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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 65
July 01 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 65th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Bank Robbing Couple Looks For New Start!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Feature Story:
Cannibal Woman Claims She Turns Victims Into Human Meat Loaf!
Joke: Two Truckers!
Feature Story: Man Uses Grandpa's Old Gun To Rob Bank!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Interesting Tid Bit On Bank Robbers!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Police responded to an alarm at a Daytona Beach, Florida liquor
store. It was nearly 4 A.M, so police asked the store's owner to
meet them at the store to provide a key for them to gain entry.
However, when police arrived, they discovered that the front door
was wide open. All the lights in the store were on and loud music
could be heard. It was like a party was going on. When police
entered to investigate, they discovered a man sitting in a
shopping cart. He was drinking liquor and eating potato chips and
pretzels. In the floor next to the cart was a large boom box from
which the loud vibrating music was coming from. The man was
wearing nothing but a ball cap on his head and socks on his feet.
The man was so drunk that he was almost unaware that he was
surrounded by police officers. When he did recognize that they
were there, he invited them all to participate in his party.
Once the man sobered-up, after his arrest, he admitted to
breaking into the store. In fact, he explained to police that
he was one of the store's clerks. He had a key and knew the code
for the store's security system. His original intent was to
simply steal a case or two of his favorite liquor and leave.
However, he decided to stay for a bit longer and sample some of
the other liquors. He stayed too long and soon became very drunk.
During his one man party, he broke into the owner's office to
retrieve the boom box so he could enjoy music while sampling
still more liquor. He wasn't aware that the office was equipped
with an alarm system, so when he entered the office he activated
the alarm that alerted the police.
"Con"-Testant #2
This escapee has got to be one of the dumbest criminals I have
read about in a long time. He was being escorted to jail in St.
Petersburg, Florida, but managed to escape. During his escape, he
suffered a number of cuts on his feet, but was still able to
outrun the cops.
Police searched the area where their prisoner had escaped, but
no sign of his whereabouts could be found. No one had seen him
and no other clues to where he might be, could be found. It was
as though the escapee at completely vanished.
However, police got a break in the case when the local hospital
called to alert them that they thought they were treating a man
who had escaped from jail. It's seems that the escapee filled out
his hospital form with the reason or cause of injury being listed
as "escape from jail."
"Con"-Testant #3
A Massachusetts man must have thought it was easy to rob a bank.
He approached a teller at the Mutual Federal Savings Bank and
demanded $40 million. The teller explained how it would be
impossible to comply with such a high demand. The robber then
reduced his demand to just $40,000. The teller was about to
comply and was in the process of counting out the requested
amount. However, the robber thought it would take to long, so
he asked the teller to issue him a check for the $40,000. The
teller complied. The robber left the bank and made his escape.
However, he was arrested the next day, at his own bank, when he
attempted to deposit the check into his own account. All banks
in the state had been alerted to look out for a check for the
amount of $40,000 which was made payable to the name provided
by the bank robber.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 4 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 26 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 70 total votes.
100 Grand Total
We finally reached the 100 mark again in total votes cast. Thanks
to everyone who participated in last week's voting poll. As you
can see, from the above stats, #3 was last week's winner by
getting 70% of the total votes.
I voted on #3 and improved my personal record to 29 wins and 15
losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
Maybe the two teen-age boys profiled in this story, that first
appeared in issue #61, learned their lesson and decided not to
pursue a criminal profession. Their dumb mistake as outlined in
the following story may have straightened them out.
Two teen-age boys from Farmington Hills, Michigan decided to take
up the profession of stealing cars. They were told that a good
place to start would be along a stretch of road called Nine Mile-
Haggerty Road. There were always cars parked along this road and
all they had to do was find a car that was unlocked or easy to
break into.
The boys found a car that was unlocked and proceeded to hot-wire
the vehicle to complete their first car theft. However, to their
surprise, the boys discovered that they were not alone. The back
seat was occupied. In their haste to steal their first car, they
didn't notice the man in the back seat. Unfortunately for the two
boys, the man in the back seat was an undercover police officer
who was on a stake-out in another case.
"Con"-Testant #2
This dumb crook thought he had a very clever scheme to rob a
bank. However, he made one really big mistake that foiled his
plan and got him quickly arrested. Here is his story as it
appeared in issue #61.
A 19 year-old Jacksonville, Florida man robbed a First Union Bank
by presenting a note that informed the teller she better
cooperate because he had the bank wired with explosives. He also
explained in the note that any attempt to alert the police or
other bank personnel would be a big mistake. He stated in the
note that he had other bank personnel working with him and any
false move could cause deadly results.
The teller cooperated as instructed and turned over a large sum
of cash to the robber. He made his escape. After his escape, it
was determined that the man was working on his own. No bank
employees were involved in the robbery and the bank wasn't wired
with explosives.
However, the clever robbery scheme turned out not to be so clever
after all. The note that the robber gave the teller was written
on the back of a police report. A police report documenting the
robber's last arrest. It didn't take police long to track this
robber down. He thought he had gotten away with the robbery and
was in no hurry to leave town. Police arrested him the next day
when he arrived at an office near the court house. He was there
to keep his appointment with his parole officer.
"Con"-Testant #3
This dumb crook was originally profiled in issue #62. Calling
police for help was probably a wrong decision. He might have
been better off calling a lock smith or a friend!
A man called police because he had had been playing with a set
of cuffs and had accidentally handcuffed himself to his car door.
Fortunately, he was able to reach his cell phone to make the
call.
The officer responding to the call made a routine computer check
on the man and discovered that the man had outstanding warrants
for failure to appear in court for a number of driving violations
over the past four months.
Instead of attempting to remove the cuffs, the officer took the
man into custody and transported him to jail. The cuffs were
finally removed, but the man was already in jail.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
the subject line.
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Feature Story: Bank Robbing Couple Looks For New Start!
A husband and wife bank robbery team from Marietta, Ohio decided
to take up residency in Huntington, Virginia. They lived there
before, but had to leave because they were wanted for several
crimes and were suspects in others. It had been several years
since they were in Huntington and they were hoping that there
were no longer any outstanding warrants against them.
The couple decided to find out if there were any warrants against
them by calling 9-1-1. They discovered that there were quite a
few warrants still outstanding including a number for felony
charges. Because they were still wanted, the couple decided to
try another state and town. They had planned on leaving for their
new destination the following morning.
They had been staying at a motel located in Huntington and the
call originated from their motel room. The 9-1-1 operator traced
the call placed by the couple and immediately dispatched police
to the motel. The couple were arrested as they left their motel
room. They were getting ready to take a swim in the motel's pool.
Most people know that 9-1-1 calls are automatically traced, but
this couple were not quite the sharpest pins in the cushion, so
to speak. They were totally surprised and clueless as to how the
police found them at the motel.
The couple now faces numerous felony charges in Huntington. Also,
authorities in Ohio have been alerted to the couple's arrest.
Both husband and wife are wanted for three bank robberies in that
state.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Prison Cell Graffiti
For a good time, go to a movie.
For a lot of time, hire my attorney.
.......
COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at
least."
LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me
look that old."
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
________________________________________________________________
Feature Story:
Cannibal Woman Claims She Turns Victims Into Human Meat Loaf!
A woman surrendered to police in Ohio claiming that she was a
cannibal responsible for the death of 2000 people a year. In her
claim, she admitted to turning her victims into human meat loaf.
Although, not believing this woman, detectives proceeded to
investigate this case with caution. Even the most bizarre stories
may have some validity. This woman obviously had some serious
mental problems, but her story didn't make sense. She claimed
that her victims were all from her home town. However, for her
story to be true, the total population of her town would have to
fall prey to her cannibalism. The small town she lived in had
barely 2000 citizens. It would have to renew it's population
every year in order for this woman to continue her cannibalism.
After a thorough investigation, detectives were able to uncover
the woman's reasoning behind her claims. She was seeing an Ohio
psychiatrist for a sleeping disorder. During her therapy sessions
with the doctor, she was convinced into believing that she was a
cannibal. The doctor was using the woman in his own private
experiment to determine how much influence a psychiatrist could
have on altering a persons' mind by placing suggestions into the
mind of the patient during psycho-therapy. He was trying out a
new mind suggestion technique that he had developed over the past
ten years. He felt justified in his private experiments with this
patient and others because he believed that his technique would
revolutionize psychiatry treatment and therapy.
The doctor has been arrested and his license to practice
psychiatry has been temporarily suspended while allegations of
malpractice and misconduct are being investigated. Eight other
patients have come forward with complaints against this doctor.
He not only faces criminal charges and loss of his practice, he
also may be sued by his patients for malpractice.
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Joke: Two Truckers!
While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers
came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3."
They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."
"What do you think?" one asked the other.
The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"
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Feature Story: Man Uses Grandpa's Old Gun To Rob Bank!
A man from Canada was recently sentenced to six years in prison
for the armed robbery of an Ontario bank. The robber used an old
Colt .45, that he had inherited from his grandfather, to commit
the crime. Both the gun and all of the nearly $6000 taken in the
robbery were recovered.
The bizarre part of this case occurred when an officer noticed
the old gun after it was impounded. This officer happen to be a
gun collector who appraised guns for the auction trade. This old
gun was indeed a rare find. It was one of only 100 Colt .45's of
it's kind. It had been made as part of a special issue production
in Quebec City during World War I. The officer indicated that the
gun was in mint condition and could command a hefty bid. He gave
the gun an appraised value of up to $100,000. The robber would
have been better off selling the gun through an auction house,
but was totally unaware of the gun's value. To him it was just a
nice looking old gun he got when his grandpa died.
After finding out how much the gun was worth, the convicted
robber demanded that the gun be turned over to his wife so that
she could auction it off. However, under Canadian law, the gun
is considered seized. Since the gun was used in the act of
committing a crime it became the property of the police
department. Lawyers for the convicted bank robber are fighting
the ruling, but it doesn't look like they will be successful in
their attempts to recover the gun, or to get compensation for the
gun's value once it is sold at auction.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"The game of life is not so much in holding
a good hand as playing a poor hand well."
-- H. T. Leslie
"We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach
with the kids because we're always afraid of cancer. It's
SPF 80: you squeeze the tube and a sweater comes out."
-- Lew Schneider
"There is a difference between a tax collector and
a taxidermist -- the taxidermist leaves the hide."
-- Mortimer Caplan
"Problems are the price of progress. Don't bring
me anything but trouble. Good news weakens me."
-- Charles F. Kettering
"The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has
lost his enthusiasm."
-- H. W. Arnold
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Limiting pc time...
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Cartoon #2
Remember to back-up!
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Cartoon #3
Doggie Mea...
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Cartoon #4
How to live longer...
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She will find you...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In the city of Etobicoke, Ontario, Canada you are forbidden by
law to allow water in your bathtub to be more than a depth of
3.5 inches.
In Uxbridge, Ontario, Canada you can get arrested for having an
Internet connection faster than 56k.
How do they vote in Arkansas. According to Arkansas Law, section
4761 it would be impossible for anyone to cast a vote. This law
was obviously mis-stated and isn't enforced as stated. Here is
that law for your amusement: "No person shall be permitted under
any pretext whatever, to come nearer then fifty feet of any door
or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls
until the certification of the returns."
In Michigan, a burglar can sue you if he gets hurt in your house!
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
Name the only U.S. President born in the state of Illinois.
1) Ulysses S. Grant
2) Abraham Lincoln
3) Harry Truman
4) Ronald Reagan
5) Richard Nixon
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Funny Picture Of The Week!
Mini Biker Gets A Ticket...
AOL Users
Click Here
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Interesting Tid Bit On Bank Robbers!
Here is an interesting tid bit about bank robbers submitted
by Tom Den. Tom writes:
This information was included in an interesting, amusing article
titled "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in
the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac. Clark reported that
in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras,76 percent
of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank
before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for
concealing the loot.
Thanks Tom for this fascinating tid bit.
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Money isn't everything, but it keeps the kids in touch!
I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
If we quit voting, will they all go away?
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
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Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is (4) Ronald Reagan.
Even though Illinois is called the land of Lincoln, the only
U.S. president born in that state was Ronald Reagan. He was
born in a little town called Tampico, Illinois. Abraham Lincoln
was born in Kentucky.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Monday, July 16, 2001 17:04:02
