*****************************************************************
Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 48
March 01 2001
*****************************************************************
Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 48th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: How Not To Hire A Hit Man!
Lawyer Joke: Cause Of Death!
Joke: Confused Defendant!
Feature Story: Bank Robber Gets Mugged!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Some Quick Jokes!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
_________________________________________________________________
Credit Problems? Don't Worry, Let Us Show You a Secret.
You Can Have Perfect Credit! Thanks to the U.S. Government
& The Fair Credit Act, You Have Rights & Some Real Options!
FREE INFO at:
Fair Credit Act
_________________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This Jupiter, Florida man received a life sentence after stealing
panties and a bra from a Wal-Mart. Since he threatened a security
official at knife point, his crime became a felony. Because he
had been convicted of a number of other felony crimes, he was
considered a repeat offender. Under Florida law, repeat offenders
receive a life sentence with no chance for parole.
"Con"-Testant #2
This Canadian woman complained to The Royal Canadian Mounted
Police that she had been cheated by a drug dealer. She claimed
that the dealer tricked her by giving her baking powder instead
of rock cocaine. However, when police tested the purchase, they
discovered that it really was cocaine. The woman was then
arrested and later charged with drug possession.
"Con"-Testant #3
This man was growing an 8-foot marijuana plant in his backyard.
He received a call one day from the Sheriff's office telling him
that he had been busted. He was told that no charges would be
filed against him if he chopped down his plant and brought it to
the Sheriff's office. He chopped it down as instructed and took
it to the Sheriff. Once there, he discovered that no one from the
Sheriff's office knew anything about his backyard enterprise.
Apparently, several jealous acquaintances had set-up the phony
call with hopes that he would fall for the prank. He was arrested
under suspicion of felony cultivation.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 21 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 46 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 64 total votes.
Although we did not set a record for votes cast in last week's
"Con-Test," I did get a good number of subscribers participating.
Thanks again for making the "Dumb Crooks Award" one of the main
features of The Bizarre Police Chronicles. As you can see from
the stats above, #3 was last week's winner. He was able to get
49% of the total vote. #2 managed to capture 35% of the vote and
#1 took 16% of the total vote.
I ended a personal winning streak when I voted for #2. I was sure
she was going to win, but she couldn't overtake the enterprising
guy with the green thumb. My personal record stands at 16 wins
and 11 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This would be clerk was featured in issue #44. Pretty dumb or
just a whimp? You decide! Here is his story once again.
A man in San Francisco entered a liquor store in an area typically
referred to as the city's Tenderloin district. He announced to the
clerk that he was robbing the store. The robber was an imposing
figure. He was tall and very muscular and he was toting a gun.
When he demanded that the clerk turn over the money, the clerk had
the nerve to refuse. Instead of pursuing the robbery attempt any
further, the would be robber turned out to be a whimp. After the
clerk said "no" to the man's demand to turn over the cash, the
robber put his gun back in his pocket, started to cry and then ran
out of the store as fast as he could.
He was never heard from again.
"Con"-Testant #2
This candidate was also featured in issue #44. You might say he
was a victim of his own stupidity. Here's his story once again.
Police in Wood River, Illinois were alerted to a burglary attempt
in which someone tried to steal a safe. When police arrived at
the scene of the crime, they noticed that the safe was turned
face down and that a glove was underneath it. When the safe was
up righted, investigators were in the process of taking finger
prints and looking for other clues.
The glove was an obvious clue that might provide some evidence to
the burglars identity. Well, it actually turned out to be the
only clue they would need to catch the culprit. As investigators
checked the glove they found a gruesome clue that would quickly
lead to an arrest. The burglars top portion of the middle finger
from his left hand was still in the glove. In his burglary
attempt, he was able to tip the safe, but wasn't quick enough to
get his finger out of the way after the safe came crashing to the
floor.
When police checked with the local hospital, they discovered that
a man with a missing finger tip was waiting for treatment.
Officers went to the hospital and placed the man in police custody.
He was treated for his injury and released to police. He was
charged in the burglary attempt. As expected, he admitted to his
crime.
"Con"-Testant #3
This San Antonio burglar was convicted of his crimes. In the
sentencing proceedings, the judge gave this crook seven years.
However, this was unacceptable to this convicted felon. He got
down on his knees and pleaded with the judge that the number
seven was his unlucky number. He would not and could not serve
seven years. He explained to the judge that giving him seven
years was like giving him a death sentence.
The judge said that he understood the man's concern and he
rescinded the seven year sentence and gave the man eight years
instead. Surprised, but not stunned, the man actually appeared
happy. He smiled at the judge and told him how much he really
appreciated the extra year.
How will this man react when he starts serving his seventh year?
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
_________________________________________________________________
How many times have you woken up at 3 a.m. in a cold sweat
paralyzed by the fear that you don't know where the Solid Gold
Dancers are today?
Or what will happen if you dial 619-222-0003?
Or if there really is a woman who married a guillotine?
Finkydoodle can help. It's the perfect time-wasting,
work-shirking, boss-avoiding, distraction for any surfer.
Finkydoodle covers all the things you *really* want to know
about the Net, but never knew who to ask.
To subscribe right now, Send a BLANK email to:
Finkydoodle
________________________________________________________________
How Not To Hire A Hit Man!
A 47-year old woman, from Arizona, was dumb enough to believe she
could actually hire a hit man to kill her husband, by looking for
one in the yellow pages. She discovered that a company called
"Guns For Hire" was listed. She didn't pay attention to the fact
that this company specialized in staging gunfights for Western
movies.
She called the number listed and proceeded to explain how and why
she wanted to have her husband killed. Naturally the company
tried to explain that they did not have a hit man and could not
provide that service. They did manage to ask the lady for her
name, address and telephone number. She willingly gave them this
information in hopes that "Guns For Hire" might later find or
refer her to a hit man.
After the woman hung up, "Guns For Hire" called the police to
inform them of the conversation they had with this lady.
After follow-up investigation, the woman was arrested and charged
with plotting to kill her husband. She was later convicted of the
crime and sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison.
_________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder
Rate Bizarre Police Chronicles
AOL Users
________________________________________________________________
Lawyer Joke: Cause Of Death!
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the
coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken
the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't
sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was
sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could
be out there practicing law somewhere.
______________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
_________________________________________________________________
**WONDERWORDaDAY****
The only place on the internet that gives you a wonderword
puzzle 365 days a year, by E-MAIL! All you have to do is wait
for us to send you the puzzle to your inbox. That's right! We
will do all the work, and you get all the fun! And it's FREE!!
So if you love puzzles, we just gave you one more reason to
love them more. Subscribe, and get your new puzzle tomorrow!
To subscribe go to:
WONDERWORDaDAY
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Confused Defendant!
After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile
bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of
deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to
the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the
jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes, your honor," the foreman responded, "We find the defendant
NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery,"
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound
of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout
expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns
to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"
The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered
look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says,
"I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all
the money back?"
_________________________________________________________________
Bank Robber Gets Mugged!
A man robbed a Brooklyn, New York bank of over $2000. While
making his escape, another man saw what was going on and decided
to take advantage of the situation by mugging the robber. He
tripped the bank robber, and after giving him a few swift kicks
to the face and body, the mugger grabbed the bag of money and
ran away.
The bank robber was so upset that he called 9-1-1 to report that
he had been mugged. Police were already on the way to the
robber's location because they were responding to the bank's
alarm. When police did arrive, the robber was waiting for them
in front of the bank. In fact, he greeted them and immediately
admitted that he had just robbed the bank. He explained to police
that he was so mad that the mugger got away with his bounty, that
he was no longer concerned about escaping. He just wanted police
to capture the mugger and bring him to justice. He gave police a
good description of the mugger, but the mugger was never captured
and there have been no clues as to his whereabouts.
The bank robber was convicted and sentenced to a long prison term.
_________________________________________________________________
FREE FUN DELIVERED TO YOUR MAILBOX!
* Jokes <--- * News <--- * Computers! <---
* Quotes <--- * Recipes <--- * Books! <---
* Riddles <--- * Freebies <--- * Crafts! <---
* Cartoons <--- * Business <--- * Work @ home! <---
Fresh FREE Newsletters on these topics and others only
@FunEzines.com! It's Free Fun and Addictive it's FunEzines.com!
Visit:
FunEzines
_________________________________________________________________
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Great minds have purposes; little minds have wishes. Little
minds are subdued by misfortunes; great minds rise above them."
-- Washington Irving
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
-- Groucho Marx
"Husbands are awkward things to deal with;
even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender."
-- Mary Buckley
"An optimist is someone who goes after Moby Dick in a
rowboat and takes the tartar sauce with him."
-- Zig Ziglar
Don't cry about loss--God never takes anything away without
replacing it. Think positive, especially in times of difficulty"
-- Unknown
Some people develop a wishbone where their backbone should be.
-- Unknown
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I had a fight with the
dog. My wife said the dog was right. And she told me this
right in front of the dog! Now the dog has no respect. My
wife throws the ball. He waits for me to bring it back."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
_________________________________________________________________
Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!
My staff has found a great new site where you can get FREE
Software! This is not freeware or shareware, it's top name
brand computer software that normally retails from $24.99
up to as much as $99.99. All software featured on this site
is the complete, full version, product. You pay just $7.50
shipping and handling for each title for U.S. delivery and
a little more for delivery outside the U.S.
Many titles that you typically find on the shelves at your
local retailer are now available for just the small shipping
and handling charge. You'll find hundreds of titles such as
Compton's Encyclopedia, Symantec: Norton AntiVirus, Home
Depot: Home Improvement 1-2-3. Game software like Johnny Quest:
Cover Up At Roswell. Plus many more titles in a number of
categories, including games, education, productivity, Home and
Garden, etc.
I would like to invite you to take advantage of this special
offer provided to "Chronicles" readers. You can visit the
Free-CD Software.com site at:
Free CD Software
________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Why not to be late...
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #2
The meaning of Life.
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #3
This week's optical illusion...
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #4
Frustrated Kitty...
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Toon of the day
Cartoon #5
Another optical illusion...
Cartoon #5
AOL Users
Toon of the day
_________________________________________________________________
Too Much DEBT? Are Bill Collectors Hounding you?
Sign up below for a FREE Debt Analysis!
WE CAN CUT YOUR BILLS IN HALF! Plus Consolidate Your Debt
into 1 LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT and STOP THE LATE FEES!
go to:
Free Debt Analysis
_________________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Robbins, North Carolina has a no reason permit. There is no
reason stated as to what the permit is for. It reads as follows:
"In the future, anyone not living within the immediate vicinity
of Robbins must have a permit from the Chief of Police and okayed
by the Mayor or one of the Commissioners." If you go by the
letter of the law, everyone in the world, except those in the
immediate vicinity of Robbins, would be required to have this "no
reason" permit. Let's keep the Chief of Police, the Mayor and the
city Commissioners busy! Request your permit today! Only joking
of course. Anyway, Robbins probably charges a fee for the permit.
Rockwell, North Carolina has a law that makes it illegal to
violate terms of the city's proclamations, such as not properly
celebrating Peanut Day!
Shaking a dust mop out of a window is illegal in New York City.
You could get thrown in jail for one year if you get caught
wearing a Halloween costume in Ireland.
In Newport, Rhode Island it is illegal to smoke a pipe after
the sun goes down.
It is illegal for a pharmacists to sell gunpowder as a cure for
headaches in Utah. I wonder if it really works!
There are a number of cities in Texas that require you to buy
a permit for the right to go barefooted.
_________________________________________________________________
Play Free Games! Win Big Prizes! Get Free Stuff Too!
Play free games, get free stuff and win great prizes! You could
win $1 million dollars today! Sign-up now and you might be an
Instant Winner! Sign-up today by clicking:
Play Free Games
________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Anne Boleyn, second wife of King Henry VIII had some very unusual
physical characteristics. What were these characteristics.
1) Two feet on one leg and no fingers on one hand
2) Triple nostrils and missing earlobes
3) Three breasts, six fingers on one hand, & six toes on one foot
4) No toes on one foot and two knee caps on each leg
5) One ear, web-like toes and four extra teeth
The correct answer is (3) Three breasts, six fingers on one hand,
and six toes on one foot.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
In the United States, the 1920's and 30's could be described
as the era of the gangster. Gangsters had a name for everything.
What did they call machine guns.
1) MG'S
2) Mags
3) Choppers
4) Repeaters
5) Hollywoods
_________________________________________________________________
Please do me a favor:
Vote for Bizarre Police Chronicles by visiting "Absea's Top 300
Cop Sites." When you click the following url your vote will be
automatically recorded. When you go to "Absea's" be sure to
visit some of the other great cop sites listed.
Vote For Bizarre Police Chronicles
________________________________________________________________
Some Quick Jokes!
Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He
threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
God decided to take the devil to court and settle their many
differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed
and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"
Police Chief Speaking to New Recruit: As a recruit, you'll be
faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to
arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
Recent Headline In Small Local Newspaper!
A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports
club. Police are looking into it.
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
The service that provides us with the "Funny Pics" is working
on providing more pictures for us in the coming weeks. In the
mean time, please feel free to use the following "Random Funny
Pic Generator." Each time you click on the link from my
newsletter, you'll get a different pic as featured from previous
weeks. Perhaps you missed a few of the pics or you would just
like to look at them again.
The Random Funny Pic Generator
Click HERE!
Random Pictures
AOL Users Click Below
Funny Pic of the day
_________________________________________________________________
Need A Vacation!
Then you need the Internet's top reservation service to over
40,000 hotels and resorts worldwide. Book a flight, find a
hotel, rent a car, take a cruise. Let USA Hotel Guide handle
your next vacation or business trip. Let them find those low
hotel rates and special vacation and cruise deals. Visit our
reservation site at:
Need a Vacation
________________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
If you can see this, then I lost my trailer
Mean people have little mean people
My Cow Just Died Don't Give me Any Bull
I love giving homemade gifts, Which kid do you want
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
You can e-mail comments, suggestions and recommendations
regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
greatly appreciated. Send your e-mail to:
Comments
To unsubscribe send blank e-mail to:
Unsubscribe
Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
New links added weekly!
Copyright � 2000, 2001 Jerry Romans
This site designed by
all rights reserved.
Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 14:01:18
