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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 59
May 17 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 59th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story:
Woman Offers Baseball Cards As Payment In Murder Conspiracy!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story! How Not To Rob A Convenience Store!
Joke: Sick Leave!
Feature Story:
Burglar Declares Party Time At The Local Liquor Store!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Joke: Confused Defendant!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week's Championship Finals!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Two men were responsible for burglarizing a number of outlet
warehouse stores in Texas. One of the men would act as a decoy by
keeping the salesmen and other employees busy. The other man would
sneak back into the warehouse area and load up with small but
expensive items. He would always wear very baggy pants to conceal
the stolen loot. This scheme worked in over 12 stores until the
owner of an electronics warehouse caught the baggy pants culprit
as he tried to leave the warehouse area. The burglar admitted to
stealing the items, but begged the owner not to call police. When
the owner did call the police, the burglar removed all of his
clothes except his underwear. He and his partner ran out of the
store. However, the decoy partner soon returned to the store to
retrieve the keys that his partner left in the pants he took off.
When no one would return the keys, the suspect ran from the store
again. Both he and his partner were spotted hiding behind some
bushes, several blocks from the store. Police arrested both men
without incident. The suspect who left his baggy pants at the
warehouse also left his wallet and I.D. in the pants. This, along
with other stolen merchandise found in the suspects car, parked
in the warehouse parking lot, made a solid case against the
two suspects.
"Con"-Testant #2
A San Antonio, Texas woman was arrested after her mechanic
informed police that he found nearly 20 packages of marijuana
under the hood of her car. The really dumb part of this case is
the fact that the woman took her car in for an oil change, but
didn't think that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
do the job.
"Con"-Testant #3
A Ft. Smith, Arkansas man was arrested within one hour after he
robbed a convenience store at gun point. He made a quick and
clean get-away. Other than the store clerk, there were no
witnesses to the crime and no one to identify the car the robber
used in his escape. However, the store's security camera picked
up a good view of the construction hard hat the robber was
wearing. The robber's first and last name were boldly printed
on the top of the hat. Police ran a name check with the Drivers
License Bureau and were able to get a match on the suspect. Also,
the picture provided by the Bureau matched the suspect shown on
the store's video play-back of the robbery. Police were able to
track down the suspect by going to the address provided by the
License Bureau.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 30 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 44 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 37 total votes.
111 Grand Total
Last week turned out to be one of our closest races in a while.
Even #1, which finished third in the polling, did well by getting
30 votes. This was 27% of the total votes cast. As you can see
from the stats above, #2 was last week's winner. She ended up
with 40% of the total votes cast. With 44 votes, she was able to
defeat #3 by just 7 votes. #3 ended up with 33% of the total
votes that were cast. It's not often that we get a "Con-Test" as
close as this one. Thanks to everyone who voted and made this past
week an interesting one.
I did manage to select the winner again this past week. My
personal record now stands at 23 wins and 15 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This candidate was originally featured in issue #53. Here
is a shortened version of his profiled story.
This Longmont, Colorado man had a little to much beer to drink.
After finishing off his third six-pack, he still wanted more.
He drove back to the convenience store where he bought his
original six-packs. He used a crowbar to pry the front door in an
attempt to break in. However, to his surprise, he discovered the
store was still open. When he took a glance into the store, he
saw other customers staring back at him. Police were called and
the drunken suspect was arrested for attempted burglary. He was
unable to make his escape because he couldn't find his car keys.
They were still in the ignition.
"Con"-Testant #2
This following story was featured in issue #54. Instead of voting
on the accused criminal, you are asked to vote on the prosecutors
instead. After reading the shortened version of this story you'll
see why the prosecutors, in my opinion, are committing the real
crime. A moral crime against the accused and a crime against the
people they are serving. Pursuit of this crime would not be in
the best interest of people versus drifter. So a vote cast for #2
is vote for the prosecutors and not the accused.
There are a number of advocacy and liberation groups protesting
the outrageous incarceration of a drifter accused of stealing
just 58 cents from a car in Greenwich, New Jersey. Since the man
reached into the car to take the money, he is being charged with
burglary and a number of other bogus charges. The prosecutors in
the case are insisting on a five or ten year prison term for the
drifter. The liberation groups are upset that the drifter is even
being charged in the crime. Taxpayers are protesting from the
perspective of cost.It already cost over $16,000 to hold the
drifter in jail until his trial. If the drifter receives the
maximum sentence, it could end-up costing taxpayers well over
$270,000.
"Con"-Testant #3
This last candidate was featured in issue #54. This story had a
number of twists. See why this criminal was willing to admit to
armed robbery, rather than be accused of busting out a window in
a garage.
A man from a small town outside of Chicago was arrested for
breaking a window in a garage. Instead of admitting to the crime,
the suspect asserted that he had an alibi. He admitted to robbing
a grocery store at the time the window was supposedly broken. He
told police he was running from the robbery and not because of
the busted window. Police were puzzled as to why this suspect
would rather be arrested and charged for armed robbery than be
accused of the lesser crime. The bizarre answer to this puzzle
came when police, investigating the vandalized garage, discovered
the body of a neighbor in a small wooded area behind the garage.
He appeared to have suffered a severe blow to the head.
Investigators also found the overcoat, and ski mask used in the
grocery store robbery along with a bag of money in the garage.
When police confronted the suspect with all of the evidence, he
admitted to killing the neighbor. The garage was to be a hiding
place for the suspect after the robbery. The wooded area was
behind the grocery store and was to be the suspect's perfect
get-away. However, he was spotted by the neighbor and a struggle
ensued. According to the suspect, the neighbor fell against a
rock and that caused his death. The suspect was charged with
murder, armed robbery and a number of other charges.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
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Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
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Put in the subject "Dumb Award".
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_________________________________________________________________
Feature Story:
Woman Offers Baseball Cards As Payment In Murder Conspiracy!
A Kansas woman has been arrested and charged in a conspiracy to
murder her husband. She met two men at a little league baseball
game and started to explain to them about her husband's valuable
collection of baseball cards. During the conversation, she hinted
to the two men that if they were interested in owning her
husband's entire collection of cards, she could arrange for it to
happen at no cost. All they would have to do is murder her
husband.
Both men appeared to be very interested in her offer. After
further conversation, the woman laid-out her scheme of how the
two men were to carry-out the murder. She had planned on making
it look like a robbery. The men were suppose to rob her husband
as he left the service station that he owned. She knew that her
husband exited thru a back door of the station at or around
midnight every night. He would always leave the service station
carrying a bag of money with that day's receipts. From there he
would make a drop-off at the night depository at the local bank.
The woman told the two men that it would be an easy kill because
no one else would be around and the exit her husband would use
was off the main road. There were plenty of bushes and trees to
hide the exit from anyone who might be passing by. There were no
other businesses or homes close by. This would be a perfect place
to carryout the crime. She also told the men that they could keep
any money they got from the robbery, but that they had to make
sure that they killed her husband or the offer to give them the
card collection was off.
The arrangement was for the two men to kill her husband and then
call her at home when the job had been completed. She would then
wait about two hours and then call the police to report that she
was worried about why her husband had not come home from his
business and request that the police go to the station to check
if her husband was alright. She would tell police that she called
the station, but couldn't get an answer.
The final arrangement in this murder conspiracy would be the
payoff. She arranged for the two men to receive the baseball
cards at a little league game, that following week. To avert
any suspicion, the two men were suppose to tell anyone who saw
them receive the cards, that they were buying the collection
from a woman who had just lost her husband in a violent robbery
and that she needed the money to help offset funeral expenses.
On the night that she had selected for the murder of her husband,
she received the expected call from the two men that the job had
been done. As planned, she waited about two hours before calling
the police. Police then called her back about twenty minutes
later. They asked her to come down to the service station because
something had happened to her husband.
When she arrived, she was greeted by several officers and
escorted thru the back door of the service station. A puzzled
look came upon her face. Where was her husband's body? It wasn't
outside the door as expected. Maybe her husband ran back into the
station and they killed him there. At least that was her hope.
When she entered into the station, she got the surprise of her
life. Her husband and the two men who she hired to murder him
were standing together. To this woman's dismay, she soon
discovered that the two men she had hired were detectives for the
local police department. After the woman had conspired to kill
her husband, the detectives contacted the husband and a sting
operation was set-up. The testimony of the detectives would be
a key factor to get a conviction on the conspiracy to murder, but
by actually carrying-out her part of the conspiracy, prosecutors
were able to make a solid case that would stick. She was found
guilty of the murder conspiracy and was sentenced to 10 to 15
years behind bars.
_________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Did you hear about the guys that held up the Japanese tour bus?
They were apprehended several days later, police had 500 good
photographs of each robber.
.......
The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly
one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office,
I forgot to lock the safe!" The other partner replied, "What are
you worried about? We're both here."
.......
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets.
.......
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to
the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The
next question, intended for people who had answered in the
affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant
answered it anyway: "Never got caught!"
________________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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________________________________________________________________
Short Feature Story! How Not To Rob A Convenience Store!
An Indiana man was recently arrested for attempting to rob a
convenience store. It was attempted robbery because this dumb
criminal didn't even make it into the store before he was
arrested. He told a bystander that he was going to rob the store.
He gave the bystander a dollar and asked him to go into the store
to buy a scarf that he would use to conceal his identity when he
carried out the robbery. The bystander went into the store and
used the dollar to call the police.
_______________________________________________________________
Joke: Sick Leave!
Negotiations between the (PBA) patrolman's union and the city
were at an impasse. The union denied that the cops were
flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One
morning at the bargaining table, the city's chief negotiator held
aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This policeman," he
announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There on the sports page,
was a photo of the supposedly ill cop, who had just won a local
golf tournament with an excellent score. A union negotiator broke
the silence in the room. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of
score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story:
Burglar Declares Party Time At The Local Liquor Store!
Police responded to an alarm at a Daytona Beach, Florida liquor
store. It was nearly 4 A.M, so police asked the store's owner to
meet them at the store to provide a key for them to gain entry.
However, when police arrived, they discovered that the front door
was wide open. All the lights in the store were on and loud music
could be heard. It was like a party was going on. When police
entered to investigate, they discovered a man sitting in a
shopping cart. He was drinking liquor and eating potato chips and
pretzels. In the floor next to the cart was a large boom box from
which the loud vibrating music was coming from. The man was
wearing nothing but a ball cap and socks on his feet.
The man was so drunk that he was almost unaware that he was
surrounded by police officers. When he did recognize that they
were there, he invited them all to participate in his party.
Once the man sobered-up, after his arrest, he admitted to
breaking into the store. In fact, he explained to police that
he was one of the store's clerks. He had a key and knew the code
for the store's security system. His original intent was to
simply steal a case or two of his favorite liquor and leave.
However, he decided to stay for a bit longer and sample some of
the other liquors. He stayed too long and soon became very drunk.
During his one man party, he broke into the owner's office to
retrieve the boom box so he could enjoy music while sampling
still more liquor. He wasn't aware that the office was equipped
with an alarm system, so when he entered the office he activated
the alarm that alerted the police.
The clerk lost his job and he was charged with burglary and
indecent exposure. He was ordered to pay back the cost of the
liquor he sampled and any other damages that he may have caused.
He was given two years probation instead of a jail sentence.
_______________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space."
-- Diana Black
"A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy,
and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes."
-- Robert Frost
"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that
all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some
magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the
roses that are blooming outside our windows today."
-- Dale Carnegie
"Neither of my parents understand how an answering machine
works. When my mother leaves me a message she's actually
trapped inside the machine. It is just like a desperate cry,
'Carol? Carol? Are you there? I'm in the machine.' And my
father's even worse. He leaves me messages like this,
'Uh, tell her that her father called.'"
-- Caroline Rhea
"I don't understand the body piercing movement. I saw one
guy who had eight rings through his eyebrows. I couldn't
help myself. I ran up to him and hung a shower curtain
on his face."
-- Harland Williams
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
A gator in court...
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A gator in
court...
Cartoon #2
Birdie in prison
AOL Users
Birdie in
prison
Cartoon #3
Try not to sneeze!
AOL Users
Try not to
sneeze!
Cartoon #4
They're in for a surprise...
AOL Users
They're in for
a surprise...
Cartoon #5
I'd buy one...
AOL Users
I'd buy
one...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
You could get arrested or fined in West Virginia for sneezing
while riding on a train.
The performance of acrobatics on the sidewalks of Denver,
Colorado is strictly forbidden. You might frighten horses.
Did you know that Arizona actually passed a law requiring any of
it's citizens to register with the state when going into the
business of selling illegal drugs, including marijuana, cocaine,
and heroin. Of course registration does not legalize the sell of
these drugs. It's designed to make the seller pay income tax on
any sales made illegally. I just wonder how many people have
registered and what happens to them when they do.
Beer and pretzels go together, Right! Well not in North Dakota.
A state law forbids any bar or restaurant from serving beer and
pretzels at the same time to the same person. Your guess is as
good as mine as to why this law exist.
People probably pawn more items in Las Vegas, Nevada than any
where in the world. But I bet (excuse the Pun) you didn't
know that it's illegal to pawn your dentures in this city.
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Answer To Last Week's Trivia Quiz!
Last week's question was:
In what year of the Twentieth Century, did the United States
have it's most recorded homicides?
1) 1920
2) 1931
3) 1945
4) 1965
5) 1992
The correct answer is (2) 1931.
_________________________________________________________________
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. For the answer, go to the
Bizarre Police Chronicles web site and click the Quiz button in
the main menu. Select your answer and find out if you're right.
Go to our web site by clicking the following url:
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Statistically, what are your chances of having to serve
time in a prison at some point in your lifetime. This
is based on stats compiled by the U.S. Dept. of Justice.
1) 1 in 100 chances
2) 1 in 50 chances
3) 1 in 40 chances
4) 1 in 20 chances
5) 1 in 10 chances
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Confused Defendant!
After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile
bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of
deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to
the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the
jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes, your honor," the foreman responded, "We find the defendant
NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery,"
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound
of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout
expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns
to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"
The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered
look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says,
"I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all
the money back?"
______________________________________________________________
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Old age is inevitable; growing up is optional.
Jeans by Calvin Klein, body by Twinkies
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
It's time to pull over and check the air in your head.
I'm not completely useless...I can be used to set a bad example.
______________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Tuesday, May 29, 2001 23:02:50
