*****************************************************************
Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 47
February 22 2001
*****************************************************************
Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 47th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: You're Suppose To Wear The Mask Stupid!
Lawyer Joke: A Woman & A Cocky Lawyer!
Joke: A Busload of Politicians!
Feature Story: River Rafters End Up In Hot Water!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Some Quick Jokes!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
_________________________________________________________________
Credit Problems? Don't Worry, Let Us Show You a Secret.
You Can Have Perfect Credit! Thanks to the U.S. Government
& The Fair Credit Act, You Have Rights & Some Real Options!
FREE INFO at:
Credit Problems
_________________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This crazed driver hated joggers with a passion. One day he
lost control of his senses and tried to run down a Salisbury,
North Carolina jogger. The jogger turned out to be an off-duty
Sheriff's Deputy. After escaping injury, the officer ran home,
got into his patrol car and was able to catch up with his
attacker and make the arrest.
"Con"-Testant #2
This Philadelphia man had a well thought out plan to rob a store.
Unfortunately for him, he made the mistake of putting his mask on
in advance. Officers on routine patrol saw the masked man as he
left his house. They followed him to the store and caught him
before he could complete his robbery.
"Con"-Testant #3
This burglar snuck into a hospital completely undetected by
security. While being nosey, he discovered a tanning bed in one
of the treatment rooms. He decided to strip off his clothes and
get a nice tan. However, the tanning bed turned out to be a high
voltage UV machine that was designed to deliver a high dosage of
heat in just 10 seconds.This man exposed himself to the machine's
powerful heat rays for 45 minutes. After sneaking back out of the
hospital, he showed up at another hospital for the treatment of
severe blisters over a large portion of his body. Since he was
wearing a doctors coat, the staff at the second hospital became
very suspicious and called the police. While being treated, this
burglar was placed into police custody and later charged.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 13 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 49 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 83 total votes.
I'm happy to announce that we set a new record for votes cast,
once again. Thanks to everyone who participated in last week's
"Con-Test." As you can see from the stats above, #3 was last
week's winner. He was able to get 57% of the total vote. Number 2
came in second with 34% of the vote, while number 1 managed to get
9% of the total vote.
I correctly selected the winner again and advanced my personal
voting record to 16 wins and 10 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This "Con-Testant was first profiled in issue #43. He is a
living example of why a lifetime of crime never pays!
A man in Jupiter, Florida actually got life for stealing panties
and a bra from a Wal-Mart. Well, that's not the whole story. This
man had a number of previous felony convictions. When he decided
to shoplift some clothes which included panties, a sports bra,
boxer shorts, and cigarette lighters, he was basically committing
a misdemeanor. However, when a security guard approached this
crook, he pulled out a knife and threatened the officer. This
single act turned the crime into a felony.
The state of Florida has a repeat offender law that made it
mandatory for the judge to give this man a life sentence. In
Florida, under the repeat offender law, there is no chance for
parole. The man had been out of prison about 3 years and that was
not long enough to disqualify him from being considered a repeat
offender.
The items that were shoplifted had a total value under $50.
Certainly not worth going to prison for life, but who said crooks
think about the consequences of their crimes before they commit
them. In fact, that's why we have so many dumb crooks out there.
"Con"-Testant #2
Here is another "Con-Testant" that I profiled in issue #43. I'm
sure that if you read this woman's story, you knew that sooner or
later she would be included as a candidate for the "Dumb Crooks
Award." Here is her story once again.
A Canadian woman got pretty upset when she bought rock cocaine
from a drug dealer. When she got home and had time to check out
her purchase, she realized that she had been cheated. Her purchase
appeared to be nothing more than baking powder.
She heard that The Royal Canadian Mounted Police had a campaign
going on that encouraged anyone buying or receiving fake drugs to
come forward. Anxious to get her revenge and perhaps her money
back, this woman called The RCMP with a complaint against her
drug dealer.
As standard practice, a narcotics agent came to this woman's home
to take her report and to test the fake drug. Well, to the woman's
surprise, the baking powder turned out to be cocaine. The woman
was immediately placed under arrest and later charged with drug
possession.
Although The RCMP encourages people to come forward with complaints
about fake drugs, it is still duty bound to arrest anyone that has
the real thing in their possession.
"Con"-Testant #3
This marijuana grower was profiled in issue #42. You decide if you
think he deserves the "Dumb Crooks Award." I feel that even though
he was tricked, he was dumb to believe that police wouldn't charge
him for cultivating marijuana. Here is his profile.
A man with a green thumb for growing plants decided to make some
really big money cultivating marijuana in his backyard. He was
proud of his first attempt which yielded an 8-foot annual.
However, it wasn't long before his venture took a turn for the
worse.
One day he received a phone call from the Sheriff's office
warning him that his growing days were over. They were aware of
his backyard venture and told him he must stop his illegal
farming now or face severe charges. He was told to chop down his
bush, roots and all, and bring it down to the Sheriff's office
that same day. If he complied with the demand, no charges would
be filed.
Well, the man had no choice. He reluctantly uprooted the plant
and took it down to the Sheriff's office. When he walked into the
station house, no one could believe what they saw. Officers were
actually stunned too see such a large marijuana plant, and they
were even more stunned when this man told them that he was
complying with their request to bring the plant to the Sheriff's
office as demanded.
It turned out that no one in the Sheriff's office had called this
man about chopping down his plant. In fact, no one knew anything
about his back yard enterprise. The phone call about bringing the
marijuana plant to the Sheriff's office was only a prank by
several jealous acquaintances.
The man was immediately arrested under suspicion of felony
cultivation.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-mail Vote
_________________________________________________________________
How many times have you woken up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat
paralyzed by the fear that you don't know where the Solid Gold
Dancers are today?
Or what will happen if you dial 619-222-0003?
Or if there really is a woman who married a guillotine?
Finkydoodle can help. It's the perfect time-wasting,
work-shirking, boss-avoiding, distraction for any surfer.
Finkydoodle covers all the things you *really* want to know
about the Net, but never knew who to ask.
To subscribe right now, Send a BLANK email to:
Finkydoodle
________________________________________________________________
You're Suppose To Wear The Mask Stupid!
An Alberta, Canada man robbed an adult video store using a
gorilla mask as his disguise. Unfortunately for him, he made the
mistake of forgetting to put it on. He was carrying the mask
instead of wearing it.
After forcing the store clerk to turn over all of the money in
the cash register, the robber cut the telephone line so that no
one could call the police. Then, right as he starts to make his
escape, this not so brilliant robber puts on the mask and runs
out of the store.
The clerk was able to give the police a good description of this
mask less robber and authorities expect to make an arrest very
soon.
_________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder
Rate us!
AOL Users
________________________________________________________________
Lawyer Joke: A Woman & A Cocky Lawyer!
A woman and a cocky lawyer were seated next to each other on a
flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer asked if she would like
to play a fun game. The woman, tired, just wanted to sleep, so
she politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a
few winks. The lawyer persisted, saying that the game was easy
and a lot of fun. 'I ask you a question,' he explained, 'and if
you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.'
Again, she declined and tried to get some sleep. The lawyer, now
agitated, said, 'Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me
$5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.'
This caught the woman's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she played, agreed to the game. The
lawyer asked the first question. 'What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?' The woman didn't say a word, reached into her
purse, pulled out a $5.00 bill and handed it to the lawyer.
'Okay,' said the lawyer, 'your turn.' The woman asked the lawyer,
'What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four
legs?' The lawyer, puzzled, took out his laptop computer and
searched all his references, but couldn't find the answer. He
tapped into the air phone with his modem and searched the
Internet and the Library of Congress; no answer.
After an hour, he woke the woman and handed her $500. The woman
said 'Thank you' and turned back to get some more sleep. The
lawyer, more than a little miffed, woke the woman and asked,
'Well, what's the answer?'
Without a word, the woman reached into her purse, handed the
lawyer $5.00 and went back to sleep.
______________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
_________________________________________________________________
**WONDERWORDaDAY****
The only place on the internet that gives you a wonderword
puzzle 365 days a year, by E-MAIL! All you have to do is wait
for us to send you the puzzle to your inbox. That's right! We
will do all the work, and you get all the fun! And it's FREE!!
So if you love puzzles, we just gave you one more reason to
love them more. Subscribe, and get your new puzzle tomorrow!
To subscribe go to:
WONDERWORDaDAY
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: A Busload of Politicians!
A bus-load of politicians were driving down a country road when,
all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree
in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what had
happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a
hole to bury the politicians.
A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus,
and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but
you know how them politicians lie."
_________________________________________________________________
River Rafters End Up In Hot Water!
Several Boeing employees thought it would be interesting to steal
a life raft from a 747 and then test it out on a float trip on
the river. They were all rafting enthusiasts and this was an
opportunity to see how well a certified rescue raft would work.
After managing to steal the raft, the fearless employees set out
on their adventure.
They inflated the raft and proceeded to float down the river.
Suddenly, a short time after their departure, they heard the
sounds of a helicopter just above their raft. They soon realized
that it was a Coast Guard copter trying to rescue them. They
couldn't understand why a rescue attempt was being made. They
were not in any danger. In fact, they had just started their trip
down the river and they were still in calm water.
The water may have been calm, but our rafting enthusiasts soon
discovered that they were in "Hot Water," so to speak, with the
law and their employer. The Coast Guard was responding to an
emergency locator attached to the raft. When inflated, the locator
is activated and a signal is transmitted to the Coast Guard.
No criminal charges were filed against these men, but they all lost
their jobs with Boeing.
_________________________________________________________________
FREE FUN DELIVERED TO YOUR MAILBOX!
* Jokes <--- * News <--- * Computers! <---
* Quotes <--- * Recipes <--- * Books! <---
* Riddles <--- * Freebies <--- * Crafts! <---
* Cartoons <--- * Business <--- * Work @ home! <---
Fresh FREE Newsletters on these topics and others only
@FunEzines.com! It's Free Fun and Addictive it's FunEzines.com!
Visit:
FunEzines
_________________________________________________________________
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"What is causing this traffic congestion? According to a
report from the U.S. Department of Transportation, which
recently completed a six-year, $187.3 million study of the
problem, the root cause is, quote, 'a whole lot of people
driving."
-- Dave Barry
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades.
I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I
should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
-- Erma Bombeck
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because
I know I'm not dumb...and I also know I'm not blonde."
-- Dolly Parton
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
-- Steven Wright
"If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.
The more things you do, the more you can do."
-- Lucille Ball
"Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were
shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
"Goals are a means to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our
lives. They are simply a tool to concentrate our focus and move
us in a direction. The only reason we really pursue goals is to
cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves
will never make us happy in the long term; it's who you become,
as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals,
that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of
fulfillment."
-- Anthony Robbins
_________________________________________________________________
Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!
My staff has found a great new site where you can get FREE
Software! This is not freeware or shareware, it's top name
brand computer software that normally retails from $24.99
up to as much as $99.99. All software featured on this site
is the complete, full version, product. You pay just $7.50
shipping and handling for each title for U.S. delivery and
a little more for delivery outside the U.S.
Many titles that you typically find on the shelves at your
local retailer are now available for just the small shipping
and handling charge. You'll find hundreds of titles such as
Compton's Encyclopedia, Symantec: Norton AntiVirus, Home
Depot: Home Improvement 1-2-3. Game software like Johnny Quest:
Cover Up At Roswell. Plus many more titles in a number of
categories, including games, education, productivity, Home and
Garden, etc.
I would like to invite you to take advantage of this special
offer provided to "Chronicles" readers. You can visit the
Free-CD Software.com site at:
Free CD Software
________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
The Grim money reaper
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
The sands of time...
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
Team work gone wrong...
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Three monkeys...
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
Optical illusion of the week...
Cartoon #5
AOL Users
Toon of the day
_________________________________________________________________
Too Much DEBT? Are Bill Collectors Hounding you?
Sign up below for a FREE Debt Analysis!
WE CAN CUT YOUR BILLS IN HALF! Plus Consolidate Your Debt
into 1 LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT and STOP THE LATE FEES!
go to:
Free debt Analysis
_________________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In Ottumwa, Iowa a man can get arrested for winking at a woman
he does not know!
All families in Newton, Massachusetts are entitled by law to
receive a hog from the mayor of the town.
Did you know that tattooing and body piercing are
considered illegal in Massachusetts?
New York actually has a state law that prohibits anyone from
wearing house slippers after 10:00 P.M.
Using canned corn as bait for fishing is forbidden by law
in Oregon.
An old law in Texas forbids anyone from shooting a buffalo from
the second story of a hotel!
At one time, West Virginia lawmakers tried to pass a law that
would make it illegal for anyone to remove road kill from the
highway if it was to be used as a meal. Since the law did not
pass, West Virginians can now enjoy their favorite roadside
treats.
_________________________________________________________________
Play Free Games! Win Big Prizes! Get Free Stuff Too!
Play free games, get free stuff and win great prizes! You could
win $1 million dollars today! Sign-up now and you might be an
Instant Winner! Sign-up today by clicking:
Play Free Games
________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
In 1803 the United States purchased the Louisiana Territory from
France. How much did the U.S.A. pay France for this purchase.
1) $200,000
2) $1 million
3) $5 million
4) $15 million
5) Just the token amount of $1
The correct answer (4) $15 million.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Anne Boleyn, second wife of King Henry VIII had some very unusual
physical characteristics. What were these characteristics.
1) Two feet on one leg and no fingers on one hand
2) Triple nostrils and missing earlobes
3) Three breasts, six fingers on one hand, & six toes on one foot
4) No toes on one foot and two knee caps on each leg
5) One ear, web-like toes and four extra teeth
_________________________________________________________________
Claim Up To $50 In Free Gasoline Certificates!
Save Big at the gas pump! This offer is made possible through
a special service provided by "Essentials." Just sign-up for
their 30 day Risk Free trial membership. Then claim your free
gasoline rebate certificates. Start saving at the gas pump
Today and take advantage of the other great savings offers
provided by "Essentials." Sign-up now at:
Free Gasoline
_________________________________________________________________
Some Quick Jokes!
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right
to remain silent?
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets.
A man fell out of a tenth-story window. He's lying on the ground
with a big crowd around him.
A cop walks over and says, "What happened?"
The guy says, "I don't know, I just got here."
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working
on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the
mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny
Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my
newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous
weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just
like to look at them again.
The Random Funny Pic Generator
Click HERE!
AOL Users Click Below
Funny Pic of the day
_________________________________________________________________
Need A Vacation!
Then you need the Internet's top reservation service to over
40,000 hotels and resorts worldwide. Book a flight, find a
hotel, rent a car, take a cruise. Let USA Hotel Guide handle
your next vacation or business trip. Let them find those low
hotel rates and special vacation and cruise deals. Visit our
reservation site at:
Need A Vacation
________________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Caution! Driver's applying make-up
Square meals often make round people
Anger is only one letter short of danger
Dad's the boss. Right Mommy?
This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations
regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:
Comments
To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to:
Unsubscribe
Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
New links added weekly!
Copyright � 2000, 2001 Jerry Romans
This site designed by
all rights reserved.
Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 06:52:07
