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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 43
January 25 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 43rd issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Shoplifter Gets Life In Prison For Stealing Panties And Bra!
Lawyer Joke: That's unfair!
Microwave Oven Foils Robbery Attempt!
Joke: The Witness!
Woman Complains To Police About Her Purchase Of Fake Drugs!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Searching For An Eyewitness!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:

"Con"-Testant #1
A Georgia police officer stopped this man for reckless driving. He suspected that the man was in possession of contraband, drugs or alcohol and requested the man's permission to search his vehicle. The man granted permission, but started to run when the officer started to search the car. The driver knew that the officer would find a firearm and discover that he was driving with a revoked license. In his attempt to escape, a small black dog joined in the chase. Even after the dog had forced the man to climb into a dog pen occupied by a very large Rottweiller the man continued to run until he was finally cornered by a "big old brown dog."

"Con"-Testant #2
This government employee was drinking on the job when he crashed his pick-up truck into the back of a car. Not wanting to get caught drinking on the job, the driver continued driving down the highway for another ten miles with major damage to his vehicle. The pick-up had a smashed radiator that leaked a trail that police could follow. The trail indicated that the driver was driving erratically on and off the road and across lanes. Police finally came to the end of the trail when they found the pick-up by the side of the road. It's driver was still nearby, but was so intoxicated that he barely knew where he was.

"Con"-Testant #3
This man was chased by store employees when he was spotted stealing steaks from a Kroger store. During the pursuit the man stole a bicycle and almost got away. However, because it was raining, the man couldn't see where he was going and ended up crashing into a utility pole, knocking himself unconscious. Employees thought this was the end of the chase. They stood over the suspect as police arrived. To everyone's surprise, the suspect got up and started running again. This time he jumped in a creek to prevent capture. However, the currents in the creek had become very swift and the suspect was eventually rescued by the fire department. After the rescue the suspect was finally arrested.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 20 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 38 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 45 total votes.
Well, we topped 100 again in total votes for last week's "Con-Test." Thanks for your participation. The winner for last week was #3. He stayed in the lead right from the start. #2 came up short by seven votes and never seemed to really challenge number #3. Number #1 was never a treat to challenging the other two "Con-Testants."

After a small losing streak, I finally returned to successfully selecting last week's winner. My personal record now stands at 12 wins and 10 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
This "Con-Testant" was recently profiled in issue #38. Here is his story.

Los Angeles police observed a man swerving on and off the road and over the center line. When they tried to pull the driver over, he refused to stop. While in pursuit, the police observed the driver trying to throw out a can of beer. This was an obvious indication that the man was probably drunk.

The driver was having some difficulty in his attempt to throw the can out of the car window. He then decided to open his car door to make it easier to toss out the beer.
Unfortunately, when he threw the can of beer out of the car, he also threw himself completely out of the moving vehicle.
Fortunately, the drunk driver received only minor injuries including some cuts and a few bruises.
There was little damage to his car. However, he was arrested for DUI.

"Con"-Testant #2
Here is another "Con-Testant" that was profiled in issue #38.

An Albuquerque, New Mexico man was hell bent on stealing a utility trailer from a Home Depot. He struck three times in the same evening. His first strike was unsuccessful when the trailer broke loose from his pickup truck just several miles from where the Home Depot was located. Since the man could not re-hitch the crashed trailer, he decided to go back and steal another.

Once again, after driving several miles from the store, the second trailer broke loose and crashed. By the time that the man stole a third trailer, a deputy sheriff had spotted the second trailer. When he started to investigate, the man came driving by with the third trailer attached to the back of his truck. Misfortune struck again when the fender of the trailer hit the deputy's car.

The deputy then pursued the truck in what turned out to be a chase reaching a top speed of only 25 miles per hour. The man knew that a faster speed would probably create another crash. The slow chase soon came to an end and the man was arrested and charged with three counts of theft and two counts of leaving the scene of an accident and another charge for the hit and run accident that occurred when the third trailer hit the deputy's car.

"Con"-Testant #3
This robber was profiled in issue #30. In one respect, he may be the smartest crook I have included in the "Dumb Crooks Award Con-Test." The technique he used to avoid capture worked for a number of robberies. However, this very technique was why I couldn't resist calling him a dumb crook. You be the judge. Here is his interesting profile once again.

A man in Pennsylvania, known by authorities as "The Naked Bandit," was finally arrested. He was responsible for robbing a number of convenience stores. Each time he robbed a store, he did it in the nude. He did wear his underpants. However, they were worn on his head . When asked by detectives why he carried out the robberies in the nude, the man indicated that he had been identified by the clothes he wore in previous robberies.
In court, this man pleaded guilty and was later sentenced to a long prison term. He did wear clothes to court. Underpants were optional.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Chronicles

Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Chronicles

If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Votes Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Shoplifter Gets Life In Prison For Stealing Panties And Bra!

A man in Jupiter, Florida actually got life for stealing panties and a bra from a Wal-Mart. Well, that's not the whole story. This man had a number of previous felony convictions. When he decided to shoplift some clothes which included panties, a sports bra, boxer shorts, and cigarette lighters, he was basically committing a misdemeanor. However, when a security guard approached this crook, he pulled out a knife and threatened the officer. This single act turned the crime into a felony.

The state of Florida has a repeat offender law that made it mandatory for the judge to give this man a life sentence. In Florida, under the repeat offender law, there is no chance for parole. The man had been out of prison about 3 years and that was not long enough to disqualify him from being considered a repeat offender.

The items that were shoplifted had a total value under $50. Certainly not worth going to prison for life, but who said crooks think about the consequences of their crimes before they commit them. In fact, that's why we have so many dumb crooks out there.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
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Lawyer Joke: That's unfair!

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman. "That's unfair !" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." "Shut up!" barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
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Microwave Oven Foils Robbery Attempt!

A Portland, Connecticut man attempted to rob a Burger King, but stopped and ran away when he heard burglar alarms going off. What he actually heard was a timer on Burger King's microwave oven. "Hey, come back, your order is ready!
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Joke: The Witness!

The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness.
"Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander.
"I certainly did."
"And?"
"And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"
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Woman Complains To Police About Her Purchase Of Fake Drugs!

A Canadian woman got pretty upset when she bought rock cocaine from a drug dealer. When she got home and had time to check out her purchase, she realized that she had been cheated. Her purchase appeared to be nothing more than baking powder.

She heard that The Royal Canadian Mounted Police had a campaign going on that encouraged anyone buying or receiving fake drugs to come forward. Anxious to get her revenge and perhaps her money back, this woman called The RCMP with a complaint against her drug dealer.

As standard practice, a narcotics agent came to this woman's home to take her report and to test the fake drug. Well, to the woman's surprise, the baking powder turned out to be cocaine. The woman was immediately placed under arrest and later charged with drug possession.

Although The RCMP encourages people to come forward with complaints about fake drugs, it is still duty bound to arrest anyone that has the real thing in their possession.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends."
Anonymous

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
Oscar Wilde

"A fisherman is like a hypochondriac, because neither has to catch anything to be happy."
Lawrence Brotherton

"There's no thrill in easy sailing when the skies are clear and blue, there's no joy in merely doing things which any one can do. But there is some satisfaction that is mighty sweet to take, when you reach a destination that you thought you'd never make."
Spirella

"Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers."
Voltaire

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
Albert Schweitzer

"Many a good man has failed because he had his wishbone where his backbone should have been."
Unknown
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Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!

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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!

Cartoon #1
My mouse has eloped...
Cartoon #1
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Cartoon #2
You're so Pathetic...
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #3
Who wants to be ... A Teacher?
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #4
Getting Fried...
Cartoon #4
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Toon of the day

Cartoon #5
Bugs in your teeth...
Cartoon #5
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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In New Jersey, you better mind your manners. An old law could get you arrested for slurping soup.

A very old law, in the state of Washington, makes it illegal to sleep in an outhouse unless you have the owner's permission.

Imitating a police whistle in Christiansburg, Virginia could get you arrested or fined.

Restaurants, taverns or any other public establishment that sells liquor in Chicago, Illinois, is prohibited by law from serving liquor to anyone who is feeble minded. I imagine it's pretty hard to tell the difference between a drunk and a person who may be feeble-minded. Maybe they should require their drinking customers to carry a card stating or certifying that they are of sound mind. Of course, a lot of people would have some difficulty getting certified. Can you imagine being of legal drinking age and still getting carded.

In Belhaven, N.C., going to the bathroom could be quite expensive if you paid your sewer bill according to how the town law regarding sewer service was worded. Originally the law stated that there would be a $2 charge per month, per stool. It was changed, only recently, to $2 per month, per toilet. What a relief!

If you ever make it to Fairbanks, Alaska be advised that you could get into very serious trouble giving beer to a moose. It is strictly forbidden by law.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!

Last week's question was:

The Titanic sunk in 1912 after crashing into an iceberg. Since that time how many more ships have been lost due to icebergs.

1) 10
2) 5
3) 0
4) 8
5) 1

The correct answer (3) 0. No ships have been lost due to icebergs since the sinking of the Titanic.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!

Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right. Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles

The smallest U.S. President weighed less than 100 pounds during his term of office. Who was he?

1) William Henry Harrison
2) Woodrow Wilson
3) James Madison
4) Andrew Jackson
5) James Buchananan
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Joke: Searching For An Eyewitness!

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.

"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.

"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!

The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just like to look at them again.

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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!

I'm not broke, I still have blank checks

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Spare the fenders,save the trees,give your sober friend the keys

I always drive 30 miles under the speed limit.

Support Search and Rescue- Get Lost.

Pass with care, driver chews tobacco

I just filled my gas tank...now my car is worth 12.85
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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