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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 75
October 05 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 75th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Should Have Called An Exterminator!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Feature Story: Man Arrested After Beating Woman At Rally!
Joke: Speeding In Numbers!
Movie Trivia Tid Bit!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Joke: A Driving Debacle!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
____________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
A man from Kingsport, Tennessee lost his sanity just long enough
to cause over $10,000 worth of damage to an ATM machine. The
machine took the man's card and wouldn't return it due too a
malfunction. The man became so enraged that he went back to his
car, got his tire iron and started smashing away at the ATM. The
angry rampage went on for nearly 20 minutes before the man
finally left the scene of the attack.
One part of the ATM that survived the destruction was the
machine's video camera. It had recorded every second of the
brutal vandalism. Police were able to make an identity on the
vandal based on the video and the man's credit card that the ATM
machine held onto. An arrest was made soon after.
"Con"-Testant #2
A man in Philadelphia had a well thought out plan to rob a store.
Everything was planned right down to the smallest detail. He even
had a mask to conceal his identity. Unfortunately for him, the
mask would be the one thing that would get him caught. In fact,
he was caught within seconds of entering the store he had planned
on robbing.
This dummy made the mistake of putting his mask on just as he was
leaving his home. Police on routine patrol happen to spot the
masked man as he walked out of his house. They followed him to
the store and caught him before he could complete his robbery.
"Con"-Testant #3
A Canadian woman got pretty upset when she bought rock cocaine
from a drug dealer. When she got home and had time to check out
her purchase, she realized that she had been cheated. Her purchase
appeared to be nothing more than baking powder.
She heard that The Royal Canadian Mounted Police had a campaign
going on that encouraged anyone buying or receiving fake drugs to
come forward. Anxious to get her revenge and perhaps her money
back, this woman called The RCMP with a complaint against her
drug dealer.
As standard practice, a narcotics agent came to this woman's home
to take her report and to test the fake drug. Well, to the woman's
surprise, the baking powder turned out to be cocaine. The woman
was immediately placed under arrest and later charged with drug
possession.
Although The RCMP encourages people to come forward with complaints
about fake drugs, it is still duty bound to arrest anyone that has
the real thing in their possession.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 9 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 41 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 34 total votes.
Grand Total.............. 84 ............
Last week's "Con-Test" was a close race for first place between
#2 and #3. However, #2 was able to capture the "Dumb Crooks
Award" by just 7 votes. #1 didn't do too well. Maybe a lot of
you sympathized with this candidate. We've probably all had an
experience with a machine that malfunctions and rips us off for
something or other, even if it's just a candy bar or soda out of
a vending machine.
I personally voted for the winner. I guess I'm on a winning
streak. My record now stands at 38 wins and 16 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
The title of this story was "Police Finger Safecracker." Find
out how true that was when you discover the gruesome clue this
crook left behind. Here is his story as it originally appeared
in issue #44
Police in Wood River, Illinois were alerted to a burglary attempt
in which someone tried to steal a safe. When police arrived at
the scene of the crime, they noticed that the safe was turned
face down and that a glove was underneath it. When the safe was
up righted, investigators were in the process of taking finger
prints and looking for other clues.
The glove was an obvious clue that might provide some evidence to
the burglars identity. Well, it actually turned out to be the
only clue they would need to catch the culprit. As investigators
checked the glove they found a gruesome clue that would quickly
lead to an arrest. The burglars top portion of the middle finger
from his left hand was still in the glove. In his burglary
attempt, he was able to tip the safe, but wasn't quick enough to
get his finger out of the way after the safe came crashing to the
floor.
When police checked with the local hospital, they discovered that
a man with a missing finger tip was waiting for treatment.
Officers went to the hospital and placed the man in police custody.
He was treated for his injury and released to police. He was
charged in the burglary attempt. As expected, he admitted to his
crime.
"Con"-Testant #2
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that this student's scheme
to impress a female friend would probably fail. Here is his story
as it originally appeared in issue #45. Both he and the male
friend that went along with the scheme will share the award if
they win.
A student from Iowa State University wanted to impress a female
friend by interrupting a fake assault directed at the female.
The male student was able to convince a friend to go along with
the assault.
The plan was for the friend to pretend that he was going to mug
the girl. The male student would then intervene and assert his
manhood by blocking the mugger and getting shot in the process.
He was willing to actually get shot by a low caliber derringer.
The scheme went pretty much as planned, but the shot did more
damage than expected. The would-be hero was taken to the hospital
with a wound to the shoulder. Although the bullet barely missed
his lung, he had to go into surgery to have bullet fragments
removed.
Upon investigation of the attempted assault, police were able to
determine that the mugging attempt was just a phony scheme. Both
men were arrested and charged with filing a false police report
and the reckless use of a firearm.
"Con"-Testant #3
This story originally appeared in issue #47. The title, "You're
Suppose To Wear The Mask Stupid!", tells it all. Also, be sure
to check the update to this story that appears immediately after
the end of this crook's story. This will convince you even more
as to why this crook is a good candidate for this week's award.
Here's the story with the update included.
An Alberta, Canada man robbed an adult video store using a
gorilla mask as his disguise. Unfortunately for him, he made the
mistake of forgetting to put it on. He was carrying the mask
instead of wearing it.
After forcing the store clerk to turn over all of the money in
the cash register, the robber cut the telephone line so that no
one could call the police. Then, right as he starts to make his
escape, this not so brilliant robber puts on the mask and runs
out of the store.
The clerk was able to give the police a good description of this
mask less robber and authorities expect to make an arrest very
soon.
Update: This robber was arrested two weeks later. This time he
had just robbed a grocery store. He made sure that he was wearing
his gorilla mask this time. In fact, he ran out of the store with
the mask still on and that helped police spot him about 2 blocks
from the store. Police caught up to the robber and were able to
make the arrest. It didn't take to long to link this man to the
robbery of the video store.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
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Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
the subject line.
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_______________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Should Have Called An Exterminator!
An Idaho man was arrested for burning down his own house. It was
accidental, but very negligent. The man was trying to remove
spiders and roaches from his basement. He tried spraying and
several other methods without much success. He then came up with
a not so brilliant idea! He thought that the solution to his
problem was to use his propane torch. He assumed that he could
control the torch and direct the flame without starting a fire.
He thought he had accomplished the extermination of most of the
insects and decided to finish the job later that evening. Any
exterminator will tell you that all he probably accomplished was
the extermination of a small portion of the total population of
the insects. He probably ran most of the roaches and spiders to
other areas of the house.
After putting up his torch, he and his wife and three children
left the home to visit a relative and had planned on returning
about two hours later. When they did return, they were greeted by
the fire department. Their house was on fire. By the time the
fire was put out, the two story house was nearly a total loss.
Not much could be salvaged.
After discovering that the man had used a torch to exterminate
roaches and spiders, he was arrested. However, charges were later
dropped, even though it had been determined that the fire was due
to his negligence. Fire inspectors determined that the fire had
started in the basement. They believe that it started when an old
mattress ignited and fire spread to a trash can that contained
old newspapers. From there the fire spread to the wall and
ceiling of the basement and finally to the first and second floor
of the house. Evidently the mattress had been slowly burning
after it had been torched. The man was unaware that he had set
that mattress on fire and assumed everything was okay.
Even though the owner of the house was not charged for his
negligence, he is having difficulty getting his insurance company
to pay his claim.
Morale of the story: Call a real exterminator when you have a bug
problem. He won't burn your house down in the process.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
A rookie patrol officer stopped a car for speeding.
The driver asked, "Gee officer can't you just give me a warning"?
The officer said,"Sure".
He stepped back, drew his .357 magnum and fired a shot across the
hood of the car.
"Anything else?" said the rookie.
.......
It was so cold last winter that I saw a lawyer with his hands in
his own pockets!
.......
There was the cartoon showing two people fighting over a cow.
One was pulling the cow by the tail; the other was pulling on the
horns.
Underneath was a lawyer milking the cow.
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Man Arrested After Beating Woman At Rally!
A church choir from Aiken, South Carolina was participating in
a rally on the steps of the court house. People watching the
choir perform seemed to suddenly turn their attention to a man
and woman crossing the street. The man was dragging the woman by
her hair and forcing her to cross the street to where the choir
was singing. The man finally let go of the woman's hair and the
two entered the crowd as though nothing had happened. Then
several minutes later the man started beating and slapping the
woman in the face and finally knocked her down and then started
kicking her. The crowd soon pulled the man away from the woman
and the police were called. The man was arrested. It turned out
that the woman was his wife. But, what's really bizarre is that
the purpose of the rally was to make people aware of the problem
of domestic violence. However, the organizers of the rally hadn't
planned on a true to life demonstration.
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Joke: Speeding In Numbers!
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of
cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a
speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was
pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and
was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I
was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of
other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I
get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"
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Movie Trivia Tid Bit!
Do you remember the scene in Francis Ford Coppola's movie, The
God Father, where Sonny (James Caan) takes out revenge on his
brother-in-law Carlo (Gianni Russo). In that scene Carlo gets
brutally beaten by Sonny. Well the scene had so much action and
realism that Gianni Russo actually suffered a painful injury. He
ended up with several broken ribs.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic
condition? We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything
under the sun, whether we needed it or not, and now we are having
to pay for it, howling like a pet coon. This would be a great
world to dance in if we didn't have to pay the fiddler."
-- Will Rogers
"In hotel rooms I worry. I think, I can't be the only guy who
sits on the furniture naked."
-- Jonathan Katz
"Aim high in your career but stay humble in your heart."
-- Korean Proverb
"The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble
activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an
exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good
philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water."
-- John W. Gardner
"Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that
you've become a comfortable, trusted person in another person's
life."
-- Joyce Brothers
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Cartoon #1
Snakes are funny that way...
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Cartoon #2
That's what they think...
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Cartoon #3
What did you do??
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Cartoon #4
Fun in the waiting room...
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Cartoon #5
Hate computer bugs...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing and
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
A New Jersey law prohibits anyone from slurping soup in public.
Violators could receive a big fine and even be arrested.
The state of California has a regulation that prohibits it's
office employees from letting the phone ring more than nine
times. What happens when they have more calls than they can
handle? Do they leave the phone off the hook, or what?! Maybe
that explains why you get a busy signal every time you call
a state office.
The state of Washington prohibits fake wrestling. You mean there
actually is fake wrestling. Are they referring to professional
wrestling? Surely not!
A certain Minnesota tax form is very precise on what information
you must include. It's so precise that it requires you to indicate
the date of your death.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, how many adult men
and women were on probation or parole in the United States by the
end of last year.
1) 1.5 million
2) 2.5 million
3) 4.5 million
4) 7.5 million
5) 9.5 million
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Funny Picture Of The Week!
The cat always gets the mouse!
AOL Users
Click Here
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Joke: A Driving Debacle!
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled
down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem,
Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am
pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that
drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman,
"Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smart-a'leck when he's
drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get
far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled
voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
First National Bank of Dad; sorry, closed.
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.
In dog years I'm dead
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Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is: (3) 4.5 million on probation or
parole by the end of the year 2000.
This was an increase of almost 71,000 over the previous
year.
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Monday, October 22, 2001 15:52:59
