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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 58
May 10 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 58th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story! Man Attacks Cousin With Frozen Meat!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story! Court Room Bust!
Joke: Buckle Up!
Feature Story! Computer Hacker Gets Big Surprise!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Trivia Tid Bit!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week's Championship Finals!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
This Raleigh, North Carolina man robbed a convenience store using
a BB Gun as his weapon. All he wanted was two cigarettes. Of
course the clerk obliged the robbers request. After the robber
left the store, the clerk called the police to explain what had
happened. Police got a description of the robber and dispatched a
patrol car to the store. On their way to the store, officers
spotted the suspect and made the arrest. Even though the robber
believed that he would be charged with a minor offense if caught,
he soon discovered that in the eyes of the law he had committed
a felony. He was charged with armed robbery and could face a long
time in prison. He actually indicated to police that it was
against his principles to borrow money or bum cigarettes. He was
between pay checks and broke and thought it would only be
considered a minor offense to rob the store of just two
cigarettes with a BB Gun as his weapon.
"Con"-Testant #2
A robber from a small town outside Los Angeles couldn't decide
what disguise he should use. In fact, he was having a problem
keeping his face hid in all his robbery attempts. Since every
one of the places he robbed were within two or three blocks of
his home, he didn't want to look familiar. He actually patronized
several of the stores quite often and did some handyman work for
the motel he robbed. In his first robbery of a donut shop, he
actually used his left hand as his disguise. He placed his hand
and fingers over his nose and mouth while holding a gun in his
right hand. This disguise didn't work because he had to remove
his hand from his face to take the money. The second robbery was
of the local motel. This time he used a towel which had holes
cut in it to accommodate his nose and eyes. By the time he told
the clerk to hand over the money, the disguise slipped off of his
face. In the last robbery of a Subway Sandwich Shop the robber
thought he had a perfect disguise by simply pulling his shirt
over his head and looking through the space between the buttons.
However, the Subway had a closed circuit surveillance camera
located outside of the store. It caught the robber, on camera,
practicing the technique he was going to use to rob the store.
Because of the failed attempts at disguising his identity, all of
the clerks that were victims of this robber, were able to make a
positive identification. He is also a suspect in the armed
robbery of a grocery store one block from his home. Witnesses say
the robber was wearing a box over his head with holes cut out to
accommodate his eyes and nose. Sounds pretty familiar!!
"Con"-Testant #3
A woman, who robbed a bank in Iowa, made a clean get-away. In
fact, witnesses indicated that they believed she was a man. Her
disguise included wearing a hooded coat and a ski mask. She was
a husky individual which led everyone to believe she was a man.
Even her voice was husky. There were no other clues that could
be found. The robber even wore latex gloves to assure that no
fingerprints were left behind. When she arrived at her home, she
noticed that a dye pack had leaked on the money. The next day she
returned to the bank in an attempt to exchange the money for
bills that were not marked with the dye. She not only returned to
the same bank, but she returned in the same car and she was
wearing the same hooded coat, same pants and shoes. She did have
enough sense not to wear the ski mask or carry a gun like the day
before. Aside from the clothes and the dye marked bills, bank
employees were immediately suspicious when the lady walked in the
bank carrying the large dye stained bag with the banks name
printed on the front of the bag. While the suspect waited for the
teller to go through the process of exchanging the money, bank
security guards were soon alerted to the suspects presence and a
house arrest was made. Police were called and within minutes the
suspect was on her way to the police station where armed robbery
charges were filed against her.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 4 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 33 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 80 total votes.
117 Grand Total
We did it again last week! We topped the 100 mark for votes cast.
Thanks to everyone who participated. It was a landslide victory
for number #3. Sixty-eight percent of you voted for the winner.
She was ahead right from the start. The other two "Con-Testants"
were never close. Number Two did much better than Number One and
did manage to get 28% of the total vote, but most of you went for
#3.
I also voted for #3 and finally got back in the win column after
having registered a few losses in the last couple of weeks. My
personal win-loss record now stands at 22 wins and 15 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This burglary scheme was featured in a story that appeared in
issue #52. It involves two men who worked as a team with a
scheme to steal lots of loot from outlet warehouse stores in
Texas. The scheme worked for awhile, but wasn't fail-safe as
you'll soon discover when you read this shortened version of
the original story.
Two men were responsible for burglarizing a number of outlet
warehouse stores in Texas. One of the men would act as a decoy by
keeping the salesmen and other employees busy. The other man would
sneak back into the warehouse area and load up with small but
expensive items. He would always wear very baggy pants to conceal
the stolen loot. This scheme worked in over 12 stores until the
owner of an electronics warehouse caught the baggy pants culprit
as he tried to leave the warehouse area. The burglar admitted to
stealing the items, but begged the owner not to call police. When
the owner did call the police, the burglar removed all of his
clothes except his underwear. He and his partner ran out of the
store. However, the decoy partner soon returned to the store to
retrieve the keys that his partner left in the pants he took off.
When no one would return the keys, the suspect ran from the store
again. Both he and his partner were spotted hiding behind some
bushes, several blocks from the store. Police arrested both men
without incident. The suspect who left his baggy pants at the
warehouse also left his wallet and I.D. in the pants. This, along
with other stolen merchandise found in the suspects car, parked
in the warehouse parking lot, made a solid case against the
two suspects.
"Con"-Testant #2
This "Con-Testant" was profiled in issue #53. It didn't take
too many words to describe her ignorance and to show why she
is a good candidate for this week's "Dumb Crook Award." Here
is her story.
A San Antonio, Texas woman was arrested after her mechanic
informed police that he found nearly 20 packages of marijuana
under the hood of her car. The really dumb part of this case is
the fact that the woman took her car in for an oil change, but
didn't think that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
do the job.
"Con"-Testant #3
Here is another candidate that was originally featured in issue
#53. I'm sure you'll see why I nominated him as one of this
week's "Con-Testants."
A Ft. Smith, Arkansas man was arrested within one hour after he
robbed a convenience store at gun point. He made a quick and
clean get-away. Other than the store clerk, there were no
witnesses to the crime and no one to identify the car the robber
used in his escape. However, the store's security camera picked
up a good view of the construction hard hat the robber was
wearing. The robber's first and last name were boldly printed
on the top of the hat.
Police were able to check the name with the Drivers License
Bureau. They got a match on the name. When they checked the
picture that was on file with the Bureau, it matched the suspect
shown on the store's video play-back of the robbery. Police were
able to track down the suspect by going to the address provided
by the License Bureau.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
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Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
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Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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Feature Story! Man Attacks Cousin With Frozen Meat!
A Delaware man was arrested for attempted murder when he tried
to beat his cousin to death with frozen meats.
When the two men starting arguing, the accused suspect went into
his kitchen and removed frozen meats from his freezer. He started
beating his cousin with the meats and finally ended the attack by
hitting his victim over the head with a frozen six-pound turkey.
When his cousin tried to get-up from the floor, the suspect made
death threats by telling his cousin he would beat him to death
with the five-pound block of hamburger that he was holding in his
hand at that moment.
Relatives were able to intervene and prevent any further attack
from occurring. Police were called and the suspect was arrested.
The initial charge of attempted murder will probably be dropped,
but the prosecuting attorney may demand that the suspect be
charged with misdemeanor assault.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers
do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't
met.
.......
Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult
issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
.......
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his
way without a ticket.
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Short Feature Story! Court Room Bust!
An 18 year-old Tennessee man, who was in court recently on a
minor traffic offense, now faces up to 12 years in prison. When
he raised his hand to be sworn in, a packet of cocaine fell from
his pocket. The young man was immediately arrested on a number of
drug charges. After the arrest, police found more packets of
cocaine and other drugs in this man's possession. You would think
that anyone going into a court room, for any reason, would have
enough sense to leave the drugs at home. Some people just don't
have a clue! They must lack some sort of brain connection. I
guess that's why the jails and prisons are getting over crowded!
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Joke: Buckle Up!
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove
through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash
of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The
officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again even
more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at
an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up
the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later,
when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three
traffic tickets--each for not wearing a seat belt!
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Feature Story! Computer Hacker Gets Big Surprise!
A Copenhagen, Denmark college student was becoming very good at
hacking into computers. He wanted to show-off to his room mates
by randomly hacking into a computer system. Unfortunately, he
soon discovered that the computer system he was trying to hack,
was owned by the Copenhagen Police Department's supervisor of
Computer-Crime Task Force.
The sophisticated computer system was too much for this hacker
to handle. When he thought he had hacked into their system, he
realized he had been hacked instead. The Crime Task Force
computer security system actually was able to track down the
location of the hacker's computer and even got the hacker to
reveal his name.
Officers from the Task Force arrested the student hacker within
less than two hours after the hacking attempt. The Task Force
investigators were able to charge the student with ten other
previous hacking crimes and for his attempt at hacking into their
computer system.
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Vote for Bizarre Police Chronicles by visiting "Absea's Top 300
Cop Sites." When you click the following url your vote will be
automatically recorded. When you go to "Absea's" be sure to
visit some of the other great cop sites listed.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest
is generally the one who is willing to do and dare."
-- Dale Carnegie
"Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be
paid back."
-- Unknown
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."
-- Wayne Dyer
"What happened in this country that now, suddenly, everyone is
walking around with their own personal bottle of water? When
did we get so thirsty in America? Is everybody so dehydrated
they have to have their own portable supply of fluids with
them at all time? Get a drink before you leave the house!"
-- George Carlin
"I want to know what good is a web search engine that returns
324,909,188 'matches' to my key word. That's like saying,
"Good news, we've located the product you're looking for. It's
on Earth."
-- Bruce Cameron
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Fixing the thing...
AOL Users
Fixing the
thing...
Cartoon #2
Accidents happen...
AOL Users
Accidents
happen...
Cartoon #3
Duh!!
AOL Users
Duh!!
Cartoon #4
Captain in trouble...
AOL Users
Captain in
trouble...
Cartoon #5
Just the truth...
AOL Users
Just the
truth...
_________________________________________________________________
Recommend Bizarre Police Chronicles to your friends and cast
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Catching lobsters with your bare hands is illegal in Maine, but
you can catch them with your bare feet. Ouch!
Many years ago, anyone in Vermont that denied the existence of
God could get a stiff fine of $200.
The Occupational Safety and Health Act, at one time, prohibited
the use of ice in drinking water. The law was repealed.
An old Alabama law, prohibiting anyone from putting salt on a
railroad track, carried the death penalty as punishment.
In Mobile, Alabama, howling at a woman within the city limits
is strictly forbidden by law!
I mentioned before that Idaho has a law that forbids anyone
from fishing while on a camel's back. Well, Boise, Idaho
passed another similar law that forbids it's residents from
fishing within city limits while on the back of a giraffe.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
According to the Department of Criminal Justice,
what percent of those suspected of committing a
crime actually plead guilty when arrested?
1) 20%
2) 35%
3) 42%
4) 66%
5) 89%
The correct answer is (5) 89% plead guilty!
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
In what year of the Twentieth Century, did the United States
have it's most recorded homicides?
1) 1920
2) 1931
3) 1945
4) 1965
5) 1992
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Trivia Tid Bit!
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
He that marries for money will earn it.
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
There are no illegitimate children - only illegitimate parents.
Honk If You See Parts Falling Off My Car!
I owe I owe its off to work I go
How much milk is there in the Milky Way?
Do you believe in love at first sight or shall I drive by again?
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
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and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Friday, May 11, 2001 07:22:31
