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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 45
February 08 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 45th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Hero Gets Arrested After Getting Shot!
Lawyer Joke: A Simple Mistake!
Trivia Tid Bit!
Joke: Waiting And Waiting For Justice!
Two Hour Police Chase Ends Up In The Trees!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Signs You're Dealing With A Dumb Criminal!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This man was arrested at his home when police served an
outstanding warrant for a previous misdemeanor charge. He
answered the door in his underwear. Police allowed him to get
dressed. When they searched him at police headquarters they
discovered 20 packets of crack cocaine in his pants pocket. He
could have left the cocaine at home, but chose to bring it along
to the police station because he feared that someone else might
enter his home and take his stash of cocaine. He was charged
with felony possession.
"Con"-Testant #2
This Kansas woman was drunk when she decided to perform a
striptease show for passengers on a train passing through her
town. She got to close to the tracks and was struck by the moving
train. Luckily, she survived her injuries. After being released
from the hospital, she was arrested for criminal trespass.
"Con"-Testant #3
This bank robber made the mistake of placing the money bag down
the front of his pants. He didn't know that the bag contained a
dye pack that would explode if someone tried to open it. When the
bag exploded, the robber lost his pants and perhaps a little bit
of skin. He was last seen running away in just his underwear. He
was holding the money in one hand and grasping inside his
underwear with the other hand.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 86 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 8 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 23 total votes.
We had another recording breaking week for number of votes cast.
Our total vote count reached 117. I would like to thank everyone
who participated. As you can see #1 had a landslide victory with
86 total votes. He managed to get 73% of the votes. Second place
went to #3 with 20% of the vote and #2 was a long-shot with just
7% of the vote.
I personally voted for #1. My record now stands at 14 wins and
10 losses.
______________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
You may have remembered this crook. He was recently profiled in
issue #40. I'm sure you'll see why I nominated him as one of this
week's dumb "Con-Testants." Here is his profile.
This story takes place in Charleston, West Virginia. It occurred
one evening as a man was leaving a restaurant. Our dumb crook
walked up to the man, pulled out a gun and then demanded that the
man turn over all of his money. The man insisted that he wasn't
carrying any money, but the crook wasn't easily convinced. He
became more and more angry at the man's continued insistence that
he had no money.
The victim began to realize the real danger he was in and how
desperate this crook must be. He didn't want the crook to become
even more aggravated, so he made an offer to write a check for a
sizable amount of money. The crook agreed, but required the
victim to make the check out to cash so that he wouldn't have to
reveal his identity. When the crook agreed to accept the check, the
victim knew he was dealing with a genuine dummy. The victim then
proceeded to set-up a time for the man to show up at the bank that
next morning. He told the crook that he would call the bank in
advance and let them know that someone was coming into the bank at
nine o'clock to collect money on a check written to cash and to
have the money available for this person when he showed up. Sure
enough the dumb crook showed up the next morning, on time, to
collect his bounty. Of course the police were there to collect
him.
When police arrested our dumb crook, he was in what might be
described as a state of shock and utter disbelief. He couldn't
figure out in his little pea brain how the cops and the bank knew
what he was up too.
"Con"-Testant #2
This Miami man could go to prison for life. He is a repeat
offender who has been referred to as a violent career criminal.
Under Florida law, violent repeat offenders can get a life
sentence without parole.
The crime this man committed was actually a crime against himself.
He was carrying a pistol in his pants. When he got drunk, he
tried to pull it out, but it went off. Unfortunately, the bullet
struck the man's private area causing severe pain and permanent
damage.
The ex-con tried to convince police that someone else assaulted
him, but had to admit to the crime when paramedics reported that
they found the shell casing in the victims underwear.
The ex-con was charged with possession of a firearm by a
convicted felon, and concealing a weapon. This man's public
defender is pleading with the court system to dismiss the charges
against his client, since the crime was a self-inflicted wound.
According to the public defense lawyer, the ex-con has suffered
enough and his permanent injury should be more than enough
punishment.
"Con"-Testant #3
This man was profiled in issue #41. See why he was selected as
one of my candidates for this week's dumb crooks award.
A man from Kingsport, Tennessee lost his sanity just long enough
to cause over $10,000 worth of damage to an ATM machine. The
machine took the man's card and wouldn't return it due too a
malfunction. The man became so enraged that he went back to his
car, got his tire iron and started smashing away at the ATM. The
angry rampage went on for nearly 20 minutes before the man
finally left the scene of the attack.
One part of the ATM that survived the destruction was the
machine's video camera. It had recorded every second of the brutal
vandalism. Police were able to make an identity on the vandal based
on the video and the man's credit card that the ATM machine held
onto. An arrest was made soon after.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
_________________________________________________________________
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Hero Gets Arrested After Getting Shot!
A student from Iowa State University wanted to impress a female
friend by interrupting a fake assault directed at the female.
The male student was able to convince a friend to go along with
the assault.
The plan was for the friend to pretend that he was going to mug
the girl. The male student would then intervene and assert his
manhood by blocking the mugger and getting shot in the process.
He was willing to actually get shot by a low caliber derringer.
The scheme went pretty much as planned, but the shot did more
damage than expected. The would-be hero was taken to the hospital
with a wound to the shoulder. Although the bullet barely missed
his lung, he had to go into surgury to have bullet fragments
removed.
Upon investigation of the attempted assault, police were able to
determine that the mugging attempt was just a phony scheme. Both
men were arrested and charged with filing a false police report
and the reckless use of a firearm.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Lawyer Joke: A Simple Mistake!
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal
illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't
take it with you." After much thought and consideration, the
old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least
some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife
to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow
cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the
attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he
passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to
heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's
wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten
pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she
exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the
basement."
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
_________________________________________________________________
Trivia Tid Bit!
We all know about the advanced laboratory technologies used by
the FBI in solving crimes. It's a major reason why the FBI is
as effective as it is in finding out the almost impossible clues
to seemingly unsolvable crimes. Most people don't know that the
first technical laboratory used by the FBI was established way
back on November 24, 1932. It was located in the Southern Railway
Building in Washington, DC. At that time the FBI was called the
USBOI, or the "United States Bureau of Investigation."
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Joke: Waiting And Waiting For Justice!
A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and
the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving
under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m.
and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess
and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for
jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told
them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a
novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.
The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that
the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the
judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience
and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding
up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well
have they got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and
said, "Verdict? Heck, they're still doing nominating speeches
for the foreman's position!"
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Two Hour Police Chase Ends Up In The Trees!
Police in Anniston, Alabama attempted to pull over a man on a
motorcycle for a traffic violation. The man wouldn't stop and
the chase was on. In fact the chase lasted for nearly two hours.
The pursuit continued from Anniston and then into Alexandria.
In Alexandria, the suspect ditched his cycle and ran into a
densely wooded area.
Police went into the woods after the man, but had great
difficulty finding any trail or clue as to where he was hiding.
They had decided to give up the search when they heard a phone
ring. It rang loud enough and long enough for officers to
determine that the sound was coming from high up in a tree.
Officers were able to spot the suspect hiding high above the
ground. He was trying to turn off his phone, but it was to late.
After arresting the man, police discovered that he was an escaped
fugitive. That was the obvious reason the suspect wouldn't pull
over for a minor traffic violation. He was returned to jail to
continue his current prison term and he now faces many additional
charges in connection with the two hour chase.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"It is the beautiful bird that gets caged."
Chinese Proverb
"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the
seeds you plant."
Robert Louis Stevenson
"Horse sense means seeing things two ways -- how you
want them to be and how they have to be."
June Smith
"Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again."
Larry Baum
"Now all the buses want exact change. I figure if I give
them exact change, they should take me exactly where I want
to go."
Author Unknown
"Charm is the ability to make someone think that both
of you are quite wonderful."
Author Unknown
"Every child has great ambitions. As he grows, he is bombarded
by negative suggestions -- you can't do this; you can't do
that; be careful; look for security, and so on. Year by year,
he experiences the "realities" of life, and his ambitions
fade away. Figuratively speaking, most children die by the
time they reach their adulthood."
Shall Sinha
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Note: Last week I addressed the problem that AOL users were
having in regards to the cartoon links. I asked for input
from those that were having problems. I received quite a
bit of feed-back, which was greatly appreciated. However, I
think I've created more questions than answers. Some of you
indicated that the links didn't show up or hyperlink. Some
indicated that the link hyper-linked, but did not work when
clicked. I have had some AOL users with version 5.0 and
version 6.0 say that the current links I am listing for AOL
users are working while others with these same versions are
telling me that they don't work. I've even had several users
tell me not to add the html code (br) or (BR) and that if I
leave it off, the link it will work. However, I never include
(br) or (BR) in the link. The AOL program is adding that to
the link when it comes into your e-mail program.
At this time I am stumped as to a solution. Perhaps it has
something to do with your settings. I'm not familiar with AOL
at all and don't know if that is the main problem. Maybe
someone can contact AOL support and see what they suggest and
then get back to me with an e-mail. I'll still be working on it
this week again to see what I can do about this problem. There
has to be a solution that works for everybody. It might even be
a simple solution.
I am experimenting with a second AOL link. Let me know if it
works. I am listing it as the test link with Cartoon #1. The
first AOL link for this cartoon is formatted in the usual way.
If you are an AOL user not having a problem with the cartoon
and funny pics links, then use the regular link. If you are
having problems, give the test link a try. Let me know how
it works.
You can e-mail me at:
AOL Questions
Cartoon #1
New research shows...
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
Toon of the day
AOL Test Link
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
Let's go shopping...
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Is it safe?
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Checking the messages...
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
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Cartoon #5
Optical illusion No 1.
Cartoon #5
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Basketball hoops in a driveway...it's as American as apple pie
and you see them in every community across the U.S.A. However,
in Peoria, Illinois it's against the law to have a basketball
hoop in your driveway.
Bernards Township in New Jersey has what they call a "Frown-Free
Town Zone." If you frown within the city limits you would be
breaking the law and could receive a fine.
If you own a cat in Cresskill, New Jersey, you are required by
law to equip your cat with three bells. The purpose of the bells
is to warn birds that a cat is dangerously close.
Did you know that the Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in the
state of Texas. It was banned because it contains instructions
and the recipe for making home brewed beer.
In Marshalltown, Iowa there was once a law forbidding horses
from eating fire hydrants. In fact, the law may still be on the
books.
How's this for a strange and bizarre law? In Whitehall, Montana
it is illegal to drive any vehicle that has ice picks attached
to it's wheels. This law puts a real damper on any hopes for a
modern day chariot race through the streets of Whitehall.
In Natchez, Missouri they actually have a law that forbids anyone
from getting an elephant drunk.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
The notorious outlaw gang of Bonnie and Clyde would usually
steal a getaway car when they committed a crime. Clyde was
choosy and only preferred one make of automobile. What car
brand did he prefer.
1) Chevrolet
2) Ford
3) Pontiac
4) Buick
5) Edsel
The correct answer (2) Ford
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles
The U.S. Marine Corps came into existence during which war?
1) Civil War
2) Revolutionary War
3) Korean War
4) Spanish-American War
5) World War I
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Signs You're Dealing With A Dumb Criminal!
1) He took public transportation to and from his bank robbery.
2) He is using his seeing eye dog as a look-out.
3) Instead of a cherry pie, she shoplifted yeast, flour, eggs,
and a jar of cherries.
4) You caught him driving a stolen car with "The Club" still on.
5) He tries to convince you that he thought crack was a breakfast
cereal.
6) He responds to your use of verbal force with a bunch of
"Yo'momma" one-liners.
7) He makes himself laugh every time he says he's innocent.
8) He claims diplomatic immunity because he's a citizen of the
Republic of Texas.
9) He asks the judge for a senior citizen discount on his 7-year
sentence.
10) He left footprints and a bloody glove at the crime scene.
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!
The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working
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Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my
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________________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
You can't scare me - I have children!
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
It is a shame stupidity isn't painful
This car is insured by the mafia you hit me they hit you
Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
Work is for people who don't know how to fish
Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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Subscribe
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 06:49:50
