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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 50
March 15 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 50th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's Semi-Finals!
A Special Note To Netscape Users!
Feature Story: This Dummy Wants To Be A Mega Millionaire!
Joke: Fee Fi Fo Fum!
Joke: My Life as a Policeman!
Feature Story: Dumb Crook Robs Store With BB Gun!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Caution: Wet Paint!
Joke: Mr.Stupid - Mr. Trouble - Mr.Shut Up!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Last Week's Result's!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This Iowa state student wanted to impress a female friend by
interrupting a fake assault directed at the female. He was able
to convince a friend to help him with the assault. The plan
was for the friend to pretend that he was going to mug the girl.
The male student would intervene and get shot by a low caliber
derringer. The shot was more damaging than expected and the
male student ended up going to the hospital for surgery to remove
bullet fragments close to his lung. Both men were arrested and
charged with filing a false police report and the reckless use of
a firearm.
"Con"-Testant #2
This Ohio man was convicted for a number of thefts, but his
lawyer was able to talk the judge into a possible sentence of
probation only. However, the judge ordered the man to submit to
a drug test before announcing a sentence. Results of the test
indicated that the man was pregnant. Of course this meant that
he was able to sneak another person's urine into the test. His
wife was pregnant at the time and present at the place where the
test was administered. Another test resulted in a positive
reading for cocaine. If he had been honest or if he had been
smart enough to use someone else's urine sample, he probably
would have received a probationary sentence. The judge gave him
a one year prison term instead.
"Con"-Testant #3
Alabama police tried to stop this motorcyclist for a minor
traffic violation. He wouldn't stop and the chase was on. The
pursuit lasted nearly two hours through two counties. The
suspect finally ditched his cycle and ran into a densely wooded
area. Police almost gave up on the hunt because they had no
clues or trail to follow. However, as officers were leaving the
woods, they heard a phone ring. It rang loud enough and long
enough for them to determine that the sound was coming from
somewhere up in a tree. Officers were able to spot the suspect
hiding high above the ground. He was trying to turn off his
phone, but it was to late. Police later discovered that the
suspect was an escaped fugitive.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 47 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 34 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 40 total votes.
Well, you've done it again! Another great week for voter turn-out.
We recorded 121 votes in last week's "Con-Test." Thanks again for
your participation. This past week turned out to be one of the
closest "Con-Test" we've had in a long time. As you can see from
the stats above, #1 edged out #3 by only 7 votes and #2 was a
close third place with 34 votes. #1 received 39% of the total vote,
followed by #3 with 33% of the vote. #2 ended up with 28% of the
vote.
I picked the winner again this week. My personal record now
stands at 18 wins and 11 losses.
__________________________
This Week's Semi-Finals!
This week will start our "Semi-Finals" series to determine a
"Champion" from among the winners in the previous 12 weeks.
Each "Con-Testant" is a previous winner. This week will
feature three previous weekly winners. Each of the subsequent
three weeks will also feature past winners. The winners from the
four week period will then be voted on to determine a champion.
Then I will go back to the regular contest. Once again, after
another twelve weeks, I will run another series to determine a
new champion. If you have been a long time subscriber, you know
that the voting runs close for these weekly "Semi-Finals." So
have some fun, cast your vote in this week's "Semi-Finals." I
will eventually have a series of "Champions" for you to vote on.
We already have a "Champion" from our first "Semi-Finals" which
was announced in issue #38.
If voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's Semi-Finals will be posted in next
week's edition.
This Week's Semi-Final "Con"-Testants:
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
This previous winner was a "Con-Testant" in Issue #38. He won
by only 3 votes over the 2nd place winner and only 5 votes
over the 3rd place winner, but the other "Con-Testants" were
worthy candidates that would have been very competitive in any
given week. Here is his profile.
Even when a dumb criminal gets away with the crime, he can still
show his ignorance. Recently a man robbed a bank and was able to
make a clean escape.
During the robbery, this dumb crook demanded $100 bills only. When
he opened his bag containing the loot, he thought that he had been
tricked. All the bills looked like "play money" because they were
different looking. Not at all what he had expected! Instead of
investigating any further, this dummy throws all of the cash down
a storm drain.
The bills turned out to be the new $100 bills now in circulation.
If you've seen one you might agree that they look like "play
money." Old Ben Franklin appears to be off center and his picture
is some what larger than the older bills we are accustomed to.
However, I don't believe I would throw them away like this dummy
without finding out more. Most people, even if they haven't seen
the new bills, have heard about the difference and have probably
seen the newer lower denomination bills that also look like "play
money."
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This "Con-Testant" was a winner from Issue #39. He got 63% of
that week's total vote. Here is his profile once again.
A man in Aiken, SC. was new to the business of chopping up stolen
cars and then selling the parts. A common practice is to remove
the vehicle identification number from the engine and give it a
new number. On the engines from all the stolen cars that went
through his "Chop Shop," the original number was replaced with
just one unique number. This happen to be his own Social Security
number.
When police begin to investigate various cars that had unusual
VIN numbers,they discovered that many of them had the same number.
In fact, the number was set-up just like a Social Security number
with dashes and the correct number of digits. When detectives
checked the number out with the Social Security Administration,
they were able to make an arrest and shut down this man's illegal
operation.
When asked why he used his own Social Security number on all of
these engines, this man indicated that it was the easiest long
number for him to remember. He now has an even easier number to
remember: his prison ID number.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This "Con-Testant was the Issue #40 winner. He had 54% of that
week's total vote. Here is his profile.
This Vancouver drug dealer actually sold crack cocaine to a group
of three police officers. They weren't undercover agents, they
wore full police uniforms.
These officers suspected that this man was up to no good when
they spotted him during a routine patrol. After the officers
walked up to where the man was standing, one of the officers
pulled out a ten dollar bill and showed it to the suspect. To
the surprise of the officers, the man grabbed the money and then
handed over a quantity of crack cocaine to one of them.
Of course the man was quickly handcuffed and carted off to jail.
He later admitted that he saw the uniforms, but that he didn't
think they were really police officers because the car the
officers were in was unmarked. He actually thought they were
going to some kind of costume party!
_________________
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Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
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A Special Note To Netscape Users!
It has been brought to my attention that a number of Netscape
users may be having problems accessing the "Chronicles" web
site. My staff has checked this out and could not find a problem
with the web site loading in Netscape. However, if you use
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There may be isolated reasons why some users are unable to access
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my staff at:
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________________________________________________________________
Feature Story: This Dummy Wants To Be A Mega Millionaire!
A South Carolina man obviously lacked the experience and the
intelligence to extort money. He claimed that he had planted
bombs at the airport terminals in Charleston and Columbia, South
Carolina. He demanded $2 million for information on where those
bombs were hidden.
He thought he would be safe from capture if he didn't have to
meet the police in person to collect his money. He gave
authorities the name of his bank and told them what account they
should use to deposit the $2 million. Investigators had an easy
time finding out who owned the bank account and were able to make
a quick arrest at the man's home within minutes after he made the
extortion call.
The man admitted the extortion attempt and assured authorities
that no bombs had actually been planted. Necessary precautions
were still taken to insure that no bombs existed.
The man was charged with extortion and other charges were brought
against him in connection with the bomb threat. This man's
stupidity could result in a very long prison term.
_________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Joke: Fee Fi Fo Fum!
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom
disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six
feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted
that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing
Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-
probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us
how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of
handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out
of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope,"
he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
______________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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_________________________________________________________________
Joke: My Life as a Policeman!
The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a
traffic violation. Standing outside his
expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver
frantically waved his hands and jumped up and
down. "I'll have your job for this!" he
shouted at the top of his lungs.
"Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the
unruffled officer as he wrote out the citation.
"The hours are long, the pay is low, and you
meet some of the nastiest people."
_________________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Dumb Crook Robs Store With BB Gun!
A Raleigh, North Carolina man used his BB gun in the robbery of
a convenience store. But that's not the strangest part of the
crime. All the robber wanted was two cigarettes. Of course the
surprised clerk was willing to oblige the robbers request.
After the robber left the store, the clerk called the police to
explain what had happened. Police got a description of the robber
and dispatched a patrol car to the store. On their way to the
store, officers spotted the suspect and made the arrest.
The suspect was charged with armed robbery. Even though the
cigarettes were valued at less than $1, this dumb crook could end
up behind bars for a very long time. His bond was set at $50,500.
That's over $25,000 a cigarette. Kind of expensive to say the
least.
When asked why he would risk going to jail for a long time over
just two cigarettes, the robber told investigators that he
thought he wouldn't be caught. He also believed that if he was
captured, he would only be charged with a minor offense because
he used a BB gun instead of a more deadly weapon. He also told
investigators that he didn't get his paycheck until the next day
and he was broke at the time of the robbery. He didn't believe
in borrowing money or bumming cigarettes. He was desperate for a
cigarette, so he took his BB gun out of the trunk of his car and
robbed the store. He also knew that he could have pawned his BB
gun at the pawn shop next to the convenience store, but he stated
that it would be the same as borrowing and that would be against
his principles. In his confused mind, this man thought that
stealing was better than borrowing. I wonder how he feels about
the prospect of living behind bars at taxpayers' expense.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"A computer DOES save time at work. Now I can play solitaire
without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards."
-- Unknown
"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to
drown too?"
-- Steven Wright
"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well,
neither does bathing- that's why we recommend it daily."
-- Zig Ziglar
"You've got to get up every morning with determination
if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."
-- George Lorimer
"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to
believe in yourself."
-- Unknown
"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do
with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."
-- Will Rogers
"You can tell more about a person by what he says
about others than you can by what others say about him."
-- Leo Aikman
_________________________________________________________________
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
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Cartoon #1
A bit too young...
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Parts of the male brain.
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In Pensacola, Florida a woman can be fined, after her death, if
that death is a result of electrocution in a bathtub from the
use of self-beautification utensils such as a hair dryer or
curling iron.
Did you know that you could get arrested in Hartford, Connecticut
for kissing your wife on Sunday? An old law actually forbids this
sort of activity on what use to be considered a day of rest.
If you let your cat run loose in Sterling, Colorado you are
required by law to equip the cat with a visible taillight.
Carmel, California prohibits any woman from wearing high heeled
shoes within city limits. However, it's okay for a man to wear
high heels.
The licking of toads is strictly prohibited in Los Angeles. This
law may seem bizarre and downright silly, but there is actually
a good reason for it's existence. There is a kind of toad that
secretes a poison, that if ingested, produces a heroin like
"high."
You can get arrested in Little Rock, Arkansas for walking your
cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday. With today's
traffic, I would advise against ever walking down Main Street
with a cow. You would probably cause a major traffic jam or you
and your cow would become road kill.
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
What name did Patty Hearst assume when she joined the Symbionese
Liberation Army?
1) Tamika
2) Tarra
3) Louise
4) Tania
5) Marie
The correct answer is (4) Tania.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
What is the most popular first name for U.S. Presidents.
Clue: There have been six presidents with this first name.
1) William
2) James
3) John
4) George
5) Thomas
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Joke: Caution: Wet Paint!
Recently someone nearly got away with stealing several paintings
from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in,
evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he
was captured by police only two blocks away when his van ran out
of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then
make such a foolish error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy
Degas to make the Van Gogh."
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Mr.Stupid - Mr. Trouble - Mr.Shut Up!
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their
car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.
Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to
the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their
names.
"Shut Up", replied Shut Up.
"Stupid", replied Stupid.
The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up,
and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad.
"Excuse Me!"
shouted the chief.
Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted
there names.
"Shut Up!"
"Stupid!"
The police chief was very riled. He then asked"
Are you looking
for trouble?"!!!
Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking
for their friend, they replied,
"Why yes, how did you know?".
_________________________________________________________________
Recommend Bizarre Police Chronicles to your friends and cast
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Very funny Scotty, Now beam down my Clothes!!!
I Hate Coffee--It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
There was nothing Great about the Depression.
The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
There are only 2 choices on the menu: take it or leave it.
Few women admit their age. Few men act it.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply.
Warning: Dates on Calendar are closer than they appear.
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Sunday, March 18, 2001 20:42:54
