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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 54
April 12 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 54th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Semi-Finals Results!
*This Week's Championship Finals!
Feature Story:
Taxpayers And Liberation Groups Protest Injustice Because
Drifter Accused Of Stealing 58 Cents Could Get Ten Years In Jail!
Joke: Shell Shock!
Joke: The Lawyer and the Rancher!
Feature Story: Vandal Suspect Admits To Armed Robbery As Alibi!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Good Night's Sleep!
Joke: Stolen Cop Car!
Funny Pictures Of The Week Notice!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
________________________________________________________________
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_______________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week's Semi-Finals!
The "Con-Testants were:
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1
This man was growing an 8-foot marijuana plant in his backyard.
He received a call one day from the Sheriff's office telling him
that he had been busted. He was told that no charges would be
filed against him if he chopped down his plant and brought it to
the Sheriff's office. He chopped it down as instructed and took
it to the Sheriff. Once there, he discovered that no one from the
Sheriff's office knew anything about his backyard enterprise.
Apparently, several jealous acquaintances had set-up the phony
call with hopes that he would fall for the prank. He was arrested
under suspicion of felony cultivation.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2
This convicted burglar was very superstitious about the number
seven. When the judge sentenced him to a seven year prison term,
he pleaded with the judge to change the sentence. Seven was an
unlucky number for this man and he felt that a seven year prison
term was the same as a death sentence. The judge understood and
gave the man an extra year. The convict was happy with the extra
year and actually thanked the judge for the added time.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3
This Iowa state student wanted to impress a female friend by
interrupting a fake assault directed at the female. He was able
to convince a friend to help him with the assault. The plan
was for the friend to pretend that he was going to mug the girl.
The male student would intervene and get shot by a low caliber
derringer. The shot was more damaging than expected and the
male student ended up going to the hospital for surgery to remove
bullet fragments close to his lung. Both men were arrested and
charged with filing a false police report and the reckless use of
a firearm.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #1 received 35 total votes.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #2 received 18 total votes.
Semi-Finalist "Con"-Testant #3 received 41 total votes.
There was an unexpected interruption in the voting process last
week. The provider I use for the poll and the weekly trivia quiz
went down for maintenance and security check. They didn't give
any kind of warning. I found out about this when I went to the
web site to check the stats for the poll. The entire voting panel
was missing, which made it impossible, at that time, for anyone
to cast a vote at the web site. I didn't even have a way to
determine the voter totals for each "Con-Testant. The voting and
quiz panels were down for several days, but I estimate that most
of you voted before the interruption. I am sorry for those of
you who may not have had a chance to vote because of this
interruption. Some of you did vote by e-mail. The polling booth
and quiz are back up and I was able to get voter totals for
last week.
Because the polling booth was down for several days the voter
count for last week fell below 100. AS you can see from the
stats, #3 was last week's winner. He barely edged #1 by just 6
votes.
I picked the winner again last week. My personal record now
stands at 21 wins and 12 losses.
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This Week's Championship Finals!
If voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's Championship Finals will be posted in
next week's edition.
You can read the profiles for the four "Con-Testants," competing
for the title of Champion, by going to the polling page at the
"Chronicles" web site.
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Feature Story:
Taxpayers And Liberation Groups Protest Injustice Because
Drifter Accused Of Stealing 58 Cents Could Get Ten Years In Jail!
There are a number of advocacy and liberation groups protesting
the outrageous incarceration of a drifter accused of stealing just
58 cents from a car in Greenwich, New Jersey. Since the man
reached into the car to take the money, he is being charged with
burglary and a number of other bogus charges. The drifter says he
reached into the car to aid a Rottweiler dog that he felt wasn't
getting enough air. The prosecutors in the case are insisting on
a five or ten year prison term for the drifter. The liberation
groups are upset that the drifter is even being charged in the
crime and they believe that a five or ten year sentence would be
a great injustice.
Taxpayers have been protesting the incarceration of the drifter
from the perspective of cost. The drifter was arrested in 1999
and held in jail until his trial. That period of time cost the
taxpayer about $16,000. If the drifter receives the maximum
sentence, it could end-up costing taxpayers over $270,000.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Shell Shock!
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his
car broadside, and knocked him out cold. A police officer arrived
on the scene almost immediately and pulled him from the wreck and
revived him. He began to put up a terrific struggle and had to be
tranquilized by the paramedics. Later, when he was calm, the cop
asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the
impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a
huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front
of the 'S.'"
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Joke: The Lawyer and the Rancher!
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing
from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher
claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted
to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store.
As soon as the rancher showed up, the attorney for the railroad
pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The
lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed
to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the
young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success,
telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man,
but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case.
The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when
the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have
one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I
was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that
darned bull came home this morning."
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Vandal Suspect Admits To Armed Robbery As Alibi!
Police in a small Chicago suburb were responding to a call from
a house that had been vandalized. The caller indicated that he
saw a man breaking a window in his garage and that the man
started running down the street when the lights were turned on.
The police in route to the caller's residence saw a man, fitting
the description, running on the sidewalk just several blocks
from the house.
Police stopped the man without incident and placed him under
arrest. He was very co-operative and indicated to the police that
he had an alibi. He told the arresting officers that there was no
way he could have been the person vandalizing the garage. " I was
robbing the grocery store at the time you say I was vandalizing
the garage" the suspect asserted. Well, to say the least, the
officers were surprised at the man's alibi. He would rather be
arrested and charged for armed robbery than be accused of the
lesser crime.
The witnesses at the grocery store could not make a positive
identification on the robbery suspect. He wore a ski-mask and a
long overcoat making it somewhat difficult to see what the robber
looked like. He held up the grocery store at gunpoint and managed
to get-away with close to one thousand dollars. When police
arrested the suspect, no gun was found, he was not wearing the
overcoat, and none of the money was found. So police were puzzled
as to why this suspect admitted to the crime.
The bizarre answer to this puzzle came when police, investigating
the vandalized garage, discovered the body of the caller's
neighbor in a small wooded area behind the garage. He appeared to
have suffered a severe blow to the head. Investigators also found
the overcoat, the ski mask and a bag of money in the garage.
When police confronted the suspect with all of the evidence, he
admitted to killing the neighbor. According to the suspect, he
had planned on hiding his mask, overcoat and money in the garage.
But he had not planned on killing the neighbor. His plan did not
turnout as expected.
The suspect indicated that he knew the owner of the garage was
out of town most of the time. He planned the robbery on a day
that he was sure the owner would not be home. He even pried open
the garage window several hours before the robbery so that it would
be easy for him to crawl through the window and hide from police.
The grocery store could be approached from behind by going
through the wooded area behind the garage. This would be the
perfect place to hide after making his escape from the grocery
store. However, the neighbor spotted the suspect running from
grocery store and into the woods. The neighbor confronted the
suspect and a physical struggle ensued. In the struggle the
neighbor, according to the suspect, fell against a big rock and
appeared to be unconscious. The suspect then ran to the garage
where he opened the window and threw in the mask, coat and bag of
money. When he started to crawl through the window, it busted.
This obviously alerted the owner of the garage. When the suspect
saw the light coming on from the house, he started running down
the sidewalk with the hope of making it to his own house before
police had a chance to catch up with him. He lived only three
blocks from the garage.
The suspect has been charged with murder, armed robbery and
various other charges. He faces a life sentence if found guilty
of the murder charge. His lawyer is trying to bargain for a
lesser charge of manslaughter instead of murder. Even if he is
successful in getting the lesser charge, the suspect may still
face 20 to 30 years or longer behind bars because he has already
entered a guilty plea on the armed robbery charge.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"People who say 'Don't Postpone Joy' are usually
in outrageous credit card debt."
-- Daniel Casey
"It is better to conquer yourself than to win
a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you, not by angels
or by demons, heaven or hell."
-- Buddha
"Desperation is sometimes as powerful an
inspirer as genius."
-- Benjamin Disraeli
"Can you believe how many award shows they have now?
They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards,
a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and
then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing."
-- Andy Rooney
"The aim of the wise is not to secure
pleasure, but to avoid pain."
-- Aristotle
"Never believe that a few caring people can't change
the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have."
-- Margaret Mead
"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society.
The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the
parachute."
-- Gil Stern
_________________________________________________________________
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Take advantage of this Free software special that is being
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Getting organized...
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Cartoon #2
Not quite a storm...
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Free Free...
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Free
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Server
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Truthful beggar...
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Truthfull
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
There was an actual law in Maryland against taking your pet
lion to a movie theater.
An old law in Rochester, Massachusetts required you to go to the
police station to have your bathing suit inspected by the chief
of police before it could be worn.
In Virginia, Minnesota you could get arrested and fined for
parking your elephant on Main Street!
Missouri once had a law that made it legal to speed on any
highway. The law was later repealed. So if you get caught
speeding in this state, don't try to use the old law as an
excuse.
The state of Pennsylvania has some strange laws regarding how you
can fish. One laws prohibits you from catching fish with your
bare hands. Another law states that you can not catch a fish by
any part except it's mouth. Still another law forbids anyone from
using dynamite to catch fish.
_________________________________________________________________
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
Which one of the following crimes do Americans
fear, has the most likely chance of happening to
them. The answer is the result of several recent
polls that surveyed over one million Americans.
1) Being murdered
2) Being killed or injured by a drunk driver
3) Having their house burglarized
4) Being carjacked
5) Having pockets picked or purse snatched
The correct answer (2) Being killed or injured by
a drunk driver!
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
According to the Department of Criminal Justice,
what particular age group, in America, has seen
the biggest recent increase in death due to murder!
1) birth to age 1 year
2) 18-24 years
3) 34-40 years
4) 50-60 years
5) 70 plus years
________________________________________________________________
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Vote for Bizarre Police Chronicles by visiting "Absea's Top 300
Cop Sites." When you click the following url your vote will be
automatically recorded. When you go to "Absea's" be sure to
visit some of the other great cop sites listed.
Vote for Bizarre Police Chronicles
________________________________________________________________
Joke: Good Night's Sleep!
Officer Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning
and was always late for duty. The Sergeant was getting
increasingly mad at him and threatened to discipline him severely
if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who
gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
Tom slept well, and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had
a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Sarge", he
said, "I went to the doctor and he gave me a pill that actually
worked!" "That's all fine" said the Sergeant, "But where in the
world were you yesterday?"
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Joke: Stolen Cop Car!
Two cops, Ben and Earl, pull up to a Burger King on a meal break.
They go inside and Earl holds a spot while Ben places the order
at the counter. Earl looks out the window, notices someone taking
off with their police cruiser and runs outside. Ben, hearing all
the commotion, runs outside and asks Earl what happened. "Ben!
Ben! Someone just drove off with our cruiser!" "Did you try to
stop him?" Ben asked, "I did better than that! I got the license
plate number!"
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Funny Pictures Of The Week Notice!
The service that provides the Funny Pics is out of new pictures.
They are working on providing us with more pictures in the coming
weeks. We are searching for another service that can provide us
with virtually an unlimited number of "Funny Pics." We have
several services in mind and will soon decide on a service to
use. We hope to start providing you with these new "pics" very
soon in an upcoming issue. Thanks for your patience. I promise
that the wait will be worth it.
_________________________________________________________________
Recommend Bizarre Police Chronicles to your friends and cast
your vote at Fun-Lists. Go to:
Recommend Bizarre Police Chronicles
Aol Users
Vote for Me!
________________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
Mafia staff car.
Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily
Do Not Wash - this vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
I'm not drinking officer!! You smell my new beer scented perfume!
I'm not speeding, I'm Qualifying.
Please be patient , God isn't finished with me yet !!
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:
Subscribe
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regarding any aspect of my newsletter. Your input will be
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
Copyright � : Jerry Romans 2000, 2001 All rights reserved.
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Last Update: Saturday, April 28, 2001 14:34:08
