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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 49
March 08 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 49th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
*"Dumb Crook" Semi-Finals To Start Next Week!
Feature Story: Good Samaritan Or Fire Bug!
Joke: Help Me Find My Wife!
Joke: Last Request!
Feature Story: Wrong Career Choice!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Hot Shot Rookie Cop!
Funny Pictures Of The Week! At Last! We've got Brand New Pics!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Despite his imposing size and the fact that he was toting a gun,
this would be liquor store robber turned out to be a whimp. When
the store clerk refused to turn over the money as demanded, the
robber put his gun back in his pocket, started to cry and then
ran out of the store as fast as he could.
"Con"-Testant #2
This safe cracker was a victim of his own stupidity. In his
burglary attempt, he was able to tip the safe, but wasn't quick
enough to get his finger out of the way when the safe came
crashing to the floor. Police found the top portion of the middle
finger, from the burglar's left hand, in a glove underneath the
safe. Police arrested the burglar at the local hospital, after
being alerted about a man receiving treatment for a missing
finger.
"Con"-Testant #3
This convicted burglar was very superstitious about the number
seven. When the judge sentenced him to a seven year prison term,
he pleaded with the judge to change the sentence. Seven was an
unlucky number for this man and he felt that a seven year prison
term was the same as a death sentence. The judge understood and
gave the man an extra year. The convict was happy with the extra
year and actually thanked the judge for the added time.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 13 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 45 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 65 total votes.
We had another great voter turn-out last week. Our total vote
count was 123. Thanks again for your participation. As you can
see, from the vote count above, number 3 was last week's winner.
He was able to capture 52% of the total vote. Number 2 came in
second with 37% of the vote and number 1 managed to get only 11%
of the vote.
As for my personal record, I got back on the winning track by
picking #3. My record now stands at 17 wins and 11 losses.
Next week will start our second semi-finals to determine a
"Champion" from among the winners in the previous 12 weeks.
More details below.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This profile is from issue #45. It actually involves two young
men who didn't know the difference between a harmless prank and
one that could have a serious result.
A student from Iowa State University wanted to impress a female
friend by interrupting a fake assault directed at the female.
The male student was able to convince a friend to go along with
the assault.
The plan was for the friend to pretend that he was going to mug
the girl. The male student would then intervene and assert his
manhood by blocking the mugger and getting shot in the process.
He was willing to actually get shot by a low caliber derringer.
The scheme went pretty much as planned, but the shot did more
damage than expected. The would-be hero was taken to the hospital
with a wound to the shoulder. Although the bullet barely missed
his lung, he had to go into surgery to have bullet fragments
removed.
Upon investigation of the attempted assault, police were able to
determine that the mugging attempt was just a phony scheme. Both
men were arrested and charged with filing a false police report
and the reckless use of a firearm.
"Con"-Testant #2
This candidate was profiled in issue #46. If he had been honest or
if he had been smart enough to use someone else's urine sample, he
probably would have received a probationary sentence. Here is his
story once again.
A Painesville, Ohio man was convicted for a number of thefts, but
his lawyer was able to talk the judge into a possible sentence of
probation only. However, the judge ordered the man to submit to a
drug test before announcing a sentence.
When the results came back, court officials were surprised and
amused when urine analysis revealed that the man was pregnant. Of
course, that meant that the man was somehow able to sneak another
person's urine into the test. It was noted by investigators, that
this man's wife was present at the place where the he received
the test and that she was pregnant.
Another test was ordered and this time the results were much, much
different. The man tested positive for cocaine. Instead of getting
probation, the judge gave him a one year prison term.
"Con"-Testant #3
You have heard the expression, "Saved by the Bell." Well this
candidate previously featured in issue #45 was "Caught by the
Bell." Here is his profile.
Police in Anniston, Alabama attempted to pull over a man on a
motorcycle for a traffic violation. The man wouldn't stop and
the chase was on. In fact the chase lasted for nearly two hours.
The pursuit continued from Anniston and then into Alexandria.
In Alexandria, the suspect ditched his cycle and ran into a
densely wooded area.
Police went into the woods after the man, but had great
difficulty finding any trail or clue as to where he was hiding.
They had decided to give up the search when they heard a phone
ring. It rang loud enough and long enough for officers to
determine that the sound was coming from high up in a tree.
Officers were able to spot the suspect hiding high above the
ground. He was trying to turn off his phone, but it was to late.
After arresting the man, police discovered that he was an escaped
fugitive. That was the obvious reason the suspect wouldn't pull
over for a minor traffic violation. He was returned to jail to
continue his current prison term and he now faces many additional
charges in connection with the two hour chase.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
_________________________________________________________________
"Dumb Crook" Semi-Finals To Start Next Week!
This week's "Con-Test" is the twelfth week since the end of the
previous Semi-Finals and "Championship" week. In the next four
weeks I will feature past winners from the previous 12 weeks.
Three previous winners will be featured in each of the next four
weeks. You'll have a chance to vote on a Semi-Finalist in each of
these weeks and then in the fifth week you'll get to vote for a
"Champion."
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Good Samaritan Or Fire Bug!
A Boston man ran from a street corner to stop a police car that
was approaching. He told police that he saw a fire at a variety
store just several blocks down the street.
Police could see the burning building and immediately made a call
to dispatch the Fire Department.
The bizarre part of the story comes into play when police noticed
that this good Samaritan, that was so anxious to stop them and
tell them about the fire, was holding something under his arms
that looked very suspicious. After making the call into the Fire
Department, one of the officers in the car got out to question
the man while the other officer drove to the fire.
The first officer, upon further investigation, determined that
this man was carrying a fire bomb under one arm and there were
four gallons of gas on the street corner where the man had been
standing.
The man denied that he had anything to do with starting the fire
and he tried to convince the officer that he found the fire bomb
and gasoline cans next to the store. He told the officer that
when he realized the store was on fire, his first thought was to
grab the cans and fire bomb and get them away from the store
before they caught on fire and caused greater danger to anyone in
the vicinity.
All this was possible, the man could be a good Samaritan, his
story could be a logical reason why he was carrying a fire bomb
and had four cans of gasoline. However, the officer found that the
man was also carrying five packs of matches, four butane lighters
and rags that matched the one stuffed in the fire bomb the man was
carrying under his arm.
The man was arrested and charged with arson. Three witnesses came
forward to identify him as a person they saw running from behind
the store moments before the fire had spread to the front of the
building.
He was subsequently convicted of his crime, but still insists
that he was only trying to be a good citizen.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Joke: Help Me Find My Wife!
One day, an Eskimo family arrived in New York City. This was
the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take
long before the wife got lost. The Eskimo husband asked a
passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report
it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's
description.
"What's that?" asked Eskimo.
"Well, you see a description is telling what something looks
like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs,
38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your
wife?"
"The heck with my wife", said the Eskimo, "lets go look for
yours!"
______________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Last Request!
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He
lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers
around.
"A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps.
A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of
God of any kind.
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least
eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a
priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm
living behind St.Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and
every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be
of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where
the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and
says in a solemn voice:
"B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72. . ."
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Feature Story: Wrong Career Choice!
A Bethesda, Maryland woman went to her local police station to be
fingerprinted as part of the process necessary to get her license
to open a day-care center. However, she was arrested in the
police station parking lot as she was walking to her van to leave.
Police were waiting for her because she left her 2-year-old son
in the van for 30 minutes. It was determined that the temperature
inside the van was over 120 degrees.
In less than an hour this woman managed to end a career before it
started and she got arrested in the process. She also came close
to costing the life of her own child. Paramedics took the boy to
a local hospital where he was treated for dehydration. He did
survive with no major health problems. The boy was returned to
the care of his father.
The woman ended up receiving several months in jail. She was
refused a license to open a day care center and was required to
undergo counseling after her release from jail. Social services
monitored her child care for one full year.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more
subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance."
-- Oscar Wilde
"I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked
me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her -- it
would be a great chance to meet men. She looked at me and
said, "But you can meet men anywhere." I said, "Strapped
down?"
-- Martha Raye
"True success is overcoming the fear of being unsuccessful."
-- Paul Sweeney
"No one is listening until you make a mistake."
-- Anonymous
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights,
so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
-- Steven Wright
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side,
a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
-- Carl Zwanzig
Basically, there are three ways to lose money, racing
being the quickest of the three, women being the pleasantest,
and farming being the most certain way of the three."
-- Unknown
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
One Clever mouse...
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
One Clever
mouse...
Cartoon #2
A snake suicide...
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
A snake
suicide...
Cartoon #3
Deaf Row!!
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
HuH!!
WHat??
Cartoon #4
Open wide...
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Open
wide...
Cartoon #5
The snowball
Cartoon #5
AOL Users
The
snowball
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* Jokes <--- * News <--- * Computers! <---
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________________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Gainesville, Georgia has a law that forbids anyone from eating
chicken with utensils. It states that chicken must be eaten
using hands only.
Trash can molestation is prohibited in Daytona Beach, Florida.
That must be a major problem there. I wonder what really
constitutes trash can molestation!
You could get arrested in Devon, Connecticut for walking
backwards after sunset.
I would be breaking the law all the time if I lived in
Pueblo, Colorado. They have a law that prohibits you from
letting a dandelion grow in your yard or on your property.
"Silly String" has been banned in Lodi, California. Actually
it's not a bad law. There have been a number of incidents
where people sprayed the string around candles and caused
unsuspecting victims to catch on fire. It has been used at
birthday parties, wedding receptions, etc. So be careful if
you use this product around fire. It could create an unexpected
result.
Little Rock, Arkansas had or still has an anti-flirtation law
that prohibits men and women from flirting with each other on
the streets of Little Rock. Break the law and you could be
flirting with a 30-day jail sentence.
In Lawrence, Kansas it's against the law to wear a bee in your
hat. I don't know about you, but I think that's one law I'll
never break.
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_________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
In the United States, the 1920's and 30's could be described
as the era of the gangster. Gangsters had a name for everything.
What did they call machine guns.
1) MG'S
2) Mags
3) Choppers
4) Repeaters
5) Hollywoods
The correct answer is (3) Choppers
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
What name did Patty Hearst assume when she joined the Symbionese
Liberation Army?
1) Tamika
2) Tarra
3) Louise
4) Tania
5) Marie
_________________________________________________________________
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Vote for Bizarre Police Chronicles by visiting "Absea's Top 300
Cop Sites." When you click the following url your vote will be
automatically recorded. When you go to "Absea's" be sure to
visit some of the other great cop sites listed.
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________________________________________________________________
Joke: Hot Shot Rookie Cop!
A rookie patrol officer stopped a car for speeding.
The driver asked, "Gee officer can't you just give me a warning"?
The officer said,"Sure".
He stepped back, drew his .357 magnum and fired a shot across
the hood of the car.
"Anything else?" said the rookie.
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Pictures Of The Week! At Last! We've got Brand New Pics!
Funny Pic #1
Cute Puppy...
Funny Pic #1
Aol Users
Cute
Puppy...
Funny Pic #2
New event in the Pet Olympics...
Funny Pic #2
AOL Users
New event in
the Pet Olympics...
Funny Pic #3
NOT a good idea...
Funny Pic #3
AOL Users
NOT a good
idea...
Funny Pic #4
Slightly overloaded...
Funny Pic #4
AOL Users
Slightly
overloaded...
Funny Pic #5
Watch you step...
Funny Pic #5
AOL Users
Watch you
step...
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Recommend Bizarre Police Chronicles to your friends and cast
your vote at Fun-Lists. Go to:
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Vote for Me!
________________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Honk if you're illiterate
A fool and his money are my best friends
Grow Your Own Dope - Plant A Man
Love is the law no matter what religion
Your not the brightest crayon in the box are ya?
If you object to logging, try using plastic toilet paper.
Answer my prayers Steal this car
Why don't you buy your own bumper sticker and stop reading mine
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, March 10, 2001 14:45:29
