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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 73
September 21 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 73rd issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Results For Issue #72 "Con-Testants!"
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Crook Challenges Police To Bizarre Chase!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Feature Story: Man Devises Bizarre Scheme To Meet Women!
Joke: The Plumber And The Lawyer!
A Bizarre E-Mail To The Editor!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Joke: Lawyers rewards!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Issue #72 "Con-Testants!"
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
A woman tried to pass two one hundred dollar counterfeit bills at
the "Bingo World," located in Jefferson City, Tennessee. The
woman thought this would be an excellent place to distribute the
bogus money. Who's going to pay that much attention to detail at
a bingo hall? At least that's what she thought! Unfortunately, for
her, she didn't pay much attention to the name of the organization
that sponsored that night's series of games. It turned out to be
sponsored by the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police.
The place was packed with police and money collection and the game
itself was handled by police officers and detectives.
Police became immediately suspicious when the woman presented the
bogus bill's in front of one of the officers handling money that
night. It didn't take investigators long to determine that the
bill's were counterfeit.
The woman was quickly arrested. Police also discovered ten
additional counterfeit bills in the woman's purse.
"Con"-Testant #2
This Vancouver drug dealer actually sold crack cocaine to a group
of three police officers. They weren't undercover agents, they
wore full police uniforms.
These officers suspected that this man was up to no good when
they spotted him during a routine patrol. After the officers
walked up to where the man was standing, one of the officers
pulled out a ten dollar bill and showed it to the suspect. To
the surprise of the officers, the man grabbed the money and then
handed over a quantity of crack cocaine to one of them.
Of course the man was quickly handcuffed and carted off to jail.
He later admitted that he saw the uniforms, but that he didn't
think they were really police officers because the car the
officers were in was unmarked. He actually thought they were
going to some kind of costume party!
"Con"-Testant #3
When a Kansas woman got drunk, she decided to put on a striptease
show for the passengers of a train passing through her town.
However, she made the mistake of trying to get as close to the
tracks as possible and was sucked into the side of the train. The
woman did survive, but she suffered two broken arms along with
some assorted bumps and bruises and a couple of bad cuts to her
face.
After being released from the hospital, this woman was arrested
for criminal trespass.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 16 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 55 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 8 total votes.
Grand Total.............. 79 ............
The results above reflect the voting for issue #72 which was for
the week prior to last week. The "Chronicles" was not published
last week due to the terrorist attacks on America. As you can see
from the stats above, #2 was the overwhelming winner. I agreed
with most of you by casting my vote for this character.
My personal voting record now stands at 36 wins and 16 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
This crook got away with the same crime three times, but each
time he met with disaster. Discover why this "Con-Testant" should
have stopped when it was evident that what he was stealing was
more than he could handle. Here's his story as it first appeared
in issue #38.
An Albuquerque, New Mexico man was hell bent on stealing a
utility trailer from a Home Depot. He struck three times in the
same evening. His first strike was unsuccessful when the trailer
broke loose from his pickup truck just several miles from where
the Home Depot was located. Since the man could not re-hitch the
crashed trailer, he decided to go back and steal another.
Once again, after driving several miles from the store, the
second trailer broke loose and crashed. By the time that the man
stole a third trailer, a deputy sheriff had spotted the second
trailer. When he started to investigate, the man came driving by
with the third trailer attached to the back of his truck.
Misfortune struck again when the fender of the trailer hit the
deputy's car.
The deputy then pursued the truck in what turned out to be a
chase reaching a top speed of only 25 miles per hour. The man
knew that a faster speed would probably create another crash. The
slow chase soon came to an end and the man was arrested and
charged with three counts of theft and two counts of leaving the
scene of an accident and another charge for the hit and run
accident that occurred when the third trailer hit the deputy's
car.
"Con"-Testant #2
Well this "Con-Testant" proves that drinking and driving don't
mix. It's a potentially dangerous combination that rendered
this man so drunk that he couldn't throw his evidence out the
window. Discover what did end up being thrown out of his car!
Here is this "Con-Testant's" story as it originally appeared
in issue #38.
Los Angeles police observed a man swerving on and off the road
and over the center line. When they tried to pull the driver
over, he refused to stop. While in pursuit, the police observed
the driver trying to throw out a can of beer. This was an obvious
indication that the man was probably drunk.
The driver was having some difficulty in his attempt to throw the
can out of the car window. He then decided to open his car door
to make it easier to toss out the beer.
Unfortunately, when he threw the can of beer out of the car, he
also threw himself completely out of the moving vehicle.
Fortunately, the drunk driver received only minor injuries
including some cuts and a few bruises.
There was little damage to his car. However, he was arrested for
DUI.
"Con"-Testant #3
Well, here's a case of a dumb crook being out-smarted by his
victim. Discover how this quick thinking man got this dumb crook
to accept a really dumb offer that lead to the crooks arrest.
Here's the story as it originally appeared in issue #40.
This story takes place in Charleston, West Virginia. It occurred
one evening as a man was leaving a restaurant. Our dumb crook
walked up to the man, pulled out a gun and then demanded that the
man turn over all of his money. The man insisted that he wasn't
carrying any money, but the crook wasn't easily convinced. He
became more and more angry at the man's continued insistence that
he had no money.
The victim began to realize the real danger he was in and how
desperate this crook must be. He didn't want the crook to become
even more aggravated, so he made an offer to write a check for a
sizable amount of money. The crook agreed, but required the
victim to make the check out to cash so that he wouldn't have to
reveal his identity. When the crook agreed to accept the check,
the victim knew he was dealing with a genuine dummy. The victim
then proceeded to set-up a time for the man to show up at the
bank that next morning. He told the crook that he would call the
bank in advance and let them know that someone was coming into
the bank at nine o'clock to collect money on a check written to
cash and to have the money available for this person when he
showed up. Sure enough the dumb crook showed up the next morning,
on time, to collect his bounty. Of course the police were there
to collect him.
When police arrested our dumb crook, he was in what might be
described as a state of shock and utter disbelief. He couldn't
figure out in his little pea brain how the cops and the bank knew
what he was up too.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
E-Mail Vote
Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
the subject line.
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Crook Challenges Police To Bizarre Chase!
A man from Gastonia, North Carolina decided to challenge his
city's police force. Challenge them to a race and test their
ability at criminal chase procedures. At least that appeared to
be this crooks attempt. The first thing this crook did was steal
a vehicle. Since the chase might last some time, his first stop,
after stealing the vehicle, was a local gas station. He filled up
the vehicle's tank and committed his second crime by not paying
for the gas.
There was about a thirty minute gap between the time the vehicle
was stolen and the theft of the gas. The gas station attendant
called police the moment the crook drove off. Police were up to
the challenge and were in hot pursuit of the crook within just
minutes after the crook stole the gas.
Police spotted the suspect driving on the sidewalk and the
challenge chase was on. Well, the chase only lasted less than a
minute. You see the crook was driving a bright red Troy-Bilt
riding mower. That was the stolen vehicle. Troy-Bilt rider mowers
are great for mowing down grass, but as this crook soon
discovered, they don't make a very good getaway vehicle. The
crook was arrested and charged with stealing the rider mower and
the gas, and may likely be charged with resisting arrest for
trying to outrun the police.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police.
When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out. "YOU'RE
DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer. "Thank God for that!" said
the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."
.......
A man called 911 and spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife
is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is
this her first child?" the dispatcher asked. "No, you idiot!" the
man shouted. "This is her husband!"
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Man Devises Bizarre Scheme To Meet Women!
A Buffalo, New York man devised a new way to meet women. Instead
of running the usual personal ad, this man ran an ad stating that
he was looking for a babysitter. Anytime a woman answered the ad,
she would be invited to his house for an interview. Once the
woman arrived, the man would tell her that he was the baby and
would then hand the prospective babysitter a typewritten
instruction sheet that outlined the step by step procedure for
changing his diaper.
This man obviously received quite a few inquiries, but evidently
didn't succeed in getting anyone to take him up on his offer. His
scheme back-fired when one of the prospective babysitters
complained to the police. When officers went to this man's house
to investigate, they discovered that the man had printed quite a
few copies of the very vulgar instruction sheet and he was in
possession of a supply of man sized diapers. The man was
arrested, but the prosecuting attorney hasn't decided what
charges to file against this baby, or whatever he claims to be!
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Joke: The Plumber And The Lawyer!
A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious
plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for
$600.
The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that
much as a lawyer!"
The plumber replied sympathetically, "Neither did I when I was a
lawyer."
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A Bizarre E-Mail To The Editor!
Dear Jerry:
A while back I sent you a copy of a story that appeared in an Ann
Landers column. But as yet I haven't seen it in your column. This
was a story about a shoplifter in England who tried to steal a
pair of lobsters (live ones) from a supermarket. Only he forgot,
when he grabbed them and shoved them down his pants, In England,
they don't fasten the claws with rubber bands. This thief came to
a screeching (literally) halt outside the store. This Story
appeared in an Ann Landers Column, it is bizarre enough for your
readers to get a laugh from this dumb criminal.
Above E-mail submitted by George Birth
Editor's Comment: Thanks George! Your E-mail tells it all. Ouch
that had to hurt!
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals,
because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.
Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still
believe that people are really good at heart. I simply
can't build my hopes on a foundation consisting of
confusion, misery and death."
-- Anne Frank
"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat.
We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We
have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
In a speech to the House of Commons on May 13, 1940.
"I couldn't help but say to [Mr. Gorbachev], just think
how easy his task and mine might be in these meetings
that we held if suddenly there was a threat to this
world from another planet. [We'd] find out once
and for all that we really are all human beings
here on this earth together."
-- President Ronald Reagan, 1985
"Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest
buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America.
These acts shatter steel, but they cannot dent the steel
of American resolve."
-- George W. Bush
Address to America after terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001
"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant,
and fill him with a terrible resolve."
-- Japanese Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku (1941) After the attack
on Pearl Harbor
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
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Drunk tree??
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I've changed...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
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There is a law in Norfolk, Virginia that prohibits a hen from
laying eggs no later than 4 p.m. and no sooner than 8 a.m. Do
they arrest the chicken if it violates this law? Most chickens
spend a lot of time in the pen anyway, so do they have a special
penitentiary for the really bad chicks?
Trenton, New Jersey passed a law, many years ago, that could get
you arrested for throwing a pickle in the street. However, this
law only pertains to throwing a bad pickle away. I guess a good
pickle tossed in the street is okay. Who knows what they were
thinking when they passed this strange law!
An old law in Charlotte, North Carolina required that a woman
had to have at least 16 yards of cloth covering her body at all
times. It didn't matter whether she was in public or not. If a
woman was to adhere to this law, she would have had to obey it
even when she was in her own house. This law, if it had ever been
enforced, would have made it almost impossible for a lady to take
a bath. I guess the only way she could bathe, and wash her
clothes, was to jump in her bathtub with soap and a scrub board!
Natchez, Missouri passed a law forbidding anyone from providing
an elephant with beer or any other intoxicating beverage. I
wonder if drunk elephants became a major problem in this city or
if perhaps a few drinkers saw a few too many pink elephants.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
Where was the International Criminal Police Organization, best
known as Interpol, founded?
1) Lyon, France
2) Washington D.C., U.S.A.
3) Vienna, Austria
4) London, England
5) Rome, Italy
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Funny Picture Of The Week!
Conflicting sign...
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Joke: Lawyers rewards!
A priest settled into a chair in a lawyer's office.
"Is it true," said the Priest, "that your firm does not charge
members of the clergy?"
"I'm afraid you're misinformed," stated the lawyer, "People in
your profession can look forward to a reward in the next world,
but we lawyers have to take ours in this one."
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.
I say we fish 5 days and work 2.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
It's bad luck to be superstitious!
I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
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Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is: (3) Vienna, Austria
Interpol was founded in 1923 in Vienna. Many of you may have
answered Lyon, France where Interpol is currently headquartered.
At present, Interpol has a large worldwide membership consisting
of 178 countries and 11 territories. It's primary function is to
promote international police co-operation.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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