man!

A man in Philadelphia had a well throught out plan to rob a store. Everything was planned right down to the smallest detail. He even had a mask to conceal his identity. Unfortunately for him, the mask would be the one thing that would get him caught. In fact, he was caught within seconds of entering the store he had planned on robbing.

This dummy made the mistake of putting his mask on just as he was leaving his home. Police on routine patrol happen to spot the masked man as he walked out of his house. They followed him to the store and caught him before he could complete his robbery.
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Bizarre Fact Or Fiction!

This short news clip actually appeared in a recent publication. My guess is that it's fiction, but who knows! Is it another one of those urban fantasies or not. You be the judge.

The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928...........
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"As I mature, with my gray hair and character lines, I am noticing more and more girls interested in me. One asked me, if my hair was real. I told her, 'Would anyone buy hair like this?' Another wanted to know if my teeth were mine. I told her, 'Certainly they are mine. I just made the last payment.' But, all seriousness aside, more and more girls are giving me the once over. Once they look at me, its all over."
Lawrence Brotherton

"It begins when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in the sink."
Author Unknown

"One man with courage makes a majority."
Andrew Jackson

"Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act."
George W. Crane

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."
Rotarian

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
Steven Wright.

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it."
Margaret Thatcher
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Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!

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Many titles that you typically find on the shelves at your local retailer are now available for just the small shipping and handling charge. You'll find hundreds of titles such as Compton's Encyclopedia, Symantec: Norton AntiVirus, Home Depot: Home Improvement 1-2-3. Game software like Johnny Quest: Cover Up At Roswell. Plus many more titles in a number of categories, including games, education, productivity, Home and Garden, etc.
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!

Cartoon #1
Thought for the day...
Cartoon #1
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #2
Management sure delivers....
Cartoon #2
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #3
The BIG medal...
Cartoon #3
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #4
About to get startled!
Cartoon #4
Aol Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #5
I am like this most days...
Cartoon #5
Aol Users
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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A strange law in Vermont requires a woman to get written permission from her husband before she can wear her false teeth.

The U.S. Navy has a Recruitment Code that basically rejects anyone from joining the Navy if they have a tattoo that can be considered obscene and indecent.

In Delaware, nearly 2000 people received public whippings back in the so called "good old days." This was as a result of an old law that dictated public whipping as punishment for 24 different crimes.

The state of New York still has a law on the books that prohibits shooting rabbits from a moving trolley car.

Ancient Cambodian law made it illegal to insult a rice plant. Now tell me! How do you insult a rice plant? Do you make it mad by calling it dirty rice?

In Arizona their is no law that prohibits a person from having a rattlesnake as a pet. However, a license is required to hunt them.

An outdated law in Kansas City, Kansas levied a fine of fifty cents to anyone who dishonored George Washington's name. The law required anyone saying his name to also add the phrase "blessed be his name." Anyone not repeating this phrase was subject to the fine.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!

Last week's question was:

Which U.S. president was the first to visit every state while in office?

1) Jimmy Carter
2) Gerald Ford
3) Richard Nixon
4) Ronald Reagan
5) Bill Clinton

The correct answer is (3) Richard Nixon
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!

Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right. Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles

The Titanic sunk in 1912 after crashing into an iceberg. Since that time how many more ships have been lost due to icebergs.

1) 10
2) 5
3) 0
4) 8
5) 1
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Lawyer Joke: Cash That One If You Can!

At the funeral of a lady was her doctor, a friend and her lawyer. Each had promised her that at her funeral they would toss $1000 into her grave. The doctor and friend each tossed in their $1000 cash, after which the lawyer removed the cash and placed a check for $3000.
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!

The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just like to look at them again.

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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!

WE are the people our parents warned us about!

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If Barbie is so popular,how come you gotta buy her friends?

Love your neighbor, but don't get caught!

Your village called, their idiot is missing!

I used to be Insane....but we're ok now!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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