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Welcome To
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Issue No. 77
October 20 2001
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Hello once again to all my regular readers and a special
welcome to all new subscribers. This is the 77th issue. I hope
you will enjoy the interesting stories and special features in
this edition. Please feel free to e-mail copies of this
newsletter to your friends, relatives, and associates. Please
encourage them to subscribe so that they may also experience
the "Bizarre Police Chronicles."
Index:
Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
*Last Week's Results!
*This Week's "Con-Testants!"
Feature Story: Student Creates Web Site To Murder Principal!
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Feature Story: Do They Make One-Million Dollar Bills?!!
Joke: FBI Raid!
Special Announcement From The Editor!
A Bizarre E-Mail To The Editor!
Weekly Quotes To Remember!
Cartoon Picks Of The Week!
Strange And Bizarre Laws!
This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Joke: The 911 Call!
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
____________________________________________________________
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Dumbest Crook Of The Week Award!
Results From Last Week!
The "Con-Testants were:
"Con"-Testant #1
A 47-year old woman, from Arizona, was dumb enough to believe she
could actually hire a hit man to kill her husband, by looking for
one in the yellow pages. She discovered that a company called
"Guns For Hire" was listed. She didn't pay attention to the fact
that this company specialized in staging gunfights for Western
movies.
She called the number listed and proceeded to explain how and why
she wanted to have her husband killed. Naturally the company
tried to explain that they did not have a hit man and could not
provide that service. They did manage to ask the lady for her
name, address and telephone number. She willingly gave them this
information in hopes that "Guns For Hire" might later find or
refer her to a hit man.
After the woman hung up, "Guns For Hire" called the police to
inform them of the conversation they had with this lady.
After follow-up investigation, the woman was arrested and charged
with plotting to kill her husband. She was later convicted of the
crime and sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison.
"Con"-Testant #2
A man robbed a Brooklyn, New York bank of over $2000. While
making his escape, another man saw what was going on and decided
to take advantage of the situation by mugging the robber. He
tripped the bank robber, and after giving him a few swift kicks
to the face and body, the mugger grabbed the bag of money and
ran away.
The bank robber was so upset that he called 9-1-1 to report that
he had been mugged. Police were already on the way to the
robber's location because they were responding to the bank's
alarm. When police did arrive, the robber was waiting for them
in front of the bank. In fact, he greeted them and immediately
admitted that he had just robbed the bank. He explained to police
that he was so mad that the mugger got away with his bounty, that
he was no longer concerned about escaping. He just wanted police
to capture the mugger and bring him to justice. He gave police a
good description of the mugger, but the mugger was never captured
and there have been no clues as to his whereabouts.
The bank robber was convicted and sentenced to a long prison term.
"Con"-Testant #3
A Raleigh, North Carolina man used his BB gun in the robbery of
a convenience store. But that's not the strangest part of the
crime. All the robber wanted was two cigarettes. Of course the
surprised clerk was willing to oblige the robbers request.
After the robber left the store, the clerk called the police to
explain what had happened. Police got a description of the robber
and dispatched a patrol car to the store. On their way to the
store, officers spotted the suspect and made the arrest.
The suspect was charged with armed robbery. Even though the
cigarettes were valued at less than $1, this dumb crook could end
up behind bars for a very long time. His bond was set at $50,500.
That's over $25,000 a cigarette. Kind of expensive to say the
least.
When asked why he would risk going to jail for a long time over
just two cigarettes, the robber told investigators that he
thought he wouldn't be caught. He also believed that if he was
captured, he would only be charged with a minor offense because
he used a BB gun instead of a more deadly weapon. He also told
investigators that he didn't get his paycheck until the next day
and he was broke at the time of the robbery. He didn't believe
in borrowing money or bumming cigarettes. He was desperate for a
cigarette, so he took his BB gun out of the trunk of his car and
robbed the store. He also knew that he could have pawned his BB
gun at the pawn shop next to the convenience store, but he stated
that it would be the same as borrowing and that would be against
his principles. In his confused mind, this man thought that
stealing was better than borrowing. I wonder how he feels about
the prospect of living behind bars at taxpayers' expense.
"Con"-Testant #1 received 35 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #2 received 28 total votes.
"Con"-Testant #3 received 17 total votes.
Grand Total.............. 80 ............
As you can see from the above stats, #1 was last week's winner of
our "Dumb Crooks Award." The fact that she thought she could hire
a hit man to murder her husband by letting her fingers do the
walking was enough to convince many of you to vote for her. #2
was a close second, and since I voted for #3, I would like to
believe that my pick didn't do too bad in the final vote count.
This is the second week in a row that I picked one of the losing
candidates. My personal record now stands at 38 wins and 18
losses.
__________________________
This Week's "Con"-Testants:
I hope you will participate in this week's voting. If you are
voting for the first time, just follow the instructions listed
after the three "Con"-Testant profiles below.
Voting will be conducted in the same manner as before. The
results for this week's "Con-Test" will be posted in next
week's edition.
Here's the profiles for this week's "Con"-Testants!
"Con"-Testant #1
"This Dummy Wants To Be A Mega Millionaire!" was the title of
this feature story that originally appeared in Issue #50. I think
the title aptly describes this candidate's true character. Here
is the full story once again.
A South Carolina man obviously lacked the experience and the
intelligence to extort money. He claimed that he had planted
bombs at the airport terminals in Charleston and Columbia, South
Carolina. He demanded $2 million for information on where those
bombs were hidden.
He thought he would be safe from capture if he didn't have to
meet the police in person to collect his money. He gave
authorities the name of his bank and told them what account they
should use to deposit the $2 million. Investigators had an easy
time finding out who owned the bank account and were able to make
a quick arrest at the man's home within minutes after he made the
extortion call.
The man admitted the extortion attempt and assured authorities
that no bombs had actually been planted. Necessary precautions
were still taken to insure that no bombs existed.
The man was charged with extortion and other charges were brought
against him in connection with the bomb threat. This man's
stupidity could result in a very long prison term.
"Con"-Testant #2
A dummy in no disguise is a good way to describe our next
candidate. You'll soon discover that this crook's attempts at
concealing his identity became an obsession, and you'll learn
how feeble those attempts were. Here is his story as it appeared
in Issue #51
A robber from a small town outside Los Angeles couldn't decide
what disguise he should use. In fact, he was having a problem
keeping his face hid in all his robbery attempts.
Since every one of the places he robbed were within two or three
blocks of his home, he didn't want to look familiar. He actually
patronized several of the stores quite often and did some
handyman work for the motel he robbed. So you can see that his
disguise was very important.
In his first robbery of a donut shop, he actually used his left
hand as his disguise. He placed his hand and fingers over his
nose and mouth while holding a gun in his right hand. The problem
with this disguise was the fact that he had to take his left hand
down to pick up the money the clerk handed to him. His face was
quickly revealed. Also, the clerk was able to identify a big scar
on the back of the robber's left hand.
In the second robbery, later that same day, the robber held-up
the clerk at the motel. This time he used a towel which had holes
cut in it to accommodate his nose and eyes. By the time he told
the clerk to hand over the money, the disguise slipped off of the
robber's face. He tried putting it back on, but it kept slipping.
Finally, he just put the towel on his head and made his escape.
The following morning, the robber thought he would perfect his
disguise by simply pulling his shirt over his head and looking
through the space between the buttons. This was his disguise when
he robbed a Subway Sandwich Shop that morning. This disguise
probably worked the best. He pulled the shirt up over his head
the moment he walked into the shop and made a quick get-away after
demanding and receiving the cash. However, the Subway had a closed
circuit surveillance camera located outside of the store. It caught
the robber, on camera, practicing the technique he was going to use
to rob the store. It caught him yanking his shirt up over his head
four times. Each time was a little more perfect than the next.
However, the longer he stayed in front of the camera practicing,
the longer the camera was able to get a good shot of the robber
from different angles.
Because of the failed attempts at disguising his identity, all of
the clerks that were victims of this robber, were able to make a
positive identification. This has resulted in three separate
convictions for armed robbery. This robber will likely spend the
rest of his life behind bars. He is also a suspect in the armed
robbery of a grocery store one block from his home. Witnesses say
the robber was wearing a box over his head with holes cut out to
accommodate his eyes and nose. Sounds pretty familiar!!
"Con"-Testant #3
I guess you could say that this next candidate was not
mechanically inclined. Here is her story as it originally
appeared in issue #53.
A San Antonio, Texas woman was arrested after her mechanic
informed police that he found nearly 20 packages of marijuana
under the hood of her car. The really dumb part of this case is
the fact that the woman took her car in for an oil change, but
didn't think that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to
do the job.
_________________
Cast your vote now by clicking the following url.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
Once there click the poll button on our main menu.
The above url is our new server. Please use this url to cast
your vote. I have listed the old server next. Only use this
if you have a problem with the new server or e-mail your
vote using the e-mail address below.
Bizarre Police Chronicles
If you run into any problems with the poll working, you can
e-mail your vote to:
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Put the # of the "Con-Testant" you are voting for in the body
of the e-mail or you can simply list it after the word Vote on
the subject line.
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_______________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Student Creates Web Site To Murder Principal!
A junior high school student in Pennsylvania recently appealed
his expulsion from school, but lost his case when the state's
Commonwealth Court ruled against him. He had been expelled for
using the Internet in an attempt to hire a hit man to murder his
principal. He went as far as creating a web site that show-cased
a mocked up version of what his principal would look like with
her head severed. The web site included details and payment info
for anyone interested in taking him up on his offer. The court
ruled against the student's contention that his web site and it's
purpose were protected by the right to free speech. Criminal
charges against the student may still be pending.
_______________________________________________________________
Do you have a true story about a dumb crook, a bizarre 911 call
or other related story! E-mail it to the "Chronicles so that we
can share it with our readers. Where possible, please include
info that will allow us to verify your submission, such as
newspaper name where the story appeared, etc. Send your
submissions to:
Stories
_________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________
Quick Wit...A Few Short But Witty Jokes!
Two undercover police officers assigned to the organized crime
unit were overlooking a bloody mob hit scene. The victim had
six gun shot wounds to the back of the head. One cop looks at
the other and utters, "Worst case of suicide I've ever seen."
.......
One juror overheard saying to another. . .
You'll notice that neither the prosecutor nor defense attorney
swore to tell the truth!
_____________________________________________________________
Attention Subscribers: If you have a joke suitable for possible
inclusion in an upcoming issue, please send it to:
Jokes
Please keep it clean and relevant to the "Chronicles" general
theme.
_________________________________________________________________
Attention Bizarre Police Chronicles Readers!
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________________________________________________________________
Feature Story: Do They Make One-Million Dollar Bills?!!
Authorities arrested a Harrisburg, Pennsylvania woman after she
tried to pass off a fake one-million dollar bill. She opened a
bank account and several days later attempted to deposit the fake
bill into her account. She actually got away with the crime, for
a short period of time, because the teller who accepted the bill
thought that it was real. After bank officials discovered the
fake bill, police were notified and the woman was arrested. She
was charged with 16 counts of fraud and could face a very long
prison term if convicted.
Tellers and other bank employees were informed that The United
States does not have a million-dollar denomination and should
take caution when a customer tries to pass off any bills of
large denomination. If you are wondering! The teller that
accepted the fake bill was not fired.
_______________________________________________________________
Joke: FBI Raid!
"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, I'm calling to report about my
neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his
firewood." "Thank you very much for the call and the tip sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open Every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at
Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey,
Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your
firewood?" "Yep." "Happy Birthday, Buddy!"
_______________________________________________________________
Special Announcement From The Editor!
If you have a website or newsletter and need more content, then
please read about the following opportunity to reprint feature
articles that have appeared in the Bizarre Police Chronicles.
Over 200 Humor Articles Now Available!
Now you can add humor to the content of your website or
newsletter by including stories about dumb crooks, unusual 911
calls and strange and bizarre laws. I am now releasing nearly 200
feature stories. These are the same features that have amused and
entertained subscribers to the Bizarre Police Chronicles on a
weekly basis for nearly one and half years.
In an effort to facilitate the syndication and distribution of my
feature stories and articles, I have decided to offer an article
update service. This service will be conducted via newsletter
updates. As a subscriber, you would be able to obtain copies of
my stories as soon as they are formatted for reprint. I currently
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A Bizarre E-Mail To The Editor!
This e-mail was received from a subscriber by the name of Dee
Gaylord. Dee is a history buff and was able to give us some
history and reason behind one of the "Strange And Bizarre Laws"
that appeared in the last issue of the "Chronicles." The law
was as follows:
An old English law passed in 1571 required that all men must wear
wool caps. Violators were given hefty fines.
I think you will find Dee's comment very interesting. Here it is:
Hi!
You mentioned about a law that people had to wear wool caps under
your strange and unusual laws... Well, I know why. Being a bit
of a history buff, I can tell you. Queen Elizabeth I was hard up
for cash, and her peasants weren't exactly rolling in dough,
either. So, being the Queen, she came up with the idea that if
everyone was busy working, they'd make money, she could collect
more taxes, and fill her coffers again. So why the law about the
hats? Wool was a major industry, so she figured that would keep
shepards, shearers, weavers, and hat makers busy. This rule was
for Sunday caps, the other days were for CLOTH caps, which kept
linen growers and such busy. The Queen also disallowed mechanical
knitting machines, because her subjects would be put out of work,
and then be destitute. So, yes, it sounds odd, but at the time it
made sense. It also helps to be Queen.
Ok, I'm finished, thanks for listening,
Dee Gaylord
PS, I ***ADORE*** your site!!!
.......
Thanks Dee for the interesting history trivia on the strange law!
______________________________________________________________
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Weekly Quotes To Remember!
"The Human Spirit can never be paralyzed. If you are breathing,
you can dream."
-- Michael Brown
"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities
and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his
difficulties."
-- Harry Truman
"I think I look good for forty-two. However, my skin is starting
to lose its elasticity. I took a nap on a corduroy bedspread and
it took six hours for the lines to come out of my face."
-- Cathy Ladman
"The miracle of friendship can be spoken without words... hearing
unspoken needs, recognizing secret dreams, understanding the
silent things that only true friends know."
-- Unknown
"The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son takes
after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his championship
Little League game. He really showed me something. Struck out
three times. Made an error that lost the game. Parents were
throwing things at our car and swearing at us as we drove off.
Gosh, I was proud."
-- Bob Uecker
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Strange And Bizarre Laws!
_________________________
Some of these laws are actually still on the books, while others
no longer exist. In any case, I hope you find them amusing or
somewhat thought provoking.
_________________________________________________________________
Indiana has a number of strange laws concerning drinking and
bars. One of these laws prohibits bars from providing drinks on
the house. Also, if you bring your own bottle of beer into the
bar and try to drink it, you can get arrested. It's considered a
big no no! Another law prevents men from standing in a bar. You
must sit or you could be asked to leave by the police. Not only
that, according to state law, you can get into trouble just
trying to carry a cocktail to your table from the bar. A waitress
or waiter must do this for you. Finally, if beer is served in a
bottle, you are required by law to pour it into a glass.
In Columbia, Maryland the use of outdoor clotheslines is
prohibited. The law does state that you can lay your wet clothes
across your fence.
Did you know, that according to an old law in Boston, you can get
arrested for eating peanuts in church.
In Michigan there is an old state law that puts a bounty on the
head of each and every rat you can kill. At one time you could
get ten cents for each rat's head brought to county and state
government offices.
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This Week's Trivia Quiz!
Here's this week's trivia question. Answer this week can be
found below. It appears immediately after the "Bumper Stickers
As Seen By Joe The Cop" section.
The character of Uncle Sam was originated during which war?
1) Civil War
2) Spanish American War
3) War of 1812
4) WW I
5) WW II
_________________________________________________________________
Funny Picture Of The Week!
Why its better to be a manager!!!
AOL Users
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________________________________________________________________
Joke: The 911 Call!
A couple of West Virginia hunters are out in the woods when one
of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his
eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his
cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is
dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice
says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's
dead."...There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's
voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
_________________________________________________________________
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_______________________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers As Seen By Joe The Cop!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
You can observe a lot just by watchin
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I drive by again
If Barbie is so popular,how come you gotta buy her friends?
___________________________________________________________
Answer to "This Week's Trivia Quiz"
The correct answer is: (3) War of 1812
______________________________________________________________
Well, that's all for this issue. As always, I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed bringing it to you. I would like to
invite you to recommend my newsletter to your friends, relatives
and associates. Feel free to forward copies to them so they may
also experience the "Bizarre Police Chronicles." They can
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Best Wishes,
Jerry Romans
Editor
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Last Update: Thursday, October 25, 2001 21:18:53
