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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 52
March 29 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 52nd issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Semi-Finals Results!
*This Week's Semi-Finals!
Feature Story: The Criminal Mind Can Never Be Perfect!
Joke: Divorce!
Feature Story: Burglars Use Baggy Pants Formula For Success!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Lawyer Joke: Vultures And Lawyers!
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week's Semi-Finals!
The "Con-Testants were:
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
This man tried to rob a deli. Instead of getting the dough he got
the salami. The owner of the deli smashed this would be robber
across the nose with a giant salami. The man fled. Nose bleeding
and in great pain, he decided to stop running and hide in the
trunk of a parked car. Unfortunately, the man soon discovered he
couldn't get out of the trunk and he also realized that the car
belonged to the police. After five days he finally let police
know he was in the trunk.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This man was chased by store employees when he was spotted stealing
steaks from a Kroger store. During the pursuit the man stole a
bicycle and almost got away. However, because it was raining, the
man couldn't see where he was going and ended up crashing into a
utility pole, knocking himself unconscious. Employees thought this
was the end of the chase. They stood over the suspect as police
arrived. To everyone's surprise, the suspect got up and started
running again. This time he jumped in a creek to prevent capture.
However, the currents in the creek had become very swift and the
suspect was eventually rescued by the fire department. After the
rescue the suspect was finally arrested.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This man tried to steal a utility trailer from a Home Depot. In
fact, he actually stole three different trailers in one evening.
Each time that he took one, it would break loose from his pickup
truck several miles from the Home Depot. After each unsuccessful
attempt, he would simply go back to the Home Depot and hitch up
another trailer. On his final attempt, the fender of the stolen
trailer hit a deputy's car. After a short, low speed chase, the
man was finally arrested.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1 received 45 total votes.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2 received 22 total votes.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3 received 36 total votes.
It was another exciting week. The voting reached past the 100
mark again. Number one was able to win with 9 more votes than
number three and 23 votes more than number two. I was really
wrong on my selection last week. I chose number two. My
personal record dropped to 19 wins and 12 losses.
My thanks goes out to everyone who voted in last week's
Semi-Finals. This week is the third installment of the
Semi-Finals. After next week, we'll get to vote for a
"Champion."
__________________________
This Week's Semi-Finals!
If voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant" profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's Semi-Finals will be posted in next
week's edition.
This Week's Semi-Final "Con"-Testants:
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
Our first "Con-Testant" was a big winner in week 44. He got 85
votes that week and 73% of the total vote. Here's his story once
again.
A Hendersonville, Tennessee man answered his door in his
underwear and to his surprise it was the cops. They came to his
house in an attempt to serve an arrest warrant for a previous
misdemeanor charge. It was a very minor charge, but the man had
failed to appear in court, so the arrest warrant was issued.
Police did allow the man to get dressed before he was cuffed and
arrested.
When officers delivered the man to headquarters for booking, they
discovered, during a routine search, that the man had 20 packets
of crack cocaine in one of his pants pockets. The man explained
to police that it was his cocaine and that he knew it was in his
pocket. In fact, he placed it there after police allowed him to
get dressed.
When officers asked why he made such a stupid decision to bring
the cocaine to the police station, the man explained that he was
sure the cocaine would be stolen if he left it behind. He lived
in an area known for high crime. He believed that anyone from his
neighborhood that found out he had been arrested would go to his
house and take his stash.
As an after thought, this man realized that he would have been
better off leaving his stash behind. He could have tried hiding
it somewhere else and take his chances that it might still be
there after he served his short sentence for the misdemeanor.
Also, by taking the stash with him, anyone that did try to steal
the packets of cocaine, would probably ransack his home in their
unsuccessful attempt to find the drugs.
Because of his stupidity, he not only lost his crack cocaine,
but he also was charged for felony possession.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This week's second "Con-Testant" was one of the biggest winners
from the past. He won Week 45 by a landslide. He managed to get
118 votes and 83% of the total votes cast. Here is his winning
profile.
This story takes place in Charleston, West Virginia. It occurred
one evening as a man was leaving a restaurant. Our dumb crook
walked up to the man, pulled out a gun and then demanded that the
man turn over all of his money. The man insisted that he wasn't
carrying any money, but the crook wasn't easily convinced. He
became more and more angry at the man's continued insistence that
he had no money.
The victim began to realize the real danger he was in and how
desperate this crook must be. He didn't want the crook to become
even more aggravated, so he made an offer to write a check for a
sizable amount of money. The crook agreed, but required the
victim to make the check out to cash so that he wouldn't have to
reveal his identity. When the crook agreed to accept the check, the
victim knew he was dealing with a genuine dummy. The victim then
proceeded to set-up a time for the man to show up at the bank that
next morning. He told the crook that he would call the bank in
advance and let them know that someone was coming into the bank at
nine o'clock to collect money on a check written to cash and to
have the money available for this person when he showed up. Sure
enough the dumb crook showed up the next morning, on time, to
collect his bounty. Of course the police were there to collect
him.
When police arrested our dumb crook, he was in what might be
described as a state of shock and utter disbelief. He couldn't
figure out in his little pea brain how the cops and the bank knew
what he was up too.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
Our third "Con-Testant" was a big winner from Week 46. He had 83
votes and 53% of the total vote. His profile follows next.
A burglar was able to sneak past security at the Odstock Hospital
in Salisbury, Wiltshire. His intent was to steal something
interesting or unusual and to just be nosey by looking around in
parts of the hospital that most people don't normally see.
While on the prowl, this burglar walked into a room that had an
upright sun bed. He decided that he would take advantage of his
new discovery and get a nice tan. He removed all of his clothes,
turned on the machine and proceeded to bask in the artificial rays
produced by the sun bed. He spent nearly 45 minutes on the sun
bed with little knowledge about the beds prescribed usage.
Well, as it turned out, the sun bed was a special high voltage UV
machine that was designed to deliver it's high powered dosage in
10 seconds. Past that time would definitely cause severe damage
to the skin. So you can just imagine the damage this burglar did
to his skin after 45 minutes of exposure.
Although, in severe pain, the burglar was able to sneak out of
the hospital without being detected. However, it wasn't long
before he became a patient in another hospital. Because of the
agonizing pain and a body covered with blisters, the hospital
burglar now was a patient in the South Hampton General Hospital.
This hospital is located about 20 miles from the hospital where
he sustained his severe burns.
When he entered the hospital, he was wearing a doctor's coat.
This caused South Hampton's hospital staff to become suspicious
and so they called the police. It didn't take long for police to
determine the facts in this case. After contacting the Odstock
Hospital and interrogating the burn victim, they had enough
information to place the burglar in police custody. Of course the
burglar had to remain in the hospital for some time so that he
could receive treatment for his burns.
_________________
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Feature Story: The Criminal Mind Can Never Be Perfect!
A woman, who robbed a bank in Iowa, made a clean get-away. In
fact, witnesses indicated that that they believed she was a man.
Her disguise included wearing a hooded coat and a ski mask. She
was a husky individual which led everyone to believe she was a
man. Even her voice was husky.
There were no other clues that could be found. The robber even
wore latex gloves to assure that no fingerprints were left
behind. The robbery was shaping-up to be the perfect crime,
obviously well planned by someone smart who knew what was
necessary to carry-out the robbery without getting caught.
Well, the criminal mind works in mysterious ways. It usually
reverts to some form of ignorance, usually sooner than later.
That's what happened in this case. After the woman arrived at
her home, she noticed that a dye pack had leaked on the money. So
what does this otherwise cunning robber do!! She waits until the
next day to return to the bank in an attempt to exchange the
money for bills that aren't marked with the dye. She not only
returned to the same bank, but she returned in the same car and
she was wearing the same hooded coat, same pants and shoes. Of
course she wasn't wearing the ski mask or carrying a gun like the
day before.
Aside from the clothes and the dye marked bills, bank employees
were immediately suspicious when the lady walked in the bank
carrying the large dye stained bag with the banks name printed on
the front of the bag.
The suspect waited patiently as the teller pretended to go
through the process of exchanging the money. Bank security guards
were soon alerted to the suspects presence and a house arrest was
made. Police were called and within minutes the suspect was on
her way to the police station where armed robbery charges were
filed against her.
This woman was convicted of armed robbery and is now serving a
long prison term.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Joke: Divorce!
A young man and woman are deeply in love and want to get married.
One night they are killed in an accident. They go to heaven and
ask God if they can get married there. God says
"I suppose I
could work something out."
The couple goes back to earth to wait.
Finally after 10 years of waiting, god returns with a priest and
announces that it is time for them to be wed. They proceed with
the marriage. They are happily married..for a while. Then after
20-30 years, they become unhappy with each other. So they go and
ask God if they can get a divorce. God is shocked. He says,
"What, a Divorce!?
It took me long enough to find a priest up
here! How long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer up
here!?
______________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Burglars Use Baggy Pants Formula For Success!
Two men came up with a scheme to steal merchandise from a local
electronics outlet warehouse in a small Texas town. One man acted
as a decoy by pretending to be an interested shopper. His job was
to keep salesmen busy while his partner snuck into the warehouse
area without being noticed. His partner was wearing a bulky coat
and baggy pants.
After making it into the warehouse, the suspect started filling
his pants and coat with small but expensive electronic and
computer components such as calculators,cd roms, printer ink
cartridges, cell phones, palm computers and other items.
This wasn't the first time that these two suspects worked this
burglary scheme. They were able to successfully burglarize a
number of warehouse type stores in their area over the past three
months. In fact, they were becoming fairly proficient in their
trade. However, this time they would get caught with their pants
down, so to speak.
As the one suspect was leaving the warehouse area, the owner of
the store was also leaving his office, which was located in the
warehouse. He saw the suspect and asked him what he was doing.
The suspect had been caught before in another store, but was able
to lie his way out by saying he was looking for the men's
restroom. However, this time the store's proprietor noticed that
the suspect had large bulges in his pants and coat. He asked the
suspect what he was hiding under his coat and clothes. Instead of
trying to think up an excuse, the suspect admitted that he was
loaded down with stolen merchandise. So in a flash, he removed
the coat and took off his pants. He told the owner that he was
sorry and here was all of the loot. He asked the proprietor not
to call the police. He gave the owner some sob story about how he
was down on his luck. The owner was not about to buy the
suspect's story. He reached in his pocket and took out his cell
phone to call the police.
Both suspects were seen running out of the store and to their car
located on the stores parking lot. The suspect that had removed
his coat and clothes was clad in his underwear only. Moments
later. The suspect, that acted as the decoy, came back into the
store. His partner had left the car keys in the coat pocket.
After requesting the return of the keys from one of the store
clerks and not getting a positive response, the suspect ran out
of the store.
When police arrived, witnesses were able to point out the
location of the suspects car. Also, the unclothed suspect left
his wallet with I.D., in his pants pocket. It didn't take long for
police to determine the name of the unclothed suspect. That didn't
really matter anyway, because both men were soon apprehended after
being spotted hiding behind some bushes, several blocks from the
store.
When police checked the suspects car, they discovered more stolen
merchandise that had been taken earlier that same day from several
other stores. It was later determined that these two men were
responsible for over twelve different burglaries of stores located
in several surrounding cities. These crooks will be spending a lot
of time going to court for their many crimes and they will likely
spend a long time behind bars.
_________________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is
playing golf with his boss."
-- Jim Murray
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out
of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
-- David Letterman.
"The greatest inspiration is often born of desperation."
-- Comer Cotrell
"I think of myself as white trailer trash. My parents recently
made up their will. Everything is split equally between me and
my sister. She's getting the house, but I'm getting the porch
and the wheels."
-- Lynda Montgomery
"Death and taxes may be certain, but we don't have to die every
year."
-- Unknown
"When I told my friend I wanted a Thesaurus for my birthday,
he said, 'Don't be silly, they've been dead for millions of
years!"
-- Unknown
"If a man is after money, he's money mad; if he keeps it,
he's a capitalist; if he spends it, he's a playboy; if he
doesn't get it, he's a never-do-well; if he doesn't try to
get it, he lacks ambition. If he gets it without working for
it; he's a parasite; and if he accumulates it after a life
time of hard work, people call him a fool who never got
anything out of life."
-- Vic Oliver
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
A Counting sheep...
Cartoon #1
AOL Users
A Counting
sheep...
Cartoon #2
Cards for men...
Cartoon #2
AOL Users
Cards for
men...
Cartoon #3
In my place...
Cartoon #3
AOL Users
In my
place...
Cartoon #4
Faces
Cartoon #4
AOL Users
Faces
Cartoon #5
Confused?!?
Cartoon #5
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Confused?!?
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Flying a kite in Afghanistan is a major crime. If caught
violating this law you can be punished by being whipped
and thrown in prison.
It's against the law in Waterville, Maine to blow your nose in
public. If you've got a cold or an allergy problem, you better
stay home.
Asheville, North Carolina has a similar law. They forbid you
from sneezing while driving or walking on city streets.
During the fishing season on the Island of Jersey, it is illegal
for a man to do any kind of knitting.
A particular Minnesota tax form is very concise on what kind of
information you must provide. It even requires you to indicate
your date of death.
You can get arrested or fined for imitating the sound of a police
whistle in Christiansburg, Virginia.
_________________________________________________________________
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
How many presidents have had assassination attempts?
1) 3
2) 5
3) 8
4) 10
5) 12
The correct answer (4) 10.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
People often become murder victims because of the nature of
their job. Name the one job that has the biggest risk for
becoming a murder victim.
1) Cab Driver
2) Police Officer
3) Convenience Store Clerk
4) Mail Carrier
5) Delivery Person
_________________________________________________________________
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Lawyer Joke: Vultures And Lawyers!
A lawyer was hopelessly lost in the desert with no food or
water, and vultures were circling overhead. When the lawyer
finally died, however, the vultures continued to circle
overhead and never did land to devour him. Know why?
Professional courtesy!
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Pictures Of The Week!
Funny Pic #1
New Parking spot...
Funny Pic #1
AOL Users
New Parking
spot...
Funny Pic #2
Mini ME!!
Funny Pic #2
AOL Users
Mini ME!!
Funny Pic #3
Dog Vest...
Funny Pic #3
AOL Users
Dog Vest...
Funny Pic #4
PC coffee maker...
Funny Pic #4
AOL Users
PC coffee
maker...
Funny Pic #5
A smile for you...
Funny Pic #5
AOL Users
A smile for
you...
_________________________________________________________________
Recommend Bizarre Police Chronicles to your friends and cast
your vote at Fun-Lists. Go to:
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Vote for Me!
________________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception
Familiarity breeds children
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
Found: Dirty white dog... Looks like a rat...
Been out awhile...Better be a reward.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit
________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Monday, April 02, 2001 09:58:12
