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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 67
July 19 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 67th issue. I hope you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."

Index:

Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: One Less Candidate For Mayor!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story: Hit And Run Suspect Leaves Colorful Trail!
Joke: Toddler's Property Laws!
Feature Story: Escaped Prisoner Proclaims, "I Don't Do Crack!"
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Trivia Tid Bit! Kids And Crimes!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!

Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:

"Con"-Testant #1
Four men surprised the guards of an armored truck that was making a pick-up at a department store near Montreal, Canada. The robbers were able to drive-off with the truck to a place approximately one half mile from the department store. They then proceeded to break into the back of the truck where all of the money was safely secured.

Their plan included the use of blow torches for the purpose of melting the lock off of the truck's door. However, they used too many torches and created so much heat, that an explosion occurred. The lock came off, but because of the explosion, all of the money caught on fire. Also, the armored truck was equipped with an alarm system. As soon as the lock opened, the alarm was triggered. Police were already in the area searching for the robbers. They heard the alarm. It wasn't long before a Swat team was also alerted. The men were surrounded and quickly apprehended without a fight.

"Con"-Testant #2
A fifteen year old boy from a small town outside of Houston, Texas, devised a plan to rob the town's local bank. His biggest problem was getting someone to drive the get-away car. He was not old enough to drive, so he had to come up with a scheme to have someone else drive him to the bank and then wait for him while he followed through with the robbery. Well, he convinced his mother to drive him to the bank under the pretense that he wanted to add some money to his savings account. He wasn't about to tell her that she would actually be driving a get-away car.

When the time came to leave for the bank, this young man got his small caliber handgun and concealed it under his shirt so that his mom would not suspect anything. She drove him to the bank and told him to hurry up and not to take all day because she had other things to do.

Well, the young man did hurry, in fact he was only in the bank about four minutes. In that time he was able to get a bag full of cash. He ran out of the bank, but mom was gone. He looked all around, but couldn't find her. So his only option was to start running down the street with the hope that his mom might see him and pick him up. While running, he noticed his mom getting out of her car across the street at the grocery store. She had decided to drive to the store and pick up a couple of items for supper that night. She figured her son could wait a few minutes, in front of the bank, if he finished before she was done at the store.

However, it was to late for this young man to make his escape. The bank security guard was already in pursuit of the robber and police were on their way. The guard spotted the young man as he was crossing over to the other side of the street where his mother had just parked her car. Before the boy could reach his mom's car, the guard was able to catch up with the young robber and place him under arrest. Police arrived moments later. People in the store were curious about what was happening including the young man's mother. When she saw that the police had her son handcuffed, she was totally surprised and confused. She followed the patrol car to the police station and later found out why her son had been arrested.

Her son faces armed robbery charges and will more than likely serve some time in the penitentiary for youthful offenders that is located several miles from where the young man lived. A bizarre twist to this young man's situation is that his mother works for the prison as a teacher specializing in training young men on how to make better choices in the way they conduct their lives. Even more bizarre, the boy's dad is an assistant to the warden.

"Con"-Testant #3
A girlfriend of a convict serving time in a federal penitentiary in Atlanta was recently sentenced to at least three years in jail and another two years of probation. The 62-year-old woman was convicted on charges involving her attempt to smuggle cocaine to her imprisoned 38-year-old boyfriend. Prison guards caught the boyfriend with almost 40 grams of cocaine. He tried to conceal the drugs by placing the packets of coke in his waist-long dreadlocks. He now must face charges and perhaps added prison time for drug possession.

"Con"-Testant #1 received 15 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 59 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 4 total votes.
78 Grand Total

Well it was another landslide victory for last issue's dumb crook. As you can see, from the stats above, #2 got most of the votes. The other candidates were left in the dust.

My vote went for the winner and now my personal win loss record moves up to 31 wins and 15 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:

I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.

Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next week's edition.

Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!

"Con"-Testant #1
Remember the dumb crook that wanted to become a famous bank robber? Well, he's one of this week's candidate's for the dumb award. Here's his story as originally featured in issue #63.

An Ohio man wanted his moment of glory. He wanted to be recognized for who he was and what he had accomplished. It didn't matter that he was a criminal whose accomplishment was the robbery of a number of banks.

After being picked-up as a suspect in several local small town bank robberies, this man was placed in a line-up for possible identification by several bank tellers and witnesses to the robberies. When none of the witnesses could identify him as the robber, police had no choice other than releasing their main suspect from custody. That is, until the suspect demanded a second chance at being identified!! He was very upset that no one could identify him. He told police that he didn't really care about how much money he got in the robberies. His main purpose for robbing the banks was to gain recognition as a notorious bank robber. He wanted everyone to know him by name. He wanted to be known as a famous bank robber.

Well, because of the "second chance statement" he made to police, the suspect was booked and charged for seven bank robberies. In another line-up, several bank tellers and witnesses were able to identify him as the robber. Security cameras also helped in getting a conviction in all seven robberies. He did get his wish for fame, fulfilled!! He got a write-up in five local newspapers and a small mention in a large metropolitan newspaper with a large circulation. Nothing out of the ordinary was reported, except the mention of the man's "second chance statement." There was also some TV coverage.

Because of the media attention, although not extraordinary, this dumb crook is now a happy jail bird. He was convicted of seven different armed robberies and received prison time for each crime. He can now bask in his glory, behind bars, for the rest of his life. All of his prison terms, together, add up to more than 120 years. But it has been reported that this crook just loves to talk about his bank robberies and how famous he thinks he is. He has a scrap book in his cell with all the article clippings from newspapers that reported his crimes. He even had a friend obtain copies of security camera pictures of him committing the bank robberies. He had the friend turn these copies into large posters which he plastered on the walls of his cell.

It has been reported that many of the inmates are getting fed-up with this guys bragging. Most prisoners and even the guards try to avoid contact with this "Happy Jail Bird." This dumb crook is truly one of the most bizarre characters I have profiled.

"Con"-Testant #2
If it were not for bad luck this enraged bank robber would have no luck at all. He threatens to explode a bomb, but he loses his grip and falls victim to his own device. Read this dumb crook's story, originally featured in issue #63, and see why crime doesn't pay.

A man from Ontario, Canada robbed a Burlington bank, but was very dissatisfied with the amount of cash he received. The weapon he used in the robbery was a Molotov cocktail and so he warned the teller that she better give him more cash or he would throw the bomb at her face. He started shaking the bottle at the teller and drew back his arm to indicate that he was getting ready to throw the bomb at any moment.

Then, to the surprise of the teller and everyone else in the bank, the robber dropped the Molotov cocktail. The homemade bomb fell to the robber's side and then exploded. Moments later, the robber was completely engulfed in flames. A security guard and several bank customers were able to put out the flames with fire extinguishers. Emergency Medical Services responded and the robber was rushed to the hospital. He did survive, but suffered months of treatment for his severe burns and he is scared for life. He was under police custody while in the hospital. After his release, he was charged for the armed robbery. He received a ten year prison term.

I might mention that no one else was injured in the explosion. In fact, the money was undamaged also. Somehow, it was thrown clear of the flames during the explosion.

"Con"-Testant #3
This profile involves two really dumb crooks. You may have remembered their story featured in issue #64. They are the two bad guys that had a shoot-out at a fair. They were fighting over a Stuffed Tweety Bird prize. Here is their story once again.

The fairgrounds located in a California suburb was the scene of an almost deadly gunfight. Not quite the okay corral, but pretty close. The shoot-out involved two men disputing who should get a prize at a basketball-toss game. When the gunfight was over, eight people were rushed to the hospital with bullet wounds. The prize they were fighting over was a very large overstuffed Tweety Bird. The wounded victims all survived and none suffered any kind of permanent injury. Tweety was unharmed. Both shooters were arrested and will face at least eight felony charges for the wounds they inflicted upon the innocent bystanders. They were both such bad shots that they missed each other entirely.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.

Bizarre Police Chronicles

Once there click the poll button on our main menu.

The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your vote using the e-mail address below.

Bizarre Police Chronicles

If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on the subject line.
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Feature Story: One Less Candidate For Mayor!

The city of Baltimore can claim that it is one of the most politically involved cities in the U.S.A. Several years ago there were twenty-five candidates running for mayor. One of the main topics of interest and debate was solutions on fighting crime. One of these candidates was very outspoken on her opinions and ideas on how to fight crime. She was however, a candidate with a small budget and she was not very well known publicly. She did manage to get an interview on a local TV station. In the interview she gave her ideas on how she would fight crime if elected mayor of Baltimore.

During the interview, a Baltimore detective happen to be tuned in to the station. At first he didn't pay too much attention to the candidate being interviewed. He was busy doing something else and was listening to what the lady had to say. Her views and ideas on fighting crime and crime prevention peeked his interest. He thought the lady had some really great ideas, so he decided to stop what he was doing and watch and listen to the lady more intently. To his immediate surprise, he recognized the would be mayor as a fugitive that had been arrested on a burglary charge. In fact, he had been assigned to the investigation of the case against this woman.

Instead of giving his support for her candidacy he ended up giving her a set of handcuffs. She was arrested as she was leaving the local TV station.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your submissions to:
Stories
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
.......

I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.
"First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."

"Oh no--I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general theme.
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Short Feature Story: Hit And Run Suspect Leaves Colorful Trail!

A Newport, Delaware man became a hit and run suspect when he crashed his pick-up truck into the side of a brand new Mercedes. Witnesses told police that the truck bounced off of the Merced, but that the driver never stopped his truck to check for damages on either vehicle.

However, the pick-up was carrying five cans of paint that had ruptured due to the impact of the crash. This left a colorful four mile trail of paint for the police to follow. The trail ended when police spotted the pick-up parked in front of the suspect's house. The hit and run suspect was quickly arrested..
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Joke: Toddler's Property Laws!

1.) If I like it, it's mine.

2.) If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3.) If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4.) If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5.) If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6.) If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7.) If it looks like mine, it's mine.

8.) If I saw it first, it's mine.

9.) If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10.) If it's broken, it's yours.
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Feature Story: Escaped Prisoner Proclaims, "I Don't Do Crack!"

An inmate who escaped from the Childersburg Work Center in Talladega County, Alabama became upset when reporters, on a local TV newscast, referred to the inmate as a crack cocaine user. He was so enraged that he went to the station to inform the station authorities that he was not a crack user. He wanted them to interview him so that he could let everyone know that, as he put it, "I don't do crack. I only use cocaine in powder form and I do smoke marijuana, but once again, I don't do crack."

The station manager was able to stall the fugitive from leaving the station by telling him that reporters were discussing the possibility of retracting the statement that they had made and that they were thinking about granting the interview. While the inmate waited for a decision, police arrived to make the arrest. The prisoner was then returned to the work center.

A newscaster did retract the statement that night when he reported what had transpired earlier that day at the station. He used the inmates own words in the retraction. The newsman, making the retraction, also wanted the listening audience to know that the station didn't feel that the use of cocaine in any form or smoking marijuana was to be considered any less of a crime than the use of crack cocaine.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!

"Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer."
-- Ted Williams

"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."
-- Tim Allen

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."
-- John Wooden

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, good luck getting your HMO to approve physical therapy on THAT one."
-- Matthew W. Schmeer
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!

Cartoon #1
Husband VS Cat
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Cartoon #2
Guess your age??
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Cartoon #3
I also need you..
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Cartoon #4
A cat's life....
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Cartoon #5
Velcro man...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and somewhat thought provoking.

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In Las Cruces, New Mexico you could get arrested for carrying a lunchbox down Main Street. I guess the restaurants in the area want to make sure you have to buy lunch from them.

Another food related law that could get you arrested, if disobeyed, is from the state of Oklahoma. It states that you are forbidden from taking a bite out of another person's hamburger. But you can probably share fries and onion rings.

Last but not least! Don't throw pickle juice on a trolley in Rhode Island. It is strictly forbidden and you could get arrested.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!

Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.

According to the Department of Criminal Justice, what crime is growing at the fastest rate in the United States.

1) Murder
2) Burglary
3) Embezzlement
4) Prostitution
5) Shoplifting
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Funny Picture Of The Week!

Just a quick one...

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Trivia Tid Bit! Kids And Crimes!

Did you know that 80% of the burglaries in the U.S.A. are committed by people between the ages of 13 and 21. Also in the U.S.A., over 50% of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18 years.
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.

Ignore your health, and it will go away.

Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.

Not so close! I'm still making payments.

I used to be a schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
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Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"

The correct answer is (5) Shoplifting
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can subscribe by sending a blank e-mail to:

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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor

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