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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 63
June 17 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 63rd issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Special Note From The Publisher!
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Dumb Crook Wants To Become Famous Bank Robber!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story: 62-Year-Old Woman Smuggles Coke Into Prison!
Joke: Got Stuck Huh?
Feature Story: Enraged Bank Robber Drops Bomb!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Joke: The Court Appearance!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
______________________________________________________________
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Special Note From The Publisher!
During the past week I encountered severe problems with my
computer system. In fact, we had to re-format the hard drive.
Fortunately, we were able to save all of our data on disk. The
process of getting our computer system functioning again and the
installation of all of our data was a very time consuming task.
As a result, the publication of this week's "Chronicles" was
delayed. Please accept my apologies and thanks for your patience.
Jerry Romans
Publisher, Editor
________________________________________________________________
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
A man in Columbus, Ohio picked the wrong day to rob a bank.
Employees of the bank were receiving instructions on what they
should do during a bank robbery. There were a number of police
officers conducting the various aspects of the course. Some of
the officers were in uniform and some in civilian clothing.
After entering the bank, the robber gave one of the tellers a
note demanding cash. However, the robber was in for the surprise
of his life when the teller handed the note to a police officer
that was standing right next to her. He had just explained some
of the finer points of what to do if someone handed her a note
demanding money. Obviously, the armed robber didn't see the
officer standing next to the teller, and he didn't notice any
of the other uniformed policemen in the bank.
The robber's immediate reaction was to turn around and run out of
the bank. However, when he turned to make his escape, he quickly
realized that an escape was not an option. He was looking at five
more policemen and each of them were pointing their guns at the
suspect.
The bank employees got a real to life lesson on what to do during
a robbery and the police were able to capture a robber before he
had a chance to draw his weapon. In fact, the robber turned out
to be a suspect believed to be involved in over 40 other
robberies. This was an arrest that solved many crimes and
probably prevented many more from being committed.
"Con"-Testant #2
A Delaware man was arrested for attempted murder when he tried
to beat his cousin to death with frozen meats.
When the two men starting arguing, the accused suspect went into
his kitchen and removed frozen meats from his freezer. He started
beating his cousin with the meats and finally ended the attack by
hitting his victim over the head with a frozen six-pound turkey.
When his cousin tried to get-up from the floor, the suspect made
death threats by telling his cousin he would beat him to death
with the five-pound block of hamburger that he was holding in his
hand at that moment.
Relatives were able to intervene and prevent any further attack
from occurring. Police were called and the suspect was arrested.
The initial charge of attempted murder will probably be dropped,
but the prosecuting attorney may demand that the suspect be
charged with misdemeanor assault.
"Con"-Testant #3
An 18 year-old Tennessee man, who was in court recently on a
minor traffic offense, now faces up to 12 years in prison. When
he raised his hand to be sworn in, a packet of cocaine fell from
his pocket. The young man was immediately arrested on a number of
drug charges. After the arrest, police found more packets of
cocaine and other drugs in this man's possession. You would think
that anyone going into a court room, for any reason, would have
enough sense to leave the drugs at home. Some people just don't
have a clue, but I guess that's why crime doesn't pay!!
"Con"-Testant #1 received 47 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 2 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 27 total votes.
76 Grand Total
The voter turn-out for last week was a bit better than it has
been for several weeks. I hope everyone is getting use to the
new polling page. As you can see from the stats above #1 was the
winner of last week's "Dumb Crooks Award." His 47 votes turned
out to be 62% of the total votes cast. Luckily, my personal vote
was for #1. My record now stands at 27 wins and 15 losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
Even the technically gifted can get caught in the act of doing
something illegal. This otherwise smart college student proves
that even the smartest can qualify as a candidate for the
"Dumb Crooks" Award. This computer hacker's story was featured
in issue #58. Here is his story once again.
A Copenhagen, Denmark college student was becoming very good at
hacking into computers. He wanted to show-off to his room mates
by randomly hacking into a computer system. Unfortunately, he
soon discovered that the computer system he was trying to hack,
was owned by the Copenhagen Police Department's supervisor of
Computer-Crime Task Force.
The sophisticated computer system was too much for this hacker
to handle. When he thought he had hacked into their system, he
realized he had been hacked instead. The Crime Task Force
computer security system actually was able to track down the
location of the hacker's computer and even got the hacker to
reveal his name.
Officers from the Task Force arrested the student hacker within
less than two hours after the hacking attempt. The Task Force
investigators were able to charge the student with ten other
previous hacking crimes and for his attempt at hacking into their
computer system.
"Con"-Testant #2
This woman believed that she had a dynamic scheme for killing
her husband. However, like most criminals, there was one big
flaw in her scheme. Here is her story as originally featured
in issue #59.
A Kansas woman has been arrested and charged in a conspiracy to
murder her husband. She met two men at a little league baseball
game and started to explain to them about her husband's valuable
collection of baseball cards. During the conversation, she hinted
to the two men that if they were interested in owning her
husband's entire collection of cards, she could arrange for it to
happen at no cost. All they would have to do is murder her
husband.
Both men appeared to be very interested in her offer. After
further conversation, the woman laid-out her scheme of how the
two men were to carry-out the murder. She had planned on making
it look like a robbery. The men were suppose to rob her husband
as he left the service station that he owned. She knew that her
husband exited thru a back door of the station at or around
midnight every night. He would always leave the service station
carrying a bag of money with that day's receipts. From there he
would make a drop-off at the night depository at the local bank.
The woman told the two men that it would be an easy kill because
no one else would be around and the exit her husband would use
was off the main road. There were plenty of bushes and trees to
hide the exit from anyone who might be passing by. There were no
other businesses or homes close by. This would be a perfect place
to carryout the crime. She also told the men that they could keep
any money they got from the robbery, but that they had to make
sure that they killed her husband or the offer to give them the
card collection was off.
The arrangement was for the two men to kill her husband and then
call her at home when the job had been completed. She would then
wait about two hours and then call the police to report that she
was worried about why her husband had not come home from his
business and request that the police go to the station to check
if her husband was alright. She would tell police that she called
the station, but couldn't get an answer.
The final arrangement in this murder conspiracy would be the
payoff. She arranged for the two men to receive the baseball
cards at a little league game, that following week. To avert
any suspicion, the two men were suppose to tell anyone who saw
them receive the cards, that they were buying the collection
from a woman who had just lost her husband in a violent robbery
and that she needed the money to help offset funeral expenses.
On the night that she had selected for the murder of her husband,
she received the expected call from the two men that the job had
been done. As planned, she waited about two hours before calling
the police. Police then called her back about twenty minutes
later. They asked her to come down to the service station because
something had happened to her husband.
When she arrived, she was greeted by several officers and
escorted thru the back door of the service station. A puzzled
look came upon her face. Where was her husband's body? It wasn't
outside the door as expected. Maybe her husband ran back into the
station and they killed him there. At least that was her hope.
When she entered into the station, she got the surprise of her
life. Her husband and the two men who she hired to murder him
were standing together. To this woman's dismay, she soon
discovered that the two men she had hired were detectives for the
local police department. After the woman had conspired to kill
her husband, the detectives contacted the husband and a sting
operation was set-up. The testimony of the detectives would be
a key factor to get a conviction on the conspiracy to murder, but
by actually carrying-out her part of the conspiracy, prosecutors
were able to make a solid case that would stick. She was found
guilty of the murder conspiracy and was sentenced to 10 to 15
years behind bars.
"Con"-Testant #3
Here's a short story that was featured in issue #59. It didn't
take much text to show why this man qualifies as a candidate for
this week's award. Here is his story.
An Indiana man was recently arrested for attempting to rob a
convenience store. It was attempted robbery because this dumb
criminal didn't even make it into the store before he was
arrested. He told a bystander that he was going to rob the store.
He gave the bystander a dollar and asked him to go into the store
to buy a scarf that he would use to conceal his identity when he
carried out the robbery. The bystander went into the store and
used the dollar to call the police.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
the subject line.
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Dumb Crook Wants To Become Famous Bank Robber!
An Ohio man wanted his moment of glory. He wanted to be
recognized for who he was and what he had accomplished. It didn't
matter that he was a criminal whose accomplishment was the
robbery of a number of banks.
After being picked-up as a suspect in several local small town
bank robberies, this man was placed in a line-up for possible
identification by several bank tellers and witnesses to the
robberies. When none of the witnesses could identify him as the
robber, police had no choice other than releasing their main
suspect from custody. That is, until the suspect demanded a
second chance at being identified!! He was very upset that no
one could identify him. He told police that he didn't really
care about how much money he got in the robberies. His main
purpose for robbing the banks was to gain recognition as a
notorious bank robber. He wanted everyone to know him by name. He
wanted to be known as a famous bank robber.
Well, because of the "second chance statement" he made to police,
the suspect was booked and charged for seven bank robberies. In
another line-up, several bank tellers and witnesses were able to
identify him as the robber. Security cameras also helped in
getting a conviction in all seven robberies. He did get his wish
for fame, fulfilled!! He got a write-up in five local newspapers
and a small mention in a large metropolitan newspaper with a
large circulation. Nothing out of the ordinary was reported,
except the mention of the man's "second chance statement." There
was also some TV coverage.
Because of the media attention, although not extraordinary, this
dumb crook is now a happy jail bird. He was convicted of seven
different armed robberies and received prison time for each
crime. He can now bask in his glory, behind bars, for the rest of
his life. All of his prison terms, together, add up to more than
120 years. But it has been reported that this crook just loves to
talk about his bank robberies and how famous he thinks he is. He
has a scrap book in his cell with all the article clippings from
newspapers that reported his crimes. He even had a friend obtain
copies of security camera pictures of him committing the bank
robberies. He had the friend turn these copies into large posters
which he plastered on the walls of his cell.
It has been reported that many of the inmates are getting fed-up
with this guys bragging. Most prisoners and even the guards try
to avoid contact with this "Happy Jail Bird." This dumb crook is
truly one of the most bizarre characters I have profiled.
________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
A cop stopped a car.He said to the driver,"do you know why I
stopped you"? The driver replied, "You thought I had donuts"?
.......
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a
policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her
the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and
everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?"
"No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."
.......
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"
_______________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Short Feature Story: 62-Year-Old Woman Smuggles Coke Into Prison!
A girlfriend of a convict serving time in a federal penitentiary
in Atlanta was recently sentenced to at least three years in jail
and another two years of probation. The 62-year-old woman was
convicted on charges involving her attempt to smuggle cocaine to
her imprisoned 38-year-old boyfriend. Prison guards caught the
boyfriend with almost 40 grams of cocaine. He tried to conceal
the drugs by placing the packets of coke in his waist-long
dreadlocks. He now must face charges and perhaps added prison
time for drug possession.
_______________________________________________________________
Joke: Got Stuck Huh?
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up
that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is
right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas."
_______________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Enraged Bank Robber Drops Bomb!
A man from Ontario, Canada robbed a Burlington bank, but was very
dissatisfied with the amount of cash he received. The weapon he
used in the robbery was a Molotov cocktail and so he warned the
teller that she better give him more cash or he would throw the
bomb at her face. He started shaking the bottle at the teller and
drew back his arm to indicate that he was getting ready to throw
the bomb at any moment.
Then, to the surprise of the teller and everyone else in the
bank, the robber dropped the Molotov cocktail. The homemade
bomb fell to the robber's side and then exploded. Moments later,
the robber was completely engulfed in flames. A security guard
and several bank customers were able to put out the flames with
fire extinguishers. Emergency Medical Services responded and the
robber was rushed to the hospital. He did survive, but suffered
months of treatment for his severe burns and he is scared for
life. He was under police custody while in the hospital. After
his release, he was charged for the armed robbery. He received a
ten year prison term.
I might mention that no one else was injured in the explosion. In
fact, the money was undamaged also. Somehow, it was thrown clear
of the flames during the explosion.
________________________________________________________________
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Vote for Bizarre Police Chronicles by visiting "Absea's Top 300
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Humility leads to strength and not to weakness. It is
the highest form of self-respect to admit mistakes and
to make amends for them."
-- John (Jay) Mccloy
"A fool and his money were lucky to get
together in the first place."
-- Harry Anderson
"It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most
victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it
is defeated...it is finished when it surrenders."
-- Ben Stein
"Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence."
--Charles De Gaulle
"We [Baby] Boomers did overcome many brutal hardships. For
example, when we were growing up - and forgive me if my
voice trembles with emotion as I recall those painful times
- we had no cell phones. That's right, Class of 2001: When
we needed our moms to come pick us up at the mall, we had to
walk, manually, until we found a pay phone - sometimes
dozens of yards away!"
-- Dave Barry
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________________________________________________________________
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In China, the national law actually states that you must be
intelligent to attend college. Anyone determined to be of
average intelligence, or below, will be forbidden from
attending a university.
English citizens can be charged for treason if they make the
mistake of putting a postage stamp upside down on any envelope
or package. The law only applies to stamps that bear the image
of the King or Queen.
In Columbia, Maryland its against the law to have an outside
TV antenna. However, you are allowed to place a satellite dish
outside of your house, even if it measures up to 25 feet in
diameter.
In Massachusetts, its against the law to use tomatoes in
clam chowder.
In Whitehall, Montana, it is illegal to attach ice picks to
the wheels of any motor vehicle. I'm sure they also banned
gladiator fights and chariot races too.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
Which of the following crimes, in the U.S.A., is most likely
to occur at night?
1) burglary
2) murder
3) auto theft
4) assault
5) arson
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Read carefully..
AOL Users
Click Here
_________________________________________________________________
Joke: The Court Appearance!
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear
for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he
waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before
the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the
rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
What for?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared
"Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented.
"That's all right. You don't have to pay now"
The young man replied, "I know. I'm just seeing if I have enough
for two more words."
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Liberal arts major: will think for food.
___________________________________________________________
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
According to the Department of Criminal Justice, the
correct answer is (3) auto theft
______________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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