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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 44
February 01 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 44th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Clerk Refuses To Turn Over Money To "Big Bad John!"
Lawyer Joke: I Want My Lawyer Arrested!
Trivia Tid Bit!
Joke: A Farmer and His Pig!
Police Finger Safecracker!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz! "Bonnie and Clyde!"
Joke: The Old Witness!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:

"Con"-Testant #1
This drunken driver was swerving on and off the road when he realized that police were in pursuit. He then proceeded to attempt to throw out his can of beer so he could get rid of the evidence. However, he was having so much difficulty throwing the beer away that he finally opened his car door while the vehicle was still moving. He ended up throwing out the beer and himself.

"Con"-Testant #2
This man tried to steal a utility trailer from a Home Depot. In fact, he actually stole three different trailers in one evening. Each time that he took one, it would break loose from his pickup truck several miles from the Home Depot. After each unsuccessful attempt, he would simply go back to the Home Depot and hitch up another trailer. On his final attempt, the fender of the stolen trailer hit a deputy's car. After a short, low speed chase, the man was finally arrested.

"Con"-Testant #3
This man was known as "THE Naked Bandit." He robbed a number of convenience stores in the nude. He did wear his underpants. However, they were worn on his head. After his capture, the man proclaimed that his nudity was his disguise. He indicated that he had been identified in previous robberies by the clothes he wore, and that's why he decided to go naked in all future robberies.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 37 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 50 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 23 total votes.

We set a new record for total votes cast in last week's "Con-Test." A total of 110 votes were counted. Thanks for the great participation. As you can see "Con-Testant" #2 was last week's winner. He actually ended up with 45% of the vote. Number one came in second with 34% of total and although #3 came in third, he still managed to get a respectable 21% of the vote.
My personal selection for last week was for the winner. My own record now stands at 13 winning weeks and 10 losing weeks.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
This "Con-Testant" was first profiled in issue #39. See why he was selected as one of this week's dumb crooks.
A Hendersonville, Tennessee man answered his door in his underwear and to his surprise it was the cops. They came to his house in an attempt to serve an arrest warrant for a previous misdemeanor charge. It was a very minor charge, but the man had failed to appear in court, so the arrest warrant was issued. Police did allow the man to get dressed before he was cuffed and arrested.
When officers delivered the man to headquarters for booking, they discovered, during a routine search, that the man had 20 packets of crack cocaine in one of his pants pockets. The man explained to police that it was his cocaine and that he knew it was in his pocket. In fact, he placed it there after police allowed him to get dressed.
When officers asked why he made such a stupid decision to bring the cocaine to the police station, the man explained that he was sure the cocaine would be stolen if he left it behind. He lived in an area known for high crime. He believed that anyone from his neighborhood that found out he had been arrested would go to his house and take his stash.
As an after thought, this man realized that he would have been better off leaving his stash behind. He could have tried hiding it somewhere else and take his chances that it might still be there after he served his short sentence for the misdemeanor. Also, by taking the stash with him, anyone that did try to steal the packets of cocaine, would probably ransack his home in their unsuccessful attempt to find the drugs.
Because of his stupidity, he not only lost his crack cocaine, but he also was charged for felony possession.

"Con"-Testant #2
This woman was featured in issue #37. You'll soon see why she was selected. Read her almost life ending story.
When a Kansas woman got drunk, she decided to put on a striptease show for the passengers of a train passing through her town. However, she made the mistake of trying to get as close to the tracks as possible and was sucked into the side of the train. The woman did survive, but she suffered two broken arms along with some assorted bumps and bruises and a couple of bad cuts to her face.
After being released from the hospital, this woman was arrested for criminal trespass.

"Con"-Testant #3
You decide whether or not this robber could be classified as dumb. He did escape capture after going through what might be considered a hair raising experience. He did make one major mistake that almost cost him more than a prison term.
A man, who robbed a bank in Virginia Beach, may have escaped with the money, but he lost his pants and perhaps a little skin in the process. Witnesses indicated that the robber stuffed the bag, containing the bank's money, down the front of his pants as he ran for the front door. A small explosive noise was heard and the next thing witnesses saw was a pants less robber jumping around in a bit of pain. What the robber didn't know, before placing the bag down in his pants, was that the bag contained a dye pack which explodes when opened or tampered with.
The robber was seen running across the bank parking lot in just his underwear. He was still holding on to the money in one hand and grasping inside his underwear with the other hand. Despite the explosion, the robber managed to make his escape. The only physical clue the police were able to obtain was the very charred pants once worn by this very surprised robber.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizare Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Clerk Refuses To Turn Over Money To "Big Bad John!"

A man in San Francisco entered a liquor store in an area typically referred to as the city's Tenderloin district. He announced to the clerk that he was robbing the store. The robber was an imposing figure. He was tall and very muscular and he was toting a gun. When he demanded that the clerk turn over the money, the clerk had the nerve to refuse. Instead of pursuing the robbery attempt any further, the would be robber turned out to be a whimp. After the clerk said "no" to the man's demand to turn over the cash, the robber put his gun back in his pocket, started to cry and then ran out of the store as fast as he could.
He was never heard from again.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
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****Cool Web Sightings****
Cool Web Sightings - Travel the Web through our Ezine! Join the weekly newsletter 'Cool Web Sightings!' Each week we bring you 15 to 20 interesting and educational web sites. Recently mentioned in Yahoo! Internet Life and PC World's "Tip World." Past issues are archived for your review. Join today!
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Cool Web Sightings
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Lawyer Joke: I Want My Lawyer Arrested!

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."

"Why ?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?"

"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to.Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general :
Jokes
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Trivia Tid Bit!

Did you know that "The Police Entrance Examination Guide" is one of the most stolen books from public libraries. Only the "Bible" and the "Koran" are stolen more often.
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Joke: A Farmer and His Pig!

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"
The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that."
The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis".
The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."
So the farmer promised he would.
Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.
The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."
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Police Finger Safecracker!

Police in Wood River, Illinois were alerted to a burglary attempt in which someone tried to steal a safe. When police arrived at the scene of the crime, they noticed that the safe was turned face down and that a glove was underneath it. When the safe was up righted, investigators were in the process of taking finger prints and looking for other clues.

The glove was an obvious clue that might provide some evidence to the burglars identity. Well, it actually turned out to be the only clue they would need to catch the culprit. As investigators checked the glove they found a gruesome clue that would quickly lead to an arrest. The burglars top portion of the middle finger from his left hand was still in the glove. In his burglary attempt, he was able to tip the safe, but wasn't quick enough to get his finger out of the way after the safe came crashing to the floor.

When police checked with the local hospital, they discovered that a man with a missing finger tip was waiting for treatment. Officers went to the hospital and placed the man in police custody. He was treated for his injury and released to police. He was charged in the burglary attempt. As expected, he admitted to his crime.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown

"You never will be the person you can be if pressure, tension and discipline are taken out of your life."
James G. Bilkey

"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
George Burns

"Most of us are pretty good at keeping promises to others and pretty bad at keeping promises to ourselves."
Lawrence LeShan

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
Albert Schweitzer

All people smile in the same language.
Unknown
"Oh, my wife can spend money. I mean, who tips at a tollbooth? Now she tells me she wants plastic surgery. She got plastic surgery- I cut up her credit cards."
Rodney Dangerfield
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Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!

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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Note: Recently I have received numerous e-mails from AOL users indicating difficulty getting the cartoon and funny pic links to work. This was a problem which I previously addressed with the service that provides the cartoons and funny pics. I tested a new linking system with a number of AOL users and thought that the problem had been solved. I started listing a special url for AOL users with each cartoon. However, some of you are still having problems. It could be that certain settings in your e-mail program must be used or that only certain versions of AOL work. If you are having a problem, please e-mail me with info on how the links are showing up (or not showing up) and let me know what version of AOL you are using. I'll try to find out what can be done and perhaps report my findings next week. Hopefully I can find a solution that will make it possible for everyone to view the links. You can e-mail me at
AOL Questions

Here Are The Top 5 Cartoon Picks For This Week!

Cartoon #1
You have the Power....
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #2
Life's subtle hints...
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #3
Its a stickup? Blowup?
Cartoom #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #4
Where's it going??
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Toon of the day

Cartoon #5
New escape route...
Cartoon #5
AOL Users
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.
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Many years ago, the city council of West Palm Beach in Florida set forth a decree that outhouses must be fireproof. For some reason they believed that outhouses were highly combustible due to the internal gases that could form inside an outhouse.

If you are ever in Mooresville, North Carolina, make sure you don't stick your gum to a pool table. In fact it's against the law to attach anything to a pool table in this city.

California nudist take note: You can now buy alcoholic beverages in nudist colonies. It was once illegal for establishments located in nudist colonies to sell any beverage that contained alcohol. Thanks to a recent law it is now legal to sell beer and liquor to the nudist community.

Don't sing in Sarasota, Florida if you're wearing a swimming suit. A swim suit isn't considered proper attire for anyone that wants to sing. Violators could be prosecuted.

In Switzerland it is illegal to wash your car on Sunday.

If you plan on going bowling in Evanston, Illinois, forget it! Bowling is forbidden within city limits.

Don't let your children ride a merry-go-round on Sunday in Idaho. There is a state law that considers this a crime.

In Tucson, Arizona, it is against the law for a woman to wear pants. This law is probably not being enforced. At least I hope not. However, it may still be on the books.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!

Last week's question was:

The smallest U.S. President weighed less than 100 pounds during his term of office. Who was he?

1) William Henry Harrison
2) Woodrow Wilson
3) James Madison
4) Andrew Jackson
5) James Buchananan
The correct answer (3) James Madison was the smallest U.S. President.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!

Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right. Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles

The notorious outlaw gang of Bonnie and Clyde would usually steal a getaway car when they committed a crime. Clyde was choosy and only preferred one make of automobile. What car brand did he prefer.

1) Chevrolet
2) Ford
3) Pontiac
4) Buick
5) Edsel
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Joke: The Old Witness!

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!

The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just like to look at them again.

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Funny Pic of the day
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!

Driver carries no cash--he's married!

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them.

Don't hit me - my lawyer's in jail.

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian

Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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