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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 46
February 15 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 46th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Guess What This Drunk Driver Does For A Living!
Joke: LOST AND FOUND!
Joke: IT DOESN'T TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO FIGURE IT OUT!
Drug Test Reveals Convicted Man Is Pregnant!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: SPARE PARTS AND WORKING HEARTS!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This dumb crook tried to rob a man who was leaving a restaurant.
The man told the crook that he didn't have any money with him.
The crook grew angry as he kept insisting that the man did have
money. The victim realized that he was in real danger so he
offered to write a check to the robber. The robber agreed and
was even dumb enough to go along with the victim's arrangement
as to a specific time to show-up at the bank to cash the check
on the following morning. Needless to say, the police were
waiting for the robber's arrival and a quick arrest was made.
"Con"-Testant #2
This repeat violent offender actually committed a crime against
himself. While drunk, he tried to pull a gun out of his pants.
The gun went off accidentally, causing a very painful wound to the
ex-con's private area. He sustained permanent damage. He was
charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and
concealing a weapon. As a repeat offender he could spend the rest
of his life in prison without chance for parole.
"Con"-Testant #3
This man destroyed an ATM in a fit of anger. The machine would
not return his credit card so he got a tire iron and started
smashing away. His rampage lasted for 20 minutes. The machine
managed to hold on to his card. Also, the machine's video
camera survived the rampage and was able to record every second
of the brutal vandalism. An arrest was made soon after.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 118 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 16 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 9 total votes.
We did it again! Another record breaking week for total votes
cast. We counted 143 votes. Thanks to everyone who participated.
It was another landslide victory with the award going to #1. The
118 votes accumulated for #1 was 83% of the vote. #2 came in second.
His votes gave him 11% of the vote. #3 only managed to get 6% of
the vote.
I correctly selected the winner again. My personal record now
stands at 15 wins and 10 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This crazed driver was profiled in issue #41. Here is his story.
For some reason, a Salisbury, North Carolina driver resented the
site of joggers on or near the roadside. Then one day, his
resentment turned to extreme anger. While driving, he spotted a
man jogging past his car. He then decided to swerve into the
direction of the jogger in an attempt to actually run over the
man.
Fortunately the jogger was able to escape injury. Unfortunately
for the crazed driver, the man he tried to run over happened to
be an off-duty Sheriff's Deputy. The deputy was able to run home,
get into his patrol car and catch up with the attacker.
An arrest was made and the driver was booked and charged for
assault with a deadly weapon.
"Con"-Testant #2
This masked robber was featured in issue #42. See why he was
chosen as one of this week's "Con-Testants."
A man in Philadelphia had a well thought out plan to rob a store.
Everything was planned right down to the smallest detail. He even
had a mask to conceal his identity. Unfortunately for him, the
mask would be the one thing that would get him caught. In fact,
he was caught within seconds of entering the store he had planned
on robbing.
This dummy made the mistake of putting his mask on just as he was
leaving his home. Police on routine patrol happened to spot the
masked man as he walked out of his house. They followed him to
the store and caught him before he could complete his robbery.
"Con"-Testant #3
A burglar was able to sneak past security at the Odstock Hospital
in Salisbury, Wiltshire. His intent was to steal something
interesting or unusual and to just be nosey by looking around in
parts of the hospital that most people don't normally see.
While on the prowl, this burglar walked into a room that had an
upright sun bed. He decided that he would take advantage of his
new discovery and get a nice tan. He removed all of his clothes,
turned on the machine and proceeded to bask in the artificial rays
produced by the sun bed. He spent nearly 45 minutes on the sun
bed with little knowledge about the beds prescribed usage.
Well, as it turned out, the sun bed was a special high voltage UV
machine that was designed to deliver it's high powered dosage in
10 seconds. Past that time would definitely cause severe damage
to the skin. So you can just imagine the damage this burglar did
to his skin after 45 minutes of exposure.
Although, in severe pain, the burglar was able to sneak out of
the hospital without being detected. However, it wasn't long
before he became a patient in another hospital. Because of the
agonizing pain and a body covered with blisters, the hospital
burglar now was a patient in the South Hampton General Hospital.
This hospital is located about 20 miles from the hospital where
he sustained his severe burns.
When he entered the hospital, he was wearing a doctor's coat.
This caused South Hampton's hospital staff to become suspicious
and so they called the police. It didn't take long for police to
determine the facts in this case. After contacting the Odstock
Hospital and interrogating the burn victim, they had enough
information to place the burglar in police custody. Of course the
burglar had to remain in the hospital for some time so that he
could receive treatment for his burns.
Doctor's have indicated that this man will have scars over a
large portion of his body for the rest of his life.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
Vote
Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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_________________________________________________________________
Guess What This Drunk Driver Does For A Living!
A West Virginian man was arrested after being stopped by police
for speeding. He was caught going 90 miles per hour in a 65 m.p.h
speed zone. When officers approached the suspect's vehicle, they
could smell a very strong odor of alcohol. The man's eye's were
bloodshot and his manner of speech was impaired.
The driver failed the sobriety test and refused to take a
breathalyzer. When police asked the driver what his his occupation
was, they discovered that the man worked for the governor's office
as a state liquor inspector.
It's not known whether this inspector will lose his job or be
suspended. The governor's office did respond to the media by
indicating that this inspector's behavior was improper.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Joke: LOST AND FOUND!
A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to
make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other
buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor
by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found
a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They
decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and
showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They
said this could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn�t stand it
any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the
police and said, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in
the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody
important."
The police said "It�s not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind
of important."
"Well, who was it?" they asked.
Said the cops, "The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: IT DOESN'T TAKE A ROCKET SCIENTIST TO FIGURE IT OUT!
A rocket scientist is driving to work when his cell phone rings.
"Hi, honey", says his wife, "I was just listening to the traffic
report on the radio. There's some lunatic driving the wrong way
on the freeway, so be careful!"
The rocket scientist replies, "I will, but let me tell you,
there's more than one of them -- there's hundreds!"
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Drug Test Reveals Convicted Man Is Pregnant!
A Painesville, Ohio man was convicted for a number of thefts, but
his lawyer was able to talk the judge into a possible sentence of
probation only. However, the judge ordered the man to submit to a
drug test before announcing a sentence.
When the results came back, court officials were surprised and
amused when urine analysis revealed that the man was pregnant. Of
course, that meant that the man was somehow able to sneak another
person's urine into the test. It was noted by investigators, that
this man's wife was present at the place where the he received
the test and that she was pregnant.
Another test was ordered and this time the results were much, much
different. The man tested positive for cocaine. Instead of getting
probation, the judge gave him a one year prison term.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the
impression he just cleaned the whole house."
-- Author Unknown
"There is no such thing as can't, only won't. If you're
qualified, all it takes is a burning desire to accomplish,
to make a change. Go forward, go backward. Whatever it
takes! But you can't blame other people or society in
general. It all comes from your mind. When we do the
impossible we realize we are special people."
-- Jan Ashford
"Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of
bad training."
-- Anna Freud
"When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
"The sad truth is that opportunity doesn't knock twice.
You can put things off until tomorrow but tomorrow may
never come. Where will you be a few years down the line.
Will it be everything you dreamed of. We seal our fate
with the choices we take, but don't give a second thought
to the chances we take."
-- Gloria Estefan
What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next
thing you need to do."
-- Anon.
"Everybody wants to save the earth - nobody wants to help Mom
to do the dishes."
-- P. J. O'Rourke
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
I received a good number of replies to the AOL linking problem
that I addressed in previous issues. Many of those replying
have indicated that the test link I included last week for
Cartoon #1 does work. So all of this week's AOL links will
include url's that have been formatted in the same manner as
the test link. I hope this is the solution. Please let me know
if you have any further problems with these links.
You can e-mail me at:
AOL
Cartoon #1
Internet greeting card.
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
Another optical illusion
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Oh! Don't remind me!
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Life of a Computer addict.
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
Moses at the Pool.
Cartoon #5
AOL Users
Toon of the day
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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Massachusetts has a strange law that prohibits using bullets as
a form of currency.
There is a New York state law that will never be enforced and is
broken by thousands of people everyday. Basically the law implies
that any person riding in an elevator can not talk to anyone, and
must keep his/her eyes looking at the elevator door at all times.
Also, you must keep your hands folded until you get off the
elevator.
A really bizarre law in Harper Woods, Michigan makes it illegal
to paint sparrows for the purpose of selling them as parakeets.
I wonder if this an ongoing problem in this city! You've got to
wonder how many people would actually be fooled by someone trying
to pass off a sparrow as a parakeet.
An old Boston law requires that you must get a prescription to
take a bath.
Attention Men! If you go to Italy, leave your skirt at home. If
caught out in public wearing a skirt, you could be arrested and
charged for breaking the law.
Trespassing is illegal almost everywhere in the world. However,
in Scotland you are allowed by law to trespass on another
person's land.
In Paris, France an ashtray has been declared a deadly weapon!
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
The U.S. Marine Corps came into existence during which war?
1) Civil War
2) Revolutionary War
3) Korean War
4) Spanish-American War
5) World War I
The correct answer is (2) Revolutionary War.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Chronicles
In 1803 the United States purchased the Louisiana Territory from
France. How much did the U.S.A. pay France for this purchase.
1) $200,000
2) $1 million
3) $5 million
4) $15 million
5) Just the token amount of $1
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Joke: SPARE PARTS AND WORKING HEARTS!
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his
options with his doctor.
The doctor said, "We have three possible donors; tell me which
one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in
an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman
who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The
third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30
years."
"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why
he had chosen the donor he did.
"It was easy," the patient replied. "I wanted a heart that hadn't
been used."
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Funny Pictures Of The Week!
The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it call a cop!
I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to
say so.
Honk if parts fall off!
HUKED ON FONIKS WERKD FER ME!
I'm thinking the same thing about you
Honk if your horn is broken.
Answer my prayers Steal this car
Don't lend me money; It'll give me amnesia!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 06:51:01
