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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 57
May 03 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 57th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story! Robber Becomes Subject Of Amusement For Tour Group
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story! Too Much Money For Exhausted Robber!
Joke: Prison Fly!
Feature Story! Robber Picks Wrong Day To Rob Bank!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: SIGNS YOU'RE AN OVERWEIGHT COP!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week's Championship Finals!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This arsonist tried to convince police that he was a good
Samaritan. He even stopped a police car to let them know about a
fire at a variety store several blocks away. However, officers
became suspicious when they noticed a fire bomb under the man's
arm and four gallons of gas close to where the man had been
standing. This would-be good Samaritan claimed that he saw the
fire bomb and the gas cans in front of the store and decided to
grad them and run to prevent further danger. However, police
found that the man was also carrying five packs of matches, four
butane lighters and rags that matched the one stuffed in the fire
bomb he was carrying under his arm. Three witnesses came forward
to identify him as the person they saw running from behind the
store moments before the fire had spread to the front of the
building. Even after his arrest and conviction this man still
insisted that he was only trying to be a good citizen.
"Con"-Testant #2
A Bethesda, Maryland woman went to her local police station to be
fingerprinted as part of the process necessary to get her license
to open a day-care center. However, she was arrested in the
police station parking lot as she was walking to her van to
leave. Police were waiting for her because she left her 2 year
old son in the van for 30 minutes. It was determined that the
temperature inside the van was over 120 degrees. Paramedics took
the boy to a local hospital where he was treated for dehydration.
The boy was returned to the care of his father. The woman ended
up receiving several months in jail. She was refused a license to
open a day care center and was required to undergo counseling
after her release from jail. Social services monitored her child
care of her son for one full year.
"Con"-Testant #3
This South Carolina man obviously lacked the experience and the
intelligence to extort money. He claimed that he had planted
bombs at the airport terminals in Charleston and Columbia, South
Carolina. He demanded $2 million for information on where those
bombs were hidden. He thought he would be safe from capture if he
didn't have to meet the police in person to collect his money. He
gave authorities the name of his bank and told them what account
they should use to deposit the $2 million. Investigators had an
easy time finding out who owned the bank account and were able to
make a quick arrest at the man's home within minutes after he
made the extortion call.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 20 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 21 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 53 total votes.
94 Grand Total
Thanks to everyone who voted in last week's "Con-Test." Your
participation is greatly appreciated. The winner for last
week was #3. He was ahead right from the start and was able to
get more than half the total votes. The real battle was for
2nd place. Both of the other two candidates kept changing
positions all week. When one started to pull away with more
votes the other would rally and catch-up or go ahead. As you
can see from the stats above #2 was able to edge out #1 for
2nd place by only 1 vote.
Add another loss to my personal record. I voted for #1. My
record now stands at 21 wins and 15 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This candidate was featured in issue #50. I'm sure you can
see why I chose him to compete for the "Dumb Crooks Award."
A shorter version of the original profile is presented for
your review.
This Raleigh, North Carolina man robbed a convenience store using
a BB Gun as his weapon. All he wanted was two cigarettes. Of
course the clerk obliged the robbers request. After the robber
left the store, the clerk called the police to explain what had
happened. Police got a description of the robber and dispatched a
patrol car to the store. On their way to the store, officers
spotted the suspect and made the arrest. Even though the robber
believed that he would be charged with a minor offense if caught,
he soon discovered that in the eyes of the law he had committed
a felony. He was charged with armed robbery and could face a long
time in prison. He actually indicated to police that it was
against his principles to borrow money or bum cigarettes. He was
between pay checks and broke and thought it would only be
considered a minor offense to rob the store of just two
cigarettes with a BB Gun as his weapon.
"Con"-Testant #2
This "Con-Testant" was featured in a story presented in issue
#51. See why he was the master of no disguise.
A robber from a small town outside Los Angeles couldn't decide
what disguise he should use. In fact, he was having a problem
keeping his face hid in all his robbery attempts. Since every
one of the places he robbed were within two or three blocks of
his home, he didn't want to look familiar. He actually patronized
several of the stores quite often and did some handyman work for
the motel he robbed. In his first robbery of a donut shop, he
actually used his left hand as his disguise. He placed his hand
and fingers over his nose and mouth while holding a gun in his
right hand. This disguise didn't work because he had to remove
his hand from his face to take the money. The second robbery was
of the local motel. This time he used a towel which had holes
cut in it to accommodate his nose and eyes. By the time he told
the clerk to hand over the money, the disguise slipped off of his
face. In the last robbery of a Subway Sandwich Shop the robber
thought he had a perfect disguise by simply pulling his shirt
over his head and looking through the space between the buttons.
However, the Subway had a closed circuit surveillance camera
located outside of the store. It caught the robber, on camera,
practicing the technique he was going to use to rob the store.
Because of the failed attempts at disguising his identity, all of
the clerks that were victims of this robber, were able to make a
positive identification. He is also a suspect in the armed
robbery of a grocery store one block from his home. Witnesses say
the robber was wearing a box over his head with holes cut out to
accommodate his eyes and nose. Sounds pretty familiar!!
"Con"-Testant #3
The criminal mind can never be perfect! The woman robber in this
profile, from issue #52, carried out what could have been close
to a perfect crime. However, you'll soon discover how she
quickly becomes just another dumb crook! Here is a shortened
version of the original story.
A woman, who robbed a bank in Iowa, made a clean get-away. In
fact, witnesses indicated that they believed she was a man. Her
disguise included wearing a hooded coat and a ski mask. She was
a husky individual which led everyone to believe she was a man.
Even her voice was husky. There were no other clues that could
be found. The robber even wore latex gloves to assure that no
fingerprints were left behind. When she arrived at her home, she
noticed that a dye pack had leaked on the money. The next day she
returned to the bank in an attempt to exchange the money for
bills that were not marked with the dye. She not only returned to
the same bank, but she returned in the same car and she was
wearing the same hooded coat, same pants and shoes. She did have
enough sense not to wear the ski mask or carry a gun like the day
before. Aside from the clothes and the dye marked bills, bank
employees were immediately suspicious when the lady walked in the
bank carrying the large dye stained bag with the banks name
printed on the front of the bag. While the suspect waited for the
teller to go through the process of exchanging the money, bank
security guards were soon alerted to the suspects presence and a
house arrest was made. Police were called and within minutes the
suspect was on her way to the police station where armed robbery
charges were filed against her.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
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Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
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Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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_________________________________________________________________
Feature Story! Robber Becomes Subject Of Amusement For Tour Group
A man from Arlington, Texas saw an opportunity to grab some quick
cash. He worked in a factory down the street from a store that
cashed checks. Every Friday he went to this store to have his
paycheck cashed. He began to notice that an armored truck would
pick up several bags of cash from the store through a side door
that lead to a seldom used parking lot adjacent to a bus station.
The pick-up was at the same time every Friday. Since he was one
of the few people to park in the area where the armored truck
made it's pick-up, he thought he could hold-up the guards and
make a fast get-away.
After several weeks of preparation the man purchased a gun and
finally decided to go through with his plan. He waited for the
armored truck to arrive and for the two guards to come out of the
side door with the bags of money. After getting the jump on the
guards, he was able to force them to drop the bags of money and
to hand over their guns.
The suspect now had three bags of money and the guns belonging to
the guards. His get-away car was parked only a short distance
away, next to the bus station.
However, unknown to the robber, a group of Japanese tourist were
just getting ready to re-enter their tour bus. The whole group
saw the entire robbery. To them, it was like being on a movie
set. They were excited and amused by the whole course of events.
Japanese tourist just love to take pictures and this group of
tourist were no different. They were able to snap dozens of
pictures from various angles. They got good shots of the robber,
his car and at least six pictures of his license plate clearly
and completely displayed.
With all of this evidence, police were able to determine who
owned the get-away car and where he lived. The suspect was
arrested that same day and charged with armed robbery. After
seeing all the evidence and with over 15 Japanese tourist willing
to testify against him, this man admitted to the crime.
_________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Did you hear about the woman in Texas that got stopped so often
by traffic cops that they finally gave her a season ticket?
.......
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school,
a policeman was interrupted by a cute little girl about six years
old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a
policeman?" "Yes," he answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said, if I ever needed help I should ask policeman. Is
that right?" "Yes, that's right," he said. "Well, then," she said
as she extended her foot toward him, "Would you please tie my
shoe for me?"
.......
Slim, not the brightest light in the harbor, walked into the
local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall. Word for
word he slowly read it out loud: "MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN
CALIFORNIA." "Gosh," he said, "if that there job was only here
in TEXAS, I'd apply fer it."
.......
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down
by his doctor instead of by the police.
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Short Feature Story! Too Much Money For Exhausted Robber!
A man in Providence, Rhode Island lurked behind an armored truck
with the intention of knocking-out a guard who was making a
pick-up at a grocery store. After plunking the guard on the head
with a ball bat, the suspect took the first four bags of money
that were easiest to reach and proceeded to drag them down the
sidewalk. His car was parked in a lot that was located about
three blocks from the scene of the crime. The bags were so heavy
that the suspect had to stop several times to catch his breath
and renew his energy. Unfortunately for him, police had already been
alerted by the guard about the robbery and they were soon in the
area where the robbery had taken place. It wasn't long before
police spotted the suspect and an arrest was made.
It was later determined that all four bags contained just $800 in
coins. They all contained pennies only. Each bag weighed in at
approximately 30 pounds each.
_______________________________________________________________
Joke: Prison Fly!
A prisoner at the Edmonton Maximum Security Prison, doing 40 to
life, started training a large fly to do tricks. For years and
years, day and night, for thousands of hours, he worked with the
tiny insect. After five years he taught it to walk across a
miniature high wire. Another five years passed and he taught it
to ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and
sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. "When you and I get out of
here," the jailbird said to the fly. "We're going to tour the
night-spots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. With
the fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox
home), the ex-con made his way to a local bar to celebrate and
show off his new talented friend. Once seated at the bar, he
brought out his trick fly and placed it on the bar counter. On
cue, it started moon walking. "What about this fly, eh?" he
pointed out to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender
reached for his copy of the local newspaper, rolled it up and
squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered
the bartender. Those blasted "Show Flies" are always coming in
here trying to get free drinks by doing all kinds of stupid
tricks!
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Feature Story! Robber Picks Wrong Day To Rob Bank!
A man in Columbus, Ohio picked the wrong day to rob a bank.
Employees of the bank were receiving instructions on what they
should do during a bank robbery. There were a number of police
officers conducting the various aspects of the course. Some of
the officers were in uniform and some in civilian clothing.
After entering the bank, the robber gave one of the tellers a
note demanding cash. However, the robber was in for the surprise
of his life when the teller handed the note to a police officer
that was standing right next to her. He had just explained some
of the finer points of what to do if someone handed her a note
demanding money. Obviously, the armed robber didn't see the
officer standing next to the teller, and he didn't notice any
of the other uniformed policemen in the bank.
The robber's immediate reaction was to turn around and run out of
the bank. However, when he turned to make his escape, he quickly
realized that an escape was not an option. He was looking at five
more policemen and each of them were pointing their guns at the
suspect.
The bank employees got a real to life lesson on what to do during
a robbery and the police were able to capture a robber before he
had a chance to draw his weapon. In fact, the robber turned out
to be a suspect believed to be involved in over 40 other
robberies. This was an arrest that solved many crimes and
probably prevented many more from being committed.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a
thought without accepting it."
-- Aristotle
"You can lean over backward so far that you fall flat on your
face."
-- Ben H. Bagdikian
"If builders built buildings the way some programmers
wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came
along would destroy civilization."
-- Unknown
"I'll never forget my wedding day...they threw vitamin pills."
-- Groucho Marx
"I need my cellular phone to communicate vital information
('Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? I can't hear you. Hello?').
I apparently have a special cellular plan wherein all my
calls are routed through a Burger King drive-thru intercom
in Bolivia."
-- Dave Barry
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Getting some exercise..
AOL Users
Getting some
exercise..
Cartoon #2
Why DID the chicken cross the road?
AOL Users
Why DID the
chicken cross the road?
Cartoon #3
Fetch!
AOL Users
Fetch!
Cartoon #4
Spooky...
AOL Users
Spooky...
Cartoon #5
Gimme a break...
AOL Users
Gimme a
break...
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Vote for Me!
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
An old Russian law levied a very high tax on any man who had a
beard. If a man couldn't afford the tax and was caught wearing
a beard in public, he was thrown in prison for a long time.
Back in the good old days, church going parents in Omaha,
Nebraska were held responsible if their child burped during a
sermon. In fact, a law made it possible for the church to request
that the parents be arrested if this happened!
Legislators in the state of Arkansas proposed a law that would
provide growth hormones to dwarfs. The proposal was made even
after scientist explained that the growth hormones that were
being proposed could cause a major health risk if administered
to a dwarf.
Boston actually had a law prohibiting anyone from hanging a
vending machine from a utility pole.
A Ballwin, Missouri ordinance prohibits obscene, vulgar and
indecent language anywhere within it's city limits. However,
an amendment to the law makes it perfectly legal to use vulgar
language in your own home.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
According to the Department of Criminal Justice, what common
item is most often stolen in The United States.
1) Automobile
2) Bicycle
3) Shopping Cart
4) Computer
5) Television
The correct answer is (3) Shopping Cart.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre police Chronicles
According to the Department of Criminal Justice,
what percent of those suspected of committing a
crime actually plead guilty when arrested?
1) 20%
2) 35%
3) 42%
4) 66%
5) 89%
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: SIGNS YOU'RE AN OVERWEIGHT COP!
.You spend a lot of your time trying to apprehend Big Macs.
.You have two holsters: One for your gun, one for Italian Sausage
.The last time you saw your feet, "Kojak" was on in prime time.
.Instead of yelling "Freeze!" you yell "Fritos!"
.Even a patrol car's big block engine can't propel you more than
30 mph.
.You sometimes work undercover as a sofa.
.You take the phrase, "Take a bite out of crime" too literally.
.Several times a year, rescue workers have to use jaws of life to
get you out of your squad car.
.Your belly is known as the fourth precinct.
.You're frequently used as a roadblock.
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
This car protected by Smith & Wesson
As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools
WARNING...driver may bail out at any time.
Live long enough to become a problem to your kids.
I used to live alone... then I got a divorce!
I'm not speeding, I'm Qualifying.
_________________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Wednesday, May 09, 2001 14:55:42
