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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 76
October 12 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 76th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Not A Clean Get-Away!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Feature Story: Parents Arrested For Running Away From Home!
Joke: Lawyer Vs Doctor!
Trivia Tid Bit!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Another Trivia Tid Bit!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
Police in Wood River, Illinois were alerted to a burglary attempt
in which someone tried to steal a safe. When police arrived at
the scene of the crime, they noticed that the safe was turned
face down and that a glove was underneath it. When the safe was
up righted, investigators were in the process of taking finger
prints and looking for other clues.
The glove was an obvious clue that might provide some evidence to
the burglars identity. Well, it actually turned out to be the
only clue they would need to catch the culprit. As investigators
checked the glove they found a gruesome clue that would quickly
lead to an arrest. The burglars top portion of the middle finger
from his left hand was still in the glove. In his burglary
attempt, he was able to tip the safe, but wasn't quick enough to
get his finger out of the way after the safe came crashing to the
floor.
When police checked with the local hospital, they discovered that
a man with a missing finger tip was waiting for treatment.
Officers went to the hospital and placed the man in police custody.
He was treated for his injury and released to police. He was
charged in the burglary attempt. As expected, he admitted to his
crime.
"Con"-Testant #2
A student from Iowa State University wanted to impress a female
friend by interrupting a fake assault directed at the female.
The male student was able to convince a friend to go along with
the assault.
The plan was for the friend to pretend that he was going to mug
the girl. The male student would then intervene and assert his
manhood by blocking the mugger and getting shot in the process.
He was willing to actually get shot by a low caliber derringer.
The scheme went pretty much as planned, but the shot did more
damage than expected. The would-be hero was taken to the hospital
with a wound to the shoulder. Although the bullet barely missed
his lung, he had to go into surgery to have bullet fragments
removed.
Upon investigation of the attempted assault, police were able to
determine that the mugging attempt was just a phony scheme. Both
men were arrested and charged with filing a false police report
and the reckless use of a firearm.
"Con"-Testant #3
An Alberta, Canada man robbed an adult video store using a
gorilla mask as his disguise. Unfortunately for him, he made the
mistake of forgetting to put it on. He was carrying the mask
instead of wearing it.
After forcing the store clerk to turn over all of the money in
the cash register, the robber cut the telephone line so that no
one could call the police. Then, right as he starts to make his
escape, this not so brilliant robber puts on the mask and runs
out of the store.
The clerk was able to give the police a good description of this
mask less robber and authorities expect to make an arrest very
soon.
Update: This robber was arrested two weeks later. This time he
had just robbed a grocery store. He made sure that he was wearing
his gorilla mask this time. In fact, he ran out of the store with
the mask still on and that helped police spot him about 2 blocks
from the store. Police caught up to the robber and were able to
make the arrest. It didn't take to long to link this man to the
robbery of the video store.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 5 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 20 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 40 total votes.
Grand Total.............. 65 ............
The man who robbed the adult video store using a gorilla mask
was last week's winner. He received twice as many votes as #2
and four times that of #1. I guess you could call it a landslide
victory for this crook. Thanks to everyone who participated in
last week's "Con-Test." Please cast your vote for the candidate
you think should win this week.
On a personal note, I lost last week. I voted for #2. It ends
a fairly decent winning streak, but my record is still very
respectable. I now have 38 wins and 17 losses.
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This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
The lady in this story thought that hiring someone to kill her
husband was something you could do through the yellow pages.
Find out what happens when she lets her fingers do her walking
and her mouth the talking. Here is her story as it appeared in
issue #48.
A 47-year old woman, from Arizona, was dumb enough to believe she
could actually hire a hit man to kill her husband, by looking for
one in the yellow pages. She discovered that a company called
"Guns For Hire" was listed. She didn't pay attention to the fact
that this company specialized in staging gunfights for Western
movies.
She called the number listed and proceeded to explain how and why
she wanted to have her husband killed. Naturally the company
tried to explain that they did not have a hit man and could not
provide that service. They did manage to ask the lady for her
name, address and telephone number. She willingly gave them this
information in hopes that "Guns For Hire" might later find or
refer her to a hit man.
After the woman hung up, "Guns For Hire" called the police to
inform them of the conversation they had with this lady.
After follow-up investigation, the woman was arrested and charged
with plotting to kill her husband. She was later convicted of the
crime and sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison.
"Con"-Testant #2
This crook gets a dose of his own medicine. He discovers what
it's like to be the victim. He becomes so enraged over what
happens to him that he was willing to turn himself over to police
to get what he felt, in his twisted mind, was justice. Here is
his story as it originally appeared as a feature article in issue
#48.
A man robbed a Brooklyn, New York bank of over $2000. While
making his escape, another man saw what was going on and decided
to take advantage of the situation by mugging the robber. He
tripped the bank robber, and after giving him a few swift kicks
to the face and body, the mugger grabbed the bag of money and
ran away.
The bank robber was so upset that he called 9-1-1 to report that
he had been mugged. Police were already on the way to the
robber's location because they were responding to the bank's
alarm. When police did arrive, the robber was waiting for them
in front of the bank. In fact, he greeted them and immediately
admitted that he had just robbed the bank. He explained to police
that he was so mad that the mugger got away with his bounty, that
he was no longer concerned about escaping. He just wanted police
to capture the mugger and bring him to justice. He gave police a
good description of the mugger, but the mugger was never captured
and there have been no clues as to his whereabouts.
The bank robber was convicted and sentenced to a long prison term.
"Con"-Testant #3
"Dumb Crook Robs Store With BB Gun" was a story that was featured
in issue #50. The title only begins to show how dumb this crook
really was. Wait until you find out what he tried to steal. Here
is his story as it originally appeared.
A Raleigh, North Carolina man used his BB gun in the robbery of
a convenience store. But that's not the strangest part of the
crime. All the robber wanted was two cigarettes. Of course the
surprised clerk was willing to oblige the robbers request.
After the robber left the store, the clerk called the police to
explain what had happened. Police got a description of the robber
and dispatched a patrol car to the store. On their way to the
store, officers spotted the suspect and made the arrest.
The suspect was charged with armed robbery. Even though the
cigarettes were valued at less than $1, this dumb crook could end
up behind bars for a very long time. His bond was set at $50,500.
That's over $25,000 a cigarette. Kind of expensive to say the
least.
When asked why he would risk going to jail for a long time over
just two cigarettes, the robber told investigators that he
thought he wouldn't be caught. He also believed that if he was
captured, he would only be charged with a minor offense because
he used a BB gun instead of a more deadly weapon. He also told
investigators that he didn't get his paycheck until the next day
and he was broke at the time of the robbery. He didn't believe
in borrowing money or bumming cigarettes. He was desperate for a
cigarette, so he took his BB gun out of the trunk of his car and
robbed the store. He also knew that he could have pawned his BB
gun at the pawn shop next to the convenience store, but he stated
that it would be the same as borrowing and that would be against
his principles. In his confused mind, this man thought that
stealing was better than borrowing. I wonder how he feels about
the prospect of living behind bars at taxpayers' expense.
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Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
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Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
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Feature Story: Not A Clean Get-Away!
Two California men were recently arrested for the armed robbery
of a Sacramento bank. The arrests were quick and easy. The first
robber arrested was sitting against the wall right outside the
front door of the bank. He was patiently awaiting the late
arrival of the other robber who was suppose to be driving the
get-away car.
According to plan, the driver should have been waiting for his
partner to exit the bank so that they could make a fast get-away.
However, the driver got out of his car while his partner was
robbing the bank, and inadvertently placed his hands against one
of the car doors. When he did that, he got his hands dirty. Since
he was a clean fanatic he decided to take the car for a quick
trip to the car wash. When he returned, police were waiting to
arrest him. The robber that was arrested first thought that his
partner had chickened-out, and since he was left holding the bag,
he turned his driving partner in by providing the police with a
description of the get-away car and it's driver.
The driver was shocked that his partner wasn't waiting outside
the bank and by the number of police officers that were already
at and around the bank. It was as though he had lost his sense
of time. He had been gone for almost 15 minutes before returning
to the scene of the crime, but was convinced in his own mind that
only several minutes had passed. When police surrounded his car,
he knew that there was no escape. He surrendered without
resistance.
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Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
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Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Riddle: How are a jeweler and a jailer alike?
The jeweler sells watches and the jailer watches cells.
.......
Do you know who always wins in a divorce?
The Lawyer, of course!!
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Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
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Feature Story: Parents Arrested For Running Away From Home!
In New Jersey, parents of a 13-year-old boy were arrested,
charged, and sentenced to six months in jail for child
abandonment. Prosecutors in the case indicated that the boy's
parents packed their belongings and moved to Inglewood,
California while the boy was hospitalized for an undisclosed
illness. They had no intention of telling the boy or anyone else
that they were moving. Authorities were able to track down the
parents through credit card purchases made about two weeks after
their departure from New Jersey.
The parents told the judge that they left New Jersey because
their son had become unmanageable. His behavior was becoming
more than they could handle and the court system didn't seem to
help their cause, so they decided to make their escape to
California. The boy was placed in a foster home and has been
assigned to a special counselor to help him work through his
problems. The parents must decide, after they get out of jail,
whether or not they want to be the boy's parents or sign their
rights over to the state. If they decide to work on the problems
with their child, and the way they handle those problems, they
will be assigned to a family counselor and a social worker will
monitor the family's progress.
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Joke: Lawyer Vs Doctor!
A very well known doctor and extremely well known lawyer get into
a car accident way out on a country road. The lawyer sustains no
injuries from the crash but notices that the doctor is injured.
So he runs over to his car and helps the doctor out of the
twisted wreckage and offers the doctor a drink our of his flask.
The doctor happily accepts the drink and takes a big swig of
whatever alcohol was in the bottle. He hands it back to the
lawyer who promptly puts it back in his pocket, "Your not going
to have a drink?" asks the doctor. The lawyer replies "Yeah, but
I'll wait till the police leave!"
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Trivia Tid Bit!
Did you know that over 56% of the sentenced federal prisoners in
the U.S.A. are drug offenders. Actually this is a drop of almost
one percent from the year 2000 statistics and falls way behind
the stats for 1994 when more than 61% of the federal prisoners
were drug offenders.
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have."
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
"I don't understand people who go to amusement parks. I spend
most of my time trying NOT to be nauseous. 'Excuse me, could you
strap me in upside down? I'd like to be as sick as humanly
possible. I feel great today, I think I'll go down to Funland
and snap my neck on the back of a ride. Honey, let's bring the
kids, I want to give them a spinal cord injury for Christmas."
-- Dom Irrera
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine
when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true
beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
-- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them
with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle
with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as
fuel, as a reminder of your strength."
-- August Wilso
"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but
getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be
smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."
-- Garrison Keillor
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Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
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Sneeking in...
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
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Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing or
somewhat thought provoking.
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Back in 1892, Italy passed a law that raised the minimum age for
marriage for Italian girls to 12 years of age. I wonder what the
minimum was before that and I'm even more curious as too what the
minimum age is now.
Citizens convicted of smuggling in Bangladesh receive the death
penalty. Smuggling is still a big problem in this country even
with the harsh penalty. If you think that Bangladesh is harsh
with its death penalty, you might be surprised to learn that Iran
has over 100 offenses that carry the death penalty.
An old English law passed in 1571 required that all men must wear
wool caps. Violators were given hefty fines.
Florida has a policy dealing with anyone convicted of
prostitution. The policy provides the prostitute with spending
money, a bus ticket out of the state and a five-year banishment.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
According to the U.S. Federal Bureau of Prisons, what is the
average inmate age.
1) 25 years
2) 32 years
3) 37 years
4) 42 years
5) 47 years
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Funny Picture Of The Week!
Think your job stinks...
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Another Trivia Tid Bit!
Did you know that almost 50% of all cases in the courts of the
United States involves automobiles. This includes traffic
violations, DWI cases, insurance claims, injury claims due to
automobile accidents and an array of many other auto related
cases.
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Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
My tax dollars bought your siren.
Liberal arts major: will think for food.
Failure has gone to my head!
How's my driving? Call: 911.
I'm a mouse studying to be a rat!
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Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is: (3) 37 years
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Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Monday, October 22, 2001 22:18:58
