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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 69
August 16 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 69th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Neighborhood Kids Get Lesson In Law Enforcement!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Short Feature Story: Listen Up Everybody! We're Robbers!
Joke: Prison Menu!
Feature Story: Robber Had Key To His Own Destiny!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Trivia Tid Bit!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
____________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Three Davenport, Washington men carefully planned a scheme to
rob a tire store. The basic idea was to distract the two
employees who worked in the lobby area of the store. One of
the three men would keep one of the clerks busy by placing an
order for a new set of tires. That clerk would have to come
outside of the store to check the tires and give an estimate.
While that clerk and the first thief were busy outside, one of
the other thieves would distract the other clerk by asking him to
show him some fancy "Hub Caps." Meantime, the third thief would
break into the cash register. The outside thief would then return
to the inside to make sure everything was going as planned and to
assist in getting the cash drawer open if needed. Once the money
was in hand, the three crooks would make their escape. Their
get-away car would be conveniently parked right outside the front
door of the lobby.
The plan went pretty much as expected. The outside clerk took the
sales order from the first thief and went into the garage area to
give the work order to the mechanics. The thief who had been
outside went into the store to assist as needed. The crook that
was suppose to grab the money had no problem opening the cash
register. The thieves were ready to make their escape. They ran
out of the store to make their get-away. However, they were in
for a big surprise, they had not counted on the express service
provided by the tire store. Their get-away car was already on the
rack in the service bay. It was off the floor and all four tires
were removed. The only option for the three men was to escape on
foot. It didn't take police long to track them down.
"Con"-Testant #2
A Morgantown, West Virginia judge has been indicted for violating
the Federal Civil Rights Act. The charges against the judge stem
from a confrontation between the judge and a defendant that
appeared in his courtroom. The defendant had been charged with
grand larceny and the judge had set the bond in this case at
$40,000. The defendant thought the bond was too high and
requested that it be lowered to a more reasonable amount. When
the judge refused the request, the defendant cursed the judge.
The judge took offense to the vulgar comments from the defendant
and decided to confront the offender. He left his bench, walked
over to the defendant and proceeded to bite off a portion of the
man's nose. Officers in the court subdued the judge and escorted
the defendant out of the court room. The defendant was rushed to
the hospital for treatment, but remained in police custody while
doctors stitched his nose.
The judge could get up to 10 years in prison and a fine of up to
$250,000. It'll be a tense situation if the defendant and the
judge end up in the same prison. Maybe they can be cell mates.
"Con"-Testant #3
A husband and wife bank robbery team from Marietta, Ohio decided
to take up residency in Huntington, Virginia. They lived there
before, but had to leave because they were wanted for several
crimes and were suspects in others. It had been several years
since they were in Huntington and they were hoping that there
were no longer any outstanding warrants against them.
The couple decided to find out if there were any warrants against
them by calling 9-1-1. They discovered that there were quite a
few warrants still outstanding including a number for felony
charges. Because they were still wanted, the couple decided to
try another state and town. They had planned on leaving for their
new destination the following morning.
They had been staying at a motel located in Huntington and the
call originated from their motel room. The 9-1-1 operator traced
the call placed by the couple and immediately dispatched police
to the motel. The couple were arrested as they left their motel
room. They were getting ready to take a swim in the motel's pool.
Most people know that 9-1-1 calls are automatically traced, but
this couple were not quite the sharpest pins in the cushion, so
to speak. They were totally surprised and clueless as to how the
police found them at the motel.
The couple now faces numerous felony charges in Huntington. Also,
authorities in Ohio have been alerted to the couple's arrest.
Both husband and wife are wanted for three bank robberies in that
state.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 21 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 19 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 37 total votes.
Grand Total.............. 77 ............
Did you select the winner in last week's "Con-Test?" If you chose
#3 you picked the winner. As you can see from the stats above, #3
had almost as many votes as #1 and #2 combined, but the two
losing candidates didn't do too bad for their second and third
place finish. None of the candidates received a majority of the
votes. Also note that #1 beat out #2 for second place by only 2
votes.
As for me, I voted for #3 last week. My record improved to 32
wins and I have 16 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This is a story of insults and rage. It was originally featured
in issue #66. I feel that the enraged driver was totally wrong
in his reaction to the insults he received from the occupants
of the car he smashed into. However, I also feel that the five
victimized occupants should share the award, if they win, simply
because their stupidity provoked this mad man to react the way he
did. It was as though the five occupants of the other car were
trying to become victims of rage. Dumb actions provoke dumb
reactions. Here is the story as originally presented.
Another incident of road rage has landed a Jacksonville, Florida
man behind bars. He was arrested for smashing his car into the
side of another car that had five occupants. The enraged driver
claimed that he became mad when the occupants, of the car he
purposefully ran into, were laughing at him for picking his nose.
They were making nose picking jesters along with the laughter. It
was more than he could take, so he slammed into the side of their
car.
After the crash, the enraged driver got out of his car with the
intention of challenging the five occupants of the other car to a
gun fight. However, the driver of the other car managed to drive
away from the scene and call the police. The car of the enraged
driver sustained more damage than the other car. It had a busted
radiator and as a result, the driver was unable to continue his
mad pursuit of the five intimidators.
Police arrived at the scene of the crash where they arrested the
man on various charges including assault with a deadly weapon. In
this case, the car was the deadly weapon. No gun could be found
and the arrested suspect admitted that he was bluffing when he
challenged the occupants of the other car to a gun fight. He was
lucky that none of the occupants of the other car had a gun. With
his display of extreme rage, he could have been shot without much
hesitation. Most people believe you when you tell them you have a
gun and fear rules. In this case, the driver of the other car
drove away as fast as he could because he believed the mad man
was armed and ready to shoot.
"Con"-Testant #2
I don't know who to nominate for the "Dumb Crooks Award" in this
case. I guess since the two teenaged boys in this story are the
real criminals, I'll have to go along with selecting them.
However, the judicial system has to take some blame for not
putting a stop to their criminal activity. The boys should have
been placed in some kind of juvenile correctional program before
they were allowed to steal so many cars. Here is their story as
it originally appeared in issue #66.
Two teenagers from Florida, ages 14 and 15, were recently
arrested again for stealing a car. This was the 25th car these
boys had stolen in less than a period of two years. Somehow the
judge released them after charging them with larceny. They were
given a court date but not held over. Guess what! The boys had
no way to get home from the courthouse and didn't have money for
cab fare or even a bus. So what did they do? You guessed it! They
stole another car. Within less than an hour the boys crashed into
a fence and were once again arrested for their crime. I guess
they will never learn until the judge decides to throw the book
at them!
"Con"-Testant #3
I previously nominated this group of drug traffickers for the
"Dumb Crooks Award." I thought I would give them another try for
the award to see how they would do against the other two
"Con-Testants" selected for this week. These marijuana smugglers
were originally featured in a story that appeared in issue #30.
Here's that story again.
A group of drug traffickers devised what they thought was a
fail safe method of smuggling marijuana into the United States,
from Mexico, via El Paso Texas. They rigged a propane tanker
truck so that all of it's valves released propane when checked
by the border patrol. There was no reason the border patrol
should discover the 6240 pounds of marijuana concealed inside
the tanker. At least that's what they thought.
As ingenious as they were in rigging the inside of the tanker,
they were dumb when it came to the outside portion of the truck.
Part of the scheme to conceal the stash was to make the
inspectors believe that the tanker belonged to a well known
tanker company that specialized in the transport of propane.
These drug traffickers did a professional job of painting the name
of this company on the side of the truck... However, this was the
fatal flaw in the entire plan. Why? Because these not so smart
schemers made the mistake of misspelling the name of the well
known propane gas company. It didn't take the border inspectors
long to figure out that something smelled and it wasn't propane.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
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Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
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Feature Story: Neighborhood Kids Get Lesson In Law Enforcement!
Two Detroit patrol officers were talking to a group of children
as part of a neighborhood program designed to help youngsters
understand the role of the police officer. On this particular day
the officers were showing the children the computer equipment in
their squad car. A man age 21 saw what was going on and decided
he wanted to know more about how the equipment actually worked.
He asked the officers for an actual demonstration. One of the
officers said okay and asked the young man to provide them with
a driver's license. To demonstrate how the computer worked, one
of the officers typed in the young man's license number and then
waited for information to come on the screen.
What happened next was a complete surprise to everyone. The info
displayed on the computer screen revealed that the young man was
wanted for armed robbery of a gas station in St. Louis. The
robbery had been committed over two years ago and warrants for
the young man's arrest had been issued after detectives in
St. Louis had determined that the young man was the primary
suspect in the robbery.
The young man was immediately arrested. He was held in custody
for extradition to St. Louis. He was eventually convicted of
the armed robbery and sentenced to ten years in prison. He later
indicated that he thought he got away with the crime without
being identified, but several witnesses and a camera plus his
fingerprints on the cash register gave him away.
________________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Question: Who invented the copper wire?
Answer: Two tax attorney's fighting over a penny!
.......
How do we know for sure that the elderly Floridians couldn't have
possibly messed up even one election card??? Because they can
juggle 10 bingo cards at one time!
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
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Short Feature Story: Listen Up Everybody! We're Robbers!
Two men waiting in a teller's line of a Savings and Loan Bank in
Brooklyn, N.Y., began discussing all of the details of how they
were going to rob the bank. Their biggest mistake was the volume
of their voices as they went over their plan. They talked loud
enough for the female customer, standing behind them, to hear
every little detail of the plan.
Naturally, the woman left the line and walked over to the bank's
security guard and told him about the two men who were planning
on robbing the bank. Police were alerted and within minutes the
two would be robbers were arrested. In fact, when the police
approached the two men, they were still discussing their robbery
plan. They were not even aware that they were surrounded by at
least five officers and the bank security guard. They were asked
to leave the teller line and did so without incident. Both men
have been charged with attempted robbery.
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Joke: Prison Menu!
One day, at the local prison, The Warden called a meeting with
the Doctor and the Cook.
They went over the medical records of each prisoner and then
also, the Cook's menu.
The reason, the Warden later explained, was to make sure that the
prisoners didn't eat anything which might make them "break-out".
______________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Robber Had Key To His Own Destiny!
An Albuquerque man was recently arrested for the armed robbery
of a gas station. The man had planned a quick get-away, but got
side tracked when he couldn't find his car keys. According to the
clerk, the robber ran out the door after getting away with over
$500 in cash, but he returned moments later asking if the clerk
had seen his keys. At the time of the robber's re-entry into the
store, 9-1-1 had already been called. In fact, the clerk was
still on the line with the 9-1-1 dispatcher when the robber asked
the clerk about the keys, so he knew that the police had been
called. Instead of trying to escape on foot or perhaps hijack a
car from one of the customer's or the clerk, the robber continued
to search the store for his keys. He then went back to his car to
search it once more with hopes of finding them there.
While looking in his car for the keys, the police arrived and
made the arrest. While checking the pockets of the suspected
robber for weapons and ID, the arresting officer solved the
mystery of the missing keys. They had been in the robber's pocket
the whole time. The robber no longer has a key problem. The
guards in his cell block have complete control of the only keys
this man will see for quite a few years. He was convicted of the
armed robbery and received an eight year prison term.
_______________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the
success of those we don't like?"
-- Jean Cocteau
"Impartial observers from other planets would consider ours an
utterly bizarre enclave if it were populated by birds, defined as
flying animals, that nevertheless rarely or never actually flew.
They would also be perplexed if they encountered in our seas,
lakes, rivers, and ponds, creatures defined as swimmers that
never did any swimming. But they would be even more surprised to
encounter a species defined as a thinking animal if, in fact, the
creature very rarely indulged in actual thinking."
-- Steve Allen
"Be anchored to some ideal, philosophy or cause that keeps you
too excited to sleep."
-- Brian Koslow
The easiest kind of relationship is with ten thousand people,
the hardest is with one.
-- Joan Baez
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Got a headache...
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A boy for sure...
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Hit with worm can....
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Bone funeral....
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
In Bloomfield, Conn., its against the law to eat in your car. You
could get arrested for munching a few fries on the way home from
the local fast food joint!
Having indigestion on a Thursday while in a public place can
result in your arrest in Florida. A state law prohibits anyone
from passing gas in public on that day. Save your gas for the
rest of the week!
Idaho state law strictly forbids anyone from riding a merry-go-
round on Sundays. It is considered a crime for which you can
receive jail time and a big fine.
Homer, Illinois has a law that forbids anyone from using a
slingshot unless they are a police officer. I hope they let
their officers use guns, if needed, to enforce the laws of this
town. I wonder if their officers have to qualify at a shooting
range to carry a slingshot!
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
Who was Edward Teach?
1) First person to rob a U.S. federal bank
2) He was the pirate better known as Blackbeard
3) Founder of Interpol (International Police Organization)
4) Top Mafia leader in the 1930's from Detroit
5) Inventor of the Electric chair
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Funny Picture Of The Week!
Please look left as we take off..
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________________________________________________________________
Trivia Tid Bit!
Did you know that the U.S. interstate highway system has a
requirement that one in every five miles of highway must be
constructed to be straight? The purpose for this requirement is
so the highway can be used as airstrips in time of war or for
other emergencies.
_________________________________________________________________
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_______________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Computers can never replace human stupidity
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Make someone happy, SHUT UP!!
Don't lend me money; It'll give me amnesia!
I'm peddling as fast as I can!
___________________________________________________________
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is:
(2) He was the pirate better known as Blackbeard
______________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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