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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 66
July 09 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 66th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Mad Man Causes Smash-Up! Then Wants Gunfight!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story: Two Boys Caught Stealing 25th Car!
Lawyer Joke: THE COMPASSIONATE LAWYER!
Feature Story: Lawyers Claim Killer Was Influenced By Cartoons!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Joke: Blonde Calls 911!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
_____________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Two teen-age boys from Farmington Hills, Michigan decided to take
up the profession of stealing cars. They were told that a good
place to start would be along a stretch of road called Nine Mile-
Haggerty Road. There were always cars parked along this road and
all they had to do was find a car that was unlocked or easy to
break into.
The boys found a car that was unlocked and proceeded to hot-wire
the vehicle to complete their first car theft. However, to their
surprise, the boys discovered that they were not alone. The back
seat was occupied. In their haste to steal their first car, they
didn't notice the man in the back seat. Unfortunately for the two
boys, the man in the back seat was an undercover police officer
who was on a stake-out in another case.
"Con"-Testant #2
A 19 year-old Jacksonville, Florida man robbed a First Union Bank
by presenting a note that informed the teller she better
cooperate because he had the bank wired with explosives. He also
explained in the note that any attempt to alert the police or
other bank personnel would be a big mistake. He stated in the
note that he had other bank personnel working with him and any
false move could cause deadly results.
The teller cooperated as instructed and turned over a large sum
of cash to the robber. He made his escape. After his escape, it
was determined that the man was working on his own. No bank
employees were involved in the robbery and the bank wasn't wired
with explosives.
However, the clever robbery scheme turned out not to be so clever
after all. The note that the robber gave the teller was written
on the back of a police report. A police report documenting the
robber's last arrest. It didn't take police long to track this
robber down. He thought he had gotten away with the robbery and
was in no hurry to leave town. Police arrested him the next day
when he arrived at an office near the court house. He was there
to keep his appointment with his parole officer.
"Con"-Testant #3
A man called police because he had had been playing with a set
of cuffs and had accidentally handcuffed himself to his car door.
Fortunately, he was able to reach his cell phone to make the
call.
The officer responding to the call made a routine computer check
on the man and discovered that the man had outstanding warrants
for failure to appear in court for a number of driving violations
over the past four months.
Instead of attempting to remove the cuffs, the officer took the
man into custody and transported him to jail. The cuffs were
finally removed, but the man was already in jail.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 16 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 81 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 11 total votes.
108 Grand Total
We had another great voter turn-out this past week. Thanks again
to everyone who participated. As you can see from the stats above
#2 was a landslide winner. In fact, #2 got three times the total
votes cast for #1 and #3 combined.
On a personal note, I also voted for #2. My win/loss record now
stands at 30 wins and 15 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
The four robbers in this story were a bit to anxious to
get the lock off the armored car they stole. Too many
torches resulted in their capture. Here is their story
as it originally appeared in issue #62
Four men surprised the guards of an armored truck that was
making a pick-up at a department store near Montreal, Canada.
The robbers were able to drive-off with the truck to a place
approximately one half mile from the department store. They then
proceeded to break into the back of the truck where all of the
money was safely secured.
Their plan included the use of blow torches for the purpose of
melting the lock off of the truck's door. However, they used too
many torches and created so much heat, that an explosion
occurred. The lock came off, but because of the explosion, all
of the money caught on fire. Also, the armored truck was
equipped with an alarm system. As soon as the lock opened, the
alarm was triggered. Police were already in the area searching
for the robbers. They heard the alarm. It wasn't long before a
Swat team was also alerted. The men were surrounded and quickly
apprehended without a fight.
"Con"-Testant #2
The young man profiled in this story, that originally appeared
in issue #62, had everything going his way until he decided to
rob his town's local bank using his mother as the get-away
driver.
A fifteen year old boy from a small town outside of Houston,
Texas, devised a plan to rob the town's local bank. His biggest
problem was getting someone to drive the get-away car. He was
not old enough to drive, so he had to come up with a scheme to
have someone else drive him to the bank and then wait for him
while he followed through with the robbery. Well, he convinced
his mother to drive him to the bank under the pretense that he
wanted to add some money to his savings account. He wasn't about
to tell her that she would actually be driving a get-away car.
When the time came to leave for the bank, this young man got
his small caliber handgun and concealed it under his shirt so
that his mom would not suspect anything. She drove him to the
bank and told him to hurry up and not to take all day because
she had other things to do.
Well, the young man did hurry, in fact he was only in the bank
about four minutes. In that time he was able to get a bag full
of cash. He ran out of the bank, but mom was gone. He looked all
around, but couldn't find her. So his only option was to start
running down the street with the hope that his mom might see him
and pick him up. While running, he noticed his mom getting out
of her car across the street at the grocery store. She had
decided to drive to the store and pick up a couple of items for
supper that night. She figured her son could wait a few minutes,
in front of the bank, if he finished before she was done at the
store.
However, it was to late for this young man to make his escape.
The bank security guard was already in pursuit of the robber
and police were on their way. The guard spotted the young man
as he was crossing over to the other side of the street where
his mother had just parked her car. Before the boy could reach
his mom's car, the guard was able to catch up with the young
robber and place him under arrest. Police arrived moments later.
People in the store were curious about what was happening
including the young man's mother. When she saw that the police
had her son handcuffed, she was totally surprised and confused.
She followed the patrol car to the police station and later
found out why her son had been arrested.
Her son faces armed robbery charges and will more than likely
serve some time in the penitentiary for youthful offenders that
is located several miles from where the young man lived. A
bizarre twist to this young man's situation is that his mother
works for the prison as a teacher specializing in training young
men on how to make better choices in the way they conduct their
lives. Even more bizarre, the boy's dad is an assistant to the
warden.
"Con"-Testant #3
The convict and his girlfriend are the subjects of this bizarre
story that originally appeared in issue #63. You'll soon see
why this pair deserve to be included as candidates in this week's
"Con-Test."
A girlfriend of a convict serving time in a federal penitentiary
in Atlanta was recently sentenced to at least three years in jail
and another two years of probation. The 62-year-old woman was
convicted on charges involving her attempt to smuggle cocaine to
her imprisoned 38-year-old boyfriend. Prison guards caught the
boyfriend with almost 40 grams of cocaine. He tried to conceal
the drugs by placing the packets of coke in his waist-long
dreadlocks. He now must face charges and perhaps added prison
time for drug possession.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
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Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
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Feature Story: Mad Man Causes Smash-Up! Then Wants Gunfight!
Another incident of road rage has landed a Jacksonville, Florida
man behind bars. He was arrested for smashing his car into the
side of another car that had five occupants. The enraged driver
claimed that he became mad when the occupants, of the car he
purposefully ran into, were laughing at him for picking his nose.
They were making nose picking jesters along with the laughter. It
was more than he could take, so he slammed into the side of their
car.
After the crash, the enraged driver got out of his car with the
intention of challenging the five occupants of the other car to a
gun fight. However, the driver of the other car managed to drive
away from the scene and call the police. The car of the enraged
driver sustained more damage than the other car. It had a busted
radiator and as a result, the driver was unable to continue his
mad pursuit of the five intimidators.
Police arrived at the scene of the crash where they arrested the
man on various charges including assault with a deadly weapon. In
this case, the car was the deadly weapon. No gun could be found
and the arrested suspect admitted that he was bluffing when he
challenged the occupants of the other car to a gun fight. He was
lucky that none of the occupants of the other car had a gun. With
his display of extreme rage, he could have been shot without much
hesitation. Most people believe you when you tell them you have a
gun and fear rules. In this case, the driver of the other car
drove away as fast as he could because he believed the mad man
was armed and ready to shoot.
________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Q: Did you hear that the post office had to recall its series of
stamps depicting famous lawyers?
A: People couldn't decide which side to spit on.
.......
Q: How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly?
A: When your lawyer doesn't seem like a bloodsucking leech
anymore.
.......
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake.
The old legal lions gave them a fight for their lives. The gang
was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got out with $25 between
us."
"I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!", the boss screamed. "We
had over $100 when we broke in!"
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Short Feature Story: Two Boys Caught Stealing 25th Car!
Two teenagers from Florida, ages 14 and 15, were recently
arrested again for stealing a car. This was the 25th car these
boys had stolen in less than a period of two years. Somehow the
judge released them after charging them with larceny. They were
given a court date but not held over. Guess what! The boys had
no way to get home from the courthouse and didn't have money for
cab fare or even a bus. So what did they do? You guessed it! They
stole another car. Within less than an hour the boys crashed into
a fence and were once again arrested for their crime. I guess
they will never learn until the judge decides to throw the book
at them!
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Lawyer Joke: THE COMPASSIONATE LAWYER!
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his
limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He
ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why
are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other
man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man
answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his
limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a
car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows
says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a
foot tall."
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Feature Story: Lawyers Claim Killer Was Influenced By Cartoons!
The Public Defenders for a convicted killer are trying to
convince the Nevada Supreme Court to withdraw the death penalty
for their client. Lawyers for the killer claim that their client
watched to many violent cartoons as a child, and as a result,
the killer is "unable to understand death." The lawyers suggested
that their client was particularly influenced and confused by the
"Roadrunner" series of cartoons.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"A great attitude does much more than turn on the
lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect
us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that
were somehow absent before the change."
-- Earl Nightingale
"I was out on a date recently and the guy took me
horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until
we ran out of quarters."
-- Susie Loucks
"I think computer viruses should count as life. I
think it says something about human nature that
the only form of life we have created so far is
purely destructive. We've created life in our own
image."
-- Stephen Hawking
"After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an
auto accident it makes you wonder about history."
-- Unknown
"Few things are more satisfying than seeing your
children have teenagers of their own."
-- Doug Larson
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Snake mistake..
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Cartoon #2
For all of the above press ....
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Cartoon #3
Dog Dictionary....
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Cartoon #4
Asking stupid questions...
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Cartoon #5
I know what you did...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Chickens in Norfolk, Virginia are prohibited by law from laying
eggs between the hours of 4 pm. and 8 am. the next morning. Who's
going to tell the chicken about the law. If a chicken does break
this law, are they going to throw it in jail or will it have to
serve it's time in the pen with the rest of the bad chickens?
Fairbanks, Alaska has a law that makes it illegal for a moose to
walk on the side walk. As strange and bizarre as the law may
seem, there was a logical reason for it's creation. Back in the
so called good old days, a bar owner in Fairbanks actually had a
pet moose. He took great pleasure in getting that moose drunk by
allowing the animal into his bar. He would amuse himself and his
bar patrons by providing enough beer for the moose to get drunk.
The moose would leave the bar and walk around town in a drunken
state. He would stumble, fall down, break things, chase after
people and get into all kinds of trouble. Law makers had problems
with trying to prevent the bar owner from getting his pet moose
drunk. The only solution was to create a law that would make it
illegal for the moose to cross over the side walk to enter the
bar. If the moose disobeyed the law, the pet's owner would
receive a big fine.
An 1845 British law made it a capital offense to attempt suicide.
If a person was unsuccessful in trying to commit suicide, the
British court could finish the job. The law stated that offenders
shall be hanged until dead.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
How many U.S. citizens have received new identities under the
Federal Witness Program?
1) over 2000
2) over 8000
3) over 16,000
4) over 80,000
5) over 100,000
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Funny Picture Of The Week!
Don't look for trouble with this bunny...
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_________________________________________________________________
Joke: Blonde Calls 911!
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her
car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone
rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never
mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Never drive faster than you Guardian Angel can fly
Love is grand...Divorce is twenty grand
I'm actually a very pleasant person.....until I wake up
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
Caution: I drive like you do.
___________________________________________________________
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is (3) over 16,000
______________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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